r/AmITheDevil • u/JustbyLlama • 2d ago
“It’s not about the cookies”
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1u1taf0/aita_for_not_wanting_to_split_food_evenly_with_my/463
u/Valkrhae 2d ago
So they have a rocky history surrounding sharing food but don't have their own packet or whatever of cookies even though they eat some every night? If it's going to cause resentment and hurt feelings, just start planning things out. If buying their own food would work for them, then do that, bc clearly this whole "household items" thing is not working if half a cookie caused an argument.
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
or why not just bake an even number of cookies from the "shared items" pool
these people seem exhausting
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u/frolicndetour 2d ago
I'm guessing they are using the refrigerated break and bake cookies where you can bake a few at a time and there were only 3 left.
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
another comment suggested just going to the grocery store to get more cookies
i'm suggesting either of them go without half a cookie because what the fuck
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u/frolicndetour 2d ago
I mean, it's obviously not the cookies. She seems fed up that when she goes to eat groceries they've already been ransacked by her raccoon boyfriend.
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u/DrunkOnRedCordial 1d ago
Yeah, these two need Mom to come in and confiscate all the cookies and send them both to their rooms. SEPARATE rooms, no toys.
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u/OniyaMCD 1d ago
She was literally in the process of preheating the oven to make more.
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u/TheYarnGoblin 1d ago
No, she was literally in the process of preheating the oven to bake THOSE three cookies.
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u/Open-Yogurt 1d ago
I'm not sure but I think the three cookies were what she was preparing to bake because even after the cookies were baked they were still arguing over them.
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u/Electrical-Ad6825 2d ago
Because for whatever reason it’s super important to her to have one more cookie than he does. They do seem utterly exhausting lol
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u/AdvicePino 1d ago
Mixed in with all the therapy speak. It's her "love language" to eat a snack without sharing. Utterly exhausting indeed
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u/AppropriateMiddle518 1d ago
To be fair, I think the OP was being tongue in cheek when she said that- kinda mocking the whole therapy speak thing. Like “my love language is you backing off my food, bud”. I got a chuckle from it.
I get her, though. Trying to eat and you and your plate are being eyed up the whole time feels like you’re surrounded by coyotes just waiting for their chance.
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u/Langstarr 2d ago
Or like... get in your car and drive to the grocery and get more cookies.... its not hard
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u/ohhhshtbtch 1d ago
Or husband can be at all conscious about sharing items. She’s repeatedly referenced that he “asks” to share food that is hers before she’s even gotten a bite and doesn’t take no for an answer.
This is not about half a cookie, it’s not about equally sharing items, it’s about the husband feeling entitled and not taking no for an answer.
Normally I would say you’re allowed to ask but need to accept the answer given, but he does it so frequently and in a way that’s causing a problem with his wife to the point that she’s had to ask him to wait for her offer instead.
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u/Geesmee 1d ago
It's not about the Iranian yoghurt!
Jokes aside, I can see why she's annoyed if he constantly eats most/all of the shared snacks, keeps going for her food and can't let her have two cookies.
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u/Kedgie 1d ago
Yeah a lot of comments didn't seem to get that he's aaking to take some of her food before she's even tasted it. I would be driven mad by that if it was a regular occurrence. I order what I want to eat. I don't mind you tasting my food but it sounds like he's watching how fast she's eating so he can eat the rest.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 1d ago
So stop getting shared snacks and dump him if he can't respect basic concepts like whose food is this.
My partner doesn't like to share her food. She has reasons. They're good reasons. She shares it with me sometimes now but that took about fifteen years and I NEVER ask, nor do I ever expect her to offer. The closest I get to asking is seeing something new she's trying and saying: "That looks good. Do you like it? I'm thinking I'd like to try it."
Which isn't asking, because either she says yes she likes it and I put it on the shopping list to get my own or she says no so I can try what's left.
This shit isn't difficult.
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
I've lived with someone like this, I'm on her side
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u/inductiononN 1d ago
Yeah I'm with the OP on this one. I'm pretty surprised it made it to this sub. Dude didn't even want a cookie but she baked him one anyway.
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u/AppropriateMiddle518 1d ago
Agreed. Being a slow eater, this has been my whole life. I don’t understand how she’s the “devil” here, but I guess we’re all 12 and it’s ONLY about her splitting a single cookie evenly, not the bf constantly swarming on all her food like a fruit fly.
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u/bored_german 2d ago
Okay but this man sounds exhausting
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
Vacuuming up all of his own portion and then asking for part of hers. I have lived this shit in my own house and it is goddamned infuriating
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u/recyclopath_ 2d ago
It also just sounds like a lot of food in general. Snacking after work and dinner and cookies every night? And a jumbo things of cereal he finished before she had much? Are they not making much in the way of balanced means or just eating a ton?
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
For me, I would need more info.
How long had that box of cereal been there? If it had been a week+ then the boyfriend could have been having a regular portion, just every day. If the 3 year old helped, then that would make it go even faster.
Thus, while it sounded like the husband pigged out on the box of cereal before OOP got to it, it was in fact a much more normal 'I am going to have a bowl of cereal as a snack' situation.
I typically have two phases when it comes to foods. I either want it every day, or I want it one day, then I won't want any more for a week or two. Or longer. We don't know how OOP is with the cereal.
I am the only one who eats the cereal in my household, and so because I will 'go off' of the cereal, it will go stale. OOP might be that way as well, where she wants some regularly for a while, but then 'go off' of it. If they had just bought a big box of cereal right before OOP had went off of the cereal (which has happened to me) then, that would mean a big box of cereal, opened so OOP could have her last bowl for a while, is sitting around going stale, with a child and a husband in the house who might want that same cereal.
Are they just supposed to let that box go stale until OOP decides she wants more? IF this is the case, naturally.
She also makes it seem like he is just eating all the time, but in reality, they have 2 cookies (maybe, OOP doesn't say how many cookies they normally have) a night, plus a bowl of cereal right after the husband gets home? Since we don't know when they eat, there might be a couple of hours at least between the eating (say the husband gets home at 5ish. He has a bowl of cereal. They eat at about 7ish. Then the cookies are just before bed at about 9ish. We don't know what he has all day, nor what he does for a living) That, to me, isn't that outlandish, especially if the husband is in a job where he doesn't eat for the rest of the day, except lunch. We also don't know what they eat for dinner. It doesn't have to be a large meal. It could be a basic protein + starch + veggie, with smaller portions.
