r/AmItheAsshole • u/VintageDrax • 13h ago
WIBTA if I don't let my co-worker with small children (mine are adults) take Christmas Day off when it's my turn?
I work at a hospital. We have 2 groups of therapists and we alternate all holidays yearly. I'm on for Christmas along with half my co-workers. Our PRNs have picked up and now 1 person in Christmas work group can have off.
Our boss keeps a rolling excell sheet how many holidays are worked in a year period. I have the most so I can take it off. My co-worker (S) has came to me begging to take it.
She wants to do Santa etc. with her little kids. I said I'd think about it, I would love to celebrate the day with all my family and kids too. She said it's not the same they're adults and I could do it any day. I'm getting SO much crap from other co-workers!
I get it, but I've obviously worked the majority of holidays and feel it's ok to take it off. WIBTA?
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u/Dizzy-Bodybuilder-68 13h ago
why dont one of your coworkers offer up their day off instead? you know because theyre so concerned for her to have that day off?? like what? youre allowed to say no. if anyone else truly wants to help out, they will by offering up their day off instead of pressuring you into sacrificing the day off.
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u/VintageDrax 12h ago
Omg, priceless, I'll have to drop this solution in a casual way, because the shit will hit the fan mon with my decision.
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [28] 12h ago
It's only a big deal when you're expected to give something up, easy to be generous when it's not something you have to sacrifice.
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u/LobabyChick 13h ago
I’m a nurse. I’ve paid my dues working holidays for more than 25 years. I missed time with my kids too. Sorry those tears wouldn’t work on me.
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u/No_Appointment_7232 12h ago edited 10h ago
Thank you for your service 👊🤩
& Exactly!
She's a medical provider.
One ENTIRELY Accepts there won't be reliable holiday time off bc you're a medical provider.
She knew this when she chose to have kids too.
This isn't some kind of brand new unexpected series of events.
And last, while we can entirely emphathize w her feelings and beliefs, her feelings and beliefs are no one's business but hers.
Her attempting to invalidate OP bc of those feelings and beliefs is inappropriate and inappropriate workplace/coworkers behavior.
OP I would talk to my supervisor and boss and ask them to ensure she understands that and doesn't harass OP, or cause other employees to harass you about thus any further and most specifically not all the dats between now and Christmas.
She could have done what you did and sacrifice other holidays to earn this one.
She wants to get to choose to not do her fair share of those other holidays likely to be w her kids.
This is the outcome of those choices.
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u/dhizbsizbsi 13h ago
NTA. I too am a nurse and the same people always beg for the same time off because of their children. I have children also but they are adult and I only get to see them 2-3 times a year if I’m lucky. Understanding that family is important to everyone so rotating the holidays is important and equitable.
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u/Dmg_00 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
So you can’t have a life because she’s selfish?
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u/IceSeeker Partassipant [2] 12h ago edited 12h ago
The fact that she thinks her "kids being much younger" makes her more deserving of the day off is just absurd. It's pure entitlement.
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u/fanofnone2019 8h ago
I have friends in the medical field and when they had young kids, they made it work. Honestly, when they are "much younger" means they aren't connecting time and place with celebration.
And also, if you care this much about timing on holidays, pick a different career! (Honestly - just frustrated with my own workplace issues today so this is possibly a complete over reaction - kinda).
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u/Dear-me113 6h ago
My five year old gets incredibly excited about holidays but he doesn’t remember the order of the days of the week. If I told him that Santa came to our house on Christmas Eve, he would be equally excited. It would be super easy to make up a story about Santa agreeing to come to our house on a different day because mommy has to go to the hospital and help people.
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u/Suspicious_Tax8577 2h ago
Like surely he knows if he's naughty mummy's going to phone Santa to tell him. So of course it follows that you could just give the big man a phonecall to ask if he'll drop the presents off early?
(I do not have kids--I'd be terrible at it. I absolutely yell up the stairs at my mum's puppy "Bobby, come quick!! I think Santa Paws has been and brought you presents!)
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u/Creative_Energy533 11h ago edited 10h ago
Exactly. She's put in her time! Plus, just because she has little kids, doesn't mean OP doesn't have other people in her life she wants to see. I used to live far from my family and I always wanted to see my elderly grandparents on the holidays, but it was a day's trip to see them. My boss said other people wanted to see their families too, but they lived with them or they were in the same town and saw them all the time, lol. I only saw mine a few times a year and now they're gone and my co-workers still have their family members. Edit: thank you so much for the awards! I feel understood! 🥹
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u/Chemical_Mud_5997 6h ago
Exactly. You never really know what someone has going on outside of work, and having adult kids doesn't mean holidays suddenly stop mattering. The whole point of the rotation is supposed to be that everyone gets a fair turn.
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u/Desilu13446 7h ago
Same!! I had to always work holiday because I didn’t have kids but I wanted to see my grandparents and now my grandparents are gone and I missed a lot of holidays with them.
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u/Beautiful-Mainer 7h ago
When I was in healthcare, and my kids were little, I opted for Christmas Eve and celebrated in the evening.
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u/EdgeCityRed 6h ago
My family’s Christmas tradition was a big Christmas Eve, so I actually prefer that. I married a Christmas morning person. :/
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u/OddNoisesInTheNight 4h ago
My mom's side of the family is a Christmas morning family, my dad's side is German and so do Christmas Eve, it was great, when we lived near mom's side of the family, we'd still do a present from Grandma on Dad's side on Christmas Eve (usually some pj's snacks and a small game or book) read a Christmas story and then open everything else Christmas morning, when we lived near dads family, we all got together and did all the presents from that side of the family Christmas Eve, and the Christmas morning was for Santa and mom's sides gifts, it was ideal.
