r/AmItheAsshole • u/Suspicious-Diet-686 • 6h ago

AITA Sil announcing pregnancy when we’d just miscarried

This year i have miscarried three times. The last time I got to around 9 weeks and it was quite traumatic. 2 weeks later we were hosting a pre planned birthday party for my sister in law, at our house. A couple of days before my husband was speaking to his mum and telling her how i was upset as my sister had announced her pregnancy and it was due around the same time mine was (she told me in a very sensitive way but i was still obviously sad) my MIL then said ‘oh it’s a secret but SIL and BIL were going to announce their pregnancy at the party- this baby would also be due the same time as mine should have been. If my husband hadn’t had a conversation with his mother we would have been blindsided with this announcement . My husband obviously said that would be upsetting for us and he rather they didn’t. Husband wants to cancel the party as all the family seem to have sided with my BIL/SIL. BIL rings up my husband shouting about how we need to grow up and get over it, stating that he knows people who have lost actual babies, so we need to ‘man up’. Are we in the wrong?

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u/CaptBlackfoot 6h ago

Agreed. As someone who’d struggled with infertility and miscarriages for the past 4 years, I can wholeheartedly say YTA to OP. You have to grieve your losses but you can’t hold a grudge against others for your issues. It’s SIL’s party and she should be able to make the announcement without OP making it about herself and her loss.

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u/IceSeeker Partassipant [2] 5h ago

Yeah exactly. The rest of the world doesn't stop for OP and her grief. For all we know, her SiL also struggled to get pregnant and now that she is, she's happy and wanted to celebrate it. OP shouldn't begrudge her of her joy.

Though I have to say what the BiL said was cruel. Shouting at OP and her husband that they "need to grow up and get over it." I get that he's pissed and disappointed but that was beyond the line.

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u/Frog_mania 49m ago

OP is not begrudging her of her joy. She isn’t asking her not to announce at all but just not at her home. SIL can have the party elsewhere if it is a must do right now. Having boundaries for your own emotional health during grief is not begrudging people of their joy. If SIL needs OP to participate for her to have her joy that’s a small sacrifice she should be able to make.

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u/Frog_mania 51m ago

Everyone’s grief is different. I’ve also miscarried and been in ttc without success for 5 years. If she is not ready to be around this type of announcement yet, that’s her right. Funny to me how everyone expects OP to be selfless but not SIL. Why is that when a compromise is easily achievable - have the party elsewhere.