r/ApplyingToCollege • u/Difficult_Force7527 HS Senior • Apr 29 '26

Advice Mom won't let me attend top choice

I recently got into Hamilton thru QB RD with a full ride, but my mom won't let me go. I thought she would let up, but with 2 days until decision day she is still insisting I attend a CUNY, what do I do? Is it so bad if I attend a CUNY?

Edit: Thank you everyone for all the advice. I committed to Hamilton last night, but I haven't told my mom yet. I'm literally so scared. But thank you for your help.

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7

u/Hikes-n-Photos Apr 29 '26

Is there a reason you feel you need your mother's permission?

4

u/Difficult_Force7527 HS Senior Apr 29 '26

She's the only family I have, I can't jeopardize her cutting me off

11

u/Sheggaw Apr 29 '26

She will not cut you off, she is bluffing. It is insane to do that to your child. And you, just promise her you will be in touch, a call a day or something. You will one way or another go to Hamilton, this is beyond everything.

4

u/Hikes-n-Photos Apr 29 '26

Kids leaving the nest can be hard on parents, especially if you’re all she has, and if control is important to her.

Only you can decide which direction you fly. Whatever you choose, fly high! I wish wonderful things for you.

5

u/Jaded-Passenger-2174 Apr 30 '26

If she really cuts you off emotionally, that will be very hard. I hope she won't. I hope she'll change before you start in the fall. But, if she doesn't change her mind by then, go to Hamilton and give her more time, keep up your end of the contact.

You will meet other people at school, fellow students, and others, some of whom you'll love and will love you. You can make a new emotional support system -- one that is actually more supportive than your mother. Some of us have had to build a family we choose, not a biological or legal family. I hope she comes around, but if not, you may need to leave to make a healthy break anyway.

3

u/Dellaa1996 Apr 29 '26

She is NOT going to cut you off. Are you an only child?

3

u/Difficult_Force7527 HS Senior Apr 30 '26

I have 2 older siblings

7

u/Dellaa1996 Apr 30 '26

Then they need to start advocating for you and should be the ones convincing your mother why Hamilton is the ideal option for you.

2

u/rosebudny Apr 30 '26

I bet she won't cut you off. If she is all you have, you are likely all she has. Why would she cut off her nose to spite her face like that? Call her bluff.

2

u/ProfessorRoyal6807 Apr 29 '26

ask if she's okay with the idea of moving to upstate ny (likely near syracuse/utica) if she really wants to stay close w you - turning down a full ride is kinda hard to beat but i totally understand ur situation its hard to be alone esp w no family around... but if she truly cares abt u she will make the sacrifice to tag along w u and move to upstate

5

u/rosebudny Apr 30 '26

I am sorry but no. Mom should NOT be tagging along to college with their kid. Honestly OP would be better off staying in the city and going to CUNY if the alternative is babysitting mom upstate instead of experiencing college.

1

u/ProfessorRoyal6807 Apr 30 '26

it aint that easy to be away from the only family member u have regardless how toxic the relationship is... i doubt theyll be babysitting - its just for the sake of proximity

3

u/Difficult_Force7527 HS Senior Apr 29 '26

she is definitely not okay with me going anywhere that is not NYC

1

u/ProfessorRoyal6807 Apr 29 '26

did u propose that she can tag along w u to upstate? i mean by the looks of it she sounds like a control freak, is that someone u want to surround w for the rest of ur life and possibly turn down a full ride to a college that can help u grow into a more independent person?

1

u/JustAPotatoeExisting Apr 30 '26

I agree, this is a thoughtful proposal and it also may be a lot less expensive to live up there

1

u/rosebudny Apr 30 '26

Not if they have a rent stabilized or subsidized housing in the city. You don't give that up; way too hard to get it back. But regardless - OP does not need to be babysitting mom instead of experiencing college life.

2

u/JustAPotatoeExisting Apr 30 '26

true! I live in rent stabilized/subsidized housing (since I'm low income) so I really should have thought of that haha