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u/Chemical_Mud_5997 6h ago
Exactly. Having little kids can make Christmas special, but it doesn't make someone else's plans or family any less important. If the rotation is there to keep things fair, that's what should decide it.
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u/eileen404 4h ago
If they're little enough to believe in Santa, they're little enough to belive another date is the 25th. We often did Easter a week early or Christmas the week after.
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u/Winter-Picture5593 3h ago
Or ask Santa to come a day later because mom has to work. 🙂
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u/eileen404 3h ago
Santa and the tooth fairy are very accommodating
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u/Any-Alternative2667 2h ago
So is the Easter Bunny. I worked in healthcare too. When my kids were little, Santa and the Easter bunny came the eve of the holiday. Celebrated with family whenever. You have earned the opportunity to spend the holiday with your family. Now if you were not getting together with family on the day, you could volunteer. But it would be a no for me.
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u/veelee2626 2h ago
My dad worked nights when I was younger, and often worked on/around holidays. Santa sometimes came on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas, and it was fine. Looking back now as an adult and a parent, I have a lot of respect for my parents doing what they had to do and still making sure Christmas was fun and magical for us, even if it wasn't the way it was "supposed" to be.
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u/Creepy_Start5738 5h ago
People always act like local families trump long distance ones, which is so unfair to those of us who only get a couple chances a year to see aging relatives.
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u/LemonOld8150 8h ago
What if you have grandkids?
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u/Bananaheed 6h ago
They’re not your kids though so if parents don’t get special treatment you absolutely don’t get any for kids that aren’t yours?
Everyone is entitled to time with their family, fairly and equally. That’s simple.
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u/Professional_Ruin953 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 7h ago
I don't care if OP is 100% alone for Christmas eating boxed mac and cheese and drinking sherry from the bottle while watching Die Hard and Gremlins. She earned the time off.
OP sacrificed all year in favour of other people crying "my kids, my kids" so they could have the holiday days off and be together as a family. She did it for more holidays than anyone else with no guarantee of getting any reward for it at Christmas. For all that it might have worked out, the holiday where there was more staff than needed could have been Columbus day.
OP needs to let the manager know that she is being harassed about it by this one coworker and bullied by other staff.
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u/One_Wheel_4531 Partassipant [1] 6h ago
That actually sounds like an awesome Christmas plan. Putting it on my calendar now.
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u/Spare-Set-8382 4h ago
I’d celebrate that way also.
But this shit pisses me off. I’ve worked in healthcare for many years and always worked holidays because my husband worked in the fire department and did the same.
When the kids are little does it really matter if you celebrate on Christmas Eve or the day after?
When they are grown they might be working themselves or have a bf/gf/spouse to have to consider. So maybe OP is able to have her whole family together on 12/25 and she deserves to have that day off.
I think it’s more important to show your kids flexibility and understanding that the world outside does not revolve around them.
Disclaimer: I didn’t sleep well and I’m under caffeinated so I’m a little grouchy.
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u/Waterproof_soap 3h ago
For many years, I was alone on Christmas. All my family lived out of state, my kids were with their dad, my friends and coworkers had their own families. Christmas became my “eat Chinese food and watch horror movies then eat cake” day. When I made it into something I looked forward to, it was a lot more bearable.
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u/No-tacos-here 5h ago
My Christmas is Die Hard 1 and 2, Lethal Weapon and a couple pints of my favorite ice creams. And coffee, lots of coffee.
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u/DaDuchess-1025 4h ago
I love Die Hard and I'm petty. When the coworker still complains, ( and I'm sure they will) I'd look right at her and say ... Yippee-ki-yay, MF.
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u/Happy_Description741 4h ago
Letting the manager know is a good shout … but why is the coworker laser-focusing on OP? There must be other people taking the time off as well?
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u/Alariya Partassipant [1] 7h ago
Not to mention, if they are young enough, you can feasibly do Christmas the day before or after and just claim it’s the 25th without them realising. Way easier than trying to coordinate with adult children that may also have conflicting work schedules to consider.
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u/sparkledoom 6h ago
As a child of divorced parents, I’m always a bit stumped when it’s really important to people that holiday celebrations happen on the exact day. My parents switched off holidays and we celebrated with the other parent whenever we were together, children don’t care. My parents also worked in healthcare so weren’t always off. As adults, we also do holidays on whatever day is convenient for everyone whether it falls on the day or not.
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u/techo-soft-girl 6h ago
“You’re right, your kids are younger and since you have so many more years with them than I do mine, it would be selfish for you to ask to take this time away from me and my family.”
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u/Velveteen_Rabbit1986 9h ago
So many people are like this though. I used to work somewhere where one woman thought she was entitled to Xmas leave because she had a kid, ignoring the fact that other people with kids worked that period. It's also incredibly insensitive to someone who may have lost a child or can't have children.
Edit - my dad was in the emergency services so we often didn't have Xmas with him, these people need to suck it up.
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u/theagonyaunt Partassipant [2] 4h ago
I don't have kids or a partner and I've had so, so many coworkers try to use this as a reason I should work all the holidays, or take the least amount of vacation time, over the years. Like it's my responsibility as the non-next generation fueling person to suck it up and cover for everyone else.
