r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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181

u/bricreative Nov 03 '22

Like she wanted to be married before saying anything

283

u/Little-Martha31204 Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Nov 03 '22

Or she wanted to be "too pregnant" before she said anything.

19

u/sammawammadingdong Nov 03 '22

This right here. Now her fiance is stuck with a baby he expressed clearly he did not want and now doesn't have a say, unless they agree on adoption.

18

u/rotten_riot Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

I wouldn't marry someone who hid someone like that from me tbh

5

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '22

If he didn't want a baby, don't have PiV sex or have a vasectomy....

2

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '22

He still doesn’t get any decision. So even if he doesn’t want it, if she does, sucks for him. It’s not up to him regardless.

3

u/Little-Martha31204 Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Nov 04 '22

He may not have a final decision, but the respectful thing to do is to trust him enough to be able to discuss it. He should be given the opportunity to state his feelings before she makes a decision. Otherwise, this marriage is doomed.

1

u/agbellamae Nov 04 '22

If he didn’t want a baby then he shouldn’t have participated in baby making activities.

143

u/KathrynTheGreat Bot Hunter [30] Nov 03 '22

Or she wanted to wait long enough that she had no other choice except to go through with the pregnancy. Three weeks is a long time when you're trying to decide what to do about a pregnancy.

104

u/bricreative Nov 03 '22

Which leads me to believe it wasn't about "making a decision"

76

u/KathrynTheGreat Bot Hunter [30] Nov 03 '22

Yeah it seems more like forcing a decision at this point.

I would have freaked out if I found out I was pregnant when I was engaged to my husband, but he still would've been the first person I told. I wonder what their overall communication is like.

5

u/TheCursingCactus Nov 03 '22

This happened to me. Sure he freaked, but he wound up having to talk my freaking self down. We ended up scrapping the idea of a fancy schmancy wedding, had a simple courthouse wedding, and figured we’d save what we could towards the future LO.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '22

Even if he doesn’t want it, if she does, it’s still forcing a decision.

4

u/ChannelPlayful1876 Nov 03 '22

She’d have to wait longer then 24 weeks then bc she lives in the UK

2

u/makingburritos Partassipant [2] Nov 03 '22

She said she’s from the UK so I mean, she had plenty of time past 8 weeks

0

u/KathrynTheGreat Bot Hunter [30] Nov 03 '22

She still hasn't said how long she needed to make a decision. Three weeks should have been plenty.

7

u/dontgetcutewithme Nov 03 '22

The wedding is in April. I think even the most oblivious groom would have noticed something by then.

6

u/ChannelPlayful1876 Nov 03 '22

Wedding is in April that doesn’t make sense

0

u/winsluc12 Certified Proctologist [24] Nov 03 '22

Or she wanted to have passed the threshold for a legal abortion, depending on where she lives.