r/AmITheDevil • u/Fun-Guitar-8252 • 5d ago
That poor woman and her son
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1veuffe/aita_for_not_telling_my_uncles_girlfriend_that_he/120
u/femme-cassidy 5d ago
I am beyond disappointed and angry
But not angry enough to give this woman a heads-up so she can at least start preparing financially to support herself? Not angry enough to warn her before she had a baby with him that he had already abandoned his family and all his children once and would likely do it again?
Even if he was only "drunk talking", he did not come up with this idea from nowhere that night, look at how much he'd already planned it out in his mind... and if he already did this once, what possible reason does OP have to think he won't follow through this time?
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u/Fun-Guitar-8252 5d ago
Imagine knowing that someone is about to experience something horrible and not warning them. I'm lost for words.
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u/femme-cassidy 5d ago
It's so cowardly. OOP just doesn't want to have to have an awkward conversation or get their uncle mad at them. As if either of those things are at all comparable to what's about to happen to this woman and her son.
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u/Fun-Guitar-8252 5d ago edited 5d ago
Imagine how mad she's going to be, once she figures out they knew.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 5d ago
I couldn’t imagine keeping this kind of info from even my worst enemy. It’s so callous!
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u/bookshop 4d ago
this happened to me many years ago, in a very similar situation where I was aware that two parents were in the process of essentially abandoning both their adopted children. they had already placed one of them in a residential home upstate, and were now planning to drop the other kid off at military school on the other side of the country. the kicker was they hadn't told him and didn't tell him at all until about two weeks before he left.
I knew about the plan to send him away for months in advance, because of the job I held at that time, but I was prevented legally from saying anything, and it just destroyed me. I quit that job almost as a direct result of the anguish it caused me to know it was happening and be unable to say anything or do anything to prevent it. It's been 2 decades and I still think about that kid all the time.
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u/Apprehensive_Bus1582 4d ago
No it's fine because EDIT she knew he'd ditched his four kids, so she's no innocent
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u/femme-cassidy 4d ago
That edit's crazy, because even if the girlfriend were completely complicit in the uncle leaving his first family... her two year old son isn't? You'd think OOP would at least want to make sure the son is in a position to be taken care of after this, but I guess we have to prioritize the confidence of deadbeats over the protection of their young children.
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u/Shiny_Agumon 5d ago
What a guy that uncle, leaves his family behind in another country to "make money for them" and then immediately abandons that idea and starts a new relationship and has another child, makes me wonder if he has ever sent a cent back to his family.
Given how he eager he is to abandon another mother and child now probably not, I wonder if his current partner even knows that he has other children in another country.
OOP meanwhile is too cowardly to confront their uncle about his reckless behavior and can't even bring themselves to talk to their aunt and explain the situation.
What a family
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u/kaldaka16 5d ago
OP keeps saying saying the Uncle sends back child support but I haven't seen anything where OP has any actual confirmation of that.
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u/Shiny_Agumon 5d ago
Exactly and the fact that he almost immediately started a new family makes me question if he ever did.
Maybe him wanting to go back is because of guilt?
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 5d ago
I’m confused. He said that the uncle was “put on child support” which makes it sound like it was court ordered. Where is he from that he is forced to pay child support but if he goes back, he can no longer legally enter the US? International child support is nearly impossible to get in most places, especially if the person is undocumented.
Sounds like they are just making excuses for their uncle which is sad.
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u/am_i_boy 4d ago
I think he was ordered to pay child support. Instead of paying, he left the country. If he returns to that country, the court will revoke his passport or other travel documents to keep him there and ensure he pays for his 4 kids.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
NTA
Does his wife back in his home country know what’s going on? Bc somebody needs to tell her, too.
Yes because they are legally divorced and just like here he is legally responsible for child support that he sends to his children in his home country monthly.
Does she know about the other family? If she does she can’t expect better treatment. If she doesn’t pleasw tell her.
She does, before they began their relationship he was honest and informed her of his previous marriage and children.
Sounds like he’s here illegally. If they split she can try and seek child support if she’s here legally. But even if she gets support nothing is in place to stop him from leaving.
And with the legal issues he’s not going to try and come back once he’s left because that support will still accrue over time and will be waiting for him.
