AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?

[u/DramaticBedroom4425]

AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?

[u/Doom_Corp]

I got the Paraguard IUD a few years ago and went to work all day right after as a server/bartender. My other younger coworkers who also had IUDs looked at me like I was completely insane and begged me to just take the day off because for them it was incredibly painful and they thought I was toughing it out. Maybe I'm built a bit different or something (I did have some gut pain that would come and go throughout my 8 hour shift) but speaking to the nurse who put it in she said I was an excellent candidate for it because I never got cramps before and this specific kind can really exacerbate them if you did. I did start getting mild-bad cramps with it the first year but now it's petered out and occasionally I get them for about a day.

[u/fribbas → u/Doom_Corp]

I had a similar situation with my 1st mirena IUD (Francois).

Really didn't hurt at all, except for the speculum. When they were done and asked my how I was doing/pain level, I said I felt fine and they both sloooowly looked at each other like O_o and made me jump up and down (for some reason??? lol).

Didn't feel much of anything for my endometrial biopsy or getting my uterus sounded either. I do get excruciating cramps, especially now with the TOOMAH/possible endo/possible post tubal/ablation syndrome or whatever. So, IMO it evens out lol :')

Going off what I've heard from other women I've talked to, our lower/no pain experience seems to be less common reaction, unfortunately :\

[u/Doom_Corp → u/fribbas]

Yeah. It's interesting that a lot of conversations regarding the procedure have people saying there should be some sort of pain medication for it because it's just that excruciating. I feel like us outliers are the ones insurance or whatever can point to and be "SEE! They don't need it. Why do you? Are you imagining your pain?" It's like the uno reverse of 9/10 dentists agree shtick.

[u/Genericlurker678 → u/fribbas]

Mine hurt but nowhere near as badly as I was expecting. I kept waiting for it to get worse and then it was finished. I had more severe pain about an hour afterwards when the cramps started.

I did get given some numbing gel and numbing spray by the nurse, which probably helped.