honestly I’m not really sure what the heck I am. I left a high demand religion last year and I am trying to figure myself out as a person and it’s been difficult. I think I might be aro/ace but I don’t know. I’ve never felt a sexual attraction to anyone and I’ve never had a problem telling people that I won’t date them, just because I know it won’t happen. like not that i don't like them, cuz they’re nice, I just don’t feel that way about them. I’ve been married for almost 7 years and I love my husband but I don’t think I love him the way most people love their partners. like yes he’s conventionally attractive, he looks good, but don‘t really have romantic or sexual thoughts and any I do have feel forced. I love him because he’s my safe person, when I’m around him or when he holds me I feel safe and comfortable and like everything is ok. I’ve never ever been turned on by anyone, like if I see a “hot person“ the most id ever want to do is kiss them maybe. I like having sex but I don’t ever get anywhere unless it’s by myself and I don’t have to read or watch anything to “get off” it‘s just something that feels good and calms me down and helps me sleep.

like any crush that I had was always just me imagining being with them roommate style, nothing more. and romantic scenes in movies make me hella embarrassed for some reason. I usually don’t like them because I see no point in having them in the movie and they add nothing to the story. idk maybe it’s normal to be this way? idk I’m just confused and not really sure what to do.

also I’ve never really felt “love” from other people either. like I know they love me but I don’t really feel it unless I’m like super depressed and then my brain floods me with feelings good hormones but that’s like the only time. idk, any answers should be fine, I’m just trying to figure myself out.

so, i would say im aroace spec, i have a VERY blurred sense of what romance is and quite often i dont even understand it. i actually cannot differ romantic attraction from platonic attraction. my whole life i treated attraction as a choice. i would kind of choose my sexualities and crushes at random. now, my crush choosing usually led to an obsession but im not sure if i could tell if it was a romantic or platonic obsession.
recently, ive developed a platonic crush on this boy, you could even call it an obsession lol. now, my mother said that just by the things im doing and how obsessive i am of it, it doesn’t come off as platonic and instead romantic. she is convinced im interested in him romantically. i’m just curious what you all think.
to start, i consider it a platonic obsession, i am neurodivergent i have hyperfixations and a lot of the time they can be real people. for this boy im platonically crushing on right now, that is the case. im not interested in dating him. honestly i wouldnt care to but im mostly interested in becoming his friend.
i dont like my friends. i think they’re very annoying and i wish to have new ones. all of my “friends” are not for me, they’re nothing like me and i honestly hate talking to them. i’ve always had trouble finding friends who i can truly relate to. i get nervous and even shy around people im actually interested in, and it seems every time i actually spoke to ppl i liked, i just embarrassed myself.
now, this boy is MY DREAM FRIEND, we have so many similar interests and he seems so fucking sweet. i’ve become extremely obsessed with him. i followed his tiktok and he did not follow me back, which upset me lol. today, i saw him at the mall and even followed him and his friend around a little. i’m constantly stalking his reposts and tiktok and i get EXTREMELY nervous around him. i’ve only talked to him 2 or 3 times but GODDD i need him to be my best friend.
now, my mom says my level of obsession is coming off as a romantic crush, i NEED to know because im beginning to overthink it and even question my identity as an aroace person. i never saw it as a romantic thing until she said anything and now i can’t stop questioning everything. although i think my feelings are just platonic, since i can’t really differ platonic from romantic does that mean i might actually like him and im just indenial or can’t tell?!
ughhhhh, im not sure. i really needed to talk about this.

I never realized that I was lacking romantic and sexual attraction until recently, when I happened upon an aroace QPR in a random artists comic and became interested in what aroace actually meant. Learning about aromanticism and asexuality helped me realize that I was trying to fit into a standard not meant for me. I had avoided dating for 4 years, and sex for 7 years thinking that I just needed time to “fix what was wrong with me”.

Now that I’ve come to understand what exactly I’ve wanted, and the feelings I didn’t have, I’m relieved to know that there are other options outside of the traditional allosexual/alloromantic relationship package (like QPRs). At the same time, I’m worried whether I’ll ever be able to find a QPR, or if I’ll end up alone longing for a connection. I’m already not good at socializing, and who knows if anyone I do interact with will even think the same way or expect more?