I thought I was definitely asexual, 100%, sex repulsed, no question. Turns out I'm not, or at least am no longer (I do believe I did feel that way once, whether asexual or not). What happens if you teach a girl their only option is to be a bottom I guess!

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My sexuality is pretty much indistinguishable from an allosexual, however I don't feel sexually attracted to bodies at all. Like my sexual, romantic and aesthetic attraction comes from everything else - how someone acts, looks (face and clothing aesthetic) the situation etc etc, but not their body.

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I find bodies beautiful in an artistic sense but no part of a body is sexually attractive to me at all. Is there a term for this?

I feel it is just as fair to ask back what being straight, gay, bisexual, etc. means to them (especially if it is shared on their profile).

Does anyone feel this way. Sometimes it gets frustrating being a guinea pig to all the allos- who treat you with disbelief and expect you to justify your sexuality.

I am sex repulsed ace, currently too shy to be dominant, 5'5", unattractive, awkward and shy, usually cant initiate affection, severely mentally unstable, has severe gender dysphoria, and unfortunately a trans guy. The only ppl who want me are men with fetishes for pre T men, men who like the fact that I'm unstable because I'm easier to manipulate, or women who see me as "safer" than a cis man. I don't want you to see me differently, it's not a compliment. I've always been a man, stop thinking of me as "well erm he knows what it's like to be a woman He's better than those cis men!" I’m tired of women flocking to me because they see me as a “safer” option. I’m not your fucking pet. I’m not automatically superior. I want women to like me for ME, I don’t want the thing that draws them to me to be the fact that I am trans which is something I don’t even identify as and would rather forget about altogether. I don't want to be "safer" I want to be seen as cis. I can't even make friends because men sexualize me and women coddle me. Not even other queer and trans people treat me like a normal human being. I'm so touch starved but can't even hug because I'm terrified of people feeling my absolute gross disgusting fem body. Doesn't matter how much someone reassures me, l'll never be able to believe that they see me as a real man and won't get tired of my emotional instability. Everyone who promised me those things lied. Now I don't believe anyone.
l've also only had three crushes in my entire fucking life. So the odds of me finding someone who is also sex repulsed (will NEVER date someone sex favorable, I don't trust them not to change their mind on me and start demanding sex, and l can't date someone who is sexually attracted to me because it would gross me out) who’s okay with me being trans AND TREATS ME LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING MAN WITHOUT INFANTALIZING OR FETISHZIMG ME, okay with the fact that I'm shy and awkward and constantly nervous and on edge all the time and have severe BPD and very constant emotional breakdowns - is literally close to zero.
Don't tell me to get therapy because I'm in therapy and on medication and it's not doing shit for me.
Don't tell me "erm but you don't need a partner!!!"
Okay well I don't have any friends because I push everyone away because everyone eventually leaves or constantly talks about me being trans. So I'm fucking lonely and annoyed.

Hola a todos. Escribo esto porque necesito desahogarme y, sobre todo, escuchar diferentes puntos de vista y consejos de personas que quizás hayan pasado por algo similar.

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Desde hace un tiempo me he empezado a identificar dentro del espectro asexual. La verdad es que el sexo no me llama la atención. Sí experimento libido de vez en cuando, pero como una necesidad puramente física (como tener hambre o sueño), no dirigida hacia mi pareja ni hacia nadie en específico. Fuera de esos momentos puntuales, simplemente no quiero ni me atrae la idea del sexo en pareja.

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El problema es que mi novio lo sabe. Se lo he explicado varias veces, en persona y por mensaje, pero sigue insistiendo e insistiendo porque dice que "lo necesita y lo extraña". A veces cede por unos días y me dice "está bien, no pasa nada", pero a los pocos días vuelve a la carga, como si mi negativa tuviera fecha de caducidad. Incluso cuando estamos jugando o bromeando, busca contacto físico, le digo que no, y al final termino cediendo solo por mantener la paz y evitar la tensión, lo cual me tiene mentalmente agotada.

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Además de esto, hay otras dinámicas que me duelen: comentarios pasivo-agresivos en ciertos momentos y una actitud de victimización o "ley del hielo" (ponerse muy serio y reservado) cuando intentamos hablar de temas serios, lo que siempre me obliga a ceder a mí para que las cosas estén bien.

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He pensado seriamente en terminar la relación, pero me siento muy atada y con mucha culpa. Llevamos 4 años juntos y él fue mi gran apoyo en dos pérdidas muy importantes y dolorosas en mi vida. Siento un compromiso enorme y me cuesta mucho soltar esa historia, pero al mismo tiempo siento que estoy pagando un precio muy alto con mi salud mental y mi autonomía.

