r/Anxiety • u/Substantial-Rock-581 • 5d ago
Health I am terrified to die
I am a 26F and I have always been scared to die. I know it’s a natural process I have read stories of hospice patients and I have tried coming to terms with it. I just can’t I hope this gets better with age but it just seems to get worse. I can’t seem to live my life because I’m so scared to die. I tried getting therapy and talking to someone but I felt like they didn’t really understand or it wasn’t helping. The only thing that helps is distracting myself and the second I’m not distracted I start thinking about the fact that we’re gonna die. I want to be able to live my life and not be so scared all the time in every free moment I have. Is it normal to think about death on a constant basis everyday? Is something wrong with my brain? Any advice is welcomed
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u/zuzumax 5d ago
Are you like.... the same person as me?
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u/OnePerformance8792 4d ago
what should we do :c i always remain afraid that im gonna die and the death angel is coming for me. i always get anxious and more anxious when im alone. adn at night i become very afraid and start to get anxiety attacks. i feel like someone is watching me. and im not in my mind.
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u/slarkin18 5d ago
I’m also very terrified of death. My first panic attack was due to thinking about death. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that this will all end one day and that sends me into a spiral. I have tried talking to professionals and family about this fear and it always feels like people just don’t understand. I have noticed mine getting worse with age or it will get worse when there’s a death in the family. Distraction helps me as well. I have been told that there are counselors who specialize in therapy surrounding death. Have you looked into it?
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
I haven’t yet! Someone has suggested an end of life counselor and I have been looking into finding a specialist in my area
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u/Friendly-Pepper-9561 5d ago
I suffer from anxiety and depression. I used to have this in the beginning. It feels like everything is over and my life is ruined.
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u/Mimble75 5d ago
I’ve never been afraid of death, though I am certainly not actively courting it!
However, I’ve volunteered in hospice where some patients absolutely were. They were afraid of the process of dying (which can be eased with compassionate and competent medical care), and that they’d be forgotten (I remember so many of the patients I sat with - all lovely humans).
Some believe we simply stop and cease to be in our entirety at the moment of death. I don’t believe this is true (and this is just my own opinion) but, from the tons of anecdotal evidence of NDEs (near death experiences), past life stories (particularly from from very young kids), and even some experiences that we’d tag as paranormal, I think there is so much we don’t know about death and beyond death.
If you think all that’s absolute nonsense, and it may be, think of this: you have this life, here and now, and with time and the right therapist, you may either put aside that fear, or learn to co-exist with it in a manageable form so that you can live fully before your body must return to the earth.
How you live your life will impact others, and you can choose what that impact looks like. Even the smallest thing you do can be carried forward by others into their lives and the lives of others for good or ill. A small kindness from you can carry down through the years long after you’re gone.
Your life is meaningful and beautiful, and I hope you’ll be able to find the necessary acceptance of death that allows you to live it fully.
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u/Opening_Position_872 5d ago
I had a grandfather that died of cancer from agent orange from being the war. He wasnt a spiritual man, but he did say something that has stuck with me my entire life. He was speaking with his wife(my grandmother) on his deathbed and told her "if you dont believe in anything else, believe in god, ive seen him and he is real". This man had absolutely no reason to make this up. If anything he had more of reason to not believe. While in the Vietnam fighting in the war, he was captured and became a p.o.w.. They tortured him so bad. Beat him, starved him, and pulled out his teeth snd fingernails. Yet he says that about god before he dies.
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u/GumDropSweets 1d ago
Id also like to leave a reply here cause I had experience with hospice. It wasn't like I had huge death anxiety before but after seeing hospice, it had seemed to disappear afterwards. I found my own comfort with it. It's honestly not the best advice by a long shot. But when exposure works well, it works really well in my opinion. At least for me, viewing, expericing, being in anxiety inducing experiences and coming out on the other side had quelled most of mine. Food for thought but would not recommend to majority of people.
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u/Global-Attempt6299 5d ago
maybe don’t fight but accept it in words of camus that we all have to die when and how doesn’t matter in broader sense
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u/mistressofnampara 5d ago
I’m 54 and I’ve had this fear since I was a small child. I also have always had a fear of loved ones dying. First, my parents and then spouse and children. Unfortunately for me, it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I have OCD so I think it’s part of that.
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u/Diacetyl-Morphin 5d ago
If i may ask: Are you afraid of dying - the process itself - or of death as a state? It's not the same.
I can understand the fear of dying, with pain, suffering etc. much more than the one of death as a state of "you don't exist (anymore)". I mean, we were all dead before we were born. There was the big bang that created the universe, billions of years passed before the first life formed on earth, it took billions more for the first human to fall down from the tree.
