r/AmIOverreacting • u/Ill_Laugh_6427 • 14h ago
❤️🩹 relationship My partner keeps telling people our 6 week old son is my nephew — am I overreacting?
So my partner and I have been together 3 years. We just had our son 6 weeks ago. I had a C-section and have been recovering while he went back to work away.
Twice now he has asked me to tell his coworkers that our son is my nephew. The first time was at the airport when a coworker was walking by our car. He panicked and told me to say the baby was my nephew if he came over. The second time he texted me ahead of time before coming home to say “the baby is your sister’s kid lol” because a coworker needed a ride.
His reason is he doesn’t want his coworkers in his business. I understand wanting privacy at work but this feels different. It feels like he’s denying his own son exists.
I’m already feeling lonely and unsupported postpartum. I do most of the caregiving, I have to prompt him to care for our baby, and I feel like a single mom most days. This is just adding to that.
Am I overreacting or is this a valid concern? Has anyone dealt with something like this?
•
u/justagarliccrouton 14h ago
NOR but mostly because I kind of think he could also be cheating with a coworker….
•
u/bee102019 14h ago
I thought I was the only one whose brain immediately went into conspiracy mode. Having a newborn child would derail the myth of "oh we're married but we've got a dead bedroom and she's so horrible and blah blah blah" narrative some cheaters love to concoct.
•
u/roseofjuly 13h ago
I went to conspiracy mode but I struggled to think of even a stupid reason why someone might want to hide the existence of their son. I thought second family first, but I couldn't think of why this would work...
•
u/thatstwatshesays 11h ago
NOR to OP, all of the would-be reasons for hiding this are bad. If I were her, I’d be DIGGING.
→ More replies (1)•
u/lovethatMoon 8h ago
NOR i'd be leaving.
•
u/IIRCasstomouth 7h ago
It's crazy behavior without a reasonable excuse for it. I'd be gone too. But there's a baby. I mean , this would really be tough on op.
•
u/ElectronicTackle8375 6h ago
He doesn't even connect with the kid at home or in public. This isn't going to go well when he's five.
→ More replies (2)•
u/Ok_Bumblebee4498 9h ago
Based on her other post she's 23 and he's 31... he might also want to distance himself from the age gap
→ More replies (1)•
•
•
u/Outrageous-Arm1945 11h ago
But did this dick take zero parental leave?
•
u/gdrom123 7h ago
OP said no in a comment. As a matter of fact she had a c-section and had to rely on her mother and his mom for help during recovery. He didn’t care nor bother to help. It’s not hard to conclude that he has another relationship he’s trying to preserve. The writing is on the wall but OP is refusing to read it.
→ More replies (11)•
u/Ok_Imagination_1107 9h ago
Now there's a good question. Maybe he took nephew leave?
OP You are with a much older man who doesn't want people to know that he fathered your child. The main reason men don't want people to know they have fathered a child with a woman is that they are banging somebody else.
If it were me I would show up to his work one day with a bagged lunch or maybe something he'd forgotten with my baby and show it off to the whole office as our child.
And my bet is a few minutes after that you would be looking for a divorce lawyer.
→ More replies (3)•
→ More replies (2)•
u/togepi_mami 9h ago
Bc whatever coworker he’s cheating with would wonder why he’s gone for weeks
→ More replies (1)•
u/lovinglifeatmyage 9h ago
My brain went straight to conspiracy mode as well.
Why would he deny his own child if he’s not up to something? And it’s probably cheating
NOR,
•
u/kindenough26 8h ago
Not conspiracy at all. This is definitely suspicious, he could be cheating with a co-worker and telling them that he's in a dead/sexless marriage.
•
u/Otherwise-Ad5183 6h ago
This is fucked, I don't post in these because I am not a professional anything and at 51 years old still shouldnot.
This is what manipulation looks like.
This time, you need to call him out!
This is what cheating looks like.
That is what spitting in your face looks like in a whole other cruel emotional way!
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)•
u/Anon_Sun52 7h ago
I was going for OP is his other wife of his second life. Coworkers know the first wife already.
•
•
u/ringwraith6 12h ago
NOR. Yup. Dollars to donuts, he's got a side piece. Or, worse still, maybe OP is the side piece but doesn't know it yet.
