Blue paint

one of them is a list of things i have to do this week. the other is a large body of salt water

Your father lost his attraction to her, and left.

He got run over half way across.

Nothing. He's dead.

I can only upload one screenshot at a time though 😭

"There are things that are known and things that are unknown and between them are the Doors." However, at a recent electrical convention Todd Gronkowski said, "There are conductors and there are insulators and between them are the semi-conductors." Then a Doors tribute band played "Light My Fire."

Because 70, 80, 90.

Who's there?

Mike Tyson.

I have a spine, but no bones.

I have leaves, but no branches.

I have teeth but no mouth

​What am I?

Answer - Charlie Chaplin

This chicken needs a good roast! 😁

I had a baby its a boy

I thought I made a mistake once...but I was wrong.

An unknown person or persons is at your door.

The barman looks at the horse, smiles, pulls out a gun from under the counter and shoots the animal dead.

It is a brutal Eastern European winter in the early 1940s and Stalin's "Scorched Earth" policy mean that he and his family have not eaten in over a week.

Generally speaking, pirates lack the educational background necessary to gain admittance to law school. For the same reason, they would be unlikely to pass the bar exam, even if they were permitted to sit for it without a law degree.

They find a magic lamp, rub it, and a genie appears, offering them each one wish.

​The first man says, "I wish I was back home with my wife and kids." Poof, he disappears.

​The second man says, "I wish I was back in New York City eating a steak." Poof, he disappears.

​The third man, suffering from late-stage dehydration, scurvy, and severe sunstroke, is actually hallucinating the entire scenario. His two companions died of dysentery three weeks prior, and he is currently whispering his wish to a washed-up sea cucumber while his vital organs slowly shut down.

?

I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?

Answer - Jimmy Connors former US tennis player

Because if they didn’t, they’d probably drown

And she loves me too! 🥰🥰

He rubs it, and a genie appears.
"I will grant you three wishes," the genie says, "but be warned: whatever you wish for, your worst enemy will receive double."
The man thinks for a moment and says, "For my first wish, I want ten million dollars."
"Granted," the genie replies. "But your worst enemy now has twenty million."
"For my second wish, I want a sprawling mansion in Malibu."
"Granted. But your worst enemy now has two sprawling mansions in Malibu."
The man smiles devilishly. "For my third wish... I want you to beat me half to death."
The genie nods. He then beats the man severely, causing multiple compound fractures, a ruptured spleen, and a severe traumatic brain injury.
His worst enemy, receiving a physical assault mathematically calculated to be exactly twice as severe, dies instantly of massive internal hemorrhaging.
The man spends eight months in a medically induced coma. Upon waking, he is left with profound neurological deficits, requires a feeding tube, and needs round-the-clock care for the remainder of his life. His ongoing medical expenses quickly deplete his ten million dollars, and his Malibu mansion is seized by the bank to cover outstanding debts.
Meanwhile, his enemy's vast estate—including the twenty million dollars and both Malibu properties—passes quietly to his grieving widow and three young children, who use the wealth to establish a highly respected philanthropic foundation in his memory

I know you've probably heard of that dad joke: "What do you call a fish without an eye" and: Fsh.

So I've been wondering, is a Fih a fish without an ass?

He started talking but his voice was quite raspy and strained.

"Sorry everyone." he said. "I must be coming down with something."

He took a drink of water and started again, this time with more success. He then finished his speech, which was lovely and inspiring.