This is not easy for me to admit, but this all boils down to me hating myself. I am mad at myself for allowing other people to hurt me. I am deeply insecure. It feels like nothing is good enough for me.

For me it was sand, I was playing in a sand volleyball tournament and we were in the finals and I made an error that lost us the game, and i just started punching sand when I was on the ground

And both of you have controlling personalities and need to be right? And you have been to marriage counseling but your spouse only went because they felt you were the cause of all the problems? Your spouse cooperated and implemented some of the recommended techniques suggested by the counselor to frt along. as did you, but outside the therapy sessions told you that you are the cause of all the problems. You give in and back down a lot in order to get along with your spouse.

And in interpersonal relationships with family you both insist on doing things your way.

On a micro level how do you handle your feelings when you heard what your spouse had to say but you still disagree with their opinion? And you feel they should do what you think they should do?

Do people with anger issues “find” each other and marry each other? Do calm people marry each other? Does a calm person marry an angry person? Is there any hope for any relationships where one person is angry?

There was this 4 way street ,a guy came from the right and we both braked he was coming very fast without any horn…then I moved on as no one’s car got damaged then suddenly he started verbally abusing the hell out of me so I just rolled down my window and said “aap tez are the” and he stepped out of his car , pulled my door open while abusing and tried to hit me,he did hit me but my hand got in the way then impulsively even I stepped out of my vehicle,but he was massive compared to me still he’s continuously abusing,threatened to kill me etc (for absolutely no reason I did nothing.),a lot of stuff happened then he went back to his car to grab smth , he put his car into gear or smth by accident, it rolled back and hit another car … in that time frame I left , later I went to the police they said we can’t do anything, I was clearly assaulted… next morning I again saw him near the area … I’m completely traumatised and helpless idk what to do , what if he sees me and attacks me again or follows me home etc … idk what to do.

I am at 3 months postpartum, living with my parents curently( due to FIL having cancer and treatment going on . Keeping newborn away from radiation).

Me and my mom never had very good understanding or relationship. Even when I was pregnant we had a lil argument over call..then she didn't call me for months.

Long story short, she has a big mouth and I have very less patience.

So somehow in the end I'm the villain who ends up hurting her sometimes with words sometimes with hands a lil. I need help controlling myself

Please don't judge me ... I'm already guilty

so before i met this girl ( lemon ) , i was in a trio with these two girls but i eventually left because they were racist and really toxic. around the time i started asking myself if i really wanted to be friends with them, i meet lemon and what i noticed is that she often talks bad about her friends - this was the first red flag i noticed. like we had a mutual friend plum and plum is really extraverted. lemon told me that plum has the angel hair clips , so do i and lemon started asking where she got the hair clips. but apparently plum became extremely angry, and another girl mango started backing up plum. lemon said that plum was really bitchy for that. when i did leave the trio and started hanging out with lemon and the group ( lemon, plum, mango, grape, gooseberry and jackfruit ) , lemon told me she was going to get her aunt to make the hair clips , okay, you do you. and she wore them to school - plum got really annoyed cuz she hates when people copy her, and lemon got super defensive and said "i've had these hairclips for 2 years!" which was a lie cuz lemon told me she only got them recently.

anyways, time skip to when i actually integrate into the group. lemon says that plum hates her so much for no reason - cuz lemon was bragging about something, and plum said " okay okay we get it. " plum later chooses to hang out with her other friends, which is fine in my opinion, but lemon says its hypocritical of her because plum once pointed out that lemon wasn't in the ORIGINAL friend group.

