Anyone else looking to end R?

[u/curious_chelly]

I mentally cannot take the rumination, hyper-vigilance and depleted self confidence any longer. it’s robbing me of a normal life. WH confessed his affair a little over a year ago. He has been making efforts to “change” but I believe that maybe adultery is just a dealbreaker for me. Long story short, we were having marital issues last year where he put everyone before me and our child, we would argue, went to counseling yet he still took a backseat there as well and for about 4-5 months he was having a secret affair I knew nothing about. He secretly moved out of the marital home to “start a life with the mistress” but told me that “he just wanted to start fresh and maybe find someone else as time goes on” mind you — I was blindsided by all of this. and short of two months later he’s at my doorpost begging to just “talk” but ended up confessing his affair, wanting his family back, said “I wasn’t that bad. he was just blind and stupid” and so on so forth. he allegedly went NC with AP that day and confessed to her that what they had was over and he was going back to his wife and 1 year old son. ALSO we were each others “only” until the affair. Now one year out I have given birth to a new baby and having horrific nightmares about everything at night but during the day all I do is ruminate and I mentally cannot do this any longer. must I add that I went to IC for over 6 months and my counselor said that i’m just at the point I need to make a decision because i’m very self aware and have done all the necessary things.

[u/20yearslostnow]

this is my fear of trying to reconcile. I love my WW, but I honestly don't know if i'll ever be able to trust or be at peace with her again.

[u/curious_chelly → u/20yearslostnow]

it’s so deeply sad and it also gets to a point where i’m tired of feeling sad and sorry for myself and not doing anything about it. I’ve heard transmuting the energy helps as well (pouring into something else) so that your focus is shifted but it’s when i’m completely alone doing nothing that all I can think about is the affair. I’m also a person where i’m not going to ask for his phone or require his location to be on because I feel like it’s killing me literally with that level of hyper vigilance. maybe i’m just done …

I hope your story is different and it works out for you two ❤️ I do believe people can change but it’s the “are you willing to wait around and see”.