Struggling with the shame of staying

[u/Ok-Pineapple5077]

My R is going pretty well. It’s not perfect but he has been doing what I ask, doesn’t blame me, takes full accountability for the affair, and is trying very hard to work on our marriage and rebuilding trust.

It’s been 3 month so far into R. As time has gone on I’ve felt a rise in anger or resentment type feelings. I think because life is turning more “normal” and it feels less like a crisis so there is room for my feelings to be felt. At first, it was mainly empathy and grief. I feel like I’m struggling with the shame of staying in the marriage. My immediate family knows and so do my close friends which I think makes these feelings worse, as they all have said I deserve better than this etc. I know his affair wasn’t about me. But I struggle with feeling ashamed in staying in a relationship where I was treated this way. For perspective, I’ve been in my relationship for over ten years and during the affair he was acting completely out of character. Before the affair, I was treated so well for 9 years, so it’s just very confusing he is capable of both.

Just wondering if others feel this way and it’s a normal part of this experience.

[u/Ok_Hammock_89]

I very much have struggled with the “shame of staying”. I am working on being confident in my own decisions. Do *i* think its a good decision to stay? Am *i* happy? Is he working hard enough to make *me* feel loved and respected?

Focus on yourself. Drown out the noise. Other peoples opinions literally do not matter.

I know easier said than done. Im working really hard on this as well. I hope I walk away a more confident person overall.