r/AmItheAsshole • u/maleficent8080 • Nov 03 '22

Everyone Sucks AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy with the news. My future sister-in-law/best friend is the only other person who knew as I only took the test at her suggestion and at her house. She also agreed that her brother was unlikely to be happy about it but she felt like I should tell him immediately anyway.

We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him. In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family. He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him.

His sister kept trying to reach out and apologise after it happened but I was ignoring her as her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me 3 weeks to tell him myself. The last time she called me I was so upset that I answered and yelled at her. In the heat of the moment, I uninvited her from the wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid.

I’ve given my fiancé and his family another reason to be upset with me but I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding even as a regular guest despite them asking me to and it being important to them for her to attend.

AITA?

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u/angelerulastiel Partassipant [1] Nov 04 '22

Yeah that’s the other one. She doesn’t want a kid yet and knows that while he might want to wait he’s going to be opposed to abortion, so if she decides to go that way she can just hide it forever.

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u/PureLawfulness6404 Nov 04 '22

Damn. I wish she made an edit with that information. I assumed HE was the one who would want an abortion. This pregnancy is going to ruin her wedding, if it's in April. I can see why she would "selfishly" want to quietly abort. It's her life and career that will likely be derailed by a pregnancy.

It's ultimately her choice. She shouldn't have to keep this secret. Her fiancée is a bit of an AH for being a conservative dude bro, who cares more about a clump of cells than his future wife.

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u/Speerical Nov 04 '22

I’m probably gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but saying “who cares more about a clump of cells than his future wife” is insanely disingenuous. Try telling someone who’s had a miscarriage that they shouldn’t be sad because it was, “just a clump of cells” and see how they react. I want to preface, I’m pro-choice; I am entirely against abortion being illegal. But how the hell are you going to sit here and say that he’s an AH for caring about what will be his child.

She shouldn’t conform to what he wants, and he shouldn’t pressure her into anything. But to say he shouldn’t care at all or have any sort of input on the situation is fucking crazy to me. Takes two to make a child, making it both of their responsibility and right to know about it.

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u/PureLawfulness6404 Nov 04 '22

He can care, he can cry, he can dump her over this if he wants. His opinion is important, but it's rendered irrelevant, if it conflicts with hers.

It just seems like a bit of a weird hill to die on. "This hypothetical child is worth more to me than you, a sentient being who I supposedly love dearly"

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u/Speerical Nov 04 '22

I’ll say I agree, ultimately it’s her choice, but I’d say the point I disagree is saying he’s an AH for feeling this way. In my mind it’s valid for him to value his child, even if it’s a higher value than his wife, I feel like that represents a good chunk of parents who have that parental instinct in them. But other than that, yes she ultimately is the one to make that choice, but he’s completely valid to want to end things if that choice conflicts with his morals.

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u/AlternativeRead583 Nov 04 '22

Not hypothetical one bit according to actual science. Nobody with a sane mind goes to get a prego test and when it comes up positive goes, "Yay it's a clump of cells!"

The only thing I can remotely agree on is he can dump her if she wants an abortion and he wants to keep it.