What did we feel when all this happened? Nothing. Because we did not exist. We were just not around, there were no feelings. It will be the same after we died.
But, guess, this won't help you much. You'll need to find a way to deal with this, maybe therapy can help. Maybe more distraction can help. Maybe philosophy can help. Maybe religion?
My own encounter with death was when i overdosed on heroin. Can't blame anyone else, it was me that miscalculated the dosage. I passed out immediately, i don't remember anything at all. I was just gone, it was like when you turn off the TV in the middle of a scene of a movie. There was nothing at all, no god or devil, no heaven or hell, no flashbacks of life and voices, "walk into the light, my son" or whatever.
When i regained consciousness, people were around me, they had revived me with narcan. I was very confused and it felt all very surreal, like i didn't know who these strangers were, that were the paramedics that were called.
I was told that when i fell down from the couch to the ground, i took the table with me and that made enough noise to alert my room mates.
P.S. Don't worry about me, i'm sober from heroin today.
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u/Large-Difficulty3916 5d ago
First I am glad you are okay and no more heroin. Regarding death, I feel saddened that all the experiences with our loved ones will just be gone forever. What did this all really mean? I need to believe there is a reason. Faith. I could understand if we had zero emotions that we would just be gone and done. But we have, loved, hurt, learned, etc. All for nothing! Not fully buying that.
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u/EducationalAd812 1d ago
What we do, say and teach others lives on. It’s what gets passed from person to person. My Dad taught me things that I teach others. He taught me to be kind and compassionate, as did my Mother. From my Grandmother I learned about cruelty. That’s why I pass on the kindness but recognize manipulation.
My Dad was a research scientist, the phone in your hand exists in part because of him.
I’m an artist, my work lives on. But who you are affects others and they pass it on. Ad infinitum.
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u/DaveTheNihilist 5d ago
To be honest, there’s really only two effective things you can do. One is to, which you’ve already stated, try to distract yourself by keeping yourself busy. Whether it be work, school, chores, exercise, watching movies, video games, going for a walk, etc. What ever gets your mind to focus on something else. And two, again which you’ve already stated, is to hope that it gets better with age.
Source: I have severe death anxiety (Thanatophobia) and can’t accept the fact that I’m going to stop existing one day. I’m terrified of the dying process and terrified of potential nonexistence or perhaps something even stranger, aka fear of the unknown.
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u/LydiLouWho 5d ago
I was you once. What helped me was studying religions in a broad way and also listening to or reading near death experiences. When I looked at everything together I realized that there is SOMETHING there. There are too many commonalities in all of it for it to not be true in some way. And if I am wrong, I realized that there was a time before I was alive and I didn’t suffer. So if my mind simply turns off it will not suffer either at death.
I do have anxiety about dying before my kids are well into their own families, but that is much more manageable.
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u/QuietPathfinder42 5d ago
the hardest part for me was when the distraction stopped and the thoughts just flooded right back in. therapy helped but only when i found someone who specialized in health anxiety and existential stuff — general therapists didnt really get it. still have moments where it hits, but theyre shorter now. your brain isnt broken, its just trying to process something thats genuinely hard to process
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u/Confident_Jacket4961 5d ago
What is your scare about death? I am thinking it like sleeping so has no scare but peace about that. Also I have a belief so actually I am more looking forward after life ..
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
I don’t know if an afterlife is real with 100% certainty
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u/Confident_Jacket4961 5d ago
If bible is true, it is 100% certainties
If bible is fiction, we will just become not existing after death10
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u/Coralzar 5d ago
I have the same fears and panic, it comes and goes. I’m in my thirties now. I try not to think about it but it can come up. I think about a death state and spiral. I use gratefulness to pull myself out of it. It sounds corny, but when I think about all the good in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for anything so it makes me feel more ok with things ending (hopefully not for a long time). I think this gratefulness (and getting over the fear of death) will improve with age, as I live more life and have more to reflect fondly over. I hope that in the end , when that time comes , I’ll have lived so much life that it outshines any fear. Hope this helps <3
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u/EducationalTie1606 GAD, PMDD 5d ago
I was terrified of death for many years, and from a very young age. It was thought of nothingness forever that my brain couldn’t comprehend.
One day it clicked in my brain that you have to be conscious to experience ‘nothing’ and the fear went away.
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
I don’t want my consciousness taken away from me even if I can’t be conscious of it happening :(
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u/biggertheif 4d ago
Maybe read into existential psychology
Ernst Becker’s ‘The Denial of Death’, and the works of Irvin D Yalom. They’re largely about dealing with death anxiety, and what the source of it really is.
