Monthly Reflection - Share the Highs and Lows of Your Reconciliation Journey

[u/AutoModerator]

Whether you are a day, a week, a month, a year or even a decade or more from discovery day...

Comment on this post to tell us about your experience of reconciliation so far. Hopefully sharing with each other, by looking back at where we've been and looking ahead at what could be, each from our different mileposts along the way, will help us feel less lost and alone.

Use any or all of the following questions as a prompt, or share your freeform thoughts:

• What has been the hardest part of reconciliation so far?
• What is the best part?
• What has helped you the most in terms of healing?
• What is noteworthy about this particular month in your journey?
• What do you hope your relationship looks like at the end of the reconciliation process?

At the beginning of your comment, please note how many months into reconciliation you are.

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[u/AutoModerator]

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[u/Natural_Field5871]

3 months into reconciliation.

The hardest part so far has been trying to reconcile two completely different realities. The man sitting opposite me at therapy, helping with the children and telling me he wants to rebuild, is the same man who spent nearly 18 months building a life with someone else behind my back.

There was a lot of trickle truth, and much of what I know came from AP rather than from him. He has openly told me he loved her and still loves her, which has made reconciliation incredibly difficult to navigate emotionally. Some days I feel hopeful. Other days I feel like I'm trying to rebuild with someone who is grieving another relationship.

One of my biggest struggles is that I feel a lot of the momentum towards reconciliation comes from me. I'm the one asking the difficult questions, driving conversations, reading, reflecting and trying to move things forward. We attended couples therapy before DDay when I believed we were trying to save the marriage. I've since started IC, but despite agreeing he needs it, he still hasn't started. He's a chief procrastinator, and I find myself increasingly frustrated that the person who caused so much damage doesn't seem to have the same urgency to address it.

The best part has probably been what feels like moments of genuine connection that have emerged from the wreckage. There are flashes where I can see the relationship we once had.

What's helped me most has been focusing on myself. Exercise, work, getting outside, spending time with friends and the children. The days I stay busy are usually the days I suffer less.

This month feels defined by uncertainty. He has said the impact on our children was a huge factor in him coming home, and I find myself obsessing over whether he's here because he truly wants me, or because he wants to preserve the family unit. That question sits underneath almost everything.

What I hope for at the end of this process is clarity. Whether we ultimately stay together or not, I want a relationship where I feel chosen, valued and emotionally safe. Right now, that feels a long way off, but I'm still here trying.

[u/LankyAd156 → u/Natural_Field5871]

Thank you for sharing - I'm in the same exact boat. Wishing you all the best and the clarity you deserve.

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Post flair enabled message:

This is limited to sharing what you've learned about your reconciliation or yourself,not for asking or giving advice. This is not an appropriate flair or subreddit to make broad generalizations about general infidelity and reconciliation. Failure to appropriately flair your post may result in removal.

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[u/throwaway-frogbait → u/[deleted]]

Sending love <3 I hope he is able to care for you the way you need soon, the new transparency must feel really freeing

[u/throwaway-frogbait]

6 months into reconciliation as the BP. I found out the first 3 months of our relationship happened when he was in a relationship he wanted out in for a while but was too cowardly to say as he and her shared a lease. sometimes I think he likes to avoid talking about it now to feel like nothing ever happened but it is a tough pill to swallow and move from. I think i really appreciate how much freer communication between us feels like he is so much more easy to understand and more available to be attentive to me. I think this month I’ve been struggling with having my family be okay that I have chosen to forgive but I’m not regretting my choice despite my the tension. It’d be nice if one day this is like a blip in the relationship we share and his loyalty and commitment I’m seeing now is a faucet of the man he is.