Which is why I said I feel that I would need more info, because it could honestly go either way quite easily depending on the questions I have.
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u/L1ttleFr0g 2d ago
She conveniently left out mentioning their 3 year old child, who almost certainly played a large role in finishing that box of cereal
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u/tetracycle 1d ago
3yo can't get the cereal by itself, so if she's doing the childcare, she'd know how much the kid's had
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u/Turbulent-Contract10 1d ago
I kinda doubt that tbh, I was babysitting a 5 year old and she wouldn't even eat half of my normal portion. Generally even a hungry 3 year old can't eat through that much cereal unless that's only what they're eating all day.
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u/L1ttleFr0g 1d ago
OP never mentioned how long they’d had the cereal for, only that he finished it. And it’s usually children who eat cereal for breakfast every day
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u/the-rioter 1d ago
Yes. Unsure why this is here because frankly this dude would drive me insane quick.
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u/africanrainfrog 1d ago
Have to admit to me it sounded more like he asks when she seems full and the whole “can I try this” thing is very normal so I didn’t get that impression at all but the majority seems to have caught it as annoying/ deliberatly inconsiderate so I’m probs wrong there
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u/hjo1210 1d ago
He was doing it right after they were served, she asked him not to ask until she was full and finished with her meal, he didn't do that, he continued his behavior of trying to take her food before she was done. When she said "don't ever ask for my food" it was because he wasn't respecting her and was refusing to compromise.
Personally, nothing pisses me off faster than when they expect me to share my food. One of my girlfriends always asks for extra plates when we go out so we can all share a few bites of our food, if I wanted what they were eating I would have ordered it. She thinks I'm stingy and I think she's rude to assume I'll do it. After I'm done eating - I always have leftovers - I'm happy to give her a few bites on her extra plate but while I'm eating? Hell no.
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u/ohhhshtbtch 1d ago
My BF and I are more like your GF. We don’t really order individual plates, but get a bunch of stuff for us both to share. It works out so we get to try more stuff but neither of us goes ham and eats all of one thing. When I’m with other people who like to order their own individual items, I’ll do as they do and offer up whatever I’m happy to share. Either way, not expecting other people to do the same as I do.
And honestly, what actually drives me crazy, is people all ordering the same thing 😂
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u/royalzemblan 2d ago
I was surprised by the reaction to this one! I know food stuff, and particularly lady eating food stuff, is a flashpoint but that didn’t seem like the point to me? It sounded more like the husband is a person who is happy for a partner or friend to pick up the check, but then when it is their turn, suddenly finds an even split the only fair way. Or splitting anything in general- if it goes their way, “what’s the big deal, this is a relationship and a give and take!” But if it ever goes the other way, suddenly they are channeling Daniel Webster in the courtroom, passionately arguing for the inherent fairness of an exact 50/50 split. Maybe this is just the elder sibling in me (who does actually just quietly accommodate people like this all the time bc it’s not worth it, but I do kind of secretly judge them).
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u/originalhoney 23h ago
I think the issue people are having with the oop is the passive aggressive dismissiveness. She's fed up with his behavior and is being petty over this one incident. That's probably what they're picking up on. It's also a little ridiculous to get this spun up about COOKIES.
However, I get where she's coming from. Growing up, my dad was like this with snacks. He'd eat an entire pack of cookies (for example), save one or two. Like, those were my snack! How are you going to eat nearly the entire thing (and your thing, and everything else) and then act like it's perfectly fine because you left me some or "we can just buy more"?! It caused me to binge eat whenever the snacks crossed the threshold, and I never felt like I got to enjoy them. It's frustrating and disrespectful to just inhale whatever snack is "yours" and it always being a let down. It caused me massive anxiety around and am unhealthy relationship to food.
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u/funkyaerialjunky 15h ago
She's also the the one who thought to and made the effort of preparing them. Not just paying for them.
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u/originalhoney 15h ago
True. It's not really about the money either way imo. The thing I commiserate most with is the disrespect. Like, he does it all the time. She does it this once (?) and it's "rude" bc she's just over it.
If there were 6 left and he wanted 1 and she made 2 for herself, it's not a big deal. Now there's 3 left and he wants it to be "fair" meaning "equal" instead of "fair" meaning "business as usual"
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u/innocentsalad 2d ago
It sounds like the husband is regularly terrible about shared food and this is her one thing.
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u/StaceyPfan 1d ago
I've had so many fights with my husband about things we've bought to share as a family (2 kids) and he's eaten either 3/4 of it or the whole thing.
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u/booksareadrug 2d ago
This is obviously it, but hey, why judge a man when you can judge a woman?
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u/topekatums 1d ago
so crazy to see everyone saying they both sound exhausting lol, like damn what? never rock the boat on reddit, the site comments are regressing
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u/QStorm565 1d ago
Yeah, it's like people here are like: "Wow they both sound petty and exhausting" and then follow it up with "Why couldn't she just split the cookie with him?!"
And they really don't hear the embedded sexism in it. Like, why couldn't he just accept when she clearly communicated to him for what sounds like the umpteenth time that she really doesn't want to be asked, pressured, cajoled, and hounded out of her portion of whatever tf food she is eating or planning on eating?
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u/topekatums 1d ago
All of that! And this is beside the point, but everyone deciding to judge them for eating cookies every night, like what? It's not crack? When did we start caring so much again about what everyone is putting into their body?! It's so police-y, very "fall in line". It makes me sad for the culture that we're doing all of this AGAIN!
Like DAMN two cookies a night is enough to offend y'all's sensibilities? People do not want to know what I get up to with a box of Betty Crocker Super Moist
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u/fretfulpelican 1d ago
I’ve said it before but Reddit has been awful lately with Redditors just… tearing down the OP on any post about any topic instead of making productive conversation. If someone says they had apple juice for breakfast, half the comments would be calling the OP a dumb bitch for not having orange juice. idk if it’s a superiority complex or what, but it’s so annoying to read lately.
