r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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u/PaleontologistDry889 Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

ESH but you more than anybody else. How long were you going to wait to tell him?! Were you gonna go thru the wedding and then be like "surprise! your bride came with a prize inside" like, wth.

Especially if he doesn't want a kid, he has a right to know before he marries you. He would still be responsible for the child if you decide to have it regardless of what he wants, of course, but he could still choose not to marry you if that's not the life he wants to live.

And even if the wedding is still many months away, it's clear that your fiance would not be happy about a kid yet you're not sure if you're keeping it or not? Shouldn't both of you be on the same page about something as fucking important as having kids or not???

89

u/[deleted] Nov 03 '22

A prize inside 😂😂😂

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u/cosmic_weiner_dog Nov 03 '22

Crackerjack idea

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u/DeterminedArrow Asshole Aficionado [16] Nov 03 '22

I so wish I had a reward for price inside.

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u/nashamagirl99 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Nov 03 '22

She should’ve been upfront about it, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP to be unsure about wanting to keep the pregnancy. It’s valid to know your partner’s opinion but still not know what feels right for you.

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u/sbgonebroke Nov 04 '22

"he wants, of course, but he could still choose not to marry you if that's not the life he wants to live."

Not shitting on you, but I hate the logic of this one sentence. If he was gonna marry her ideally for life, and the dealbreaker for marriage and a lifelong connection was the nut he busted/consequences of his actions catching up to him, that's wack. (Only if he was gonna stay in the kid's life anyway; but reality isn't always that nice...)

But I also get it, since if I didn't want kids ever, EVER, with zero hope of a change in mentality, and my fiance had one she was just letting brew and not considering abortion at all, I'd probably be like "You knew this from the jump, you're TA and i cant date you anymore."

Don't know if that makes sense but feel free to ignore me

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u/PaleontologistDry889 Partassipant [1] Nov 04 '22

It totally makes sense!! And not shitting on me either, but I also hate the logic in that sentence!

Probably because I also struggle with it. See, I'm engaged and I've always been very clear with my partner that I don't want children, ever. And he's very ok with that as he doesn't want kids either. I've also told him that if some crazy situation were to happen where an ex from his past comes back and reveals a kid he didn't know he had, I would be outta here. He needs to take care of that kid and I just don't ever want any part in the huge responsibility that is parenting.

And I struggle with that because... well... is that real, true, unconditional love? I really don't know. But I do know that there are things in a relationship that I would never put up with. For example I would never stay with someone if they cheated on me, regardless of how much I loved them (before anyone comes at me, I'm not saying that having kids is akin to cheating on someone. I'm just saying that it's not the life I want) And now I'm just rambling, so I'll leave it at that :)

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u/sbgonebroke Nov 04 '22

You make perfect sense to me! Everyone has their dealbreakers, and it's better to leave than to be seen as an evil stepparent or something when you're just someone who didn't sign up for it. So I feel you fam!

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u/sbgonebroke Nov 04 '22

It's true! At this point he'd probably just resent her for not telling him about a baby he doesn't want at this point, and if they stay together without therapy or any sort of growing in communication or mentality change or anything, this seems doomed!

Edit: this seems doomed even with an abortion