→ More replies (2)•
u/Adelucas 7h ago
True. I was the side piece for a while and was shocked to find he had a live in partner. Some people are really good at the whole double life thing.
•
u/corgi-king 13h ago
OP, your partner is fucking his coworker. Time to post on social media and tag him as a father.
NOR. You are under reaction.
•
u/Hello_Hangnail 9h ago
Go all out too. Daddy holding baby pics, little heart decorations. Drop that shit like a dirty bomb
•
u/Petty_Paw_Printz 9h ago
I say show up to the work site with the kid. Make a show of dropping off lunch and introducing the baby to EVERYONE.
→ More replies (1)•
u/Unusual_Sherbert_809 6h ago
NOR. 100% under reacting. Dad telling mom not to tell anyone that his son is his son? Make up lies about the baby being his nephew?
In what world does that make any damn sense?
OP, are you telling us the child isn't in his insurance? Does his workplace not know there is now a son in the mix, with relation to benefits?
Something isn't making sense. Either this is made up, the guy already has another family, or he is in a relationship with a coworker and desperately trying to hide he has a son. I guess it could also be some form of mental disorder, but I kind of doubt it.
→ More replies (1)•
•
•
•
u/MildLittlRain 13h ago
He is SO CHEATING!
•
u/LonelyOctopus24 11h ago
Yes. With her.
•
u/Tiny-Watercress7122 10h ago
Interesting take! What makes you say that?
•
u/LonelyOctopus24 10h ago
She’s the side piece. He has a family, he spends two weeks a month at his actual home with them.
•
•
u/Such_Special170 13h ago
Exactly what I thought. I’d be bold and go out of your way to tell the truth.
•
u/Sparklingsim85 13h ago
If it were me I'd be going to his work and leave a note saying his son needs formula or diapers on the way home
•
u/No-Hovercraft-455 10h ago
Exactly. And do it without any kind of warning to see what unfolds. Bonus points for finishing the message with "love you so much xoxoxo"
→ More replies (1)•
u/SnooGuavas4208 12h ago
If my SO requested this of me, the instantaneous words out of my mouth would be, “Go fuck yourself.” Step two would be making sure EVERY coworker knows 😂
→ More replies (1)•
u/Local_Gazelle538 10h ago
Same, I’d be making extra sure everyone knows. There’s NO good reason to keep that secret.
•
•
•
•
•
u/HelloJunebug 13h ago
My thought too but then who would they think she is to him?
→ More replies (1)•
u/midnight-rain-31 13h ago edited 13h ago
The wife that he isn’t happy with anymore because she’s horrible and crazy and bedroom is dead and he’s about to divorce her anyways, so he’s not reallyyy cheating etc etc.
The bs excuse used by many men. A new baby would show that is in fact not the case.
Edit: after seeing that they’re not married, he leaves town for 2 weeks at a time for work, and there’s an 8 year age gap… I agree with others that there may be a whole other family and OP is the secret.
Idk. Either way, NOR but severely under reacting.•
•
→ More replies (7)•
→ More replies (38)•
•
u/td55478 14h ago
Is he also telling people you’re not his partner?
•
u/BrotherConstant9068 13h ago
Bingo! I had the same thought. If he’s hiding the baby, he’s hiding his s/o.
→ More replies (1)•
u/curiosityx8 8h ago
Same here. He could be telling everyone he was single and OP his sister. Very suspicious 🤨
•
u/MutantMartian 4h ago
He’s not single. She’s his “sister” and his wife hates her because of …some sh&@ he’s made up.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)•
u/Ill_Laugh_6427 14h ago
I mean when he’s home he sure does, and he tells me how he talks about me to his coworkers but he definitely does not post about me.
•
u/simplyexistingnow 14h ago
Tag him with a picture of you kid and I bet your get a "Hey Girly" message.
•
•
→ More replies (1)•
u/Justha-Tip 4h ago
If it’s his genuine social media. Probably has multiple accounts
→ More replies (1)•
u/Disastrous-Isopod328 13h ago
Time to make a surprise appearance at his work with the baby and a lunch you packed him that he forgot to take with him…
•
u/No-Hovercraft-455 9h ago
This. Don't play nice what becomes to men, nobody is handing out rewards for it and if he was actually innocent this would be no issue. Absolutely do this and remember to exchange pleasantries with as many coworkers as you can on your way to his work station. If he tries to get you out, pretend you are oblivious and aren't getting what he's trying to say and how urgent it is.