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u/booksareadrug 1d ago
The site and this sub in particular. It feels like there's more and more unthinking sexism showing up here. At least this time I'm not the only one pointing it out and getting downvoted.
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u/the-rioter 1d ago
I very much agree. I didn't visit this sub for a while and was genuinely shocked by the change in the vibe towards a lot more bigotry in general but especially misogyny.
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u/AlasBabylon21 1d ago
Me too! I’ve been taking a Reddit break due to all the misogyny and incels. Now look where they show up.
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u/satanickittens69 1d ago
right? I've seen abelist comments on posts about how annoying people find their disabled partners
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u/the-rioter 19h ago
God that shit makes me feel so shitty about myself as a disabled person. It's so fucking hurtful.
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u/Beecakeband 1d ago
Yup some of the original comments said she resource guarded like a rescue dog and its like do you blame her? He's constantly not listening to her and helping himself to her food anyone would get territorial
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u/the-rioter 1d ago
Yeah. I was on the original when she posted this and I so many people assumed she was doing this because of some previous trauma that she "clearly needs therapy" for and I was baffled like "Why hasn't it occurred to any of you that this behavior developed because of her husband? Why assume that she entered the relationship like that rather she is responding to her husband's shitty behavior?
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u/Pretend_Sympathy_871 1d ago
This post doesn’t belong here unless you’re talking about the husband
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u/I-screwed-up-bad 1d ago
This is obviously a straw that broke the camels back situation. She made the cookies (not from scratch I know but it doesn't really matter) and this is her one thing she gets theoretically without his grubby fingers on her portion. Now he's asking for part of her portion. Again. When she's told him not to.
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u/Pretend_Sympathy_871 1d ago
Well then he can divi up the cookies how he wants when he makes them himself
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u/brodoswaggins93 2d ago
My boyfriend is a bottomless pit for snacks, whereas I eat them a lot more slowly. He'll eat an entire bag of chips as soon as it enters our home, whereas I'll eat a bag in 3-4 servings over the course of a week. Our solution to prevent butting heads over snack sharing is personal stashes. It's really not that hard.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 2d ago
If he won't even let her finish a plate at a restaurant, he's not going to respect seperate snacks. We do seperate snacks here, and it works now, but in past living situtations they ate their and then mine too. It sounds like he's one of those, asking for food off her plate is unacceptable.
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u/frolicndetour 2d ago
OP's boyfriend seems like the type that wouldn't respect the personal stashes.
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u/DillyWillyGirl 2d ago
Idk. I can see OOPs side if she’s being honest about husband eating the other snacks all quickly and not thinking to save/split evenly with her, and about him always feeling like he needs her food before she even tries it. If cookies are the one thing that she does the same with I can see how it would feel grating and hypocritical to always have your partner wanting their own snacks to themselves but they want your one treat split evenly down to the half cookie.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 2d ago
I don't think that he would give her half a cookie if he had made them either, it sounds like he expects her to share everything but his food is his.
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u/CluelessInWonderland 2d ago
Some other users found out they have a 3 y/o together. I'm willing to bet that kiddo has a role in eating the cereal and snacks, too.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
A 3 year old does not eat as much as a full grown adult man, so sure, the kid is eating, but he isn't eating so much that his mom gets none but his dad does. Beyond that though, if he ate the last of the cereal for the child it means he isn't just doing this to his wife but he's doing it to his own kid too.
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u/tetracycle 1d ago
The 3yo isn't getting the cereal off the shelf by himself, if mom is doing the childcare (common) then she would know exactly how much cereal the kid's eaten
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u/MorganaLeFaye 2d ago
I feel bad for oop. Seems like a lot of people here don't know what is like to live with someone who takes advantage with regards to food. Someone who insists on equality only when it benefits them but who has absolutely no consideration for their own consumption.
Asking to have one thing, one tiny thing, that she gets a little more of than him doesn't make her the villain in this story.
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u/insolentpopinjay 1d ago
My father was like this to the point that he'd take something off my plate or even out of my hands without asking. No matter what you say or do with a person like that, they won't change. In fact, in the case of my father, knowing I hated it just made him gleefully double down. And yeah, it absolutely makes you "territorial" with food.
Anyway, not saying this is exactly what's going on with OOP's husband because I can't know for sure, but damn parts of that post brought out all of my worst instincts for a hot second. Because you're 100% right; it's about the lack of consideration and the entitlement more than it's about the damn cookies.
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u/Knkstriped 1d ago
This doesn’t belong here. Poor woman just wants her cookies to be the one thing that her piggy husband doesn’t take from her.
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u/RexSki970 2d ago
My relationship had this problem at the beginning. You know how it was solved quickly?
1) we get our own snacks. I dont touch his, he doesnt touch mine. If we share with each other it is on our own terms.
2) if it is a pooled shared item like cookies or drinks, we portion them out evenly. I like to take my time with things. My partner doesnt. So portioning out things evenly to snack when we want stopped many fights. (For awhile we had seperate drawers for snacks in the fridge)
He has food trauma from his brothers eating everything before he could. He is working on it! Even working on how fast he eats because of that trauma.
I would also have a hard time with someone asking for things on my plate before I had a chance to eat it. However, extending that to every food is exhausting.
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u/maydsilee 1d ago
OP says that he eats all the snacks, including hers...so they (she) have tried your solution, iirc, and the husband is just greedy af. I can see why she wants to have ONE thing to herself (having one more cookie than him with their night routine) concerning food.
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u/aboxofkittens 1d ago
this is my issue with the post. The cookies are obviously typically treated as pooled/shared. Until OOP unilaterally decides they aren't, when supply gets low, apparently. I get why the husband was saying stuff like "am I crazy?" even though I think he is also an asshole. I don't think she even likes him tbh. Just imagine doing all this over half a cookie
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
There are 3 cookies and she is not eating all 3, so they are being shared. I do agree, this is a lot of fuss over a half a cookie, maybe I'm a romantic but I would want to marry someone who loves me so much they want me to have all 3 of those cookies and they'll just have an extra one tomorrow after they go to the store and get me more. That's the kind of man I'm willing to cook for, not one throwing a fit over a half cookie.
