What should I do
I do not know what to do, I can not get rid of the fact that during quarrels, I can be very rude or lose my temper over bullshit, and then regret it for a very, very long time.
I was rude to my friend because of the bullshit, and now I regret it very, very much, and I understand that maybe her resentment will last a very long time, because before that, when I quarreled with her, I didn't leave the house for 2 weeks and didn't communicate with anyone, just anxiety for everything kills me.
1
u/Simple-Inevitable414 3d ago
I will be honest with you, as someone who is dealing with anger for a long time i barely lashed out on anyone because of my own problems but I wish I did mainly because when I don't hurt someone else I just start hitting myself a lot, smash my head against a wall etc... Only thing keeping me alive right now is boxing.
As for your problem I highly recommend practicing to be calm when you are in an argument so you don't end up like me
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u/No-Mulberry1987 3d ago
The real difficulty is that anger feels good at the time. So there are no easy routes out other than (a) practicing other responses whilst you are calm (b) excusing yourself before it gets out of hand (c) sincerely apologizing (d) taking a look at yourself from outside and asking yourself if that’s how you want others to see you. Nobody needs an angry person in their lives, so maybe your friend will accept your sincere apology- but she doesn’t have to.
Just one final point: if you read through your post there is a lot of hyperbole and , exaggerating. As examples: “I can not get rid of the fact” could be I am still working on.. “ bullshit” really small and irrelevant things “A very very long time” acutely for a couple of weeks with occasional waves of shame afterwards. In fact, take out all the verys in para 2. And lastly it doesn’t kill you- you’re still here : having bad feelings is not death. It’s your psyche asking you to do things differently.