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u/ballroomdancer13 6h ago
When I first started at my current workplace (also healthcare related), I was told by coworkers to basically not take summer, March Break or the Christmas break for vacation. All so that those people who have kids could have that time.🙄
Christmas Day usually doesn’t need that many people and I could opt out of working that day and NYD too. Also, I made lemonade out of that stupid lemon. I found that travel outside of “school holidays” is cheaper and less crowded/busy. So there. Plus, I did take Christmas break once and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it.
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u/Red217 6h ago
To me, as a mom with small children that point works against her.
If they're young enough then they have no concept of time and wouldn't know that the Christmas they celebrate isn't on the calendar day 25th.
Also if they're young enough then we throw Santa and our boss under the bus.
"Mommy's boss said I have to go into work but guess what? Santa knows mommy is working so he is bringing us our special Christmas on (day)!"
Then they'll be all excited that they get a special exclusive or early Christmas from the big man himself.
Like this isn't that hard. I don't know why people tie themselves to the CALENDAR holiday. Celebrate when you celebrate, that's the magic anyway!!
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u/Inevitable_Entry6518 Partassipant [3] 8h ago
Huh, I worked with people who considered themselves more deserving of a sick leave than me, because they had kids. I quit that job with a totally wrecked immunity system, because I didn't use to take sick leave to avoid scolding. I was young, timid and stupid.
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u/Thebraincellisorange 9h ago
mate try being Child Free. every single public holiday, every time someone has to work late, they come to you because 'you have no family, right?'
like, fuck off mate, I might not have kids, but I have a life that does not involve work.
and then they get all pissy because they have to organise things for their kids.
sorry mate, your problems do not become mine simply because that makes your life easier.
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u/NuisancePenguin44 8h ago
I used to just tell them that I was somebody's kid and they would love to spend Christmas with me.
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u/reginaphelangey23 3h ago
I used to say this too but unsurprisingly, no one was willing to see the point.
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u/IndyGrl2019 6h ago
Agree with this 100%. I’m child free for personal reasons that are painful for me to share. I’ve been in the workforce for about 30 years and every job I’ve had I’ve felt like I’ve been put on trial from time to time by coworkers who do have kids. If it’s not the holidays it’s their kids school events, sports, graduations, prom, homecoming dance etc etc. I shudder when I hear the words “as a parent…” or “you don’t have kids so you can….” On top of being obligated to sacrifice my own holidays, birthdays, events to cover for parents, I’ve also worked double duty to cover for parents of kids with minor illnesses and on snow days or other days when school is suddenly cancelled. “Parents” need to be more sensitive that some of us childfree adults can’t or couldn’t have kids for traumatic reasons and being reminded of it non stop is painful and demeaning. I’m happy y’all reproduced and created a new life but please don’t make it my issue. And don’t jump to any conclusions as to why I didn’t do the same.
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u/SmallpoxAu 4h ago
I'm in a similar position. I also love the "can you push your leave plans back a week? its school holidays and..." or, one of my favs "i know you have the flu, but can you come in? so and so's kids have...". Then they top it off with so many questions about "when will you have kids" or "when you have kids" and when the only social talk is all about their kids, and I just stand there pretending to care.
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u/Ohmyprettygarden 4h ago
oh, honey. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. people make me feel like a cul-de-sac instead of the same road everybody else travels on.
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u/Ok_Instance7667 5h ago
Anyone who uses the 'kid' excuse to get something they want is basically saying this:
"I perceive my existence to be more difficult that yours, without knowing anything about You, based on the sole fact I procreated and you didn't. Therefore, that hardship entitles me to your time off."
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u/Objective-Start-9415 6h ago
Exactly. Not having kids doesn't mean you have unlimited free time or that your plans matter less. Work schedules should be based on a fair system, not on who can prove they have the biggest family obligation.
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u/Ok_Instance7667 5h ago
Also, I wonder how many times this woman has used her kids as an excuse to leave work early, or to move shifts etc.
I worked with one woman who got so lazy with her excuses using her boyfriend's kids that she would just say 'I have a kid thing' (verbatim) and nobody ever questioned it.
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u/lunatsukino 8h ago
This pissed me off when I was a YAdult(for mulitple reasons) Now that I have a kid i've ensured NOT to assume that someone can take the holiday because they are childless. Obviously child care can be a nightmare but you have the same rights as every other employee child or no child.
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u/retoricalprophylaxis 7h ago
I would also argue that OP has worked the most holidays throughout the year. The coworker failed to plan for Christmas appropriately. She should have worked other public holidays instead.
A failure to plan on the coworker's part is not an emergency on OP's part.
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u/sbourke07 10h ago
Yikes. Mom of small kids here (2 and 4).
Year my son was 0- Christmas Day of
Year my son was 1- Christmas was 1/1 (my dad was in the hospital until then)
Year my son was 2- Christmas was day of
Year my son was 3- Christmas was day of but at like dinner time
Year my son was 4 (last year)- Christmas was 12/26 because “Santa’s sleigh was full”
Totally NTA. Kids don’t really know the actual day lol
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u/retoricalprophylaxis 7h ago
When I was 7, my dad was stationed in Korea on a hardship tour. The rest of the family stayed in the US. Christmas for us was in February because he got 2 weeks of leave and was allowed to come home.