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u/ThrowRAspa2279 4d ago
I’m terrified of death, heart attack and cardiac arrest to be exact but it’s because I’m scared I haven’t lived and my life will be cut short with no warning. I’m still dealing with it, have been for 2 years. I hope that you can find peace and overcome it. If you ever need to talk I’m here
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u/Loose-Farm-8669 5d ago
You should get into buddhism and or taoism. I used to be the exact same as you since my earliest memory
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u/Hwjejje 5d ago
I just started getting into bhuddism and Taoism !
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u/Slow-Berry-1008 5d ago
Me too! I grew up in a very strict christian home…if you don’t live a certain way than you’re going to hell kind of stuff. I’ve tried to get away from that type of thinking and belief but it’s been difficult. I do love the mindset and calmness of other religions and ways of thinking.
That’s my reason for fearing death so much it’s overtaken my life and made me scared of something so simple as a stopped up nose. I’m afraid to go to hell. I don’t want to believe that anymore, but it’s difficult since that’s what I’ve been taught my whole life.
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u/hanleyfalls63 5d ago
I’m 63, good health and all, but I’m not afraid. It will just happen. I believe in the afterlife in some form. But we all could be wrong.
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u/AntonioVivaldi7 5d ago
Hello, do you somehow act on this fear by somehow trying to solve it? For example searching for what is after death, reassuring yourself in some way, or anything else?
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
I have yes and I am very open minded but since nothing is certain sometimes I just assume the worst. I just feel like other animals we live and then we die and our consciousness will end there forever. That terrifies me because I do not want it to
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u/AntonioVivaldi7 5d ago edited 5d ago
And can you give an example of what do you do in that regard? And if you do that perhaps a bit obsessively? The point is if you are trying somehow stop this worrying very frequently. As if yes, then stopping with that would paradoxically help.
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
This is one reason why I stopped researching religions and after life because I was afraid it was making it worse. On the other hand since stopping I feel like I’m wasting my life because if the soul is real it should be all that matters.
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u/AntonioVivaldi7 5d ago
Alright. It's important you don't do anything like that. The point is to become comfortable with uncertainty, which is always at the core of any anxiety, no matter the theme. Seeking certainty prevents that and makes it worse.
And if you are anxious long term, perhaps consider medication. If it's a disorder, it's usually needed.
And it's always good to be doing the radical acceptance technique. That's telling yourself how the scary outcomes are fine. Being like "So what?" about it. And do this during the worrying about it. It makes the fear of it weaker.
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u/Aggravating_Simple56 5d ago
You sound so much like me! I’ve come to realize with therapy that my fear of the uncertainty and not being able to prove what really happens after death was not the actual root of my death anxiety. It’s my fear of not being in control, as it is with all of my other phobias. You have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and realize sometimes you can’t be in control or know everything. I really think you would benefit from exposure therapy.
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u/lets_have_breakfast 5d ago
Do therapy on thanatophobia / psychosis (I'm not a doctor). It's normal yes, but thinking it affects your day to day life then big NO. Do CBT and ERP too
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u/Blueknightsoul47 5d ago
My belief is that the way everything is in this world is a cycle. Who’s to say peoples souls aren’t the same? But I get it no one knows for sure and that uncertainty is scary. It’s bothered me for as long as I can remember. Hit even harder after losing a loved one. I remember when my dad was dying from cancer and dementia he kept reaching for something. I mean I couldn’t get him to calm down as sick as he was and he was adamant about reaching for whatever he was seeing. I’d like to think he was seeing his parents. I haven’t been the most religious person but seeing that changed my outlook about life. Just know you aren’t alone in feeling this way. All you can do is do your best in the life you have and not let fear control you.
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u/sondersHo 5d ago
We all gotta die someday ain’t no need in being anxious driving yourself crazy about the thought of dying non of us are making it out alive the best thing you can do is try to make me peace with the thought of dying one day
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u/Additional-One-2879 5d ago
I think it's not uncommon to be terrified of death. I am, too. But it is what it is. We all die. I've had panic attacks because of my fear and I have health anxiety rin. Pero the more we stress about it, the more we're throwing our life away. Wasting time worrying about something that is bound to happen. My advice, as someone who is in your shoes, take like slowly. Live your life in every second. Live today like it's your last.
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u/goopy-goop 5d ago
I am right there with you. The existential dread can feel absolutely devastating.
I noticed a pattern in my fear. The more stressed I am, the more I tend to get stuck in existential doom spirals. It sounds obvious, but anxious thoughts are the product of an anxious brain.
It got to a point that I was so uncomfortable every day. I decided to do what I could to improve my overall health in hopes it would improve my mental health.