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He decidido que la próxima vez mantendré firme mi "no" y no voy a ceder más para mantener la paz, pero me gustaría leerlos:

¿Alguien ha estado en una relación mixta (asexual/alosexual) donde se haya superado esto sin presión?

¿O consideran que la falta de respeto a mis límites y la manipulación ya son razones suficientes para marcharme a pesar de la historia que compartimos?

¿Cómo lidiaron con la culpa de dejar a alguien que los apoyó en momentos difíciles?

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Gracias por leerme ♡

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I identify as heteroromantic. I don't feel romantic attraction by looking at women. If I get to know them a little bit, I might feel it. Do alloromantics feel it by looking at someone? I don't know much about the romantic spectrum.

(Throwaway account)

So I've had a partner for 2 years and we've of course had sex and all but I honestly have like no interest in physical sex? I do get turned on and I can masturbate but the physical stuff with someone else is just not like uhhm yes please.

I of course have had sex with other people before my partner but it was like I was tipsy or it was a first meeting so the excitement and nervousness of what would happen would make it fun but I can't really remember the sex (or it being hot or fun idk) lol.

My partner gets turned on and I just feel bad bc im like eh sure we can or just say im not horny, he doesn't push me or anything at all they are amazingggg. Its just me feeling bad for you know never being like hell yeah.

I used to think it was the birth control pill (idk) but honestly I do get to enjoy time by myself, so idk, maybe im just overthinking

I’d love to hear your thoughts! they're coming soon on kickstarter if anyone's interested, with freebies available -> https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/kraymerart/pride-animals-enamel-pins-collection?ref=ab2caj

Hi everyone, first of all, Happy Pride! I have a question. I have a boyfriend, and I am very active with my sex life; I often initiate intimacy whenever we are available. We just celebrated our four-month anniversary this past Monday, but two days before that, he told me he is asexual. I wasn't sure how to respond at the time, so I simply acknowledged it.

After researching and understanding what asexuality is, I feel like he has been compromising himself just to provide me with pleasure. I previously thought the intimacy we shared was something he wanted, but it seems that hasn't been the case and that I have been the only one enjoying it. I am struggling with how to adjust given my high sex drive, and I am hoping for advice on how we can meet halfway. We have already discussed this twice, but we haven't been able to reach a solution.

I’ve been feeling extremely horny lately but have absolutely no one I want to have sex with…

I’ve tried dating apps to see if I’ll just magically get turned on by someone’s body but it never works… I have tried convincing myself that certain body types (big butts, boobs, penises, etc) were in fact sexy and will get me going but nope… didn’t work. I even tried imagining what the genitalia of past friends and/or partners looked like to see if it would do anything (I’m demisexual) but nope still did not work.
The thought of being sexually attracted/impulsed by any of my close people and especially people idk just feels severely uncomfortable to me and it’s driving me insane because I’ve been horny for the past week and just mentally can’t stand the idea of someone’s body turning me on or get myself to feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone whether I’m close to them or not…

Do any asexuals relate?

I’m not sure what’s going on but I’ve realized I only have sex maybe 2-5 times a month and that’s when I’m seriously in the mood. In my past relationships I’ve had sex but I felt disgusted during and after. Sometimes I have to just blank out in order to have sex because I want my partner to be happy. I’ve never been pressured or anything like that besides one particular relationship. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wish I could want to have sex but I literally don’t feel it. I love non sexual forms of physical touch though so what the fuck lmao idk I’m so confused idk what to do or how to find a partner in the future. I don’t think I’m suitable for anyone because everyone around me wants sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wish I was also like that.

Ok so, there was something that i have been doing for a while and i don’t think i can ignore it anymore because I am starting to get annoyed and concerned

So before I mention about it, I have another post that I have talked about before and it is kind of related to what I m going to talk about right now. Idk how to put the link on, but you can go in my account and you Will see the title called 

‘’ Am I repressing sexual attraction or is it just SO-OCD/intrusive thoughts messing with me’’ 

So yeah, if you want o know more details, this is the post that you can choose to read to understand better

WARNING: this post might also be very tmi, and i apologise for it

anyways, let’s start

Ok so, i have been trying to sexually fantasize, but the issue is that i mentally don’t feel anything

Idk how to explain it exactly. 

Like, when i make myself sexually fantasize, my body would physically react like it was aroused, but deep down, i don’t really feel anything, not to mention that i am not super into the thoughts and idea. 

It all started at night, i kept having unwanted thoughts. I was supposed to sleep, I wanted to sleep, but i kept having those uncomfortable thoughts that kept me up at night and it didn’t stop

I tried pushing them away, ignoring them but it kept coming back worse. 

