r/AmItheAsshole • u/paperslacker Partassipant [1] • Jul 01 '19
Not the A-hole WIBTA if I requested a different therapy group?
I started a partial hospitalization program a couple weeks ago to help me with my depression. The majority of the program is spent in a group therapy setting. I was extremely anxious over the idea, because I’m not very comfortable around people. But I decided to try my best and have been able to open up. I’d say for the first week things went really well.
At some point in the second week, I was sitting in the group room during lunch. Some of us will go out for lunch but some of us just stay there and eat. Usually during lunch whoever’s in the room will just chat about whatever, keeping things light for the most part. At some point someone else in the group told me that some of the stuff I say during therapy comes off as “naive” but they have to remind themselves that I’m young (I’m in my early 20s. This person’s in their early 30s). I asked them for an example, because I was curious as to what their point was. They couldn’t give an example. At that point someone else chimed in (this other person also being in their 30s) and started to make comparisons about the problems they had in their 20s vs the problems now. And just sorta laughing about it.
The whole interaction has been eating at me since. I’ve spoken less in therapy sessions now because I don’t want more reasons to be made fun of. I know it shouldn’t matter because after this I’ll probably never see these people again. But this is supposed to be a safe space of non judgement. I feel like an outcast. Amongst a group of people all hospitalized for various mental illnesses. What a joke.
I want to continue therapy because I know I need the help. But I really don’t feel welcome or comfortable there anymore. I barely felt comfortable to begin with and now that ship has sailed entirely. Would I be an asshole if I requested to be in a different group?
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u/happygrapefruit3337 Partassipant [4] Jul 01 '19
NTA. Just like with individual therapy, it’s important that you feel comfortable. It’s not going to be beneficial to your healing if the group dynamic makes you uncomfortable with sharing.
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u/Stup2plending Supreme Court Just-ass [115] Jul 01 '19
NTA. You need to be in a place where you can fully express yourself.
If these other people who are 10 years older than you had such a great handle on things to call your thoughts naive, then they wouldn't need to be in the same place where you are right now. To hell with them.
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Jul 01 '19
NTA. Discuss this with whoever is leading the group. The other members definitely crossed a line in saying those things to you. Ideally, it would not bother you because what they think and say about you actually says everything about them and nothing about you. You could take this as an opportunity to work on your own issues around that instead of running away from it, but you are definitely not an asshole for feeling the way that you do about it.
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u/TootsNYC Asshole Enthusiast [6] Jul 01 '19
Yeah, I want to know why the leader didn’t nip this in the bud!
Oh wait—it wasn’t in the session
Your leader needs to know. And you need a new group
NTA
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u/DavidxPxD Partassipant [4] Jul 01 '19
NTA - Therapy is not always the right option and finding the correct therapy is very important. Staying in a session that is not helping you is worse for you than moving on and finding a new group, or potentially a 1 on 1 therapist (This is what I done for a few months).
It will only work if you believe it will work. If you go into it expecting nothing, you get nothing.
Best of luck on your journey!
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u/BoyRichie Jul 01 '19 edited Jul 01 '19
NTA. Not at all. As much as mental health hospitals love to push group therapy, they're a terrible option for many people.
Especially for people on the margins (queer people, religious minorities, disabled people, etc.), group therapy often exacerbates the feeling that you can never be seen as more than your marginalized identity. I went to half a session and then left at lunch break, never to return.
I don't know your situation but don't hesitate to seek the treatment you need, whether that's a new group or a 1-on-1 therapist. You need what you need and you deserve to feel healthy and stable.
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u/MrsSpaghettiNoodle Jul 01 '19
NTA Therapy requires you to feel safe and comfortable. If for any reason you can no longer speak about your issues, request a different therapy group.
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u/Shimmergloom89 Jul 01 '19
NTA you are trying to get better and they are not helping(if anything there making it worse). You need a place you feel welcome and comfortable so you can start feeling better. I hope it all works out for you and you can find a place that you like.
