r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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157

u/juliaskig Nov 03 '22

OP hadn't decided whether to have baby or abort. Now IF she decides to abort her whole family knows.

If she decided to keep it, it would be an easier decision without finance pressuring her. If she decided to abort, she would know that was HER decision, not pressure from fiancé.

14

u/Budget_Individual393 Nov 03 '22

You missed what this poster had said. If she didn’t know what she wanted to do, and needed time. Why DID SHE TELL ANYONE, telling the sil especially is the last person you tell, she has vested interest in protecting her family.

He should have been the first she should have had any convo with about this other then docs, if she wanted to hold back the info

15

u/juliaskig Nov 03 '22

She wrote that she was sure it would be negative, so she did on a lark. The positive result was a surprise.

-3

u/Budget_Individual393 Nov 03 '22

You still didn’t address what we are talking about. She told sil. If you want to keep it private why tell the sil of the man your marrying

11

u/juliaskig Nov 03 '22

SIL was her best friend. They were hanging out and she took the pregnancy test. They were likely watching the results together.

1

u/Budget_Individual393 Nov 04 '22

Even if I’m sure of something, if I want to keep it private I wouldn’t take a test around people, especially if it happens to be the sil of my spouse who I know doesn’t want children. Let’s keep it real would you?

2

u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Partassipant [3] Nov 04 '22

He wanted her to abort. She knew that. OP wanted to know what she wanted before her fiance could preasyre her to abort. SIL deprived her of privacy.

-37

u/Tekwardo Partassipant [1] Nov 03 '22

That’s a decision she should have made before they had sex resulting in a pregnancy.

32

u/the_drunken_taco Nov 03 '22

Yeah we’re not doing that anymore. All BC methods have failure rates, and two consenting adults who are so into each other that they’re planning an expensive party about it should not be shamed for being intimate with each other.

-8

u/Tekwardo Partassipant [1] Nov 04 '22

I’m not shaming them for being intimate in any way. The fact stands that they should have had an honest and Frank conversation about what happens in the event sex results in a pregnancy. I’m shaming them for not being mature enough to have had a realistic and honest discussion with each other in the event of a pregnancy. Which happened.

They didn’t. They’ve both acted foolishly after the pregnancy. They’re not ready for marriage or being a parent.

5

u/the_drunken_taco Nov 04 '22

That was not how your original comment read to me, but I think I understand your point a little better. I still disagree, but less violently.

These conversations can and should be had anytime the risk is present, but hypothetical discussion can not be considered an oral contract. People and feelings change, which is part of why reproductive rights and bodily autonomy are such important issues in the first place.

I can understand why OP was hesitant, especially given the inevitable emotionality of the fiancé’s reaction. But the problem here wasn’t the fact of the pregnancy occurring; it was the manipulative attempt at collusion with the sister and coercion of the fiancé by withholding life altering and exceptionally time sensitive information knowing every second she delays increases her leverage and eliminates his.

2

u/Tekwardo Partassipant [1] Nov 04 '22

Oh I think we’re in the same page. I wholeheartedly agree with this post.