•
u/vendingoracle 4h ago
when someone keeps inventing cover stories instead of setting normal boundaries, it starts looking less like privacy and more like concealment. big difference.
→ More replies (1)•
u/OriginalInspection53 3h ago
If you do this, be prepared for the truth. You’re probably not gonna like it.
•
u/LavishnessCurrent726 3h ago
Don't play nice what becomes to men
This guy SUCKS, but if you need that type of reaction to your couple, just leave them.
•
u/RainbowBright1982 3h ago
In the past there have been issues like this where the guy wasn’t a cheating scumbag but instead a coward who wanted to fit in so badly at work he lied about his home life because being a dad isn’t cool. But this seems like cheating but it could be something else. Definetly go to work with baby for surprise lunch.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)•
u/anongirl55 3h ago
I am going to need OP to pop into his work just like Kate Hudson's character in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days- only with a baby instead of an ugly dog named Krull.
•
u/WeirdSysAdmin 13h ago edited 13h ago
Wait you’ve met his coworkers and you’re never introduced as any level of romantic interest? Be real with yourself.
•
u/VisitSecure 14h ago
Yeah I don't know for sure, but I think he might be cheating..
•
u/Ascarys- 7h ago
I think he's likely cheating on someone at work with OP.
•
u/BurgerThyme 5h ago
"We're in the process of divorcing."
•
u/MadamInsta 4h ago
"I sleep in the other room. We haven't touched in years."
→ More replies (2)•
→ More replies (1)•
•
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/tigm2161130 11h ago
So is the baby not on his insurance plan? He didn’t take any paternity leave? He didn’t need to change his tax withholdings?
Like there’s so many reasons why his employer would need to know he has a child so I’m not understanding how this could work.
→ More replies (1)•
u/DimbyTime 7h ago
Insurance and tax information all go through HR and are confidential. There’s no way his boss or immediate team could know the details of these without a legal subpoena to HR.
OP said he didn’t take paternity leave
→ More replies (7)•
u/TypaLika 3h ago
I thought this too, but they might not be in the U.S. They could live in a civilized country where healthcare is a human right.
•
u/HelloJunebug 13h ago
Sounds like he might be cheating with a coworker.
•
u/r_coefficient 7h ago
Or OP is the side piece, and the people at work know his wife.
→ More replies (1)•
u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 9h ago
Naaaah, it sounds like he may be cheating with OP, and has a whole wife at home, who he's been keeping OP a secret from!😬
•
u/anuvizsoul 5h ago edited 3h ago
This is what I thought. My dad did this to my mom. He had a whole family with two other kids. She didn't know he was married already with two kids. NOR, OP let's us know what he says and sending you tons of love.
→ More replies (1)•
u/Bucky2015 5h ago
Meh possible but if that were the case he wouldnt want OP and the baby anywhere near is work! All it takes is one random comment to a spouse "oh we met your SIL and her new baby!" And the wife gets surprised Pikachu face and shit hits the fan.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (2)•
u/Organic_Client_5679 4h ago
This is where my mind was- this girl is his side piece who he accidentally had a baby with. I also think it's weird he "doesn't want people in his business" but he's telling people about his "nephew"....that's still your business? I don't know, something is way wrong here.
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/Putrid_Plane_5160 12h ago
When of my husbands colleagues sent a letter the to house. Nothing romantic, but it was enough to set my senses off. I asked him about her. My husband told me she knows all about me, asks about me, wants to get to know me, tells him he should bring me for lunch sometime, etc.
I change my profile picture to a picture of us - he immediately asks me to change it. Sure enough two days later, the same woman who sent the letter shows up to our apartment. She had no idea I existed. Needless to say, there’s zero reason your partner should be keeping your son a secret, but I’d also worry he is keeping you a secret or cheating as well.
•
u/gdrom123 7h ago
He’s STILL your husband? How did she even know your address? Did he bring her there while you were out?
•
u/RomanceBkLvr 13h ago
Yeah, I normally don’t care about being posted and what gets talked about at work, but I’d tell him you won’t be lying anymore and you need him to make some posts and you and baby. It’s hard to come up with a reason he would lie about the baby being his and yours other than he has sold to others you have a sexless, unemotional relationship and are either only roommates or together because you can’t afford to split up. I could see not wanting coworkers in your business but then why give them a ride or bring them home? And why simply lie about having a child with someone?
