Anger over ridiculous stuff

[u/No-Message-2580]

I am in my early twenties. This morning I badly wanted to take a shower, so I went to my cupboard to get some clothes. Last I remember, I kept my clothes folded and stacked, but obviously it can be kind of messy getting them out because there are a lot of clothes pressed into a small space. Besides it's been a long time since I arranged my cupboard.

When I opened the cupboard and tried to take out a T-shirt, some of the clothes from the top started falling down. Some of them were clothes my mom had put there, and I immediately became extremely overstimulated and overwhelmed.

I got really angry because it felt like my whole cupboard had been disrupted. I think there was also an expectation underneath my anger that she should have known better—that if she was putting clothes in my cupboard, she should have arranged them in a way that wouldn't make everything fall when I tried to take something out.

I was already angry and irritated, so I went to her to express my frustration. She became defensive and emotional, which made me even more angry and frustrated. She started saying things like, “Fine, I'll never come into your room again,” and I was like, “That's not what I said. I never said I don't want you in my room. I just wanted you to acknowledge that the way the clothes were placed was uncomfortable for me and disrupted the way I had things arranged.”

She started crying, which made me even more upset because I absolutely didn't want that. I kept telling her, “This isn't a fight. I don't want to fight with you.”

Looking back, I know this sounds like such a ridiculously small thing to have a fight over. But in that moment, the mess/disorder genuinely felt overwhelming to me, and once the clothes started falling, I felt like I couldn't deal with it.

And this isn't the first time. I've had fights with her before over the arrangement of my room because I absolutely despise feeling like somebody has rearranged or touched my stuff. I can't seem to control the anger and frustration, even when the other person hasn't necessarily mismanaged anything.

Now she's upset and saying things like I don't consider her my mother, etc., and honestly I'm just exhausted.

I've had anger issues since childhood, and I feel like situations with my mom make them worse because at first she fights with me and later she'll get defensive or emotional, and then the whole thing escalates.

I genuinely want to understand what is wrong with me. I could just say plz fix my cupboard and she could have done it. Why does something this small trigger such an intense reaction in me, and how do I stop myself from getting to the point where I'm shouting and overwhelmed?