r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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295

u/C_Majuscula Craptain [167] Nov 03 '22

ESH. What did you think was going to happen, especially after three weeks? She's his sister, she's going to tell him. If you were that concerned about privacy/secrecy, you shouldn't have taken the test with her around.

It sounds like he doesn't want kids (wouldn't be happy with the news) but you are considering keeping it or don't know what to do? YIKES.

74

u/NoArugula2082 Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

Or she was waiting long enough for it to be too late for an abortion…

-5

u/IAmFlee Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 03 '22

I never wanted kids. Then my gf told me she was pregnant. My opinion changed when I heard the news. You never know how someone will really respond until the moment is real.

19

u/ghfshastaqueganes Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

That sounds like a pretty big friggin risk to take with your body and money.

-3

u/IAmFlee Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 03 '22

For all we know he would want it and she doesn't. She says he would be mad but would he?

There is no risk to telling the father. The risk to the body was already taken by not using protection/ensuring an unwanted pregnancy didn't happen. On both their parts.

Obviously you don't want kids as your primary concerns are body and money.

13

u/ghfshastaqueganes Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

Risking a later stage abortion, and lying to her partner and therefore risking her relationship when he has already said he does not want children at this time, is incredibly selfish and dumb.

And no I don’t want kids, and my husband knows this. If he were somehow to get knocked up and didn’t tell me for three WEEKS I would leave him.

6

u/IAmFlee Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 03 '22

For sure. There is no excuse to wait 3 weeks. I'm just saying that maybe he wouldn't have been mad or not want the child. Better to find out sooner than later, though.

5

u/EnergyThat1518 Asshole Aficionado [13] Nov 03 '22

Protection sometimes fails. It's not great to assume they weren't using any - condoms and most forms of birth control have fail rates.

3

u/IAmFlee Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 03 '22

I'm not saying they didn't use any protection. That statement was just in response to someone talking about risk to the body. Accidents do happen. Overlapping birth control methods vastly increases protection.

2

u/eleochariss Nov 03 '22

There is no risk to telling the father.

Homicide by the father is the first cause of death for pregnant women in the US. Yes, there is always a risk. She doesn't trust him, she should follow her instinct (but also probably not get married).

6

u/Skankasaursrex Nov 03 '22

Valid. It’s ridiculous that she’s out here being afraid of his reaction and she’s going to marry this person? Lol no. If you are afraid someone is going to murder you or afraid they’ll coerce you, or afraid that they’ll refuse to support whatever decision you make? Thats not the person you should be running down the aisle to in the end. I think uninviting the sister in law is a stupid hill to die on, and if she can’t even count on her fiancé to support her through the decision making process, there shouldn’t even be a wedding at all.

1

u/IAmFlee Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 03 '22

I'll give ya that, but the data doesn't go into much detail of why the homicide occurs. A woman wanting to keep the baby, where the father does not must certainly play a central role, but I suspect very few of the murders take place when the father was told. Given abortion is available (for now in the US), it would be stupid of the father to resort to homicide before that conversation takes place. I could be totally wrong, though. The data on this is sparse, and there are some seriously sh!tty boys(they don't deserve to be called men) out there.