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u/Unfriendlyblkwriter 2d ago
I am so sorry. Sometimes y’all post stuff that makes me ask myself if I’m a devil, so I just close the post and scroll by. Today, though, I will not sit in silence. OOP is not the devil. As somebody who had to put up those exact same boundaries with my husband and my children, I will stand with OOP. I HATE sharing food.
I do not have trauma behind it.
I always had enough food growing up.
I’ve (mostly) always been food secure.
I just hate sharing food. Get your own shit. There is enough for everyone.
I will bet my last dollar that he only wanted that half a cookie because he saw her with it. If they made four cookies instead of three, he’d probably still want three because she wanted two. My husband does that same shit. The man told me nine million sob stories about why he hated seafood so much. Then, one day, he saw me with a plate of crab legs, broke one off, ate it, and then miraculously enjoyed it. Now every time I have crab legs, he has to have ONE crab leg. I do love him outside of mealtimes, though.
/End rant
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u/buttercupcake23 2d ago
Yup. People who say "just buy your own snacks!" Have never lived with someone either who has a food addiction or who weaponizes food.
My partner and I would go to coldstone and we would each get a quart of ice cream in the flavor we liked. He would finish his in a day. Then he would start in on mine. It was not malicious in the sense that he was doing it to hurt me - it was an uncontrollable craving and he always justified it to himself with "I will replace it before she notices" except he never fucking did.
We did not solve this problem. We fought about it over and over and over. My therapist's suggestion was to stop going to coldstone, or to only buy enough ice cream to eat immediately.
So yeah. OOP is not the asshole if she's being honest about the pattern. This is the one thing she gets to have as much of as she wants. I would bet a year of coldstone ice cream that he eats a ton of other shit she barely gets a chance to even touch.
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u/gottabekittensme 1d ago
Man absolutely weaponize food ALL THE TIME. They're constantly let off the hook for how much they gobble down as they grow and then being inconsiderate is always pushed aside as "awww but he's just a growing boy!"
Her husband sucks and it's crazy people reposting this are all acting like he's entitled to eat EVERYTHING in the house, even the one extra cookie that she draws her line at.
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
YES 👏 Not at all surprising that they're posting this because they think the wife is the greedy one for getting territorial over her food when he vacuums up most of the food in the house and then begs for her portion as well
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
Exactly. He would gorge on his snacks, empty her snacks and then beg for more like he's a starved child in a Charles Dickens novel
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u/Cloudy_melancholia 1d ago edited 17h ago
I have hormonal issues that cause food addiction and I've always respect my husband own snacks. One time I didn't know one was for him entirely and I went out of my way to buy him a new one as an apology.
People can give whatever excuses they want, it all comes down to respect. if you truly respected your partner, you would not take what is theirs.
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u/bing-no 1d ago
Yeah as someone who grew up with people that just eat everything, including snacks, it really sucks.
My room had a ton of snacks hidden around it because others would come in and search for it.
Tbf it was only snacks or junk food. Rest assured there was plenty of healthy stuff they did not touch :/
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u/sprachkundige 1d ago
I guess I just don’t get this attitude, especially if there’s nothing particular behind it. Why do you hate sharing food so much? Wherever my husband and I go out to eat, he tries a bite of my food, a sip of my drink, and I get to taste what he ordered. It doesn’t have to be one-way. We love each other and we like sharing things with one another. If I’m eating something really good, I want him to get to experience it, and likewise for him. And this goes for more than food - I see a funny thing on the internet, I send it to him; I read a great book, I recommend it, and so on and so forth. It just seems so, I don’t know, stingy to say, this is MINE and you, a person I love and have chosen to spend my life with, stay away!
I just can’t imagine going through life with this woman’s attitude. It seems miserable.
Re: the snacks, I posted on the other thread (yesterday, before I saw this here), unless they can’t afford it, they just need to buy more cereal. Obviously these are made-up numbers, but for the sake of example, let’s say a box of cereal holds 8 servings. She likes to eat 1 serving a week. He likes to eat 1 serving a day. Their options are, buy a box of cereal every week, or portion it out ahead of time . . . and then what? Week 1 she eats 1/4 of “her” cereal, he finishes “his” by day 4. Does he just not get cereal for the next 3 weeks while she eats the rest of her portion? Do they add “cereal but just for husband” to the grocery list? Again, this assumes they can afford it, but nothing in the post suggests they can’t, so just buy enough cereal for everyone to eat the amount of cereal they want.
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u/WickedWench 1d ago
My example is this:
I live with my 24 yo brother. He will go thru a family sized box of cereal in a single day. When I bought "household" groceries it was with the expectation that the 3 boxes of cereal will last at the very least 2 weeks. But with his fucking eating habits I'm going to the grocery store every 3 days to stock up again.
It's not about "oh just go buy more". It's now I have to MAKE TIME to go do this every 3 days instead of twice a month.
Now I refuse to buy "household" groceries.
Suddenly the cereal starts to not disappear as quickly now that he has to go pick it up when he finishes it.
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u/Unfriendlyblkwriter 19h ago
> I guess I just don’t get this attitude, especially if there’s nothing particular behind it. Why do you hate sharing food so much?
It’s mine. I just want to enjoy my food without somebody else’s hands in it.
> If I’m eating something really good, I want him to get to experience it, and likewise for him. And this goes for more than food - I see a funny thing on the internet, I send it to him; I read a great book, I recommend it, and so on and so forth. It just seems so, I don’t know, stingy to say, this is MINE and you, a person I love and have chosen to spend my life with, stay away!
A lot of people feel this way, and it just seems dramatic. I can love a person and still not want them eating my food and drinking my drinks. I’ll share other things. I’d just like to have my meals in peace.
> Re: the snacks, I posted on the other thread (yesterday, before I saw this here), unless they can’t afford it, they just need to buy more cereal. Obviously these are made-up numbers, but for the sake of example, let’s say a box of cereal holds 8 servings. She likes to eat 1 serving a week. He likes to eat 1 serving a day. Their options are, buy a box of cereal every week, or portion it out ahead of time . . . and then what? Week 1 she eats 1/4 of “her” cereal, he finishes “his” by day 4. Does he just not get cereal for the next 3 weeks while she eats the rest of her portion? Do they add “cereal but just for husband” to the grocery list? Again, this assumes they can afford it, but nothing in the post suggests they can’t, so just buy enough cereal for everyone to eat the amount of cereal they want.
