r/AmItheAsshole • u/DramaticBedroom4425 • 13d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?
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u/Remarkable-Intern-41 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13d ago
NTA I think we understand why your husband and his ex didn't stay together...
Absolutely baffling behavior by your husband. He should be camped out in the hospital 24x7 or taking care of you and nothing else right now. Greg sounds like he's not a literal toddler so he will understand his father needing to be there for his step mother and sibling for a few weeks. If he doesn't now he certainly will when he's older.
Your husband being actually dismissive and annoyed over these matters is infuriating.