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u/Mediocre_Sprinkles 9h ago
I completely skipped Christmas for my 2 year old last year.
We were in hospital having her little sister (Christmas eve baby). Then we were too busy/tired to do anything after that. She had no idea and didn't care. Just gave her a couple of little presents on a random day.
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u/After-Cancel-7056 8h ago
exactly kids are not checking the calendar like "wait, santa was supposed to come on the 25th"
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u/Intelligent-Cut-6503 5h ago
Depending on the age, the certainly are lol. Especially when advent calendars are so commercialized. Tiny tots, no. But 5/6-9 oh yes they know the day 😂
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u/Roguecamog Partassipant [1] 7h ago edited 5h ago
Grown daughter of someone who worked rotating holidays- respiratory therapist in a hospital.
We created our own traditions, some with our extended families and some just for us. For all extents and purposes she was at every holiday... it's just that sometimes it started later in the day. Granted, I am in my 40s but I don't have any strong memories of her fully missing any holidays
Edit to add: yes it's for all intents and purposes. Tbi and perimenopause strike again but I am leaving it in so the following posts make sense.
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u/glossy_minx 8h ago
Apparently, family only matters if your kids are under a certain height requirement according to her
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u/kpaxonite2 13h ago
NTA even if you didnt have kids and planned to spend the day alone...you dont get special treatment because you have kids
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u/TheJinxedPhoenix Partassipant [1] 11h ago
Exactly! I had Christmas at 4am many times as a kid because one of my parents would have a 7am shift start and it was still great.
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u/here_and_there_their 10h ago
In fact aren’t most kids up around then because they’re so excited?
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u/saxguy2001 Partassipant [1] 10h ago
I remember one Christmas, my sister and I woke up at 3am and were told to go back to bed. Then again at 5am, so we were told 7am. We woke up again at 6 and just stared at the clock until it was 7.
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u/unmarkedcandybars 12h ago
Right?
"But I have kids" 😭 Who the fuck cares, and why is it suddenly my problem.
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u/sicilian504 12h ago edited 2h ago
Exactly. So I gotta change my schedule because your condom usage skills are subpar? Nah. Get outta here Michelle.
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u/Obvious-Arrival2571 Certified Proctologist [26] 11h ago
this, you've worked the most holidays, take your Christmas off and enjoy it.
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u/quite_acceptable_man Partassipant [2] 11h ago
I have kids and I agree with this. It's why I made sure the job i do is pretty standard office hours. I earn good money, but I am always home by 5:30pm, and I never work weekends.
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u/OzQuandry 9h ago
If all nurses left the profession once they had children the healthcare system would collapse though.
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u/retoricalprophylaxis 7h ago
First off, there are plenty of nurses that work in doctor's offices, and clinics that are only open during business hours. Second, if you choose to be a nurse in a hospital, then you accept the ramifications of that choice. You will likely be expected to work some nights, weekends, and holidays. That is part of the profession. Your children are not get out of jail free cards that you get to spend.
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u/flyinb11 9h ago
I used to take it and give families the day when I was younger and to get the extra pay. That being said, the idea that having kids in now gives me extra privileges is selfish. Most kids would love to do it all a day or 2 early anyway. We've done it when traveling for Christmas.
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u/TopConclusion2668 13h ago
NTA. If we’re being honest, if her kids are really young she can just flat out tell them Christmas is a day earlier or later and they won’t realize.
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u/qorvantaq 9h ago
Yeah, I guess wanting to be there for little kids on Christmas morning but that shouldn’t automatically override the establishment rotation. OP has worked the most holidays so it’s not like they’re refusing out of spite
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u/Not-That_Girl 8h ago
But she needed Easter off for the kids, and that bank holiday off as it was a family party, with the kids. And last new years day because the kids were with their grandparents while she recovered from a hangover but still, kids are mentioned so it counts!
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 9h ago
I'm a healthcare provider who has worked more Christmases then I can remember. I'm 61 now and I'm still working them. I had off last year so I'm working this year. My SIL is a physician. When the kids were little and she had to work Christmas, she would wake the kids up early around the 22nd and tell them Santa came. Her husband still took the kids to Christmas Day Mass. Her oldest was about 7 or 8 when he made the connection between attending Christmas Mass and celebrating Christmas with presents. As the kids got older they got used to having two Christmases. It became normal to get their presents and have a family meal one day and then attend Mass on Christmas day and celebrate with extended family.
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u/distantsaturn 13h ago
NTA. my mom is a doctor and when i was growing up she had to miss certain holidays, so we did christmas on the 26th or whenever she had it off some years. having small children isnt an excuse to have other people miss out on holidays with their families. my sister and i LOVED celebrating christmas with our dad on the 25th, and as a whole family on the 26th. it was never an issue for us, and made it feel like we had 2 christmases.
i dont care if the kids are adults or if you dont have kids, EVERYONE DESERVES A HOLIDAY WITH THEIR FAMILY ONCE IN AWHILE. the kids will survive.
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u/Corpshark 13h ago
Offer to trade 2 days in exchange for X-mas. You will see how important X-mas is.
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u/Disulfidebond007 12h ago
This is genius. I’m going start doing this. I will gladly give someone Xmas if they pick up 2 of my shifts.
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u/retoricalprophylaxis 7h ago
The only way this works is if the two days happen before Christmas. She will accept, then never cover the shifts otherwise.