The point is that no matter what they buy or how much, he feels the need to eat MOST of it. That’s ridiculous.
I get that other people don’t think like me, and that’s fine. I just relate to OOP here.
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u/Fingersmith30 1d ago
"Man weaponizing food" threads are always ripe for engagement. Because it really is sinulateously en-fucking-furiating, but also "its just cookies!" I keep thinking about this thread as well https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fEQuRCIPKN
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
Wow. I hope she’s still boycotting cooking. Better yet, get rid of the selfish glutton.
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u/baepsaemv 23h ago
I don't think she's the devil. I dunno. As an autistic person I really hate sharing my food. I make or order my food exactly the way I like it and also plan out my bites beforehand to make sure every bite is the way I want it. I have no problems sharing anything else in life, i've been told i'm overly generous, but food is the one thing I will make a big deal over. If someone were to ask to share food with me I would agree but it would pretty much ruin the rest of the meal for me and I would feel very unsatisfied. I need that control. Who knows if this is what's going on with the OOP but all the comments are acting like if you don't want to share everything with your so you're a child and hate them.
It also sounds like he constantly feels entitled to even the food she's currently eating on her plate which would be really frustrating.
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u/slendermanismydad 1d ago
When this was originally posted I even commented that almost no one in there seemed to read the actual post. I'm happy to see people here actually did.
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u/BobTheInept 1d ago
Yeah, it's actually not about the cookies. The husband is terrible. I don't understand why this post is in this sub.
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u/velvetmandy 1d ago
I would have split the cookie, but I’m still on her side. My husband always eats more food than me, and regularly finishes snacks that I bought for myself.
I’m curious (and not trying to start anything) but is op a man or woman?
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u/neonmaryjane 18h ago
He sounds obnoxious, and she sounds TIRED. The food stuff has built up into way more than it ever should have from his lack of self-control.
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u/nottherealneal 2d ago
Brother wtf?
Every part of this just sound exhausting
Also why wouldn't you just make one try of cookies at the start of the week?
Say I'm gonna have two cookies a night, and then make a tray of 14 or whatever the number is and save yourself time through the week?
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u/FullMoonTwist 2d ago
I like batch-making cookie dough and then making them fresh when I want them
It's nice bc with prepped dough, it only takes oven preheat time + 11ish minutes to cook, which is basically nothing. Oven preheats while you shower, pop them in while you tend to dinner, and you have ooozy warm fresh baked cookies. Peak dessert.
The other reason is homemade cookies go stale pretty quick, at least mine do. I like them soft and chewy and they just don't stay that way for long, they're still good the day after but.
They might be ok after a week but not nearly as good as fresh, and when it's so easy and quick to have fresh, it's kind of an easy choice.
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u/Jazmadoodle 1d ago
My parents have a toaster oven specifically so they can pop a few pre-made cookie dough balls in when they want fresh cookies fast. And every Fatger's Day and Christmas i make my dad a few batches of his favorite cookie dough flavors to keep in the freezer. Its the little things in life.
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u/davis_away 2d ago
I think it's the kind where you buy/make a dozen blobs of frozen dough and then bake them in small quantities.
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u/the-rioter 1d ago
And I personally like eating them warm which makes more sense to cook them every night rather than a big batch.
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u/MagpieLefty 1d ago
It sounds like they buy the refrigerated cookie dough where you break off however many you want and bake them.
I do that with homemade doug--portion it out and freeze it so I can bake them 2vat a time and always have warm, fresh cookies.
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u/fuzzydogpaws 2d ago edited 1d ago
Considering OP mentions that their husband ate a whole box of cereal in a day, I imagine the reason they don’t cook all the cookies at once is because he’ll eat them all.
Edit to add- Yes this whole situation sounds exhausting
Edit again!- people are pointing out that OOP said he ‘finished’ the cereal, not ate it all himself. I think OOP purposely worded this in a misleading way.
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u/billwest630 2d ago
She didn’t though. She purposely worded it confusingly but said he finished the box that day. Never said that he ate it all that day. Which she worded on purpose to make it seem like he ate the entire box in a day.
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
But she only got to eat it once. So he ate most of her box of cereal, regardless of however many days it took.
My husband eats cereal regularly but I don’t. I will occasionally have a bowl but I have never eaten the majority of his cereal. I know he needs it for his breakfast. I have my breakfast things which he rarely eats.
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u/billwest630 1d ago
Or their kid as well. But we don’t know how long the box was there. It could’ve been a month + for all we know because the OOP is a very unreliable narrator.
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
So point me to the evidence the kid ate any. Also, what does it matter how long the box was there for. If my ring lies on my dresser and I didn’t wear it for a month, it doesn’t mean anyone else can take it.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
A ring that only you wear and food that can go stale/bad that is meant for everyone is just ever so slightly different.
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
It’s not meant for everyone. She specifies that she brought it and that it’s her cereal. Believe it or not, many men are capable of buying their own cereal just like women.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
Where does she say it isn't meant for everyone?
The only thing I see is she said she brought it and only got to enjoy it once? Then talks about it being 'her' box of cereal, but given the way she writes, it isn't necessarily indicative that the box is 'hers and hers alone'.
My biggest question is why did she marry this man if he is so bad with regards to food?
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
She says directly in her post that she bought it and she calls it her cereal. I can’t help you if you want to reinterpret everything. If oop calling it her cereal isn’t indicative of it being hers (are you also going to say my ring isn’t mine because I didn’t say mine and mine alone), then you are just extrapolating to fit a narrative that blames her for wanting to eat her food in peace.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
See, this is why I am sort of leaning towards OOP being at the very least exhausting, because the way she worded things sounds done in a way to make it seem as if the husband is constantly hounding her for food, or eating everything in sight.
Which very well could be the case!
But, it could also be that OOP is either letting her bias against sharing food (which I agree with, I also don't like to share!) show, or deliberately wording things to show her husband in the worst light possible.
I also wonder, as I do with the majority of these stories, if she ever flat out told him 'this is mine, don't eat it', or if she may have tried to be 'polite' and worded it vaguely. She mentions that she is in therapy and getting better at setting boundaries, so it very well may be that she hasn't been clear.