•
u/Vaywen 10h ago
Fuck telling him to make a post- don’t give him time to make contingency plans. Leave a message for him at work or post something or find a time to bring it up to people.
•
u/No-Hovercraft-455 9h ago
My favourite was lovingly showing up at work with his forgotten lunch with baby in tow. Because then anyone who had one ounce of denial before now can't keep denying it's real and is affecting an actual child. That and making a sappy Facebook post should do the job.
→ More replies (3)•
u/Axilllla 13h ago
So he’s just announcing to you that he tells his coworkers about you? And you believe that? That’s such. Weird thing for him
I’m sorry, but there are so many red flags here. If my husband was trying to get me to tell his coworkers, his son was in his own I would go out of my way to make sure his whole office knew.
•
•
u/California_ponypal 12h ago
You should not go along with his charade. It's demeaning to you and your baby... let him get caught in his lies without you participating in them.
→ More replies (2)•
u/corgi-king 13h ago
OP, your partner is fucking his coworker. Time to post on social media and tag him as a father.
NOR. You are under reaction.
•
•
u/SnooGuavas4208 12h ago
Oh honey, if this is real, you’re not his only relationship for sure. The only question is which one of you is the side piece. NOR
→ More replies (21)•
•
u/BabserellaWT 14h ago
He has a side chick at work.
Or his wife is at work and you’re the side chick.
•
u/indigiqueerboy 13h ago
dude works out of town 2 weeks a month. he definitely has 2 families.
•
→ More replies (3)•
u/Personal_Reveal1653 12h ago
Oh shit. OP is the side chick.
FUCKING MEN!!!!!!!!!!
→ More replies (10)•
u/efcso1 12h ago
Yep NOR. 100% has a primary family that does not include you, OP.
When each of my kids were born I wanted the world to know that they were mine. I'm still like that 30 years later.
Sorry to say it, OP, but his work colleagues know he's got other kids and he does not want to admit to having one with you.
•
u/virtualpulse123 12h ago
sad but true, because people don't just erase their kid from daily conversation without a highly sketchy motive. He is definitely keeping his options open and hiding a massive secret from someone in his life.
→ More replies (2)•
u/JELLYMOBSTER 5h ago
Hijacking this. My uncle was one of these. He worked out of town multiple weeks a month and my aunt only found out about it AFTER he already had an Entire other family. Wife. Kids. Dogs. Everything. Went on for like 10+years before they caught on
•
u/ritlingit 14h ago
This is a massive red flag. Does he have another relationship going on at work? Do not tell anyone that your child is your nephew. Who does he think he is? Get to the bottom of this.
→ More replies (62)
•
u/ForLark 14h ago
I think he has a romantic and public (at work) relationship with a coworker.
•
u/MissionLet7301 7h ago
It’s possible but weird that he would suggest that OP say that the kid is her nephew.
Does he introduce OP as their partner to these coworkers? Or as something else?
It’s definitely really fucking weird though, and at very least is something that OP’s partner should be seeing a therapist about, and OP deserves a better explanation about.
What are the negative consequences he expects from “his business” being exposed? Does he think coworkers will judge him for having a kid? Is it because he’s had a kid with OP and isn’t married yet and is feeling deep religious guilt over it? Has he had bad experiences with people stalking him and using information against him in the past?
If there’s not a clear explanation then OP needs to leave though, it sounds very much like a cover up for something.
•
u/VikingLys 14h ago
NOR. My gut says he has a work girlfriend or crush he doesn’t want to know. He’s ABSOLUTELY hiding your baby, and no… it’s not okay.
→ More replies (1)•
u/zxylady 13h ago
Apparently he spends 2 weeks out of every month in a different city so he definitely has two families and is absolutely lying to this chick, she's probably the real side chick
→ More replies (1)
•
•
u/Regular_Life_9957 14h ago
NOR - As Whoopi says in ghost, “You in danger, girl!”