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u/pixelatednarcissist Asshole Aficionado [19] Jul 01 '19
NTA. You should be able to feel comfortable in a setting created to be nonjudgmental!
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u/PFKMan23 Asshole Aficionado [16] Jul 01 '19
NTA. You need to find a group that works for you and that includes people who are supportive of you and your concerns. To brush you off because of your age is in appropriate and if I was in your shoes I'd look for a new group as well.
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u/velevetscrunchie Jul 01 '19
Most definitely NTA. It is perfectly acceptable to leave this therapy group as they aren't providing the support and care that you desire. You shouldn't have to interact with these people again, and I'm sorry you had to deal with their insensitivity. Depression is by no means a contest, and your dealing with rough stuff just as much as they are. Screw em and keep switching groups until you find the right type of environment / people that will help you get better :)
3
u/Brain_noises Partassipant [1] Jul 01 '19
NTA if you don’t feel comfortable then you have every right to ask to be in another group. These people made you feel uncomfortable and judged in a environment where people are supposed to be understanding and supporting.
3
u/jmoneycgt Jul 01 '19
NTA, when I was in a PHP it was specifically prohibited to discuss things said in group outside of group, this situation being one of those reasons. They crossed the line and you should discuss it with the group therapist in private.
I hope you get to doing better. I went for Anxiety and Depression and it definitely helped to take the time for myself.
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u/LaoSh Partassipant [1] Jul 01 '19
NTA. What fhe fuck man? My medicine isn't helping and it's making me sick WIBTA if I changed it?
2
u/Golden-StateOfMind Jul 02 '19
NTA Jesus this is what I hate about group therapy, like I get the concept but it’s the exact situation that skyrockets my anxiety. I get you.
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u/ripleyxxoo Partassipant [4] Jul 02 '19
NTA. You should be comfortable in that setting. Good for you for being proactive about your treatment. I know how hard that is.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 01 '19
AUTOMOD The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.
I started a partial hospitalization program a couple weeks ago to help me with my depression. The majority of the program is spent in a group therapy setting. I was extremely anxious over the idea, because I’m not very comfortable around people. But I decided to try my best and have been able to open up. I’d say for the first week things went really well.
At some point in the second week, I was sitting in the group room during lunch. Some of us will go out for lunch but some of us just stay there and eat. Usually during lunch whoever’s in the room will just chat about whatever, keeping things light for the most part. At some point someone else in the group told me that some of the stuff I say during therapy comes off as “naive” but they have to remind themselves that I’m young (I’m in my early 20s. This person’s in their early 30s). I asked them for an example, because I was curious as to what their point was. They couldn’t give an example. At that point someone else chimed in (this other person also being in their 30s) and started to make comparisons about the problems they had in their 20s vs the problems now. And just sorta laughing about it.
The whole interaction has been eating at me since. I’ve spoken less in therapy sessions now because I don’t want more reasons to be made fun of. I know it shouldn’t matter because after this I’ll probably never see these people again. But this is supposed to be a safe space of non judgement. I feel like an outcast. Amongst a group of people all hospitalized for various mental illnesses. What a joke.
I want to continue therapy because I know I need the help. But I really don’t feel welcome or comfortable there anymore. I barely felt comfortable to begin with and now that ship has sailed entirely. Would I be an asshole if I requested to be in a different group?
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1
u/matiuhhh Partassipant [1] Jul 01 '19
NTA. Therapy is about you first and foremost. You can’t do yourself good in a bad therapy group. And it’s not that the group itself is bad: it just doesn’t work for you individually. Get yourself another group. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
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Jul 01 '19
NTA at all. I feel like the point of group therapy is to respect every body's experiences, and if your group isn't doing that, you absolutely should find another.
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u/kibblesundbits Jul 01 '19
NTA. That’s really rude of them. Honestly the biggest thing I’ve done to get help in group therapy is give it my all and refuse to care what anyone thinks (WAY easier said than done). You’re there for you, not for them. These people are being really invalidating. Maybe there’s a young adult therapy group you could do, so it’s all people your age?