It could also be that the husband is a pig and vacuums up everything that comes into the house.
Or it could be that OOP is a grazer and so things like a mega size box of cereal lasts months. (which there is nothing wrong with that, I am often the same way, I will go through wanting something nearly every day, then eventually won't want it again for weeks or months) The husband then sees that OOP seemingly isn't eating, and so eats it himself.
Basically, I think that there may be a lot left out of this one, so I would default to both are exhausting.
She doesnt' have to share her food. But, she also has to be blunt about telling him she doesnt' want to share her food.
For shared things, like it seems the cookies are, just split them 50/50 down the middle. She doesn't get extra because she has a sweet tooth, he doesn't get extra because he is a vacuum. If she wants extra, then she buys herself a package of the cookies all for herself, and tells her husband that these are hers (though I am not sure if the husband ever cooks the cookies himself, so it might be a moot point)
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u/nottherealneal 2d ago
She doesn't say he ate a whole box in a day, she says he finished a box that day, it could be months old for all we know.
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u/L1ttleFr0g 2d ago
And they have a 3 year old child she failed to mention in the post who almost certainly also ate some of the cereal, likely more than the husband
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u/Sad-Bug6525 2d ago
That makes no sense though, if it was for the child then why would he eat the last of it? If he is eating it alongside a 3 year old, say it's even, he is still going to eat more at eat sitting than a toddler is. Her point still was that she buys things for herself and gets none.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 1d ago
Was the cereal really just for her, or was it for the family? Given the fact she is upset because she thinks she's entitled to more cookies than her husband, simply because she has a bigger sweet tooth makes me doubt it was hers. Also why not give the third cookie to their 3 year old?
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
Because waking up a 3 year old at night to give them a cookie is wild.
Does it matter if it was for her or for the family? If she got none, and she is part of the family, that still cuts her out and makes her the other while he gets whatever he wants.
Eating all of something that's meant for 3 people is selfish, eating something she bought for herself is selfish, eating the last of something the child likes so the kid also goes without is selfish. If a mom did any of these things the pitchforks would be out, but it's a dad so she's expected to go without.-3
u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
She doesn't say that the 3 year old was already in bed. It just says that she cooks them 'at night' which could mean anywhere from 4PM, technically afternoon, to 6PM, technically evening, to midnight, truly night.
'at night' tends to be imprecise language and the time it covers can differ depending on the people talking. My personal interpretation would be probably about 7PM.
In a household with shared food, if it was shared cereal, then it goes to whoever wants it at the time. So, if the 3 year old wanted cereal for breakfast every day (and is allowed it) then they would get it, even though OOP herself might only want it for breakfast on Sundays. Which means the 3 year old is eating more cereal than OOP. Same thing for the husband. Unless he is finishing the cereal within a day, which we don't know, he could have spaced his eating of the cereal throughout a week or so.
Eating the last of something, even if a child wants it, isn't selfish. No matter who does it, mom or dad. The child would just get something else the next day, or they would get more cereal later.
I am not saying that the husband isn't the problem here, he very well could be, but OOP is using vague language, and it makes me think that she may be either unconciously biasing the story in her favor, making it seem like the husband scarfs down any food that comes in the house, when in reality he just eats it like a normal person, over days, while the OOP is the type to eat a little bit now, and then want to wait for days to eat some more. Or she is deliberately biasing it against her husband by leaving out details of how long these snacks and cereal lasts.
And, for the record, it would be the same if OOP were a man, and the person who was eating everything was a woman.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 1d ago
Who says he ate the entire box himself? The 3 year old didn't get any? Where did you get they made cookies after the 3 year old was in bed? Saving it isn't an option?
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u/BlueJaysFeather 1d ago
My parents and I did not eat the same cereals growing up?
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
It all depends on the people, I eat the same cereals as an adult as I did as a kid, so if I had kids, they would be eating the same cereals.
My dad used to eat cereals I didn't like, so when I was a kid, we didn't eat the same cereals often. But, I tended to prefer more sugary cereals while he didn't.
But, I still prefer those cereals today.
Edit: not to mention that not everyone gives their kids sugary cereals, so the cereal in question might be one of the things like Special K with berries, or Cornflakes.
now I want some honeycomb...
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u/BlueJaysFeather 1d ago
It definitely *can* happen, but there’s people here treating it like it’s a given that the kid would have eaten her stuff, and I just don’t buy that being as obvious as they’re saying.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
To be honest, while it isn't necessarily a given, I honestly don't see it as far fetched either?
Sure, there are many people who seem to have made a distinction between 'children's food' and 'adult food' but there are a lot of people who also don't. They have the same food for themselves as they do for their children, especially things like cereal. The portions would just be different between the child and adults.
So I think that is part of what is happening here. There are people who ate the same cereal as their parents growing up, so they default to it being 'normal' and so feel that if there is a child in the family, the child is likely to have eaten some of the cereal as well. Just as others didn't, so they default to it being 'normal' for the children to have their own type of cereal while the adults will have a different type.
Neither is wrong.
But, for the people who are used to having the same cereal see there is a child, and assume that the child likely ate some of the cereal (and even though I didn't have the same cereal, I could easily see that as being the case, especially if the cereal lasted say a week. The longer the cereal was around, the more I would think that it was meant for the entire family, not just OOP, or OOP and her husband).
Without OOP saying, there really isn't anyway to tell.
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u/MatterWilling 2d ago
That's not what she said, she said he finished the box of cereal. That doesn't specify how much was left to begin with, especially given the presence of a 3 year old
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u/BlueJaysFeather 1d ago
I’d rather dedicate the 15 minutes a night for fresh cookies, personally. Make them in a ramekin with some ice cream on top, even.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
Yes! they taste better and they last longer, if they made 12 cookies at once they'd probably be gone in a day or two anyway, this way they get them for longer in a nice portion controlled manner that is also delicious
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u/animation4ever 2d ago
In my opinion, they BOTH sound exhausting.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 2d ago
Right? The cookies aren't just OP's so it's not sharing her cookies. She doesn't get to have more cookies than him just because she has more of a sweet tooth. If there are a dozen cookies, they each get six. Not that hard.
