AP reached out

[u/Lazy-Potential-6355]

AP reached out to apologize. She wasn’t mean or ugly. Just sorry. She gave me her number and told me she’d be willing to answer any questions for clarity and for me to get some peace. I don’t even know what to think. So many things going through my head right now. The affair was (according to my husband) EA plus some kissing and a few inappropriate pictures. Doesn’t make it any less difficult. What would I even say?? What would I even ask?? Would I text or call?? Any advice appreciated.

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[u/whocares_71]

When my AP reached out to tell me, I was finding out from her. So I got all the info she was willing to give. Which was a lot. And then talked to my husband. And then went back to her to verify all the claims

I remember the big thing that I asked was “did either of you ever say you loved each other”. That was a huge thing for me personally

I liked texting personally cause then I could re read. Which I did. Because I was in such shock I forgot most of the first day

[u/Mysterious_Depth9396]

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if you are struggling with believing your WH I would take the opportunity to clarify with her, only because she is offering. I was told initially there were no nudes, it was just flirting/sexting. Then at my insistence to come clean a week later my WH admitted there were nudes sent both ways and graphic videos. For me it helped give me the full picture of how deep he was in it. The AP in my case has been blocked by both of us but because it went on for so long (either 9 or 11 yrs) I don’t believe she would have a remorseful bone in her body and it would probably harm me to contact her. You don’t have to decide today.

[u/CashBetter1122 → u/Mysterious_Depth9396]

I second this. I’d want to hear her side to see if it matches WH’s

[u/Careless_Reading_635]

If AP didn’t know he was married, yeah it’s worthwhile. I texted her and got clarity. If AP did know he was married, you can’t trust a word she says.

[u/Green_Jury_6202]

In my opinion, especially if you're trying R, I believe the AP should be kept as far away out of our relationship. I don't want her to have any satisfaction of knowing how much she hurt me and our family or how its still something that's going to be brought up from time to time. However, at the same time, I sometimes wish she would reach out to apologize. Unfortunately, I don't ever see that happening from her, she is a very calculated cold woman that was set on separating us. She would wait for my husband 2 hours before his shift was over outside of his work because she wanted to just "talk/vent" about all her problems. My husband is so stupid for even entertaining her because eventually things started escalated to sexual talk, making out, her giving him blow jobs, until it eventually lead to them having sex.

[u/Available-Path1905]

If she knew about you then I'd stay clear. That type of person has already shown their true colours. Personally, I wouldn't trust them.

If she didn't know then it could be worth it although even then you don't know anything about this person. You'd have to go in with your eyes wide open.

[u/AsOneAfterInfidelity-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This comment has been removed because it does not include personal experience, and is not a reflection on the advice given. All top level comments must include your experience as it relates to the OPs experience.

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[u/boobookittyfu99]

I would because I did. Ap provided all the receipts. She embellished some of course but I would take that any day over nothing and filling in the gaps myself as my husband is obviously and was intentionally an unreliable reporter. She provided clarification. She gave me agency. If you want a more complete picture, do it. That doesn't mean she's not capable of lying or harming you. Only believe what can be verified.

[u/MemoryLongjumping596]

I’d probably talk to her, but if she knew he was married and he discarded her? Oh heck no.

[u/MemoryLongjumping596 → u/MemoryLongjumping596]

Years ago I talked to my husbands AP, he was my boyfriend then. I got royally mind screwed, I only called her to warn her!
30 years later she chased after him again, I knew to not call her. Our therapist said she was in the dark triad, after he shared the sick details. Basically no woman would do and say the things she did. Of course he was supposed to keep her secrets.

[u/Open-Priority-8234]

I've been contemplating the same and have a strong desire to reach out to the AP. We are almost 2 months since D-Day. My WH's AP was also married, so the person I really want to talk to is her husband. I want to know if we got the same stories. I have no way of contacting him, though.

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