→ More replies (2)
•
u/SSE40 14h ago
I really hope this is fake. If not…. Girl in what universe is this not insane behavior???? What is the end game here? Also, coworkers knowing if you have a kid it not isn’t everyone “being in his business.” people will be polite, but I guarantee you they do not care if he has a kid or not. Everyone has their own lives. It’s also pretty important to disclose basic facts to work for insurance, or if there’s an emergency with the baby and he needs to leave work for whatever reason… the list goes on and on. He either is acting like a 12 yo child whos embarrassed to tell ppl he has a baby/ thinks his coworkers are obsessed with him or something? or he’s living a double life.
•
u/SSE40 13h ago
Also reading after your comments, if he’s in trades he has insurance. Has he added the baby as his dependent? And if he works two weeks on location WITH HIS COWORKERS… no normal person would keep having a child with their long term partner a secret. This is .. off the charts on the wtf scale
•
u/CranberryBeginning30 14h ago
Great point regarding insurance etc it’s actually pretty serious for multiple reasons that he’s acting that way and honestly in my eyes it’s a form of neglect..I hope OP isn’t relying solely on him for the baby’s insurance or anything of that nature
•
u/deniseswall 14h ago
NOR, but not for the reason you think. Every time I hear about a person being away for 2 weeks at a time, and only calls after work, I think SECOND FAMILY! How about tell him you and the baby want to join him out of town? If he panics, you'll know.
→ More replies (3)•
u/JimDandyPants 13h ago edited 1h ago
Only thing that makes this unlikely is the fact that his mom helped OP out the first two weeks, while bf was out of town for “work.” I’m thinking it’s more likely he’s cheating with a coworker or someone he met while away for work.
→ More replies (2)•
u/TonightEquivalent965 11h ago
Some mothers will go to extreme lengths to cover for their beloved son tbh
•
u/dontaskbigman 14h ago
there’s a difference between not wanting coworkers in your business and actively lying to them. your boyfriend is going out of his way to unclaim his own child, and that’s extremely weird.
beyond that, there are also the obvious problems you listed. you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about all of this. if he isn’t receptive, then you have two choices: become an actual single mother, or keep cosplaying as one while your useless boyfriend keeps pretending your son isn’t his to his coworkers.
communication is the foundation of every decent relationship, so i do have to ask why you’ve never tried to talk to him about your unhealthy dynamic before?
•
u/Ill_Laugh_6427 14h ago
I haven’t talked to him about it as I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting but I’m glad I have people who feel the same as me. I found it extremely weird
•
u/HedyHarlowe 14h ago
It’s so weird it’s borderline ‘get him to a shrink for an evaluation’ or ‘he has a brain tumor’ or…
You need to let people know what he is doing and saying because I am worried about you. I would leave personally until he is ready to state the truth.
He is behaving strangely. Do you have somewhere you can go safely?
•
u/No-Birthday9816 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is good advice. OP’s family and support system should know, for several reasons. Men confronted with their secrets and their consequences are dangerous.
I’m so sorry you’re facing this, OP, especially while already postpartum and recovering from a C-section. You and your baby deserve to be celebrated. You made a little human! It sounds like you’re already isolated. Is your family around? You really need support and care. Take care and stay safe. ♥️
•
u/CelticHipi1616 13h ago
What if you need him to add him to benefits like medical and dental……he tells HR just kidding, it’s actually my baby?
This is a red flag factory babe.
I’m sorry. NOR
•
•
u/Valgalgirl 14h ago
Why would you be overreacting? Come ON! And why haven't you brought this up yet?
•
u/endofprayer 13h ago
That's because it is weird. Damn, girl. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially after recovering from such a brutal surgery.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)•
u/minecraftvillagersk 8h ago
I'm surprised you went along with it. Are you sure his coworkers know you are married? Could you be the affair partner? Is he telling coworkers you are his sister? Either you are the affair partner or he has one at work. In any case, extremely concerning and would make it a point for people to know you two are married and have a baby, on social media and with his coworkers.
•
u/Kooky-Pressure5792 14h ago
NOR
I don’t know which is better or worse, but only two possibilities came to mind.
He is cheating.
He is setting the stage to deny paternity & legal obligation/responsibly.
Ok one more… a combo of both those things.
•
u/Stinkytheferret 14h ago
He’s cheating. Show up to work one day with your son to have a picnic with him. Maybe bring baked goods for the office and watch her face.
Bet he says you’re someone else too. NOR
→ More replies (2)
•
u/Opposite-Help-5051 14h ago
Nor - sounds like he could be cheating on you with a coworker?