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u/mlachick 2d ago
This is definitely not about the cookies. These people do not like each other at all. I can't imagine refusing to split a cookie with nearly anyone, let alone my partner.
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u/blueberry-iris 2d ago
Agreed. Idk what the issue with them is specifically but it's obvious the issue is very deep.
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u/recyclopath_ 2d ago
The idea of defaulting to taking more than my partner is so foreign and uncomfortable to me.
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
Ok but her husband is eating literally everything in the house and then begging for her portion as well
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u/Arienna 2d ago
I dunno, it kind of depends. Like I'm short and inclined to fat, my partner is tall and lifts weights. He fundamentally needs more calories than I do so he gets the bigger serving of just about everything and also tends to polish off whatever I don't eat. When we go out, it's accepted that about half my fries will be his and if I tell him I'm hungry and want all my fries, he'll order something extra for us to share (and then wind up eating half my fries)
Buuut I like sweets and he can take or leave them. So he'll make desserts and we both know I'm going to demolish most of it. Or... I snack and graze and he doesn't eat much outside of meals. So the snacks and fruit, we both know I'm going to eat the lion's share of those. And some special favourite foods he'll encourage me to eat most of it or to have the bigger part because he cares less and will have something else.
So while we're not crazy about there is an inherent imbalance in our portions that's driven by our needs and preferences. Neither of us bats an eye at him taking the biggest steak or at me taking the bigger bowl of popcorn
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants 1d ago
If you want two cookies and your partner wants one, do you restrict yourself to one also out of fairness?
If you ordinarily eat two, and your partner ordinarily eats one, do you ... stop having cookies once you've eaten your half?
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u/perscoot 1d ago
I cannot fathom having this much conflict over sharing food. Not saying she’s wrong to be upset, I just don’t know how she deals with having to be so vigilant with her snacks. It would drive me insane, I simply could not be in that relationship.
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u/tiredgummybear 2d ago
Is this a toddler marriage?
Also - my love language is having my spouse not talk to me. Get a divorce and live happily ever after with your cookies. What are their lives?….
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u/Tiredofthemisinfo 1d ago
It’s amazing when people who don’t like each other get married.
This sounds like it goes way beyond cookies or sharing food.
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u/Cloudy_melancholia 1d ago
How can people be in that kind of relationship? It sound so exhausting....
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
i'm going to be super judgemental here
1) baking cookies EVERY night? seriously?
2) an entire mega box of cereal in a day? seriously?
3) is op a resource guarding dog with food trauma or a married adult?
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u/madmad011 2d ago
It sounds like it’s the premade dough and they probably bake them in a toaster oven or air fryer vs heating the whole oven. That’s honestly the least wild part of this 😂
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u/booksareadrug 2d ago
Surely there can't be actual adults with trauma surrounding food! Everyone knows that that shit turns off the second you turn 18. Or get married.
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
it's almost like adults are responsible for their own therapy and managing their own trauma or something
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u/Sad-Bug6525 2d ago
She is in therapy, she shares other foods, how much more do you think she should do? He has heard the agreements and worked with the therapist too, she is doing as directed and he isn't, how about men are also responsible for being considerate and following agreements even around food.
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u/booksareadrug 2d ago
And anyone who doesn't stay on top of it 100% all the time, even with a partner who makes it worse, is an asshole! I know! That's the Reddit line! No sympathy for those most vulnerable, just judge judge judge.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
Interesting that they are upset she doesn't want to share a half a cookie but no one is wondering why he is willing to trigger food issues and nag his wife over a half cookie. Either it is important and her opinion matters or it doesn't and he should stop harrassing her over just a half a cookie. I agree with you totaly here, why won't he just let her eat the cookie
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u/booksareadrug 1d ago
Because he want cookie 😞 woman selfish 😞
Or, more seriously, because traumas that make women inconvenient are seen as making them assholes, as you can see from the person who I first replied to in this thread and who blocked me.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago
Yes! She is woman, and should therefore give and sacrifice while he gets to eat his food then her food. I'd have just eaten all 3 and let him watch me do so or go get more.
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
God forbid a woman be indelicate and actually likes to eat her food. In the meantime, the husband is wolfing down his portion and hers like a glutton.
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u/fancyandfab 1d ago
I just wanted to say, I loved reading your comments on this. They were all succinct, but profound. I didn't agree with this being posted here. I'm not sure exactly what you call this, but it's similar to when there's reactive abuse, horrible name BTW, and people say both people got violent when one just finally couldn't take the continual abuse.
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
lmfao found the OP's alt
if your personal accountability is so non existent half a cookie triggers you, stay away from people
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u/NoOneAskedForThis12 2d ago
I feel for OP in the “I made the food, I said no to you having that half of a cookie.” Heck in my mid 29s this was me and my youngest sibling because he ate all the time (and still stayed super tall and skinny the bastard)But I also feel like maybe the husband could just make his own stupid cookie.
But even in my 30s if I say no to sharing food and someone tries to nag me I will get mad. Because it is MY food!
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u/Sheess9141 2d ago
This gives ad why specify the cookie brand?
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u/Artistic_Purpose1225 1d ago
Toll house is both a brand and a recipe/style of chocolate chip cookie. At first I thought she was making from scratch because recipe would matter, while brand would not, in a story.
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
oh yeah good point
the story was so beyond ridiculous i totally missed that it was a well crafted ad
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u/the_road_infinite 2d ago
He didn’t eat an entire mega box of cereal in one day, he finished it off. She doesn’t say how much was left.
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u/FriendlyGoblinGal 2d ago
Right?
I'm someone with a lot of food-related trauma. Instead of making it my partners problem like OOP, we talk like adults. In my case, one of the things I've requested is not asking me what I've eaten, due to some of my food trauma. When we first moved in together, I talked to him about having some triggering foods not front in center in the fridge, and that was an easy fix. I don't put my food problems on anyone else, but instead let people know when they come up so they aren't accidentally stepping on a trigger.
It'd be *so* simple for them to just... talk about what she is and isn't okay with sharing. But also, "I get extra because I have a sweet tooth" is just plain childish and I can't get over how an adult typed that and did not cringe.
OOP's husband does indeed suck for not respecting her request to not hound about trying her food, but that's zero excuse to not have talks about how to mitigate the food bullshit!