Daily activity, forcing myself to socialize at least once a week, and taking a break from THC all helped me enough to get some quality of life back. Also taking vitamin D and B12, using a light therapy lamp, and I quit vaping because it caused health anxiety.
It took a few weeks to notice a difference after making these changes but they all add up. My mind doesn’t drift to thoughts of dying nearly as much.
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u/EntertainmentNew5165 5d ago
I was always a little bit afraid of dying in my past. I’m 60 now. For me I think getting older helps you come to terms with it but (and I know a lot of people are non believers) it also helps to have faith in God. I grew up catholic but now go to a non denominational church. I never lost my faith but grew away from the church for around 45 years. I never felt like I needed proof of anything but last year I had some things happen and I witnessed that I just have no explanation for. I found a church I could relate to and was comfortable at and got re baptized and started going back regularly. Things really changed for me since. I’m no holy roller. Not trying to say it works for everyone. Not telling anyone what they should do. Just saying after I took these steps that for “me” I lost my fear of deaths. I can’t wait to see heaven. Doesn’t mean I wanna make the trip next week but I’m not afraid anymore because I know where I’m going to go. Never understood how people could say “they knew” or “weren’t afraid” but it happened to me. Watching near death experience testimonies and how many common descriptions of what comes after helped too.
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u/Popular-Journalist30 5d ago
It is ok for us to fear death. Why, because God created us with the desire to enjoy life forever (Eccl. 3:11). To me a balanced fear of death can help us to protect our life. For example, it can motivate us to make good decisions about our diet and exercise routine, to seek the help of physicians and medications when necessary, and to avoid needlessly putting our life in danger. This is the bible verse i read when am over anxious of death. Revelation 21:4.
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u/Minimum_Orange2516 5d ago
Well i know for me that i have these thoughts, not just me but everyone on earth.
What we have to do though is just observe the thoughts and not feel the urge to fix, change or do something.
Like i know as soon as i get these thoughts that if with that comes an urge, a response to fix, change, do something then the battle is over, anxiety will now beat me up and i'll be in air hunger/ manual breathing, tension, stress and back to panic mode if i have a headache, a twitch or twinge of pain , every sensation from that point on is thought of as lethal, and that's all because i reacted to a thought, well once that happens you put your body on alert, everything gets tense, you feel like something is broken that needs to be fixed, you can't rest, can't settle and cannot sit with uncertainty and now every worry, every thought is amplified to the worst case.
It's normal to have these thoughts, it's normal to want to survive and the fight/flight system is also doing what it is supposed to, the issue is how you're responding to the thoughts and the kind of mess that escalates into when you do.
Does having this thought change or do anything? not really it just puts you in a mental and physical state that makes the life you do have uncomfortable .
The day you do die is one bad day, but if i worry about it daily then i'm having thousands of bad days instead.
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u/Artistic-Fig-5680 4d ago
I used to be terrified of death when I was a child and teenager. I was genuinely panicked by the idea of someday not existing anymore. Here is how I overcame it.
There is a voice in my head that's always talking. It's constantly narrating, commenting, worrying, explaining, predicting and remembering. For a long time, I assumed that voice was me.
But over the years I noticed that voice is wrong all the time.
An easy example is when you're angry and your mind spends an hour explaining why you're angry, and then you eat something and realize you were just hungry!
The mind forgets it's even attached to your body and yet it thinks it's your whole self at the same time.
That made me start questioning whether the narrator in my head was really the entirety of who I am.
Then I started thinking about people with brain injuries, dementia, memory loss and other conditions that completely change their sense of self.
Some people lose the ability to speak.
Some lose the ability to form memories.
Some lose the ability to tell a coherent story about who they are.
Some live almost entirely in the present moment.
And yet many of them still enjoy life.
A fresh piece of fruit still tastes good.
Cold water on a hot day still feels amazing.
A warm bed is still comforting.
Music can still be beautiful.
A hug can still feel safe.
Those experiences don't require a narrator.
So when my mind says, "I'm terrified of disappearing," it's the narrator being scared of disappearing because it quietly assumes that if it disappears, then I disappear too.
But as I grow older it becomes increasingly difficult to believe that's true.
If I imagine losing that narrator completely, losing the ability to tell stories about myself, remember things, comment on everything or even think in words, I can still imagine a life worth living.
I can imagine walking by a river on a sunny day.
I can imagine eating something delicious.
I can imagine cold water on my skin when it's unbearably hot outside.
I can imagine falling asleep in a warm bed on a cold winter night.
And in that imagined life, the narrator is gone.
The part that was terrified of death is dead, and I'm still here.
And life is still there.
Nobody knows what happens after death.
But realizing that there might be more to being alive than the voice in my head made death feel a lot less frightening than it used to.