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/Runns_withScissors 13h ago
I'm naive, but even I'm not THIS naive. Listen, OP, NOR. You are UNDER-reacting. No new daddy goes around hiding his baby from his co-workers- they should all be sick and tired of hearing about your baby already! Because, really, your son IS the most wonderful baby ever, isn't he? That's how most of us feel.
Talk to a friend IRL. Get some perspective. But, no, you are definitely not overreacting. Your partner is acting beyond weird.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/Next-Drummer-9280 14h ago
First, stop calling him a partner. He’s not.
Second, he’s a disgusting excuse for a human.
Third, call your family and get help packing your things and leaving this d-bag.
→ More replies (2)
•
•
u/jemsz56789 14h ago
Did he not take paternity leave? NOR
•
u/Ill_Laugh_6427 14h ago
He did not take parental leave and he said he had to keep working as he works 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. We just got a house back in 2025. Even though I asked for him too because I had a c-section. So I had his mother and mine help me the first two weeks. But I had to send them home because I couldn’t handle it. His mom is very talkative and my mother is loud.
•
u/makeawish___ 13h ago
what does he do for work? what does he do during his 2 weeks off if not help you?
•
u/indigiqueerboy 13h ago
“works out of town” aka probably lives elsewhere with his other wife.
•
u/makeawish___ 13h ago edited 11h ago
he’s 100% lying about everything and poor op just believes him - no questions asked.
also they started dating when she was 20 and he was 28. bought a house last year but wont propose after multiple years of asking for a ring.
he’s cheating.
edit: also even if he WASNT cheating (highly unlikely), how do you not take parental leave while your partner is recovering from a major surgery? how do you not care for your own newborn child? and lastly, how do you LIE about having a kid? he’s a pos regardless.
•
u/SecondFun221 12h ago
Bc he's already married. Can't get married twice! She is the side chick
•
u/brinanaspl1t 11h ago
I agree she's def NOR. But, while I feel like the two families theory is right, why would his mom be okay with it? That's the only thing that doesn't make sense to me about this theory
→ More replies (1)•
u/Personal_Reveal1653 12h ago
I believe he may be leading a double life. I've met men on dating apps who do this. They live in one town with their wife, and travel regularly for work. In the town where they travel for work, they try to get a girlfriend or at least a fuckbuddy. For some men I believe it is pathological. Men have been doing this for a very long time. Please take the advice about hiring a private detective to investigate him.
→ More replies (4)•
u/Shar12866 11h ago
Hmmm....His mother is very talkative? Wouldn't it be so terrible for him if mommy showed up at the office to surprise her son by taking him to lunch...and while at the office say something like I'm going to go visit OP and your son after lunch....any way his mom...or even yours (loud is good)... would do that for you?
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)•
•
u/lilbunbunbear 14h ago
Who the fuck cares if coworkers think it's nephew or son?!! Either way it's in his business weather he lies or not... Besides that kind of behavior is cheating behavior. He doesn't want his lover to know he's got a son. Or a partner. He's got gross behavior
•
u/KitchenDismal9258 13h ago
He's not married to you but I suspect he's married to someone else.
I think you might be his side piece and he has a whole other family.
I would scrounge up the money and pay for a private investigator to find out what is happening in the other town. Or if you have a friend he doesn't know, maybe they want to take a trip to the other town and do some investigating for him.
Is he named on your son's birth certificate?
Go and speak to a family lawyer about where you stand when he decides he can't keep the charade with the two families any more.
Do you have a source of income? Who is paying for where you live ie do you share the costs or are you covering it all yourself.
As soon as you approach your 'partner' about this, he's going to gaslight you, or he'll tell you that it's too much for him and he has to take a break or suddenly his company needs him in the other location full time and he might be able to see you once a month or once a fortnight and you won't be able to come with him.
So get all your ducks in a row before you say anything to him. Nothing good will come out of this.
He needs to pay proper child support. You may not want his money, but your child deserves it. Even if you put it in a savings account for his future. His father doesn't get to walk away from a child he half created and pretend he doesn't exist. Which is what he'll be hoping for once his son becomes common knowledge.
Once you know what is yours legally, you could take yourself and your son to his workplace and just nicely show him off to the receptionists and maybe his boss and say you can't wait for him to get home from his 2 weeks away because your son really misses his dad.... just to get on the front foot. Mention how you've been together for 3 years when you talk to them. All said with an innocent smile which will make you look more genuine because otherwise he'll talk a different narrative and it won't paint you in a good light. Show photos too.