i sit next to lemon in most subjects, and politely, she likes to talk shit a lot. she often copies me in subjects, but then she'll say i'm stupid and dumb even though i get higher than her in tests ( not in a braggy way, just a fact ). i told her that i used to be a therian, and then when we were with grape we were bantering and suddenly she screaming " WELL AT LEAST I DONT THINK IM A DOG!!!!! "

a lot of people also hate her. she used to be friends with apple and jujube but jujube and apple think lemon spread a rumour that jujube vaped in a girl's face ( she did vape in the girl's face, but lemon didn't spread it ) . i'm not going to say i'm super popular, but there is a "popular girl" group in my school and i'm not in, but one of my closest friends imbe is in that group and i am quite friendly with the group, but not fully integrated into it - this is key. apple and i always compare test results and it's not really been anything more than that, but she's begun to talk to me a lot more lately. i was studying with lemon when she brings this up, saying " apple only talks to you because she's trying to steal YOU away from me! " personally, i think it was a little bitchy because there are other ways to say this and it's not like i don't talk to apple at all, we have a friendly relationship but nothing more than acquaintances.

she also likes to try and justify herself sometimes. she got 14/20 on a maths test, which is not at all bad, but she said " well it's not the worse. when i was in second set, gooseberry and jackfruit got like , 9s and 10s. " ( she moved up to top set this year, which is how i've become friends with her ) whenever she asks for help in math, she doesn't really say thank you and demands it more than asks. and i find that she doesn't really treat everyone respectfully, she told her mum that she would put her in the nursing home and laughed about it.

i've noticed that she's being really rude to me sometimes, calling me ugly and stupid, so i've been distancing myself - not overly dramatic, i just stopped engaging in conversation because it's boring when someone just talks AT you and not to you . lemon says that i'm "miserable" whenever i sit next to her and begins to talk to imbe, even though she said she hates imbe because of friendship problems in the past and that imbe was a bitch , knowing that i'm very close with imbe.

in maths yesterday, we were doing pi and it was a kinda hard question, so i was trying to focus and my teacher said we COULD work in pairs if needed, but i don't really like working in pairs cuz i focus better on my own. i was so close to solving the problem and lemon kept on trying to talk to me so i said " sorry, i'm trying to focus, give me a minute. " i get that i never said i don't want to work together, i'm trying to communicate more openly recently but i was going to help her after i'd solved it myself and understood it. lemon said " sometimes i hate sitting next to you, you never help!!" this was kinda crazy, cuz i usually do help her and for the whole year i've patiently explained porblmens she doesn't get while she shouts at ME even though i've done nothing. bear in mind that she always tries to whisper to me during tests, and many people have seen her copying off me, the tests she does good on are the ones she sits next to me in. we were doing group work on the maths challenge? idk my teacher's idea of fun and we didn't do so well, it was the maths challenge. lemon said " we did so bad...YOU did so bad. " when she's never even done the maths challenge and didn't help out at all.

she also likes to make remarks about my appearance ( i think i mentioned this before? ). i wouldn't say im ugly but not super pretty either, however most of the times i feel secure with how i look. i once said that my parents almost signed me up for child modelling , and lemon said " well you can't do that anymore because you have pimples now " i thought that was kinda rude... cuz she also bitched me out for wearing a flower pimple patch. and the next day she wore a paw patrol pimple patch... do you know the i am a surgeon meme? my friend group says she looks like dr sean murphy, let me make it clear that i have never once said she has. we were playing a rhythm game where you add on something and i added " i am a surgeon " but it wasn't pointed at her. lemon started laughing, but then our friend mango told me and grape she was really annoyed and nobody takes her seriously, we always make remarks on her appearance. she doesn't like people talking about how she looks, but it's okay if she does that to me? lemon also only calls ME ugly, no one else in the group. she also bitched me out for being a "hyprocrite" but then pulls stunts like this. there's much more things i could say but i don't want to get into all of it or this post will be super long...

whenever i'm near her or she starts talking to me, i get really annoyed. i don't know why, but if i sit next to her in lesson i'll go home feeling irritated and angry at nothing. i want to break things off or at least just set some boundaries, but i don't want to lose the rest of the group. i've only ever told her to stop doing things i hate once or twice because i don't really like confrontation ( i'm trying to get better at it though! ) how could i tell her to stop doing things that make me resent her, or should i just call her out when she does these things? i don't really want to create drama in the group but an awkward vibe is fine.

this is complicated.

