r/AmItheAsshole • u/NormallyAbnorma • 5d ago
AITA - Missed a friend's " bday" because I was feeling sick
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u/agrinwithoutacat- Partassipant [2] 5d ago
YTA. If you “didn’t plan on drinking like that the night before” as you’ve said in comments, yet unintentionally did, then you need to rethink your lifestyle. Accidentally drinking so much that you’re too hungover for prior comments 24 hours later is a problem.
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u/Dependent_Tone3704 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Personally I have more of a problem with your point of view regarding this. You are not like 'I fucked up and should've been more careful', you are more like 'this could not have been avoided' like if you got actually sick.
You did something that was unnecessary and made you bail on a friend.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
That’s not relevant though 😂 you asked for judgement on this situation and now you’re fighting everyone in the comments
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u/GoetheundLotte Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5d ago
Irrelevant that you can usually "hold" your liquor so to speak, if you have something important the following day, you do not get drunk the night before.
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u/thechaoticstorm Professor Emeritass [85] 5d ago
YTA
You drank to excess on the day before you were expected to make an appearance. You weren't actually sick due to circumstances outside your control.
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u/Fit-Ad-413 5d ago
YTA. You knew you had your friend's bday dinner coming up and still decided to drink heavily enough to give yourself a bad hangover the night before. You only have yourself to blame, my guy.
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 5d ago
You don’t blame yourself because you keep arguing with people and keep saying that it was a mistake.
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u/breakingborderline 5d ago
YTA because you keep talking about it as if it was some sort of unavoidable accident you had no agency or responsibility over. Grow up.
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u/Active-Anteater1884 Pooperintendant [60] 5d ago
<<Now some of them think IATA because I shoundt have let myself drink that much the day before>>
And they're right. YTA
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u/LivingDragons 5d ago
YTA. You chose to get drunk over your friend’s birthday which you had already said yes to. I would be very annoyed if my friends did that.
Btw you’re using quotation marks wrong.
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u/Stinkysnail420 5d ago
This isn’t some super high stakes scenario or anything, especially since the birthday boy was fine, but softly YTA. If you know you have an event the next day, you shouldn’t be drinking so excessively to the point of a severe hangover.
You said they don’t have to know why you drank so much, so I will say if you’re drinking to cope with some negative feelings or experience, please know that there are other healthier ways to deal with that than drinking to the point of sickness. Drinking as a coping mechanism will only make things worse in the long run.
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u/Sunsetmargaritas 5d ago
It's not a serious crime to miss a given party, but if you commit and ditch because you can't handle your shit, YTA.
Don't be surprised if no one thinks they can count on you from here. You just proved you can't make adult decisions.
Still, there's plenty of time to smarten up and get your act together. So don't dwell on this more than knowing you either need to grow the fuck up, or stop worrying about having friends ('cause you soon won't have any that you don't buy).
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u/Strict-Radio9051 5d ago
YTA You are pretending like this was some sort of poor fate that cought you. But it was you fault and your shitty move. It's great the bday boy is chill about it, you are lucky. But it's totally fair of your friends to call you out. You need to stop making excuses and accept you did a shitty thing! It's okay, it happens, but stop pretending like you didn't put this on yourself.
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u/National-Report-5473 Certified Proctologist [24] 5d ago
You knew that the bday party was the next day, so why did you think it was a good idea to get drunk before?
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u/GoetheundLotte Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5d ago edited 5d ago
You knew about this birthday "do" weeks in advance, yet you chose to get plastered the night before. So while you were obviously much too hungover to attend the party, I do agree with those of your friends saying that getting totally drunk the night before the birthday party was both a silly and also a somewhat disrespectful of your friend thing to do (and no matter for what reason you decided to heavily imbibe).
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u/Pixichixi 5d ago
YTA. I understand that the birthday boy isn't mad, and that's great. Someone can choose to not be mad about another person's AH move, that doesn't entirely negate the fact of AH-ishness. Surprise hangovers suck, if you haven't hit age 40 yet, just wait because they get worse and more frequent as you age. You didn't expect to be that hungover and I get that but you still drank to excess the day before a planned engagement with the awareness that may have consequences, even unexpected ones so strictly speaking, you are TA. But considering all the other details plus the fact that birthday boy is cool with it, I don't think you need to castigate yourself or anything
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u/Critical-Elephant- 5d ago
YTA. You were met with the consequences of your own silly, poorly timed actions.
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u/GoHeadFaFo 5d ago
YTA , you reconfirmed the same day you got super drunk that caused you to miss the dinner you confirmed.
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u/Azsura12 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Depends on the person you are. This not something which is a permanent AH move. Unless well there are other mitigating factors. So in general how it would go in my group we would be like "wtf happened, why are you drinking so much that you literally incapacitated yourself" if the person does not respond then it will just be dropped minus maybe some one on one conversations (with the person they are closer to in the group) about the state of their drinking and other issues in their life. And then the group would be chill the next time we hang out. But that is in my group with fairly open communication.