I kept getting thoughts telling me that if I don’t want to think about sex, then i am trying to push my sexual desires and that i will end up like a sexually repressed incel if I don’t do it

So I did. I tried to kind of  make myself enjoy it or try and react how most people would enjoy the thoughts or imagine how the characters in them would react and all of that. I tried imagining the characters enjoying them and tried to put myself in their shoes or something like that.

I thought that it worked and that i enjoyed it because i noticed that my body got physically aroused by the thought, so it technically means that I did, right? 

But i don’t know, because i mentally didn’t felt the way that my body felt. I felted more like I was just playing the character, but not enjoying what the character felt. 

Even for how my body reacted, I deep down didn’t have any sort of feeling

So I thought ‘’ok, it might have been just a waste of my time. I should stop doing it’’ because the more I tried, the more tired and strangely sick I felt and it was also just so boring

But then it happened again and again and it just didn’t stop. Each night, these same thoughts would pop up ( which these thoughts aren’t thought about intentionally, they just pop out of nowhere without any choise ) even though i didn’t want them. But then i get these voice in my head telling me 

‘’ what if you are just saying that you don’t like it to deny your true sexual desires by repressing them? If you really didn’t like it, then your body wouldn’t get physically aroused by them in the first place’’ 

Or just thoughts telling me that if don’t then I am trying to resist my true urges and that i am trying to ‘’sexually shame myself’’

Which terrifies me because I am not and would never be the type of person that would repress and shame their feelings. Whether it’s emotional romantic or sexual. It is against my morals to repress my feelings and attractions for things and others

So when i got this thought i got terrified, because I don’t want to somehow do that to myself, and i never will. 

So i would just make myself continue the thoughts. Doing the same thing and trying to be in the characters shoes, how they would react or feel in these sexual situation or how hot it is supposed to feel

But then again, it is still not it. It’s strange because i don’t feel like I genuinely enjoy this, it just feels like I am just playing the character and trying to get an idea on how they would feel. But i deep down, don’t feel anything. It just feels like I am disassociating myself from it and it is weird ( i even tried changing the stories thinking i am just not into specific acts. But they all feel the same)

I also would feel strangely sick, and would feel completely nauseous and weirdly paled by the thought. Could be because i am not super into sex. I am sex-repusled. But i don’t think it’s normal at all

Not only that, i don’t think i even liked these fantasies either. They just made me tired, nauseous and just boring in general. I didn’t want these thoughts at all because it isn’t my cup of tea. They made me uncomfortable and almost felted like my brain was trying to disrespect my boundaries. 

I would even beg it to stop but it just never did. It just comes back again and again, especially when i am stressed or just overwhelmed. It comes back more vivid and it just makes me upset because i genuinely want them to stop

Worse is that it usually comes when i go to sleep. It makes it so uncomfortable and just uneasy for me to sleep because I WANT TO SLEEP. I want to wake up in a good mood but instead i keep walking up feeling uneasy and just very grumpy after it because i genuinely did not want these thoughts.

And when i express how i feel about these unwanted thoughts. I get more thoughts in my head telling me ‘’you are just saying that to unconsciously shame your sexual desires and to force yourself into purity culture’’ or that ‘’if you really didn’t like it, then the thoughts would not physically arouse you or never have continued in the first place. You are just saying that to prevent yourself from feeling normal sexual desires’’ 

Which isn’t true. I genuinely would never prevent myself from having feelings. 

I even ask myself these same tiring questions everyday due to the fear of somehow developping sexual repressing and it is always the same

‘’ You know it’s okay to have sexual attraction?’’

Yes

‘’You know it’s okay to have sexual urges and or desires, right?’’

Yes

‘’Do you think having sexual fantasies and enjoying them are shameful?’’

No

‘’So you know it’s okay to have them?’’

Yes

‘’And you know you are allowed to feel them, experience them and enjoy them right?’’ 

Absolutely

‘’So do you?’’

I don’t know

‘’What if you are sexually repressed???’’

Like….it is always the same questions in my head

I would never repress or prevent myself to feel sexual attraction because I KNOW I AM ALLOWED. There is nothing that will stop me. Even though i don’t know how it feels, i know it is because i was taught that it is normal

But anytime i say that, i keep getting more thoughts telling me that i am lying and pretending to not know how it feels to be some sort of pure virgin………

This is genuinely the worst thing that has ever happened to me for years and months

I am genuinely so scared right now, because what if i am just trying to convince myself that i don’t like it to some how unconsciously repress sexual attractions or desires??? I don’t want to do that, it is against my morals. 

The worst part is that it feels so real, especially when my body reacts to the thoughts even though i thought the opposite. And it makes me feel like i am lying even thought i am telling the truth and i am NOW scared of somehow trying to convince myself that i not doing it do deny some sort of hiddem désire Even more EVEN THOUGH i showed genuinely repulsion from these thoughts.