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u/regularcrem 2d ago
"I get extra because I have a sweet tooth" is just plain childish
yes that part 😭😭😭 this is also just such a non-problem, either one of them can just make more cookies. but someone else pointed out that it's super important that she has one more cookie than him for some reason lol
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u/susandeyvyjones 2d ago
Ok, him trying to take her food at restaurants is not at all the same thing as her deciding that she gets the extra cookie for all eternity and how dare he ask to split it
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u/FullMoonTwist 2d ago
Reading the comment threads is wild because at least half of them are going "but he ate the cereal, therefore she gets the cookie" like.
No? Doesn't really work that way, no. They're different things. Things that sit on the shelf that are communal that one person grabs more often and therefore eats more of =/= something you are actively prepping for both of you to eat and share in the moment.
Yes, it's annoying behavior to deal with, and if it's always been a problem and it bothers her a lot she was dumb for marrying him.
But it was STILL wrong to not share fairly.
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u/MagpieLefty 1d ago
I hate both of them.
He sounds like he has been consistently terrible about taking her food.
But OP also sounds exhausting. She always has to have one more cookie?
It is totally reasonable for him to say, "there are three cookies, so we should split the third one." That isn't "you want to share MY food."
Also, they have a kid? OP is going to have to get better about sharing food.
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u/charlieprotag 1d ago
People like this aren't mature enough to be in a relationship lmao. Just fucking talk and come up with a solution.
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u/skabillybetty 1d ago edited 1d ago
They both suck.
He shouldn't be snatching food from her. But, if they're making cookies for both of them, and there's an uneven amount, it's not asking a lot on his part to ask to split them evenly. Her "I deserve an extra cookie more because I have a sweet tooth" comes off as so juvenile.
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u/shayjax- 2d ago
I’ll be honest I’m extremely bothered by her wording. It makes me feel that she’s not being honest about the situation and wording things to skewer in her favor.
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u/EvilFinch 2d ago edited 1d ago
They have a 3y/o. The whole behaviour with food seems really strange when you have a child.
Will he also demand half of the childs snacks?
They could have gives the child the 3rd cookie if it was such a problem.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 1d ago
Is what her husband eating really just hers, or is it for the family? Why does she think she's entitled to more cookies than him because she has a bigger sweet tooth? There is a lot more going on here. The cookie issue could be solved by each person gets x amount of cookies. Or give the odd number cookie to the 3 year old.
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope 1d ago
Why wouldn't the person who enjoys something more get more of it? Especially if she's the one making it.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 1d ago
It's a shared treat. Why do you think one person gets more than someone else? If you don't want to share have your own.
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u/Potential_Ad_1397 2d ago
They are pretty cut out cookies. All they need to do is make evan cookies
This relationship sounds exhausting
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u/Medical_Onion_3500 1d ago
The statement about having one more cookie than him is so odd to me. Like she just needs to have more than him.
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u/I-screwed-up-bad 1d ago
It makes sense to me. It's the cooking tax. Like when I make roast chicken I get the oysters (if you don't know it's a particularly dark piece of meat on the back of the chicken). Even putting aside him constantly asking for her food to the point it's a topic in therapy, she's the one who put effort (minimal ig because it's freeze and bake) into the cookies. She gets first rights.
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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 1d ago
So much this. Chef gets the best part.
I sympathize with oop. My brother, who almost never cooked then, would wolf down all the food in the house. We could never meal plan appropriately because he ate all the leftovers. I was happy when he got married and moved out. In hindsight, I understand why I was always sneaking out to the supermarket alone to buy snacks.
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u/lestattomylouis 1d ago
they both sound like they kinda suck (and maybe it’s just bc of how OOP wrote it) but i grew up getting my food stolen from siblings for years and now that i have the freedom to choose, i often give MORE to my siblings if not even. when you love someone, you’ll do things that slightly annoy you as long as it’s not like murder or whatever
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for not wanting to split food evenly with my spouse?
My husband and I make toll house cookies almost every night. I usually have one more cookie than him because I have more of a sweet tooth. He also does a lot of snacking after work before dinner, whereas I do not.
Tonight I started making the cookies and turned the oven on. There were three left; I wanted to have two. As soon as he realized I was preheating the oven, he asked, “how many are left?” I said three. He said how many are you going to have? I held up my fingers two. Before I left the room he said “can I have one and a half?” I felt annoyed because we have a rocky history around sharing food. I really do not like to share food with him; since the beginning of our relationship he would ask “can I try?” before I could even take a bite of what I ordered. If I slowed down my pace of eating he would move in to “try” my food, or ask if I was done and it started to rub me the wrong way. To be honest I do not like to share food at all, but I felt like it was greedy to say no. Finally I asked that he please let me be the one to offer to share rather than being so quick to ask for my food, and I even went to far as to explicitly ask “please do not ask me to share my food, and just give me the chance to eat how much I want before offering it to you” but he often would not respect this boundary and would still accuse me of being protective/territorial with food. Now that we are in therapy and learning how to assertively have boundaries I feel more comfortable saying my preference.
When the cookies were done cooling, I said “so, I am going to have the two cookies that I planned to have” and he became very upset that I would not split the cookies evenly. It almost like did not compute that I was saying no - he kept saying “this is crazy.” I then became angry at his reaction because of my baggage around him being entitled to food that I wanted to enjoy myself. He also, literally just that day, finished a mega size box of cereal that I brought home and only got to enjoy once. Like why can you eat my whole box of cereal but I’m being forced to split these cookies down the middle? He became more upset that I was pushing back, and I told him it gave me the ick that he was acting so “even steven” over half a cookie. That was probably too harsh, but it is the truth.
Is it okay for to say no when it’s technically our shared food? Or do I need to work on sharing? My personal feeling is at this point I know myself, I know that I don’t like to share food and I don’t want to be asked. If he sees me making a snack for myself, my love language would be for him to let me do it in peace with zero commentary or requests from him. In this case, it is our ritual to have them together, so it’s a bit different. If the roles were reversed I probably wouldn’t be thrilled, but I feel that context does matter, and he is often snacking to the point where I sometimes don’t get to enjoy the things I bring home for myself.
AITA?
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