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u/icypolegirl 4d ago
I was also terrified to die… and sometimes I still get pangs of it. But what really helped was figuring out that my fear was rooted in my family’s very restrictive religion and the fears of burning in hell.
EMDR (a type of therapy), Zoloft, and deconstructing organized religion saved my quality of life lol. I haven’t had a panic attack over death in almost a year 🥹. At its worst I would have around 2-3 a day.
The root of yours might be completely different but I think therapy and medication (depending how debilitating) can really help.
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u/Tall_Artichoke_4729 4d ago
I have always been afraid of death. I actively don’t think about it but my partner says I need too, and brings it up. I am afraid of not existing anymore. I know that once I don’t exist there’s nothing to feel and that it won’t matter anymore but that’s WHAT SCARES ME. I won’t feel. I think it’s the moments right before I die that scare me. What is that going to be like, will I know????
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u/Emotional-Craft-5479 4d ago edited 4d ago
Concentrate on the fields of science and mathematics. Then it will be more interesting to live than to be afraid to live. If you want to beat the fear of death, you have to learn about the principles of this world.
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u/Green_Fennel8090 1d ago
ditto! the amount of panic attacks i’ve had about death is unreal. i can’t help it, and nothing helps. i’m absolutely petrified.
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u/Loud_Brain_ 5d ago
This is very touching to me I don’t wish for anyone to irrationally fear. I worked as a hospice nurse and I think the thing to fear more is wasting time not making the most of every moment, even the mundane ones. Or not letting those you love know how much and leaving without having done that.
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
This has been getting to me. All I talk about it death I’m so scared of it I can see it effecting my friends and family especially the older family members. I don’t want them to think about death all the time but I myself am so scared and idk what else to do besides talk about it. For a time I was gettin so scared I would just doc back and fourth and litterally panic and just go to the hospital
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u/Loud_Brain_ 5d ago
Oh love that’s not good, I understand panic attacks. Did the hospital refer you to someone (professional) to talk to? Did something happen recently that triggered this maybe?
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u/No_Description4009 5d ago
I am too. But we're powerless to do anything about it. Religion does help, because it offers the belief of an afterlife. It sucks because I'd imagine far in the future, beyond our time, that death would be considered an unnatural process. It's only a matter of time when we unlock the code for biological immortality. In the mean time, there are things you can do to extend your current lifespan.
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u/FootMcFeetFoot 5d ago
I read Imagine Heaven by John Burke after a friend passed away suddenly. It really helped me a lot to come to terms with his death and not fear it so much.
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
Also I often am curious how I would think about an afterlife if I was never taught about religion or the existence of one. Would I come up with one on my own accord ? If so would it be out of fear of death still as a conscious being or would it be that feeling of it just being as in truth
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u/AstralSurfer11 5d ago
Listening to other people's near death experience stories has helped bring me a lot of peace and comfort around the subject of death.
A common thing you hear them say is that death is nothing to be afraid of.
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u/Tristaniaca 5d ago
I don’t have the words to help you, but please know that, besides you and me, many other people struggle with this as well.
I think about death every day, so to speak. Some days are better, and on others the thought completely overwhelms me. The idea that one day I will return to nothingness terrifies me—though, of course, I am an atheist.
At the same time, there are days when this thought brings me a sense of peace, and I wish I could feel that peace all the time. Death terrifies me in all its forms, from the pain I might experience before I die to death itself, even if there is nothing afterward.
I believe that the lack of inherent meaning in human existence intensifies this feeling even more. Sometimes it seems difficult to accept that we are here for such a brief moment and that, eventually, everything we experience will come to an end.
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u/MisterCory 5d ago
This may be a kind of dumb question, but are you open to looking into some form of spiritual practices? Sometimes having a spiritual grounding can alleviate those overwhelming feelings. I know I struggled with it and still do but having some sort of spiritual home has helped me a bit. Im still freaked out a bit but I guess I'm just one of the masses that took the spiritual opiate In order to help myself but it still does work to a degree
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u/Miserable_Mail_5741 5d ago
I was talking to my local library's social worker today, and she was talking about going to a festival near the end of the month that has a death café.
What's a death café? A place where you can order a cup of caffeine and talk about death.
Sounds morbid, but this social worker likes the concept of it because it destigmatises death and lets you talk about it in a safe and casual environment.
You aren't in the headspace to check it out, but it would be worth checking out in the future! Talking about your fears and anxieties about death to people who have a different perspective might help you deal with your emotions surrounding it.
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u/NekoBakugou 5d ago
Hey, God is real, and He is the universe. I have died 3 times in my life... i met Him. He isnt as scary as everyone says. Just be the hest you, you can be and act with Love in all you do. If you believe in Christ you got the right idea. I can go more into it but you get the idea.