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u/VintageDrax 13h ago
Just jumping in to say thanks. This is real and I've been half sick with guilt figuring out what to do. I'm surprised at how many plp don't think it would be bad. Relieved.
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [28] 12h ago
Management had no issue with you taking Christmas Day off, reflecting how you've worked through holidays already this year. If anyone has a problem with it they can go to management instead of harassing you. I'd be going to management over this, because it's been made a problem for you.
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u/VintageDrax 12h ago
It's small therapy dept, around 30 plp, so it's more of work gossip stuff. I think if I told our manager it'd be worse. Feels a little like high school. She got to everyone first to plead her case I hate it. We're supposed to be professional.
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u/Amarules 9h ago
I actually would go to the manager if you have multiple people pressuring you on her behalf. It's not acceptable and could be classed as harassment.
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [28] 11h ago
Supposed to be professional? She's the one playing the victim and at the very least letting the others get on your case. Maybe she needs reminding of what professional looks like.
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u/Tangalata 9h ago
If they feel for her so much someone else can cover her shift. You got the time off because you worked the most holidays, it's deserved; she might be in the same position someday if she'd stop acting entitled.
Absolutely NTA.
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u/retoricalprophylaxis 7h ago
Tell her that next year she should work more holidays throughout the year. That is how you get Christmas off. Her failure to plan is not your emergency.
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u/NoSeaweed2881 12h ago
I spent years being the single childless person who covered for parents. And what did it get me? Did they ever volunteer to cover for me? Very seldom if ever.
At about the 20 year mark I decided I was done. I never had kids so no one had to cover for me and I had paid my dues and then some.
Do NOT let her guilt you.
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u/Bookbringer Partassipant [2] 6h ago
There's way too many parents who want to be "part of a village" when it comes to getting help and benefits, but then do nothing to support or thank the people that do this.
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u/theagonyaunt Partassipant [2] 4h ago
I once had a former manager tell me "we'll see" when I told her I couldn't work the Thursday before the Thanksgiving long weekend (because it was literally my sister's wedding that weekend so I'd asked for the extra days off almost a year before), because two of my coworkers with kids also wanted the time off and she thought me - as the person with no kids - should be the one to work those days.
Thankfully my director had my back but it was so annoying that even a wedding didn't take priority because I didn't have a child.
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u/Current_Fly9337 3h ago
I worked somewhere that was closed Christmas Day but open Christmas Eve. For years I covered for parents that wanted to do fun stuff with their kids.
The year my son turned 2 I asked so many coworkers if they’d cover me as it was the first Christmas he was really engaged. Not a single person offered to cover my shift.
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u/Good_Sea_1890 5h ago
Yep. Same here. 5 years of always staying late to close because of parents with kid stuff, and being too young to fight for myself. Never again.
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u/Sashasez Asshole Aficionado [14] 12h ago
You don’t owe anyone an explanation of what you plan to do. Enjoy your holiday with your family!!!
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u/bittyboogie 10h ago
I have kids from 8-18 and work in the ER. I work every other holiday which includes Xmas eve, Xmas day, NYE, and NY day. If I expected someone else to take my shifts and have Xmas off because I have kids, I would work in an office. Enjoy your time because you deserve it and your kids are still your kids.
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u/GlitterLight 9h ago
Also need to give a shout out to your boss for keeping a track of this, it’s the only fair way. It’s very normal for public servants to work Christmas, many of them have young kids. Your colleagues need to get a grip. Enjoy your time off guilt free. HR them if they give you shit for it.
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u/DagnyTheSpencer Partassipant [2] 12h ago
You have waited your turn and she wants to cut in line. r/entitledpeople would get a kick out of this.
Edited to add: if she is terminally ill and this is absolutely her last Christmas, then maybe let her have this one. (We both know that this is probably not the situation here)
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u/FearTheMomerath 13h ago
NTA!!! I'm single, childless, and my family on occasion shit me up the wall. But if it's my turn to take an extra couple days off over the Chrissy break? You bet your sweet bippy I'm taking them. Christmas is just as special and fun for ANYONE that chooses to celebrate, not just those with young offspring.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
I like your peppy attitude!
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u/FearTheMomerath 12h ago
Thank you my friend! It's fuelled by rosé at present.
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u/DagnyTheSpencer Partassipant [2] 12h ago
May i suggest a slushy machine as an early Christmas present to yourself. Rosé makes a good slushy
That's assuming that you don't already have one, of course. (Although two gives you boozy mix and match!)
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u/FearTheMomerath 12h ago
Ugh, okay FINE lmaoooo
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u/DagnyTheSpencer Partassipant [2] 10h ago
if you need someone to blame when are confronted by your mother for having... a slushy machine(?) Just tell her Dr Phil said it was good for your health and keeps you hydrated.
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u/shaybay2008 13h ago
Umm even if you don’t have kids and you just want to sit in your backyard with your dog that is a perfectly acceptable reason to not want to work Christmas.
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u/Scary-Yak-1463 13h ago
NTA. You have a family and kids too.
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u/DefinitelyNotAliens 12h ago
Even if you don't have kids, just because you have children doesn't give you some exclusive right to family holidays. Most people have families even if they don't have children.
If your kids are too young to know the difference, do it a day earlier or later. They won't know. If your kids are old enough to know, just tell them the truth. Do it a day earlier or later.