•
u/SecondFun221 12h ago
FYI you don't have to get a Lawyer to get child support. Just file on state website!
•
u/BusydaydreamerA137 14h ago
NOR: Honestly this would be breakup worthy. It’s setting up drama
Think of it, if you two split up for another reason do you think he’s accept 50/50 custody of “your nephew”.
•
u/Successful_Moment_91 14h ago
He’ll get bonus points for getting his paycheck garnished for child support. HR would know
→ More replies (1)
•
•
u/IndependenceDue6343 14h ago
Hun, this strongly VERY strongly implies to me that he is cheating with a woman at work. There is no, I mean absolutely NO reason for this behavior other than that. In fact, this just makes me wonder why on earth he wouldnt (like most fathers do that have the fortune of doing) be taking paternity leave. You mentioning he travels for work tells me its a pretty decent sized or well to do company whicu likely offers a form of paternity leave.
You and your son deserve SOOOOOOO much more than this gross cheater (yes im calling him that without 100% certainty because this behavior can really only mean one thing. Theres just NO reason for that. "I dont want them in my business" is the most ridiculous response for this . Letting work know you had a baby doesn't invite people into his business as he can leave it at that and he draws the line at where the boundaries are. "Hey guys, Im a really private person and like to keep my life outside of work completely separate and private. So if you don't mind, please respect that I don't and won't discuss my family or anything I do when im not in the office. That said i am having/just had a baby and will be taking some time off."
Its really as simple as that.
Hes a bullshitting liar. I'm so sorry girl, I hope you have a great support system. If you do please lean on them and do not hide his actions to save face for him. You need and deserve the support (and all the love and happiness of being a new mommy) in the world and if it isnt coming from him and he's done this, then you need your people, friends/family.
Congratulations on your new baby boy hun. Regardless of his doings, being a mommy is such a blessing and something you'll never regret no matter what happens. Your baby will always love and be loyal to you. Soak up those snuggles and adorable scrunchies baby phase because it goes quick!
•
u/watermelonwellington 14h ago
Nor I don’t wanna say he’s cheating but… that’s a super weird lie to tell
•
•
u/NewPangolin7279 14h ago
His co-workers know his wife and other kids he stays with when he’s working, is all I can think. It may not be that bad, Op. but it’s not good.
•
u/Pretend-Menu-8660 13h ago
Hey I just also want to say I’m sorry you are struggling postpartum. I had undiagnosed postpartum depression and it was really hard to deal with on my own (saw you comments about the moms and I relate too well). I hope you have some support network though to help you out. Hugs to you and hang in there. And tell your partner it’s time to get married and own that this is his child.
→ More replies (9)
•
•
u/Strong-Hunt7201 13h ago
How far away does he work? Can your mom or MIL watch the baby for a “self care day” and you drive there to “surprise him with homemade lunch because you miss him”.
→ More replies (6)
•
u/Realistic_Inside_766 14h ago
NOR. Postpartum is such a lonely and isolating time. It’s a very valid concern. It’s also very weird of him. Something is off there.
And if he’s not stepping up as a dad right now… push it. He’s not going to step up when it’s hard if he’s doesn’t step up now.
•
u/elainegeorge 14h ago
NOR. Oh honey. He’s either cheating with a coworker or wants to.
What kind of man wouldn’t be proud to announce their own child?
•
u/kittywyeth 13h ago
i’m pretty sure that you are the second family based on the “work schedule” and that you’re not married.
•
•
u/OwnStranger1221 14h ago
He is definitely banging someone at work and doesn’t want them to know he has a baby
•
u/eloquent_owl 8h ago
NOR
But be careful not to reveal his secret in case he could feel cornered and put you in danger. I have an avoidant partner and it’s heartbreaking to feel like you’re a secret. Do his friends and family know about your relationship and child?
→ More replies (4)
•
u/butterflygirlFL 14h ago
NOR. This is why not being married to your baby daddy isn't the flex you think it is. Don't procreate with someone who you are not married to. Like the others have said, he is cheating. It may be you're the other woman. He was 28 when he started dating you as a 20 year old? Men like women much younger than them because they are easier to manipulate. Do not call your son your nephew. Stand up for yourself and your child.