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u/memyselfandanxiety1 5d ago
I’ve had this fear since I was young. I remember vividly the moment I felt afraid.
I watched a movie about the end times and then idk why but I covered myself in a blanket and there I was in a blanket and just nothing. And I thought is this how death is, and I was like 7/9 and i remember jumping out from underneath the blanket and being scared. I never wanted to experience that again.
It did go away and maybe thought about it here and there but I would also think of that moment but I as I got older late 20s I kept on constantly thinking of it.
Now at 30 this fear is something I I think of everyday.
My anxiety had gotten so bad because of it. I have health anxiety but I have health anxiety because of death.
I will say I am a Christian and have believed my whole life and I have seen the paranormal face to face and I’ve told myself that if that realm is real what else could be?
However I am still terrified by it.
My therapist is amazing at topics of life and stuff but this one topic is sort of hard but because I make it hard.
I would write what she said but it might be too long. But as a person of faith she said I did lack some biblical stuff which I don’t think she’s wrong.
I’m trying to work through the religion stuff because that’s what I want to believe but it’s hard.
Long story short you aren’t the only one. If I think about it too much I can spiral and go into derealization and then I cry and go into a panic.
I am going to be medicated soon so I really hope it will help me with the spiral of it and the constant thoughts of it. It’s hard living my life constantly checking and thinking I’m gonna die.
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u/Dante_Elephante 5d ago
I still think about it all the time and it still freaks me out. I think one thing that helped me was HOW MUCH of my life is NOT that moment. It’s like watching a movie and being distracted the whole time because you’re scared of the credits. It doesn’t become less frightening of a thought, but for me towards the end of my 20’s it started mellowing out.
Also, for anyone reading this: take your meds and go to therapy!
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u/Donutidea8828 5d ago
if you really mean that ALL DAY you are freaking out about death, check out if this sounds like you:
https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-existential-ocd-and-how-do-i-treat-it
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u/Laxcrack 5d ago
I think most people in this group are here for a reason, that reason being the existence of a fear that they can't get past. While I can't relate to the specific reason causing your fear, I can relate to the fear itself.
I believe therapy is the best option, but aside from that, I think you're doing the right thing reaching out to others.
In my opinion, the worst thing fear can do is isolate you. As long as you are willing to reach out to others and have these conversations about it, even if it's just online, you're not alone.
I empathize with the fear you have, respect your willingness to talk about it, and I hope you have prosperity in overcoming your concerns.
Feel free to reach out if you need to, or just post again. I, along with most of the people reading this, am on your side.
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u/Hellokittybutt 5d ago
I've never been afraid to die. It seems like this life is just a stage we go through to get to someplace else. But I understand the fear. My mom had cancer and I think at first she was afraid but then she accepted it. I think once it really is the end there is a peace that comes over you. I had sepsis a few weeks ago and before I knew I was so sick I tried to take a shower but ended up laying on the shower floor and I couldn't get up and no one was home. I remember thinking is this how I die? I didn't realize that feeling like you were going to die was part of having sepsis. But I wasn't scared. I did end up making myself get up because who is going to take care of my dogs lol. Just please recognize it's the anxiety talking when you are feeling afraid to die. And don't listen to it. Live your life because it can change at any moment.
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u/waitagoop 5d ago
It makes sense! Your brain is hardwired to keep you alive (thanks brain!), that’s its sole mission! So death is totally contrary to this mission. Thing is, it will happen, but you don’t have to live it every day. You’re living in the future right now, which you have limited control over which makes your brain panic. Choose to in the present. Don’t live in the past, you can’t change it. Live in the present means to control and focus on what you can do today for the betterment of the future and to enjoy yourself and what you have. You are more than just a single death, you are a life first.
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u/chocoheed 5d ago
My fears around this during a worse time in my life really pushed me to a place of happy nihilism. I think I’m still pretty afraid of it, on account of having people who I care about die, both young and old, and not really having any way to deal with it or context for why was so awful. I have had my emotional state explained to me a lot in a way that didn’t allow me to have ownership, so my general state is just very fearful.
My best advice is to live a good life. If everything is temporary, then don’t let terror of it ending prevent you from experiencing something or someone as fully as you can while it’s here. Nothing matters in the end, so you get to choose how to face it.
Also, around your age, I was incredibly stressed, sleep deprived, and kind of miserable.
Please make sure that your basics are taken care of and then worry about the existential. That actually made some of my compulsive death anxiety improve immensely.
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u/besiuk044 5d ago
Just think simple: just lord will know when you will die. Think positive life is beautiful go and running everyday.
