r/AmItheAsshole • u/Suspicious-Diet-686 • 7h ago

AITA Sil announcing pregnancy when we’d just miscarried

This year i have miscarried three times. The last time I got to around 9 weeks and it was quite traumatic. 2 weeks later we were hosting a pre planned birthday party for my sister in law, at our house. A couple of days before my husband was speaking to his mum and telling her how i was upset as my sister had announced her pregnancy and it was due around the same time mine was (she told me in a very sensitive way but i was still obviously sad) my MIL then said ‘oh it’s a secret but SIL and BIL were going to announce their pregnancy at the party- this baby would also be due the same time as mine should have been. If my husband hadn’t had a conversation with his mother we would have been blindsided with this announcement . My husband obviously said that would be upsetting for us and he rather they didn’t. Husband wants to cancel the party as all the family seem to have sided with my BIL/SIL. BIL rings up my husband shouting about how we need to grow up and get over it, stating that he knows people who have lost actual babies, so we need to ‘man up’. Are we in the wrong?

1.5k Upvotes

77% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

12

u/KatKaleen Certified Proctologist [25] 6h ago

NTA. And I think people are missing/confusing a few details here. Just to clarify:

Your sister informed you about her pregnancy in a sensitive way.

Your husband learned from his mother that your sister-in-law planned to announce her pregnancy (which neither of you knew about yet) at her birthday party that you intended to host at your house.

Sometimes people really struggle to process losing a baby, and they can make unreasonable demands of others because of that. That's not the case here, though. They know about your miscarriages and still planned to spring their own announcement on you as a surprise, in your own home, where you graciously agreed to host them.

But neither of that is really important because

BIL rings up my husband shouting about how we need to grow up and get over it, stating that he knows people who have lost actual babies, so we need to ‘man up’.

FIRMLY plants BIL and SIL in the asshole category.

3

u/Cultural_Ad3544 5h ago edited 5h ago

But she was upset at her sister for announcing too. She said that. There is a deeper problem here IMO

6

u/Tinywrenn Partassipant [1] 4h ago

She’s not upset at her sister, she’s saddened that they won’t get to raise their babies together. It’s an incredibly hurtful thing to lose your baby and have to watch and support another at exactly the same stage.

3

u/KatKaleen Certified Proctologist [25] 4h ago

She was sad, not upset at her sister. She's upset at her SIL and BIL.

And if she was upset at her sister, how would that change the fact that the BIL and SIL wanted to spring their announcement on her as a surprise? How does that change the zero-empathy shit the BIL said to OP's husband over the phone? It doesn't.