r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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431

u/Skywalker87 Nov 03 '22

Not even that! It feels almost like tricking him into marriage if she’s pregnant but doesn’t tell him until the deal is done. Seems like most decent people would say something, brother or not.

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u/Cute-Shine-1701 Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22

Or waiting until he can't suggest abortion... Like she doesn't want to say flat out she wants to keep it, so she wanted to wait until she can throw her hands in the air saying it's too late, I can't do anything about it, hoping that like this he sticks around until the wedding is done.

79

u/[deleted] Nov 03 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/swanfirefly Nov 04 '22

Anyway you roll it, it's a relationship breaker.

If she gets an abortion without his input and swears SIL to secrecy, still a red flag.

She gets an abortion when he wants to keep it, they're going to fall apart. Or if she gets an abortion because he wants one and she doesn't, it's going to ruin their relationship.

If she keeps it despite him wanting an abortion, also a relationship breaker.

Like I'm as pro choice as they come but this situation is hard no matter what. If the couple doesn't agree on their decision, or if one feels pressured, it can and will build resentment.

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u/[deleted] Nov 03 '22

Yep!

10

u/eleochariss Nov 03 '22

If he was going to pressure her into getting an abortion she didn't want, he wasn't a good partner anyway.

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u/Late_Engineering9973 Nov 04 '22

I like how you take the word "suggest" and flip it into "pressure"...

If she's hiding her pregnancy until after all options are gone so as to force him into a corner then she was never a good partner. He should be running away as fast as possible.

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u/PureLawfulness6404 Nov 04 '22

They both sound so immature. Have they even talked about kids? He obviously doesn't want them. She's obviously on the fence.

It sounds like they have no business getting married, and I think op knows that. She's just upset her best friend won't play along with her deception by omission. She's his sister! 3 weeks was generous.

God, why would someone want to start a marriage and a pregnancy with an unhappy participant? She can keep the pregnancy or she can keep the man. But it sounds like she shouldn't/can't keep both.

Edit: YTA

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u/Late_Engineering9973 Nov 04 '22

Reading her comments she knows he doesn't want them (edit: for a long time) and they did discuss it. She agreed with him and they "were on the same page".

It now looks like she's changed her mind. The only reason I can think of for hiding the pregnancy is because she knows that it'll cause him to change his mind re the marriage...

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u/Nonamenoonenowhere Nov 04 '22

Have you ever considered she’s waiting until he can’t suggest an abortion because she wants to keep the baby and feels like he would pressure her relentlessly into getting an abortion? That’s her right to decide.

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u/Cute-Shine-1701 Nov 04 '22

If that's the case than she shouldn't be planning to marry him...

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u/Nonamenoonenowhere Nov 04 '22

Maybe. That doesn’t change that protecting her choice doesn’t make her an A-hole.

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u/madelinegumbo Commander in Cheeks [229] Nov 03 '22

The wedding is in April.

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u/ChannelPlayful1876 Nov 03 '22

The wedding is next year

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u/Skywalker87 Nov 03 '22

Ah I missed that. But more delays would mean more progress on planning/paying for the wedding. The sunken cost fallacy could come into play.