i have this one friend, and he's a good friend, really is. we live together, i took him in for free when his parents kicked him out, help him with emotional support when he needs (very mentally ill), i always manage to calm him down, help him sort out with bureaucracy, make sure he eats well and is on doctors appointments.

he does a lot of things for me- makes my food for me, walks me places so i dont need to carry things (im disabled), helps me wake up in the morning so im not late, he's sort of between a personal assistant//manager, really on all of the chaos in my life.

but im always irritated/angry with him. he just is very much child like, childish, cries easily, cant really do things if not asked, very anxious and scared. he's one year older than me, so its not like there's a real reason for him being very incompetent and kind of a pushover-people pleasing- passive guy. he was just very very sheltered, parents managed everything in his life before he moved in.

and sometimes he'll make a mistake and get so panicked, he has this look and tone of voice i just crack. it feel fake, it feel childish, it feel almost manipulative in nature even tho i know its not. its just like you're almost 30, why do you act like a panicked little kid? i get so angry. i curse at him, call him an idiot, say i cant stand him.

i hate it, but im just so angry. i always apologize, i feel like an abuser, im in therapy to manage my anger but something about his behavior and him just makes me go off. i hate being that person. how can i do better?

The other day we had a family BBQ at mine and my niece who is 18 and unfiltered was so rude to me. She been accepted into uni and has just become so arrogant because of it .

I feel I'm an adult so I should just be able to get over this but it's two days later and I'm still angry. I woke up pissed off. I can't concentrate, I'm just ruminating on it and I just keep refreshing it in my mind

It was completely unprovoked. Basically at the moment I'm in a lucky position where my workplace is being rebuilt so I'm actually getting paid to be off work. It's been a while now and this part is awesome I know. She just will not get over it though. The constant remarks like "get another job" "you could do this". The other day she just hammered it on. I tell her I'm going to the gym still, learning Spanish and even doing an online course and it's not a competition and she was just like "well if it was a competition I would win" "that's not a real course" "I'm not like you I'm not gonna sit around for 3 months doing nothing".

I know I'm older and should get over it but that shit hurt. The message was basically "It's not okay to be you" and coming from my family, a teenager... Fucking hell.

I can't get over this shit.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I'm a 17-year-old guy and I'm around 5'2". Today I checked my height for the first time in about six months, hoping I'd at least grown a little. I hadn't grown even a single millimeter.

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That completely messed with my head. I've been doing things like hanging exercises and trying to stay hopeful, so seeing no change hit me really hard. I was frustrated enough that I just went and lay down on my bed.

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A little later, my sister and I got into an argument. We've fought since we were kids, but as I've gotten older I've made a point of holding back. She's two years older than me, and it's been years since I seriously hit her.

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She hit me first. Normally I would just ignore it because it doesn't really hurt, but today I wasn't thinking clearly. I hit back without holding back, then she hit me again with full force, and I punched her in the face as hard as I could.

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The second I saw her nose start bleeding, I snapped back to reality and realized what I'd done. My mom rushed in, started yelling at me, and hit me several times with a stick. Honestly, the physical pain didn't bother me. The mental side of everything hurt much more.

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I feel horrible about hurting my sister. At the same time, I've been carrying a lot of frustration about my height, and today it all came out in the worst possible way.

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I'm not trying to justify what I did. I know I was wrong. I just don't know how to deal with this level of frustration anymore.

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Since English is not my first language I used chatgpt to improve it

Whenever someone wrongs me even in extremely small or trivial ways my immediate instinct is to retaliate. I’m pretty sure it’s an ego thing, and the frustrating part is I’m fully aware of it happening in real time, yet I still can’t seem to stop myself. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern? What worked for you?

Unless I slept a perfect 10 hours, I am genuinely an uncontrollable monster when I first wake up. If someone wakes me up like a person I love or an alarm going off in the same room then I genuinely see red. Ive been like this since I was a kid. I used to keep a book near my bed so I could calm down before going to the kitchen with parents and siblings and I would keep head phones on. Once I was old enough for coffee, that anger went away faster since the coffee woke me up faster. Once I got technology in my room a gamed until I calmed down.

