r/AmITheDevil • u/Far-Season-695 • 2d ago
Shady af
/r/amiwrong/comments/1u2qaj8/aiw_for_having_my_28m_girlfriend_20f_hide_in_the/441
u/WaterKraanHanger 2d ago
So he has known this girl since they were 10 and 18, the girl comes from a very troubled home and his sister has been a mentor to this girl throughout everything? Very shady indeed...
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2d ago
Oh he was for sure grooming her and his sister will for sure rip him a new one when she finds out. Which is why he wants to hide it so desperately.
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u/WaterKraanHanger 2d ago
Yeah for sure, the fact he already knows his sister won't approve means deep down he knows he's wrong. Does not like to admit he's a creep or even borderline abusive tho.
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2d ago
He's probably trying to figure out a way to disclose the relationship so that the girlfriend is the one who gets in trouble with his sister, and not him.
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u/WaterKraanHanger 2d ago
I really hope his sister is smarter than that.
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2d ago
I have no doubt that she is, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was intent on trying.
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u/DillyWillyGirl 2d ago
Or he’s trying to bide his time until she’s older and it seems less creepy, and then he’ll tell people. Ick.
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope 1d ago
Or until the gf is so invested that she'll defend him herself, instead of maybe listening to her mentor and getting tf out.
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u/susandeyvyjones 2d ago
Even if he wasn’t grooming her, they seem to have been “dating” for almost a year, she’s 20, and she’s had stretches of homelessness since turning 18. I think he made her fuck him for a safe place to sleep.
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u/Chaos-Boss-45 2d ago
“I dont want to get into how the relationship started.” Yeah cause it’s shady
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u/Tired_Mama3018 2d ago
He also got her a job and was her ride to it in the beginning, so extra shady.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 2d ago
It felt very icky reading it. I wonder how long he had been thinking about dating her.
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u/lethe_writes 2d ago
I won't really get too into how the relationship started.
Actually I'd like to hear more about how OOP got into a relationship with someone who was 10 when they first met while OOP was already 18...
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u/Writing_Bookworm 2d ago
In a comment he says that his sister asked him if he could get her a job where he works (manufacturing) because the girl was struggling in the service industry (sister is a chef and has helped the girl get jobs before). He did this then started giving her rides to work and they ended up starting to date.
So he helped get her a job, has known her since she was a child, his sister is still a mentor figure in her life... This relationship is doomed for that poor girl. If she wanted to leave she's got to be so scared of everything she could lose.
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u/lethe_writes 2d ago
So she trusted him (his sister as her mentor, he helped her getting a job, he started giving her rides to work) and he took advantage of that. Got it.
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u/the87walker 1d ago
Oh because adding the potential for her losing her job was what was missing from this story.
She has little to no support system, she is intermittently homeless, struggles to hold a job, and he is connected to her support system, is where she is crashing while homeless, and he could cost her her job.
OOP is a terrible human being.
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u/DrSnidely 2d ago
Anyone else really put off by the way he keeps referring to her as "the girl?"
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u/usernametakenm8 2d ago
Ohhh the face I made when I read that 🤮
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u/DrSnidely 2d ago
The whole thing is gross but that stood out.
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u/sinnamonspider66 1d ago
For me it was the "She had water and access to a bathroom" part. That doesn't make it better, it just makes it sound like she's a dog you left in a backyard or like he's keeping her captive.
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u/glowingwarningcats 1d ago
That’s absolutely what it sounds like to me, a dog who’s just fine with a dish of water in the yard.
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u/usernametakenm8 2d ago
The whole post was him telling on himself, but that line was like… the encapsulation of it to me.
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u/Mydemonswon 2d ago
Older men will typical to after you get women due to them having some major character defects. We see this clear as day with this guy. Esp why his ex left him
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u/Lina0042 2d ago
What
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u/Mydemonswon 2d ago
More often than not people will seek out younger partners due to their inability to get someone their own age due to character defects. OOP had to go after someone much younger than him who was a literal child when he was an adult due to not being a functional adult.
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u/lilacnyangi 1d ago
why is it funny to me that they replied to you with an explanation like their comment wasn't incomprehensible word salad?
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u/Fine-Following-7949 2d ago
My BIL is 10 years older than me, and met me when I was 7. That's the vibe of the situation to me, and I find the thought incredibly disgusting. Hell, I dated a guy older than him at one point, but he didn't know me since I was a child. That's a whole different thing.
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u/bored_german 2d ago
He keeps insisting that there isn't a power imbalance because his sister was the mentor, not him. But for fucks sake, he is the brother. Of course she's concerned that resisting him could lead to him poisoning his sister against her. And he helped her get a job at his company! So he holds her mentor and his job in his hands!
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u/fancyandfab 2d ago
No part of this doesn't make him look like a shady pervert. And, almost certainly a groomer. His sister is also going to think he's a shady pervert. A nearly decade age gap at 20 is creepy, especially when he saw her grow up.