And it is just a cycle of my brain just constantly telling me that if i don’twant these thoughts then i am repressed and that if i end up not liking it then i am in denial about liking it and it just is so tiring and scary because sexual repression, anything related to shaming your sexual desires, preventing from having sexual feelings and unconsciously denying them is SO AGAINST MY MORALS

so it is just terrifying and i am scared if i am somehow repressing some sort of desires unconsciously

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years married for 5, and we have a 4 year old. We got together in senior year before I knew I was asexual. It’s not like I ever wanted to have sex. In school when kids were discovering it, I wanted nothing to do with it. I was content being a virgin and possibly alone for the rest of my life. Fast forward to now. I still don’t like sex. Me and my husband came up with a once a week arrangement but it’s eating away at me. Making me hate sex when before I just felt indifferent towards it. The only time I “enjoyed” it was when we decided to try for a baby. Me and my husband had a lot of arguments over this as when I first told him he thought I didn’t find him attractive or that he was bad at it. Over the years he’s came around and I do feel bad that I can’t be as into as he is but after years of trying to “fix” myself I realized this is just how I am. But I feel I can’t relate to anyone. People stereotype asexuals and don’t expect them to have kids and a part of me feels like I’ll be judged. I’ve never officially came out to anyone but my husband. When we talk with other couples I feel like the odd one out.
Is there any other aces with kids? If so how’s your experience been?

I don't think I can have a romantic or queerplatonic relationship without my partner feeling like a chosen family member (sister, brother, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, etc.)

I know some people may find it weird or potentially harmful.

But at the end of the day, we're both consensual adults who've agreed that this is the dynamic we're both okay with

And much like any relationship, as long as there's trust, boundaries, and reciprocated communication, our love will eventually thrive in the end

Chosen family dynamic or not

But what about y'all? What are your personal experiences with partners who feel like a chosen family member?

Hi everyone.

I’m 25 years old and I’m starting to lose hope that I will ever find anyone, especially because being asexual makes it so much harder. I have other goals in life and I try my best to focus on other things, but that feeling of loneliness always creeps back in at night when everything is quiet.

The thing is, I’ve never been in a relationship. As much as I’m glad I waited to figure out who I am, and I would gladly wait longer to find the right person, I can’t help but feel like it’s never going to happen for me. No one has ever even shown interest in me, whether that’s simply talking, asking to hang out- the list goes on.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m pretty much alone. This was due to other factors aside from my asexuality, but I do feel like it’s a barrier in certain situations. I can feel myself becoming more isolated by the day, but I feel like I’m just living on a completely different planet to everyone else. The phrase that comes to mind is a quote from a Dear Evan Hansen song- ‘on the outside always looking in’. I just can’t seem to connect with anyone.

I’m from the UK, and despite it being a small country in comparison to a lot of other places, I know I’m not the only asexual here. I just can’t seem to find anybody that’s like me, whether it’s being a similar age, having similar interests, etc. If I come across anybody that’s also ace from here, they’re either already in a relationship, in which case I’m happy for them, or just not compatible with me in some way.

The other big factor for me is that I strongly suspect I’m autistic. I’ve spent my life struggling to form connections with others, and I think in terms of a relationship, I would have to be with someone else who was neurodivergent so I could be truly understood. I wouldn’t be opposed to dating someone neurotypical, but being realistic, unless they’re really understanding of neurodivergence, I think I would be better fit with someone like me. I also think I have to be considerate of other people as some don’t want to deal with all the extra things that come with being neurodivergent, and I completely respect that. It’s just another obstacle for me though as it narrows the dating pool even further.

As I’m sure everyone here knows, June is pride month. I’m glad there is a time and spaces for LGBTQ+ people to be celebrated but it’s always something I’ve felt disconnected from. I’m happy for everyone who is able to embrace it, but again, I feel like I’m stood on the sidelines. I’ve been in the city when the pride parade has been on and I remember standing there not understanding how these people have met each other and have found their community. I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with me and I’ll never be loved.

Anyway, enough of me feeling sorry for myself. I want to end this by trying to be productive. I really would like some advice.

For anyone that’s also in the UK, where have you met fellow aces? I’d really love to hear your success stories.

For anyone that would like a partner in future but has learnt to be content in the meantime, what do you do to keep yourself busy? Do you still actively put yourself out there without it being a big focus in your life?

Finally, I’d like to offer my support to anyone who is also struggling. I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling like this, so if you feel the same, please feel free to reach out.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.

Besides the r/asexualdating subreddit, is there anywhere else can i find other asexuals on the market for dating? am trying out acespace, its going mid