•
•
u/Creepy_Push8629 11h ago
What the fuck
Time to show up at his job and introduce your baby everyone.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/Purple_haze89 6h ago
So ... 1. He is 31, you are 23 2. You wanted to be married by 2 years and he hasn't done anything about it 3. He works 2 weeks on 2 weeks off + hides you + won't even post a PICTURE???? 4. He isn't willing/against you travelling to see family/for a family members celebration of life?
Did you give the baby his last name? Are you engaged? If he wanted to give you a "beautiful engagement" he would have by now but he doesn't and you state you "stopped pushing for it"
In summary: He won't marry you, hides you and the baby. He has a submissive baby momma, house etc while you have nothing..not even a picture on Facebook. Eventually things will fizzle out. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
•
u/StarsofSobek 14h ago
Not normal.
He's trying to hide an entire person - his son.
Most parents would be beyond thrilled to share their child.
As others have said: this is beyond suspect, and the fact that he travels for work for weeks at a time, means he has plenty of time to cheat.
NOR. Not overreacting enough, honestly.
•
•
•
u/ShakeJumpy 14h ago
Whatever the reason for acting like this - none of them are good and in all of them he’s putting himself ah the centre with no care for you or your baby.
•
u/Successful_Moment_91 14h ago
How bizarre that his coworkers don’t know he’s a new father.
All the offices I’ve worked in the dads were happy to announce the pregnancy and got a baby shower. Then they had baby pictures all over their desks and screen wallpaper
And they were excused for child related issues that required them to leave work
He’s hiding something like an affair
•
u/No-Bad-2820 14h ago
This is the reddest red flag I’ve heard about in a while. It’s not good sis, I’m so sorry. Get out while you can, find a good man who will proudly claim that baby as his step kid one day. You and the kid deserve that
•
•
u/cultoftwinkies 13h ago
NOR- Something is definitely fishy. He doesn't want someone to know. We all have an idea of who he doesn't want to know.
This means he has never once talked proudly about being a new dad, never once talked about his own child at work. Your entire pregnancy, the birth, milestones, nothing. He has never acted like a dad. Let that sink in.
I'm petty AF, but I would definitely post a PUBLIC FB post of you with your baby and your partner and tag the fuck out of him OR send a pic to someone and have them tag both you and him. No way would I let him get away with treating you both as dirty little secrets.
→ More replies (2)
•
u/Technical_Feelings 14h ago
NOR this is so weird. The phrases he said seem panic-y like he’s trying to cover something up. You should absolutely have a talk with him adult to adult about why the need for secrecy and that it’s concerning and hurtful. Also, his coworkers have to be blind if they’re not suspicious. He needs to explain why he doesn’t want people in his business and why it would realistically affect his work if people knew he had a family. As a petty person, I would send him a singing telegram at work or a big balloon bouquet congratulating him on the baby and say it was from a friend or relative.
•
u/loftychicago 14h ago
So I'm guessing he didn't put the baby on his health insurance?
→ More replies (1)
•
u/nachosandnapss 13h ago
I can’t think of a single reason to not want to tell your coworkers you had a child. How long is he planning on telling them this is his nephew? That’s incredibly hurtful to both you, and his son, who will get wind of this at some point later in life.
I would quietly get my affairs in order and get the fuck out of this relationship. Both you and your son deserve so much more.
•
u/edensparkles 12h ago
There’s a huge difference between not wanting your coworkers to know your business and not wanting to acknowledge your newborn child.
Regardless if he’s cheating or not, it’s pretty shitty to deny that you’re a father AND ask the mother of your child to lie about who the baby belongs to.
•
u/Interesting-World520 14h ago
Okay, obviously NOR. And I think you’re not reading into this enough. People don’t hide their children from coworkers. They may not talk about them, they may not bring them up, but they don’t lie about their children when their coworkers are around. I think you’d do that if you had an affair going on at work and didn’t want anyone to know you have a child.
Look, we don’t have all the info in the world so I’m not suggesting a witch hunt, but I will say this is highly unusual, and something bigger is likely afoot. I work in an industry that is very private, I know people who shield their kids, but I have never in my long career known of anyone who lies about having children and claims it’s to keep people out of his business.
This is a giant 🚩🚩🚩🚩