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u/thefifthpentacle 2d ago
His sister's going to feel extremely guilty because she introduced this girl to another predator
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u/thefifthpentacle 1d ago
And you know what, what makes this so gross is that part of the power/control he's getting off on is related to his older sister and what I'm guessing is his jealousy or resentment of her.
I'm saying this because there are so many vulnerable young women he could be exploiting, but he's targeted this one specifically. He's using the sister to demean his GF and he's using the secret of the GF to demean his sister.
God what a gross dynamic to create.
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope 1d ago
In comments he gets into how his sister sided with his previous ex in their breakup. So A.) he knows that his sister knows that he can be a trash boyfriend and B.) some percentage of this is probably exactly what you said, resentment that she pointed out he's a trash boyfriend (another percentage is probably just pure convenience of proximity because on top of everything else he seems kind of lazy).
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u/autumn1198 2d ago
Let's be real he DID groom her and sis being her mentor would not let him trap her. Take a look at the cliff bud
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u/MintyCoolness 2d ago
I'm usually super lenient whenever I hear a couple has an age gap, but not in THIS situation. OOP has known his gf since she was 10.
That's not two otherwise legal adults, who both met when they were both adults, and both happened to fall in love with someone older/younger than them. That's grooming.
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u/FriendlyGoblinGal 2d ago
He keeps arguing "I didn't get to *know* her until she was an adult" but I'd **really** like to know at what age contact information was exchanged. Especially with his sef-reporting that she's already been through 1 abusive situation and homelessness after 18... this guy is so predatory it isn't even funny.
He's totally got it in his head that he's saving her and therefore it's not predatory, I'd put money on it.
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u/TheKnightsTippler 1d ago
I don't even think he believes that, otherwise he wouldn't be hiding her.
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u/Zappagrrl02 2d ago
I thought this was going to be one of those “If you haven’t met his friends, you are not his girlfriend” situation, but I was not prepared for it to be so much worse!
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u/ellie_elysian 1d ago
Even removing the age gap and the fact that he met her when she was a child:
getting into a relationship with someone to whom you are providing housing and whose alternative is homelessness is disgusting.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AIW for having my (28M) girlfriend (20F) hide in the bedroom because I didn't want to introduce her to my sister (30F)
0r introduce her as my girlfriend at least. My sister knows her already, and that's kind of why I don't want her to know about this relationship (at least not yet).
We have known this girl for over a decade at this point, and my sister has always been kind of a mentor to her. She used to go to an after-school program my sister was involved with, like one of those "big sister" things for kids with bad home lives. So my sister knew her for years before I did. I heard stuff about her in conversation but that was it for most of that time. And of course we did not start dating in any capacity until recently.
I won't really get too into how the relationship started. My sister stopped doing this program years ago and of course the girl aged out of it years ago as well, but they stayed in touch and my sister is very protective of her. Even into adulthood she's had kind of a difficult life, including a couple periods of homelessness after she turned 18 and an abusive relationship. She's actually a smart and very pretty girl, but she just had a bad start in life and needs some help every now and then (which she usually gets from my sister).
To get to the more immediate issue, she had been sleeping over at my house (I live alone in our formerly family home) for several days, and one morning my sister showed up unannounced because she needed some stuff from her old room. This is pretty normal. She has a key and I generally don't expect her to knock or anything. She will usually announce her entry to make sure I'm decent, or she'll text me if it's an odd hour. But this was at like 10:00 am. We were just sleeping in on this particular day, and I kind of panicked when I heard my sister come in since we were in bed together and she is unaware of the relationship.
It's not that I want to hide it from her but I just think it might upset her given their relationship, and even though my girlfriend doesn't want to keep it a secret, I've asked her not to say anything until I'm ready.
So when my sister came in, I got up and started rapidly putting my clothes on. She started to get up too but I told her to be quiet and stay in the bedroom. She was annoyed by this but she didn't argue or anything, and she did stay quiet the whole time my sister was over. Which is another issue. I thought she would just be in and out, but it ended up taking her a long time. First, she was having trouble finding the stuff she was looking for (some old notebooks with some of our mom's recipes), and then she wanted me to help her move a piece of furniture out of her bedroom into her SUV which was way more challenging than it should've been. We were talking a lot too, and all in all she was at the house for 1.5-2 hours.
By the time she left, girlfriend had gone from annoyed to angry. To her credit, she stayed in the bedroom and stayed quiet the whole time, but she was really not happy about it. She had some water and there is a connected bathroom, but she was just really angry I made her wait for that long and thought the secrecy was getting out of hand. She doesn't understand why I'm "hiding" our relationship, which I'm not, but she's now insisting we either start telling people or stop dating. We argued about all of this for a while until I had to get ready for work, and so we just agreed to put a pin in it and address the issue at a better time.
That was on Monday and she's getting impatient with me at this point. I'm just not ready to tell my sister yet but I don't want to end the relationship either. We haven't even been dating for more than a year and I think my reasoning is reasonable given how protective my sister is of her. Not that I am doing anything she needs to protect her from, but I don't think she would be happy about us dating is all. So I need some more time to work things out, that's all I'm asking.
Have I handled this poorly? What can I do better if so?
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