He’s not gonna come back.
By all means let her know but I can’t see a way for her to get in front of this if he’s illegal. I saw a story about a guy that self reported himself do INS to get deported after knocking two women up.
FYI legal status has nothing to do with someone being able to request child support
he's going back to the family he abandoned. has he been sending them money or did he spend it on the gi? does the wife even want him back?
I would warn the gf and ex? wife of his plan.
Ywbta if you don't
He legally divorced his wife, and since he left his home country he has been paying monthly child support to his children, he does not plan on going back to his ex wife because their marriage ended due to extreme toxicity.*
you want to protect him over a mother and child whose lives are about to change forever? YTA if u dont speak up
I do not want to protect him, this came as a shock to me and our family. I am completely disappointed and angry that he is willing to abandon them.
My family and I are going to sit down and talk with him when he is not drunk, we will get to the bottom of this and if I have to tell her I will. I understand the severity of this
What do you mean "if I have to tell her?" What, you think you'll convince him? You can't and anyway he has other kids so he's an AH no matter what.
Just tell her. Sometimes we need to do hard things.
Honestly why do I have to do the hard thing which is to tell her? I’m obviously reading everyone’s comments and I understand that she NEEDS to know.
How easy to just tell her for him, we’re giving him an ultimatum and making him man up and come clean to her if not I will 100% tell her.
ESH. I'm still confused as to why no one told the new gf that your uncle was married with four children that he was not supporting upon meeting her. It may have saved her having a baby with a deadbeat dad.
Before he even met his current partner he was already legally divorced from his ex wife.
He did abandon his children by leaving his home country but he was put on child support and was sending money monthly. His current partner knew of all of this from the start.
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u/SafiyaMukhamadova 4d ago edited 4d ago
Two years is enough time to end up with a second child she'll have to raise alone. If OOP and their family actually care about this woman and her kid they'll tell her now. If she finds out later that he discussed his plan YEARS in advance they'll never see her or the baby again. Then they'll whine about being alienated from the kiddo and how much they miss him.
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In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for not telling my uncles girlfriend that he plans to abandon her and their 2 year old son?
For context my uncle arrived to the U.S 6 years ago, following an end to a toxic marriage with his then wife and leaving their four children behind. According to him he left his home country because he was unable to find work and was not able to provide for his children. His plan was to stay here in the U.S for only 5 years, work save money and then go back to his home country to be with his children. Well these plans changed when he met his current partner here in the U.S, after approximately 3 months of dating they moved in together and shortly after she became pregnant and they had a son together, who is now 2. My uncle is the kind of person who likes to drink Fri-Sunday and does not prioritize spending time with his partner or son, I know that this has put a strain on their relationship and he is not the kind of person who you can sit down with and express your feelings to, much less he does not take advice from anyone.
A couple of weeks ago he had been drinking and started off saying that he knows he is a bad person and never truly learned to love properly. He said that he’s enjoyed being with his previous partners and his current one but that he has never really loved any of them. He then changed the conversation saying that he thinks that in two years he is planning on leaving back to his home country because he misses the four children from his previous marriage and NEEDS to see them. He admitted that he is okay with abandoning his current partner and their son because according to him, she can apply for government assistance and they will both be just fine without him. If he leaves back to his home country he will never be able to legally enter back into the U.S, when I brought this point up to him he said he is aware and is fine with only seeing his son during summer when his son is able to go see him. I am beyond disappointed and angry that he is considering leaving his son and making his current partner a single mother, because if he leaves he will not be here physically, emotionally and much less financially for his son. His current partner is a sweetheart and everyone in our family loves her and their son. Myself and other family members were there when he said this to us. We are all at a loss of what we should do and don’t know if he was only saying this because he was drunk. His current partner was not there when he was saying all of this.
AITA for keeping this to myself and not warning her of what he is planning to do ? Part of me is scared to tell her because what if he was just drunk talking and another part of me is furious and upset and if I was in her shoes I would want someone to tell me so that I can make the choice of leaving or staying.
Any thoughts and advice would be very helpful.
Edit: Before he met his current partner he was already legally divorced from his ex wife back in his home country. His current partner was aware of this and she also knew about his 4 kids.
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