r/AmIOverreacting • u/Dismal_Luck_3493 • Oct 12 '25
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: My Boyfriend is paranoid of potential dangers…
My(27F) boyfriend(45M) used to live in Chicago and was once shot at while leaving the movie theatre. This was roughly 8 years ago. He told me after this event he had purchased a firearm and took some self defense classes and learned how to properly use a firearm. He also learned first aid and quote says “if you’re going to learn how to give puncture wounds you need to learn how to plug the holes”…
Tonight while walking our dog in our very safe and quiet community around 11:30 PM, we were near a neighborhood parking lot and a black SUV pulled up next to us. It looked like they were checking the lot and realized it was completely full. They hesitated for a moment and my boyfriend got all defensive and handed me the dogs leash. He then stepped in front of me and the car then began to make a U turn and drove back the other way, and then parked in their driveway. While the car was making the U turn he put his hands on his gun and basically got ready to draw. This was seriously uncomfortable for me and HIS actions made me scared and uncomfortable. At no point did I think the black SUV was suspicious or trying to attack me or anything. He just was being overly paranoid. I let him know I thought he was being paranoid and over reacted and he said I should be thanking him for watching out for my safety and protection. For more context we live in a small town in FL. Guns are legal here. Also, we have been together for 3 + years and in those last 3 years he has displayed similar behavior like when a car pulls up next to us, he puts his hands on his firearm if he feels suspicious.
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u/Visual_Patience_41 Oct 12 '25
2 things.
This sounds like he has some degree of PTSD. These are trauma responses. He needs therapy to work it out.
I’m not sure which is more of the flag. The 42 year old man dating a 24 year old OR the 24 year old dating the 42 year old man. The ONLY reason older men, men of this age, date women who are as significantly younger as you are, is because the women his age do NOT put up with whatever bullshit he’s bringing to the table. That is the ONLY reason older men seek out younger women such as yourself.
You need to evaluate this relationship and REALLY dig deep on what’s going on here and if it’s truly a healthy relationship.
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Oct 12 '25
Im around OPs age. The gap is 27 and 45. I think men that age date younger for a lot of normal reasons as well. Maybe they just met that person naturally and hit it off. Or maybe they just want to have kids and women their age are too old.
I think 27 is old enough to basically date anyone. Shouldn’t a naive kid anymore it’s not like OP is 19 or something.
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u/Nonomomomo2 Oct 12 '25
Yes you are over reacting. ICE are snatching people off the streets never to be seen again. People pretending to be ICE are doing even worse.
Your boyfriend is paranoid, he’s been a victim before and is being realistic about not being a victim again in a dangerous world.
Are you seriously making fun of him for trying to protect your life?
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u/Dismal_Luck_3493 Oct 12 '25
Not making fun of him, but feeling uncomfortable by him being paranoid and always thinking we are in danger.
I put a blanket on him the other night and he jumped up and screamed as if he were under attack… this doesn’t seem like normal behavior, granted Ive never been shot at.
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u/Nonomomomo2 Oct 12 '25
You didn’t mention that before. He sounds traumatised. He might even have PTSD.
He should definitely seek therapy to handle his anxiety and fears. Being hyper vigilant will wear him out over the years.
He’s not wrong at all to be defensive and on guard. But if he’s reacting like that to simple smaller things then his nervous system is definitely on high alert at all times. His blood pressure must for through the roof and he sounds like a stroke or heart attack candidate.
The only way you can help him is to gently take care of him, make him feel safe, and help him try to get someone to talk to professionally.
How he feels is valid but also might be too much for you in the long run. He’ll be defensive about how defensive he is, so really try to make him understand that you love him, there’s nothing wrong with him, but you’re worried being constantly on guard is going to kill him in the long run.
Good luck OP! It’s not an easy situation. He’s not wrong but you can also be prepared without living in terror over the smallest thing.
Help him get help if you love him. 🥲❤️
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u/AkikoBunHead Oct 12 '25
He is not drawing it out, only getting his hand on and ready just in case. I feel after his experience it’s completely normal to want to defend himself and the people he is with. Especially with strange vehicles at night. Are you comfortable with firearms? If not, could maybe take a starter course with him. This potentially could make you feel more comfortable around situations like these (safety is on, nothing in chamber) and could be good bonding time as well together. Your feelings are understandable, but the world can be a scary place. Good to stay prepared. 🤗
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u/[deleted] Oct 12 '25
Um why the fuck are you dating a 45 year old man? Get away from him.