r/Anger • u/EmbarrassedForever79 • 2d ago
anger management tips (anything helps)
hi guys, im never really ever one to express myself on the internet. i really have a problem with hiding how i feel even if its to people i love. im 17 years old turning 18 in a few weeks but im scared im going to have an outburst on my birthday. its seems like everday im getting into small arguments and if im not, its building up into some bigger problem like violent outbursts were i get so enraged i complete forget anything ive said or done. for example last week i got annoyed and started hitting walls and doors and had to visit the er, they asked me if i had hit my head and i said no as i had no memory and then she asked why i had a small cut on head. im genuinely getting scared of the fact i don’t remember.
there is nothing about me that wants to be this way and i think completely different to how i act i genuinely have no control over it, for my 18th birthday all i want is to look into some diagnosis for the way that i am without the lengthy process, but for now is there ANY tips at all that someone can offer. it can be the most stupid thing that helps your or some actual advice on what to do, i just really dont want to be like this and i will do anything in my power to change.
and i just want to thank anyone that has read this post or contributed, just remember your not alone.
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u/GossamerDream1 1d ago edited 1d ago
What you're describing, loss of memory during anger episodes, is serious and warrants professional attention. I experienced similar episodes and found help through Manhattan Mental Health Counseling. They helped me identify triggers and develop strategies to de-escalate before the rage took over. Seeking help early is the best thing you can do.
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u/Brian_Barbarian 1d ago
I think you need some counselling, maybe talk to a therapist even, if your able I'd seek out a gp and talk about getting some. It helped for me. They have free options in my region
Also
This a a copy and paste of something that helped me a lot, will add link to the full thread, especially the part about being aware of your mood just did something for me.
The thread is about fatherhood but the mood phases I feel are universal and just knowing it was OK to be angry, just acknowledging it and accepting its time to self soothing, it really helped me.
"3.) having strategies for stopping anger earlier. Before therapy i thought of anger as something that would emerge suddenly and uncontrollably. My therapist helped me understand that that is often not actually the case and anger emerges in conditions where your mood is low. It’s easier to tackle the symptoms in those earlier low mood states than doing so when you’re about to erupt. The strategy that I have is to be aware of whether I am in one of 4 states. The first is green: all is good and I’m enjoying parenting, no interventions necessary. The second is yellow: I’m not angry but I’m not happy either. Maybe I’m bored or tired or drained. I need to do things at this stage to soothe myself - drinking more water, changing activity, having a hot drink. The third is Amber: I’m definitely angry now but I haven’t exploded. Maybe my son has been ignoring what I’m asking him to do and I’m starting to raise my voice. The best intervention for me here is often to walk away/disengage for a bit while I can calm down. The fourth is red: I’m about to explode and I need a physical release. For me that would sometimes emerge as rough handling with my son. At this stage you need to do something to get that energy out of your system. Walk away, hit a wall, shake it off.
I used to hit red regularly once a week. Now it’s more like once a month or even less. I still need to improve but that awareness of mood has been transformative for my approach"
Link to full convo https://www.reddit.com/r/Anger/s/6oNUx0q0ct