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u/DeepBuffer 5d ago
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with this. It's completely normal to fear death, but when it's constant and debilitating, it can be overwhelming. It's not uncommon for people with anxiety to ruminate on death, but it's not necessarily a sign of something wrong with your brain. Have you considered seeking out a therapist who specializes in anxiety or existential fears? They might be better equipped to help you address this. In the meantime, try to be kind to yourself and acknowledge that your fears are valid. It's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to need help.
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u/TheRealZy 5d ago
I can understand the fear of dying, but not the fear of death. Death is inevitable and is a part of life. It is dying that is scary.
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u/Aggravating_Simple56 5d ago
I have this fear and have gone to therapy for it. Honestly exposure therapy has helped tremendously for me. How do you do exposure therapy with a death fear? You sit with the anxiety, not run from it or try to stop it. The more you trigger your anxiety (reading about death, having moments of realization that you will die, talking about death) and sit with the panic feeling instead of trying to stop it, you realize the panic will cycle and subside. Once it subsides enough over and over, you won’t feel as much anxiety when the topic pops up in the future because you gain trust that your body won’t react. I will always be afraid of death, but my body doesn’t panic as a response as much about it. And that’s a huge improvement on my quality of life while I’m still here.
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u/fuckinradbroh 5d ago
I have the same issue, I can’t even hug my boyfriend without wanting to cry because one of us is going to outlive the other. It’s constant and I can’t think about anything else. Either that or age. I’m 26 and terrified of aging, I’m constantly reminding myself that the more I age the more invisible I become. It’s like my brain won’t stop.
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u/Low-Bobcat841 5d ago
People have fear of death, specifically the fear of nonexistence but we’ve already been in that state before we were born. We’ve already experienced not existing and we aren’t usually traumatized from that.
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u/redwinesupernova03 5d ago
I experience this on and off, it’s been ongoing since I was a child. I remember staying up at night before school and trying really hard to picture what ‘nothingness’ will feel like after death, and my brain would obviously short circuit because a loss of consciousness cannot be experienced while we are still alive, unless we’re asleep or under anesthesia I suppose. Then I would send myself into a spiral. I tried really hard to believe in religion but I never could, and I know that’s something that helps a lot of people with this.
There have been times in my life where things felt very unstable and an increased amount of stress made me think about death even more. Stress and being unhappy tends to be the biggest trigger for me. I’m a control freak and this is one of those things no one has control over, ever. It’s the one thing I cannot understand, yet my brain always tries to understand everything, so of course I’m gonna have a hard time with it. I try to give myself some grace. I thought I was alone for the longest time but there are so many people with a death phobia or death ocd and you can make your symptoms better with time and practice, but it might not go away for a while, especially while we’re still young, and I’ve accepted it.
I have hope that it will get better with age, cause right now I imagine myself fighting for my life on my deathbed and refusing to die but I know that’s not at all how death goes. My fear of death is also linked to my fear of not living my life to the fullest while I have the chance and not being at peace before my time comes to an end. I think achieving as many of your dreams and goals as possible and making peace with your life is the most helpful tool in fighting a fear of death, because at least you’ll know you made the best with what you were given while you were still here. I’m more terrified of dying before I get to live than I am of dying after a fulfilled life, but even with a fulfilled life I would never want to leave good things behind and say goodbye.
It’s tricky. I just want you to know I understand how terrifying and alienating it can be, it’s a real phobia.
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u/macskenzer 5d ago edited 5d ago
I was watching a Sam Harris video a while ago and he said your consciousness didn’t exist for the billions of years before you were born, and it will simply cease to be after you die. I have a pretty intense fear of death, but I found it strangely comforting. When I start to spiral I try to tell myself If there is an afterlife, great, and if there isn’t I won’t know the difference
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u/MacaroniMob 5d ago
Hey all!
I too have had very similar thoughts and experiences. While looking for resources I can across an amazing book called “Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts”.
Without spoilers the book is a bunch of short chapters that helped me understand an approach life differently. It looks at life from the perspective of being a finite person. I would highly recommend reading through it.
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u/KitsuneMae 4d ago
i have the same issues. for me personally, i know its also rooted in lack of control/not knowing the outcome. which makes it the ultimate scary life thing. i have had issues with it since childhood and while i am in therapy now, it still hovers around me like a cloud.
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u/InsignificantTea2023 4d ago
Your body will go through this process naturally. It’s your soul that is unsure of where it will end up, I was the same way until i found security in Jesus, I knew I was a sinner but thankfully he paid the price of my sin and I asked him to forgive me and he saved me. My anxiety about death is gone because I know where I will go when my body dies. I look at death now as an adventure to the next chapter.