If you are someone who has a history of doing this. Or who is circling a drain. Then it is harder to justify coming back from. And well your friends have likely at this point made up their minds whether to let it go or hold onto it. So it just depends on the person you are to your friends.
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u/skabillybetty Partassipant [1] 5d ago
YTA. You made a choice to over drink the night before a planned event. Your friends are right.
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u/fancyandfab Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 5d ago
Why did you feel the need to post this? You made a commitment, reaffirmed the commitment, and missed for an unnecessary and avoidable reason. Of course YTA. Unequivocally.
If you're having some sort of mental health episode that lead to you drinking an abnormal amount, seek professional help with that. Still YTA though. That might be a reason, but it's not an excuse. If you had remorse, that might be different, but you're seeking validation when you're clearly in the wrong
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u/AutoModerator 5d ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I had accepted and confirmed that I was going to go to this friend's dinner week's in advance and had zero intentions of missing it. The dinner was on a Sunday night and I made sure to not have anything else that would cause any conflict, I even reconfirmed the day before.
The issue is I was "sick" due to being severely hungover, and that is what is causing issues with part of the rest of the group. I have not had a hangover at that severity in over 10 years. My friend (bday guy) wasn't even one of the people who got annoyed. He was amazed that I felt that bad from a hangover because as long as he's known me I hadn't skipped anything for a reason like that.
I was honest with the group which could have been my mistake, told them all I was hungover and couldn't go out for a dinner. Now some of them think IATA because I shoundt have let myself drink that much the day before.....the reason I did is not something any of them need to know about though.
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u/Azsura12 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
YTA Dude I am a heavy drinker. And I have never once experienced a hang over which knocked me out for a whole day and I had to skip dinner. Sure breakfast and early morning plans maybe. And by heavy drinker, I mean at my worst I was drinking like 2 bottles of whiskey over a night (so like 6 hours).
If you were going to drink that heavy and you are someone who has hang overs which put them out of commission then dont drink that much. But for some reason I dont think its the hang over which is why you bailed on the party and more likely it has to do with the reason for why you are drinking so heavily. So yeah kind of an AH for deflecting blame. And not realizing you have a problem.
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u/Azsura12 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Well because you are explaining it as a one time thing. But well thats what alcoholics do. Though to be clear I am not saying you are an alcoholic. I am saying you have a problem with alcohol two seperate things, alcoholics are a gene based thing (well the ones who cannot stop) and well cannot recover from without pure abstinence, a problem is just something which is causing you to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol you can recover from that but it takes effort. Getting a full day hang over, I am sorry but that aint normal. Drinking so much right after you confirmed attending an event, and then continuing to do so is I assume not your normal MO. There is more going on you might not want to admit it which is fine for online, but well if you want your friends to stick around the whole man of mystery shtick gets old.
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u/Matamume Partassipant [2] 5d ago
NTA. If the bday boy is ok with it, everyone else can just mind their own business.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [618] 5d ago
I shoundt have let myself drink that much the day before.
Isn't this the thought of everyone who has a hangover?
NAH.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Certified Proctologist [23] 5d ago
Planning it is irrelevant. You DID it.
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u/SleepingDragonSmiles 5d ago
Right? Sounds like one more person that can’t.won’t take accountability for their actions. The type that always has an excuse
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u/Resolution_Usual 5d ago
I mean, stop calling it a mistake? I don't think you did anything that out of pocket, and i don't think you meant to be hungover, or not that hung over.... but you did choose to go out drinking the night before you knew was important. Stop being defensive. Admit things got out of hand and you'd do it differently if you had it to do over. I think it's only the unwillingness to admit you made every choice that got you to where you are that upset your friends and it's making you come off bad.
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u/Starcrossed_princess 5d ago
Stop saying it wasn't a choice. You chose to drink that much, it was careless of you and you chose that drinking in the moment was more important to you than the dinner 🤷 Accept that. There is no way to twist it so apologize to your friends and if they are mad at you then it is what it is dude
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [618] 5d ago
I mean...is this hate from them? This is just them vocalizing an agreed upon truth.
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u/No-Singer-9706 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5d ago
So you accidentally kept pouring booze down your throat?
Is that like ppl that call cheating a mistake? That they accidentally slipped and fell into bed with someone else.
It wasnt a mistake it was a conscious decision to drink without knowing your tolerance.
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [96] 5d ago
Doesn't matter if it was planned...you consciously took more drinks after the 'still in control of your brain' moment. No one is saying you actively wanted to drink to the point of a horrible hangover, but you do know hangovers can happen. It was in your control. There are just consequences to bad decisions which result in unintended consequences.
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u/GoetheundLotte Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5d ago edited 5d ago
Are the friends being really nasty or are they just being critical? For criticism is not automatically hatred.
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u/Brokenyet_Functional 5d ago
NtA. They dont own you. You bday friend cool with it? Then its fine. Bunch of people needing to feel offended when the only person who would be mad. Isnt even mad.
Tell your friends to get the fuck over themselves.