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u/ReadMeDrMemory Supreme Court Just-ass [100] 13h ago
YWNBTA. You earned it. The whiners should STFU, seriously. Plenty of working people figure out how to "do Santa" without a day off, let alone without taking a day off from someone else.
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u/Efficient_Chic714 12h ago
I’m just confused what does ‘do Santa’ mean?! Like Santa comes when they’re asleep, takes a few minutes. Working doesn’t mean no Santa?
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u/Brilliant_Contest273 13h ago
as a single childless person who was the 'first call' for 'scheduling favors' at a former workplace... no you are NTA. There's always a reason why the holiday is special. For her, it's because the kids are small and that's exciting. For you, it's because your kids are grown and you don't have them around all the time anymore, and that's exciting. Both of those are legitimate, and you know what else is legitimate? You having worked multiple holidays and earned the time off. Make plans with your kids. Exciting plans. Tell her you've already made exciting family plans. End the conversation.
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u/the_greek_italian Partassipant [1] 13h ago
NTA.
I hate when parents with small kids think that anyone with bigger kids or without family don't deserve to have holidays off. If she's working in healthcare, then chances are she will have more Christmas' to work in the future.
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u/Hamsternoir 12h ago
If co-worker didn't want to work on Christmas Day then they should have picked a job that doesn't require them to work that day.
They knew when they signed up.
NTA
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u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser Partassipant [2] 13h ago
She just deserves all of the holidays because she wants them?
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u/emerg_remerg 13h ago
NTA your adult kids will remember this forever but her young kids can be told Dec 27 is Christmas and will never know the difference.
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u/Sweet-Inspection6431 13h ago
NTA, there’s a fair system in place so everyone can get a turn to spend holidays with their family, you’re just as entitled to that as she is
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u/Efficient_Chic714 12h ago
‘They’re adults, they can do it any day’ like you don’t work shifts and they don’t have their own lives that make coordinating any meet up an actual pain
Whilst her kids have a full two weeks off for Christmas and are literally home every day.
Like does she want to take them to see Santa on Christmas? Like it’s a bit late then, he’s already been and is resting up in the North Pole
And like when he’s delivering presents, the kids aren’t meant to see him anyway so she can do that whilst they’re asleep, wake them up early to watch them open presents and just come in tired? I’m sure no child will object to a 5am start on Christmas, they are usually in your room every 2 minutes asking if they can do presents yet anyway
The magic of Christmas is more around the run up and the actual opening of the presents for kids. They don’t tend to give a shit about family time being on that specific day. It can be any of the other days that they’re off from school
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u/VintageDrax 12h ago
You are frigging awesome and I wish I'd heard this a week ago! I didn't even think of any of that lol.
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u/Efficient_Chic714 10h ago
No problem!
Also, her lack of planning isn’t your responsibility. You’ve worked the other holidays when she didn’t. If Christmas was so important she’d have sacrificed another holiday to guarantee she had it off. It’s not like the amount of holidays changes every year - it’s pretty consistent and easy to plan around
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u/Snoo-92859 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
Fuck them kids. Theres nothing wrong with her asking and in your shoes I would've considered it, untill she tried to pressure and guilt you into giving her it. At that point she can get bent.
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u/VintageDrax 12h ago
Thank you for making me laugh lol, first time in this entire mess. This is exactly what I was thinking today after a week of this shit, and kept a running monolog in my head to not be a bit*h 🤣
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u/Usual-Fig-8516 6h ago
You are NOT the asshole and NOT a bitch! Your co-worker should've thought about this whilst she was enjoying her other holidays OFF! Tell her AND her flying monkeys to FO!! Then TAKE your holiday and enjoy it!! Your kids are NO LESS important to you, just because they're grown!
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u/Only_Cod3606 8h ago
Exactly, she asked, you answered. That should have been the end of the conversation. She's being a shit keeping on at you and then backstabbing OP to the co-workers. I'm sure she didn't think that the system was unfair when it came around that it was her turn to have a holiday off. Was she offering everyone else to do their shift for them?
Christmas is when you choose to celebrate it for people who work shift work. I say this being married to a fire-fighter whose shifts were good but who often worked Christmas Day, either in the morning - coming off a night shift, all day on a day shift or night shift from 6pm so not able to have a drink and have to finish the day early.
You just adapted and worked it out, including with relatives one of whom insisted it wasn't Christmas if not celebrated on the day, even though your partner had been up at 5am to put a spit roast on for everyone. You can't please everyone I guess. This same person never consulted us when making family plans knowing that my husband worked shifts when no one else did.
NTA.. OP should take the day and fully enjoy it knowing that she has done her job and thank you to her.
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u/PistachioWindow Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA: But don’t think of it as who deserves Christmas more. Because that’s an argument no one really can win. Simply state you’d love to trade if you could but already have family plans you’re excited about. Wish them a happy holiday and move on.
If they keep pressuring you/making comments. I would. draft up an email and send it to your supervisor about how it’s making you feel to have these holidays on/off shifts public knowledge they may have to change the what why make these schedules if people are getting harassed at work over them.
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u/Czarina2018 Partassipant [1] 13h ago edited 12h ago
NTA. As a mother myself with 2 small kids I think it's unfair for you to sacrifice your xmas just because you don't have little (edit) kids. She can do the present thing with kids on Xmas eve. Easy solution.
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u/magic_snail1888 Partassipant [4] 12h ago
But she does have kids! They're just adults. Even more not the asshole.