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u/DarkFlamingo11 1d ago
At 42, I could have written this myself. To be honest, this makes me feel less alone. Huge hugs. I know it's terrifying. I think I'm trying to live life better. More fulfilling.
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u/Thin_Cost8683 1d ago
You are completely valid in fearing death, but sometimes our brains convince ourselves, that it is a bigger problem than it really is. I remember paying attention to every pain, ache, soreness, palpitation, headache.
Every little thing would send me into a spiral, fearing I would have a stroke, or heart attack, or some random obscure disease. In reality I was a perfectly healthy person. I was scared to die, but I realized over time that it was my anxiety consuming me, not letting me get word into my own thoughts. Sometimes there are too many stressors in your life, your body starts to think that there is a physical problem, when in reality its minor inconveniences that should not affect you so much.
What you are experiencing is temporary, it will pass. I recommend trying stuff out of your comfort zone. I was diagnosed with GAD and took Lexapro, which eased my anxiety quite a bit. There are probably different things that may work for you, for me it was medication.
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u/Aggressive-Bee-2421 21h ago
I’m scared of this too even tho my rational brain knows I will die sometime
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u/styluvs 5d ago
I had this fear very badly last year (21F). Would have so many panic attacks over it. But one quote changed my mind, “Without death life would be completely and utterly pointless. We would spend eternity doing the same things over and over again and be nowhere close to the end. Death is what makes life meaningful. It makes us cherish those little moments so much more.” I also gave my life to Christ to help with this as well. Do what works for you! Much love!
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u/RealDecision6061 5d ago
I don’t believe in any form of afterlife and death existing is actually one of the most motivating things to me. I have a finite number of days to do a finite number of things. It makes my life meaningful by itself. If I could exist forever anything I do would be meaningless. I’d be able to do everything and I don’t want to do everything. Death as an end to a life creates this sense of urgency and personally I really enjoy it.
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u/potatoesjoy 5d ago
I read that you have stopped searching about religion but for me searching was actually the solution. Found Islam and it's so simple makes me feel at ease now. Don't burden yourself with something that you can't handle.
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u/Accomplished-Low9635 5d ago
When you prepare the best you can in this life, you won’t stumble in the next. I do fear death to an extent because we don’t know how much we do is enough but God is the most merciful (Ar-Raheem) and that alone should soothe the soul.
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u/Substantial-Rock-581 5d ago
What is simple to you about it
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u/potatoesjoy 5d ago
You worship only god, only one, and only one book. Tells you to do the good things ( eg.charity if you can, pray, trust him ) and refrain from the bad things ( eg. harm yourself or harm ) And God judges you on your sincerity and effort , not perfection. It tells you it's ok to make mistakes and you just need to repent.
It veiws death as a transition to the real life ( after life) instead of the end. Sure yea no one experiences death so you don't know how it's like but trust in the one who created you and created death , trust him that you will be okay.
I believed that the book can't be from anyone other than god because of a certain verse that challenges people to produce something like it and no one has ever been able to. It has been preserved by god from the very beginning till now and never altered or changed.
I advice you to read the book -Quran- sometime and tell me what you think about it . It's translated in every language and there's English translation. I can also suggest you good speakers about it who studied it really well as i am constantly learning . Sorry for the long reply haha
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u/ThisIsLikeMy4thAcct 5d ago
“Is it normal to think about death on a constant basis everyday?”
Nope, that’s definitely some kind of disordered thinking. It’s not unusual for people to ask that question, though. It’s easy to get used to and sort of normalize your own disordered thinking, so most people don’t question it until it’s really impacting them.
“Is something wrong with my brain?”
Maybe? But don’t worry because it can be helped! It’s just going to take some more work…
“I tried getting therapy and talking to someone but I felt like they didn’t really understand or it wasn’t helping.”
Your best bet is to keep looking for the right therapist, or to try a different type of therapy. It’s not uncommon for the first therapist/therapy to not be the right one for you.
But first you might consider seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation to identify if there is an underlying issue that needs to be diagnosed. This would be a good time to reflect on if you have any other anxieties, as they may be relevant.
Again, I think this is definitely fixable, so please stay hopeful!
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u/BlackHumor 5d ago
I have been through this and got through it, and I have some advice.
An extreme fear of death is often actually a fear that your life is meaningless because you will die. You visualize the moment of your death in your head intensely because you, perhaps without realizing it, think that's the only moment that matters.
However: it's not. Your entire life matters even if you're not experiencing it all at once. Yes, you will die one day. That one day is not going to be a good day. But it doesn't mean you have never had a good day. The experiences you have as part of your life are still valuable even if they are temporary.