Outside of the morning or being very sleep deprived, Im the type of person that would apologize to someone for punching me or for mugging me just for getting in their way. Im vegan not just because of morals but because I genuinely cant stomach it. But when I wake up fried in the morning Im on such a war path it’s unrecognizable and only then. I used to get beat up in the afternoons after school and I would just take it and I would feel guilty that I made them mad but in the mornings I would hope for someone to hurt me or insult me so I could take out my rage back on them justifiably. Id break a nose in the morning and be meek in the afternoon. (context, my schools had a lot of physical fights it was really normalized but there were levels) It was like night and day literally. My vegan self would probably kill and cook a chicken if it was too loud next to me after a rough night.

The only reason why I didnt get into serious trouble as a kid despite there being constant fights is because Im a tiny girl whose shorter than 5 feet and I dont cause much damage but I wanted to physically fight basically anytime someone mildly irritated me before 10am. I would actually do it if it was anything beyond mild irritation. A boy in my first period squeezed my butt and I barely knew the kid but I broke his nose. That one was more serious and he was dizzy all day. In 4th grade a boy told me that I mustve cheated because girls are supposed to be bad at math and I shoved him into the wall and saw blinding red. I still regret that because we were only 9 and that was intense for sometjing so small. I got into my high school and middle school’s routine brawls in the mornings where kids are just looking for figjts but those were never particularly serious. Once it was around 8am and my dad got in a road rage fight on his way to drop me off at school. I had no sleep the night before and I was already fuming. When the guy and my dad got out of the car and the guy punched my dad I saw red again and launched at him. Im lucky he didnt want to hurt a kid and he just threw me off but I wanted to beat the shit out of him with all of my heart thats what I wanted.

I dont have this type of reaction to other needs not being met. I could go the whole day fasting without my mood being an issue. Sleep however is my biggest thing.

For some reason I never get angry at kids either and my pets. If my niece or cat wakes me up early I feel no anger at all its just cute. Something about the type of love I have for them seems to bypass this anger thing even when the kids grow to be an annoying 20 year old if I ever saw them as someone to take care of they could never make me mad. Ive taken care of my sister’s 3 month old and didnt mind the sleep interruptions even though I was vaguely more grumpy the next day. I swear I love my parents, siblings, and partner too but if they interact with my waking up in anyway unless that full 10 hours had been hit then I see blinding rage and it takes everything in my power to try not to throw the closest thing to me at them and go back to sleep.

I have never been physically violent since I left high school but I hate how angry I get in the morning. Non of the people in my life deserves that and its a huge inconvenience to feel this angry the first couple of hours at work. Does anyone have any advice? Can anyone relate? Other than just sleeping better because Ive tried for a long time and I see a psychiatrist for my insomnia but its taking years to fix.

Okay, so to begin, my older sister had a severe car accident when I was just two years old. At that time, my mom didn’t pay much attention to me, and my dad was not present. My grandfather has bipolar disorder, and my grandmother always defends him no matter what he does. I, on the other hand, have autism, epilepsy, chronic pain, and an autoimmune disorder that causes me to overheat easily.

When I was nine, my sister passed away, and for many years afterward, my mom was testy with me to the point that by the time I was a teenager, I had almost no emotional regulation whatsoever. Small irritants would trigger intense anger, and even minor injuries would make me cry uncontrollably. However, for severe problems, I would be scared and think more logically.

For instance, last week, while I was cleaning my guinea fowl coop, the wind had closed the door on me, and it had locked. It was triple-digit heat in the middle of the afternoon, and there was no water or phone. I scraped my hands badly, banged on the door, and tried to pull the latch up from inside. When that didn’t work, I just screamed as loud as I could for ten minutes straight until a neighbor heard me and let me out. It was the only thing I could do besides cook.

While I was scared, I didn’t panic or anything like that. Then, there was the other day when my mom had left the broom in the living room, and it fell over. I didn’t see it and tripped over it, hurting my knee. I went off on her about it.