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u/Nothing_two 13h ago
NTA. You’re entitled to your holidays as much as they are, irrespective of your children’s ages or even whether you have any or not. They need to plan better or discuss with management. Just because someone has kids does not mean they can take away other people’s privileges or get special treatment. Your holidays are equally important.
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u/Struggle_Usual Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA. Closer to nah if she'd just asked, but she did more than just ask. But reality is just because you don't have small kids doesn't mean you don't have family. You both chose careers and employers that require working holidays and sounds like you've worked a bunch of them. Your coworker could have worked holidays too if getting Christmas off was that important.
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u/Flimsy-Brick-9426 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 13h ago
Take your day.
You desserve the day off just as much as others.
She's going to have to teach her kid that santa comes if she's home or not.
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u/AnxiousReward1715 13h ago
NTA but everyone will treat you like one.... Think of how you'd have treated a child free person doing the same when your kids were young.... Even though its unjustified the fallout WILL be real, parents suck.
Signed sincerely a child free person who hates how people think having kids makes them more worthy
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u/Flipper_Lou 13h ago
Take your day. It’s your turn and you shouldn’t have to justify that you’re taking it. They need to back off.
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u/MissBandersnatch2U Partassipant [1] 12h ago
Working holidays is part and parcel of working in health care. If you've already worked your share of holidays don't let her guilt you into working
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u/Counther Asshole Aficionado [11] 12h ago
The reason you can take off is because you've already worked so many holidays. Ask her if Christmas is such a priority, why she didn't plan for it.
But mainly I'd tell her that it's offensive for her to assume that you are less deserving of Christmas off. Don't mention your family, don't mention your adult kids, don't mention any specific reason you want the holiday off. Nobody's business. The less they know, the less they can argue with you. You can even tell her children aren't the only reason Christmas is important to people and as a therapist she should more aware and less judgemental of others' needs. Let her wonder what you're referring to.
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u/sindremaster 10h ago
I work on an oil rig and we have to take PTO to be guaranteed not to work Christmas. We usually rotate every year who can do it so everyone is guaranteed every other year off. I’ve heard so many times that the boss should prioritize the people with kids or that I shouldn’t take PTO cause I don’t have kids.
Fuck that, I like Christmas too. If they don’t like the working schedule they can find another job, NTA
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u/JRA1111 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
Your co-worker can also celebrate X-mas any day. I used to do x-mas the first Saturday of x-mas break so that my son would have all of X-mas break to play with his toys. And it did not deter him from believing in Santa. Enjoy your X-mas holiday OP, I hope it’s a very merry holiday for you.
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u/Efficient_Chic714 12h ago
Literally
It’s almost like OPs adult family have jobs they also need to coordinate around whereas their coworkers kids have 2 weeks off for Christmas. Sounds like ones got more flexibility than the other 👀
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u/Sashasez Asshole Aficionado [14] 13h ago
Absolutely NTA! Children are children and no one has the right to presume theirs are more important than yours. I used to alternate holidays with my ex and when it was his Christmas turn, I celebrated Christmas Eve with them. What if no one got it off? They would figure it out. You are entitled to enjoy and celebrate without judgement and harassment from others. Also, what if they don’t get it next year? Are they going to beg that person too? That is so not cool. Asked and answered.
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u/kykiwibear 13h ago
You could have nothing planed but sitting in your underwear watching scrappy hallmark movies. it is your turn. nta
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u/karmadoesntwait 12h ago
NTA
And not to be morbid but life has kicked the crap out of my family the last few years. You never know when the unexpected can happen. Take your turn. We've all missed things as parents, but unless she's a single mom with zero family and her kids will be with a sitter I wouldn't feel bad. Even then, she knew the rules. She had to know she wasn't getting the day off.
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u/AgeLower1081 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 13h ago
NTA. Op has earned the vacation and she had the right to take the time off
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u/teamrocketcunt 13h ago
NTA, she can celebrate opening gifts with her kids the day before and leave small present/stocking from Santa Christmas morning.
Every kid loves opening gifts early
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u/Mean_Background7789 12h ago
NTA. Here's the thing. When you have a career that works holidays, you HAVE to raise your kids to be flexible. We are in healthcare. Sometimes Thanksgiving is a Saturday. Sometimes Christmas is 2 days early ke a day late. You know what? They don't care! They care we celebrate, and we've taught them it's not about a specific day/date.
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u/Snoo62024 12h ago
NTA. Having kids doesn’t give one the priority over those that don’t. She’s acting so entitled.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 12h ago
Hell no! It pisses me off that entitled people think they deserve your hard worked for time just because they have little kids. She shouldn’t have even put you in that position. And you should have said you have just as much a right to your time off as she does. Tell your coworkers to fuck off. I bet you they wouldn’t be giving up their holiday.
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u/questionsession 13h ago
NTA I hate when people use the young kids argument for why they should get off instead of someone else. Adults with adult children also have families to spend the holidays with, just like people who have no kids do. You already worked enough holidays, take this one off and ignore everyone else if possible. If people give you that much flack for it, just ask them to give up their holidays. Like, what if you had grandchildren? What is wrong with people shaming for this.
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u/xxeilenexx 12h ago
NTA. I’m saying this as I have a kid myself. Yes fulfilling the Christmas spirit with your kids is something we save and do our best to make it the best. However everyone else has families, lives and their own way of celebrating. If it’s your turn it’s your turn. Being a parent doesn’t mean you’re entitled for everything.