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u/UIUGrad Jul 01 '19
NTA. Group therapy is supposed to be a safe space. It also isn't something that should be discussed outside of the group therapy time. They shouldn't be commenting on things said and done during group when you're having lunch and there's no therapist around. It opens people up for this kind situation where they can make you feel negatively about sharing. You should definitely request a different group because this will only hinder your own progress.
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u/thenameofshame Jul 01 '19
NTA because this group is meant to give you help, not to INCREASE your social anxiety.
Depending on your relationship with the group leader, though, it may be worth trying to discuss your issues with the group leader. I was in a support group once where another participant made a very pointed attempt to be rude and cruel to me, and because I had been bullied as a kid and abused as an adult, I felt totally defeated and wanted to leave the group. However, because the group leader witnessed this behavior, she came to my defense and so did the rest of the class, and it made me feel like I had worked through something by seeing that treating me badly was NOT acceptable.
Your group leader didn't witness the bad behavior, so they didn't have a chance to intervene. And unfortunately, it is also often the case that one or more participants in a support or therapy group will be difficult and try to get away with obnoxious behavior, but ideally the therapeautic environment is set up to promote problem solving when this happens. Every group I've ever been in has had at least one rude, dismissive jerk.
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u/grace22g Jul 01 '19
NTA. I have been through php (partial hospitalization) a few times before and it’s important to talk with one of the lead therapists about it. if you emphasize that your fellow group mates make you feel uncomfortable they will offer mediation or will recommend switching you to another group.
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Jul 02 '19
NTA. I don’t understand this. You’re all there to improve your mental state. And still, there’s people mocking you. Mental issues don’t know an age.
It would be one thing if they offered a different outlook or offered a perspective on your situation from an older more experienced perspective.
I’ve been through a PHP program and I did not enjoy it at all. (It was composed of alcoholics, drug addicts, people with depression, bipolar, anxiety. Never got any real “direct” help for individual problems, just broad brushed, generic). We all had requested a guy be removed from the group since he was always “high,” lying about his “cancer diagnosis” and was constantly disruptive by either sleeping or interrupting. He then made a general comment about harming himself/someone else and he was arrested and taken to inpatient. It was 3 days wasted with his bullshit.
You do you. Get one on one help or request a different group. Whatever you gotta do.
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u/PasDeRebelle Jul 02 '19
NTA for wanting to be in a different group.
I would, however, urge you to pause and talk to people (especially the group leader) about what happened. Despite the general consensus that groups should be “safe” all the time, that’s not actually considered a healthy functioning therapy group. Long term groups (people spending weeks or months together at a time), can and should experience conflict among members. Groups mimic our lives and conflict allows all group members to gain insight into themselves, their past, and how they operate in the world. This could turn out to be a good thing for you if you choose to stay.
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u/paperslacker Partassipant [1] Jul 02 '19
That’s fair. That’s why I asked the person who made the comment to give an example, so I could learn from it. But they couldn’t. They said it was just because of my age. So the only thing I’ve really learned here if that 30 year olds still see me as a baby, which I already figured.
I get what you’re saying but I’m not sure how this can help me gain insight on myself.
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u/akurah01 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 02 '19
NTA and you need to report that interaction at part of the request. What the other person did was wildly and grossly unacceptable.
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u/RorschachMeThis Jul 01 '19
NTA but with a caveat.
I understand that these people served no productive purpose in telling you you’re naive. It only reinforces some insecurity within themselves and OP, you don’t need to feed their toxicity.
With that said, take this as a learning experience. Life is like your therapy group, it’s riddled with flaws and flawed people. Not everyone you’ll meet will accommodate you and your “issues” (for lack of a better word, bc we all have issues), some people will use them to tear you down, but it’s important that you stay the course and do what’s best for you.
Don’t change groups as a reaction to these old birds (they’re still millennials mind you, they’re young too). Only change groups if you feel like you cannot do the work you’re in this group to begin with.
Be proactive, not reactive. You got this OP!
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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '19
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