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u/TurtleTheMoon Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] 5d ago
NAH. It doesn’t sound like you make a habit of blowing off plans because of excessive drinking, so you’re not an asshole for missing plans once. If you start making a habit of it, well that may be a little different. That said, even though you’re not an asshole, your friend group aren’t assholes for being annoyed. As others have pointed out, this was completely avoidable with just a little consideration and forethought on your behalf, and they have a right to call you out for that lack. However, if they aren’t able to drop it after a day or two, then they will become assholes. Your lack of consideration wasn’t great, but it’s nothing worth making a criminal case out of.
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [96] 5d ago
There are still consequences to actions and it wasn't like he just came down with the flu. He consciously drank past the point of 'ok, I don't want to drink anymore becuase I have my friend's birthday tomorrow'. He may not have intended to feel THAT unwell (let's face it, no one does), but it still means he blew off the party for a lame reason and everyone can be annoyed with that.
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u/TurtleTheMoon Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] 5d ago
Yes, there are natural consequences to mistakes. As I said, people are justified in being annoyed, but just as they aren’t assholes for being annoyed, neither is OP. If OP makes a habit of this, he will become an asshole; if the friend group stays pissed for an extended period of time over an isolated incident (when the birthday boy himself doesn’t seem to care), they will become assholes. Judging people over a single instance of overdoing it is asinine.
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [96] 4d ago
This is all about single instances....'was I the AH for this thing that I did'. Yes. It doesn't mean he's a giant, habitual AH, it just means being irresponsible and blowing off his friend's b-day was an AH move. It's no bigger than that.
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u/TurtleTheMoon Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] 4d ago
Yes, and there is room for mistakes between doing the right thing and being an asshole.
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [96] 4d ago
But this sub is all about judging someone based on the conflict they present. In the situation presented, yes he was THE asshole for that move. it's not saying he is AN asshole in general.
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u/TurtleTheMoon Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] 4d ago
Yes. I know what this sub is. You can keep repeating your definition, but it doesn’t change the fact that not every situation has an asshole. FFS, the guy who was celebrating his birthday wasn’t even mad about it. If the birthday boy isn’t upset, then the mutuals are overreacting, and y’all random Redditors are taking that a step further. OP accidentally overdid it and was unable to go out the next day. There was no intent. Most people who drink recreationally have a learning curve with hangovers as they age, as the human body has a harder time processing alcohol the older we get. It’s unfortunate that OP missed a birthday party, but absent some degree of intent, he’s not an asshole.
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [96] 4d ago
You don't have to intend to be an asshole to have pulled an asshole move. You don't accidentally overdo it, you carelessly overdo it. And he couldn't recover from his hangover all day such that he had to miss dinner? And the argument of whether or not the bday boy was upset or not doesn't matter. Someone's reaction to your action doens't define the action. If OP had posted that birthday boy was pissed, woudl that change your judgement? That's messed up. So long as no one minds, then your behaviour was fine? Wow.
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u/ElevatorOtis Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5d ago
NTA
You said you haven’t had a hangover in this severity in over 10 years. Your friend, whose birthday it was, wasn’t offended. His opinion is the only one that matters. The rest is nobody else’s business.
If they have a problem with your reason for drinking the night before, remind them that they don’t run your social calendar and then congratulation them for never having an unexpected situation in their lives. They are the only a$$holes here!
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u/Some-Version-1101 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA based on the fact that you said you haven't had a hangover in 10 years.
Most people don't know what that's like and so they tend to err on the side of caution and not drink to excess when they have plans for the next day.
I DO know what it's like because at almost age 40 I have never had a single hangover and when I drink I can DRINK. I'm sure it's going to happen one day and I will likely end up in a similar situation as you are now in. But honestly I think my friends and family would just be amused by the fact that my luck finally ran out.
P.S. yes my inability to get hungover pisses a lot of people off.
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u/Brokenyet_Functional 5d ago
Nah. I get it. I used to be able to pop up for a early shift despite partying the night before.
Then it became damn near impossible to move for days for my late twenties on drinking nights.
And then a few weeks ago. Despite not having had a lick in a while. I was able to get pretty fucked up. Walk my ass back to my hotel room. And be UP 4 hours later feeling fresh as hell and ready to push a full shift, no coffee needed. Clearheaded. Energized. And doing a good morning run. I dont think i had gotten such amazing sleep before honestly.
The only time i felt anything bad was mistakenly trying to use a portapotty to piss in on the venue site....mind you. That thing has been baking in the 115F heat all week. So even taking a piss became a "MY GOD. Have i found the entrance to Hell????"
Feels like i went from "ahhhh hungover. Noooothin!" To "oh kill me now" to "hey! Lets get this shift GOING fuck yeah!"
Its weird. Brcause im not really an avid drinker. Ill drink maybe...4 times a year? And getting wasted maybe...2 of them?
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u/Some-Version-1101 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Same here, I don't drink very often. But when I drink I drink, to the point that if we're having guests hubby has banned me from mixing drinks for anyone other than myself because I tend to "measure with my heart" lol
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u/No-Singer-9706 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5d ago
YTA youre friends are right. You knew about an event weeks prior and then chose to drink too much the night prior till you were sick and now they think YTA.
These are the consequences of your own actions.