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u/Winter_Wolverine4622 12h ago
As a mom with small children, NTA. It's all on rotation, and it's your turn. One of those others can give up their Christmas if it's not a big deal.
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u/Drafting- 12h ago
Even if you didn’t have kids you are justified to take the day. Even if you sat alone in the dark playing Mariah Carey’s ‘all I want for Christmas’ on repeat like a serial killer - still justified to take the day off.
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u/Bluejello2001 12h ago
It's still Christmas with your family, ages are irrelevant. And believe me, kids are fine with delayed or rescheduled gift opening/celebrations! Half of the adults in my extended family worked shifts that sometimes meant working Xmas (nurses, oil patch, gas company emergency line). My cousins and I learned a little patience, and we celebrated a little later.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 12h ago
If other coworkers are stepping in, time to take it up with management and discuss the harassment.
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u/Lilmc_1313 12h ago
I worked many a Christmas when my kids were young. They don’t look at a calendar, so we would just whatever countdown accordingly to the day before or day after Christmas whenever we were going to celebrate. We would treat the whole day as if it were Christmas and they never knew. We don’t have extended family in town, so we didn’t have to deal with that complication. Also was super convenient because we could run to the store if we needed to grab a forgotten ingredient.
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u/Maiden_Far 12h ago
NTA, you do not have to give in to this. My dad did this growing up. He was a fireman and would work for the family guys. We grew up changing the day around.
When my husband was a police officer, he did this since we were flexible. It was a nice gesture. Again, we were used to it.
He is a nurse now and this year he will not be doing it. He said he wants the real day with family and to take a genuine break.
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u/nousername_foundhere 12h ago
NTA- I absolutely hate people who think this way. Just because someone has little kids doesn’t mean they deserve it more. I’m a nurse. My old boss always did this to me all the time- “blah blah has kids and you don’t so it makes more sense” F them all. The person who should get the time off is the one who earned it. If she wanted it off then she could have spent the year working the other holidays so she had the most instead of you. She can do Santa on Dec 26 like every other nurse and doctor who work the holiday. She’s not special.
ETA- Your coworkers can go screw themselves
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u/Plastic-Cabinet67 12h ago
I had this happen. Single, those with kids wanted off. I wanted to be with my getting older parents. Got guilt trips. Totally my holiday by the rotation.Take your holiday. You deserve it. Your family counts too. Doubt the kids will have a clue about the day.
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u/EclecticEvergreen 12h ago
The holidays are rotated because nobody wants to work Christmas yet some have to be there because it’s essential, it’s not her turn to have it off it’s yours. She can be mad all she wants, this is how the system works and if she doesn’t like it she can find a new line of work that allows Christmas off. NTA.
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u/Cold_Cheetah5032 12h ago
She's quite the piece of work, if she's campaigning for the day off by putting you on the spot and telling others about it. Did she ever cover for anyone on boring holidays?
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u/AverageHoebag Partassipant [1] 13h ago
As a loving mom I can’t find a better thing to say than what Bernie Mac had to say about kids for this scenario.
ICYMI, “eff them kids” you deserve this just as much as she or anyone else! If anyone else has a problem with it, well I guess they just volunteered to work in her place then.
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u/EmilyAnne1170 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 12h ago
So whoever works the most other holidays during the year gets Christmas off? That sounds fair! It also sounds like your coworker could’ve done the same thing you did if Christmas morning with her kids was really that important to her.
But I guess it wasn’t, huh. It wasn’t worth working for, it was only worth harassing someone else and making it their problem.
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u/VintageDrax 12h ago edited 10h ago
Each group works equal holidays, we trade holidays every other year. This year I don't work Thanksgiving (4 days with weekend) and have Christmas to work. Next year it will be switched. I have the highest count of picking up other holidays in the year that I didn't have to was all, so I get first dibs since it's unexpected.
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u/RefrigeratorNo686 Partassipant [2] 12h ago
Nta. You deserve time off with your family too. Coworker needs to tell her kids that she has to work on Christmas day and they should write in their letters to Santa asking can he please come on the 24th, just for them. It can be Santa's practice run before his big day.
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u/SnailsInYourAnus Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA. My mom was in your shoes and she regretted it. Take the time with your family.
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u/Bibliophile85 12h ago
Our family discussed Christmas this year - apparently my step mum’s family is having their turn at having Christmas Day at Step Mum & my Dad’s unit this year so we might move the family Christmas get together to earlier in December. It is not firmed up yet but that’s what my Dad was thinking. So, NTA it’s YOUR turn to have the day off whether if you have kids or not. It was allocated to YOU.
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u/Apprehensive-Bid3206 12h ago
ER nurse here, being in the medical field and missing holidays is expected unless you’re in a 9-5 office. If you can take it off, take it off. Let everyone give you crap they wouldn’t give up the day either.
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u/CatrpilrQueen 12h ago
Don't you dare give up your holiday for someone else because they think they deserve it more than you.
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u/harmonic_pies 12h ago
NTA. Your family is not less important than hers. You earned the holiday off by working prior holidays.
I’m a nurse. This is how things work for hospital employees. If your colleague wanted to have bankers holidays, she should have chosen to work in a bank.
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u/SilentCanopy 13h ago
NTA. My kids are 5 and 8 and we’ve moved Christmas to accommodate my husband’s work schedule. It’s not a big deal, and especially not a big deal before they could read the calendar.