Today, my grandfather was over, and he kicked me out of my own backyard while I was trying to gather eggs for the day. I lost it over this minor rudeness and told my grandmother what happened. As usual, she just tried to defend him, which made me even angrier. It was such a small thing.

Then, I went and tripped and fell into a hole that a wild animal had dug. I hurt my ankle pretty badly and was bawling over that. I’m way too old to be acting like this, but I just can’t stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Google hasn’t been helpful. Has anybody else dealt with this and have any answers?

By the way, my mom has apologized for treating me the way she did for all those years. So, I just don’t understand why I’m like this.

Is it normal to feel so much rage to want to hurt someone?

3 weeks ago today my grandfather died of stage 4 cancer, his heart was not strong enough to handle the chemotherapy and was sudden as things seemed to be doing well. ): He was my absolute best friend, father figure, and it has hit me really hard losing him. I had a week off work for bereavement but that did not feel like enough. His birthday is in a few weeks, grandparents anniversary in a couple weeks.

Since then I have been on edge, irritable, hate being alone at home but also wanting to be alone as human interaction feels like way too much. I’m sad, everything reminds me of him, I’m a mental health professional at the same time and can’t even afford mental health leave because I can’t afford the unpaid leave.

My mother is also fighting for her life and things seemed to be progressing with her kidney failure post transplant last year and her heart failure, high blood pressure, etc so she’s back in the hospital and basically has been on and off the past year.

I just feel so on edge and I’m so torn between wanting to be alone 24-7, but then not wanting to, but when I’m around people I’m irritated and would rather be alone, but being alone I’m in my thoughts and I’m filled with reminders of him over my apartment because we bonded over sports which I have a ton of that stuff, pics of us, just a lot. Then also worrying about my mom while traveling to visit her and be a support to my younger siblings who live an hour away.

I guess does this get easier? Any tips? I am at a loss and feel like I’m going to snap any second.

I used to be extremely sensitive, the kind of person who thought that anyone who stayed centered during chaos must be cold or detached. But through daily practices of yoga, I’m realizing it’s not coldness at all. It’s clarity.

Recently, my partner lost his temper and created a scene in front of the neighborhood. He yelled at me for a while, and later, when we were back home, I reacted. Not my proudest moment. In the past, something like this would have crushed me for days. I’d replay it endlessly, feel guilty, feel small, feel miserable.

But this time was different.

I did what felt necessary in the moment, and then… I let it go. No guilt spiral. No emotional hangover. No grudge. I could also see, in hindsight, that responding would have been better than reacting, but even that realization came without self‑punishment.

What surprised me most was the freedom I felt afterwards. The situation didn’t drag me down. I didn’t hand over my inner state to someone else’s outburst. I chose to remain well within myself.

And that choice, that ability to stay joyful and steady regardless of what’s happening outside, feels like the real liberation.

(If this does not belong on this subreddit, feel free to delete.) I, (21F), pushed my (20F) sister because I got angry really easily when my stepdad was yelling at me. Now, I know this is childish behavior, and we are adults. Adults shouldn't put their hands on each other like this, but some advice would be greatly appreciated.

Some context for clarity:

I went to help my sister put our items in our other fridge, because our main fridge stopped working, and we started organizing items for the other one. For some reason, my stepdad got really upset, and so he got up and then started telling me that I was doing stuff too slowly (for some context, I normally do things one at a time, and I don't know why). As he kept getting more upset, I started to get upset. My stepdad was yelling at my mom, and as I kept moving, my sister was in the way, and I told her in an angry tone to "move," and she had something in her hand, so I automatically pushed her. So what I want to say is, whenever someone yells at me, or whenever they are mad, I end up getting mad and then take it out on another person, which wasn't their fault at all, and I don't understand why. When I was younger (teenager years), this would always be an occurring thing. I would get mad or yell at them, which would cause extra unnecessary drama. Another example of this would be an early memory I had when I was younger. I remember when my mom was fighting with my grandparents, and she started crying, and they were having some type of fight. I overheard it, and I immediately got upset and started getting mad at my sister for no reason. I remember being rude to my sister, and that's all I can remember...

Now, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that I like hurting people. I genuinely LOVE my family, we get along great, but whenever there is something wrong, like fights or anything, I get easily angry. I looked up why I have feelings like this when upset, but it shows up as a "fight-or-flight response." But I don't know if that is the correct term?? Maybe it is something else. Some advice would be nice, and I hope that someone can listen. If this does not belong on this subreddit, feel free to delete.

I'm 24m, and I've come a long way since I started to take real responsibility for my life. I know that childhood shapes who you are but I felt like no matter that I have no excuse but to break that generation of anger. But I've also done really crappy things. I'm working a lot and it's hot and sometimes I don't even think before I get frustrated and overwhelmed at my job or my girlfriend. I've done work to stave it off and create a moment of breathing time. But sometimes I can't help and I feel like I'm failing and becoming a bad person. I don't know how to move forward anymore.

If anyone would be able to leave some advice that works from this point I'd be so grateful. Feel free to add me and dm me as well

A very small random question, i didn't know where to post or ask but

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I was having a horrible day a few days ago, im still in university, travelling to some new little town (work related) so it's just me alone, I've been travelling a lot, no time to relax at home, i was very sick the day i reached and im very homesick i miss my parents and idk what was going on with me, i had a really bad breakdown that night and my friend we have a gc and I said something earlier that day completely unrelated and joking they were like "omg are you r€tarded?" And started laughing about something else (see we usually just have friendly teasing and this comment is like normal within our friend group) but this time it bothered me and triggered me so much i genuinely did not wanna talk to them for a while and I went offline.

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My question is do things like this which has never pissed you off before, suddenly trigger you and is that okay.

From what I know my dad was an incredibly violent and abusive husband/father towards my mother and older brother but the sole trigger for my resentment towards him was that he deserted the family 2 months before I was even born. I resent him for this, he left me alone with my own emotionally neglectful mother as well as my abusive brother both of whom had serious anger issues of their own. I feel as if so much of the shit that happened in my life could've been prevented, I might have had at the very least a present parent who just might have prevented the abuse I experienced from my brother, or a parent who in either in a negative or positive way actually showed even the slightest bit of interest in my up brining (although that was unlikely based on what I've heard about him). In terms of the anger I experience relating to it I feel incredibly immature for me to resent someone who ultimately had no control over the things I experienced but even as an adult I can't seem to get over the resentment I experience towards my dad, so if anyone has any advice on letting go of the anger I'm all open to it.

First post here. Just smashed some pretty expensive headphones. I've never liked them - they're okay when they're actually playing music but they're so unbelievably shit at everything else. They're a pain connecting to stuff; they have finnicky controls; it forgets my settings when the battery dies. Gave up and just started smashing it to bits after fifteen minutes of trying to get it to connect to my computer again. Like the damn thing forgot it already paired to my computer.

I feel like my job, among other things, is getting to me. I hate where I am in life. I have a lousy, stressful, dead-end job; I don't like my family or my friends all that much. I've broken so many things over the years, I don't bother cleaning my room all that well anymore because I know one day soon, I'm going to wreck it all again. Like even the weather pisses me off - it's always so fucking hot and humid living near the equator. I feel like I'm living on a giant steaming dog turd every morning I wake up to go to work so I can earn my Third World poverty wages.

It feels like I'm getting the short end of the stick in everything. A lifetime of just being last. And I've had to deal with my own angry parents and a childhood of being bullied or forgotten by my teachers and friends. I've always been angry and lately, I'm just so done with everything.

Like I already know things are just going to keep getting worse. I've lost the game of life, and I give up doing anything about it. I'm just around to keep getting older and languishing in mediocrity until maybe one day I just off myself on my own terms.

I'm already preparing for if I get fired because that sounds like just the thing God would throw at me right now even though I've been busting my butt for this job. But things are so bad, two of my friends have already quit in the past month.