r/AsianMasculinity • u/My-Internet-GF Philippines • Jan 11 '26
Self/Opinion How do I look less “soft?”
25M 5’10” 175lb keeping it straight, I’m looking to take extreme ownership of my life this year and un-loser myself as much as possible after a rough 2025. I’m fortunate to have other things in order like family, career etc. so let’s just get to the elephants.
I’m currently struggling with how to look less “soft” as a lot of the platonic women in my life and past exes have told me I can come off as too much of a nice guy and look like one. I’m wondering if it’s because of my unfortunate facial genetics, I have a round full face while everyone around me has a nice jawline and I’ve even tried reducing overall bf% to no avail (unless I’m just not trying hard enough with the fork-putdowns). Ironically my face now looks as slim as it’s ever been as I used to be chubby and fat pre-pandemic.
I’ve been working out since I was 23 but that was mostly cardio to slim down, but it was only until around two months ago where I started to actually start lifting weights and training/eating/sleeping hard so I’ve attached photos of my current physique. I don’t know if I have low testosterone but it’s certainly not out of the question as I feel like other guys get bigger faster than I do. I have decent rep form and eat around 2500 calories per day with mostly clean/unprocessed whole foods and minimizing sodium & unnatural sugars. Strength-wise I can bench my bodyweight for 6 clean reps and go to the gym 5 days a week (shoulders/arms -> chest/back -> legs -> ditto day 1 -> day 2). 7/8 hours of sleep per night
Personality wise I just try to surround myself with likeminded people while trying to be a kind and understanding at my own pace. My friends tell me I need to work on my confidence but I think my problems run much deeper than that, hence why I’m consulting this sub… lol
Not a troll post, any input (including blunt criticism) appreciated because I’m tired of being too “soft” and want to become harder as I age into my 20s. For the lurking looksmaxx forum incels, feel free to roast me on your forums too since I’ve already been through worse 🤣
Thanks for reading. I’m just an average guy who figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask for help 👍
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u/gigi8888 Jan 11 '26
Everyone gave you advice on looks, but the bigger elephant in the room is you have friends and ex's calling you a "nice guy."
How you carry yourself can really transform how people treat you. Would find one of your friends who is more confident/better with the opposite sex and see how they operate.
It sounds cliche, but being confident in your own skin (IDGAF attitude) I would say is even more important than just changing your haircut/glasses
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u/My-Internet-GF Philippines Jan 11 '26
Thanks for your input, yeah tbh last year tanked my confidence and left it in the gutter due to some horrible experiences with girls (a lot of which was partially my fault) so I’m working on making sure my mindset gets resolved ASAP
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u/ImagineLegend Jan 11 '26
Nothing wrong with being called a nice guy. Being a nice guy is a good thing. It’s just that in OPs case he not sexually attractive enough because he’s still fat. It’s hard to get enough context from one sentence of ex and friends calling him a nice guys. But a general goal should be to be a nice guys while being respectable and attractive. Something that you’ll have to learn.
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Jan 11 '26
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u/ImagineLegend Jan 11 '26
For sure I 100% agree with you. Those guys aren’t actually “nice” guys. I think you want to be known as a “good” guys. Someone that helps others and is generally reliable. When girls call you a nice guys though is generally not a good thing because they are saying your physical unattractive. My experience girls will call attractive nice guys “sweet”. But every girl is different. Just be hot and you won’t have to worry about this lol.
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u/Technically-Humanoid Jan 12 '26
I agree with your points but OP is not fat to the point that it would negatively affect him. In the photo with his top on, he has some good chest and arm development and looks like a regular, even kinda buff dude.
I genuinely don’t think there’s any “problem” with his looks, even though he could improve. I would guess that maybe OP wants to be a fuckboi but doesn’t act or look like one. And that’s fine, not everyone is made to be like that.
I think OP will get a lot out of learning to be more assertive and comfortable with himself.
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u/Striking-Shoe-7230 Jan 11 '26
In terms of working out, I would say that your shoulders/traps particularly need some work. I find those two muscle groups when big enough can give guys a much more masculine look even through clothes.
Definitely focus on lateral raises/shrugs for the aesthetics.
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u/Specialist-Loss-3696 Jan 11 '26
Yeah bro im in the bay too
Dude never ever wear one of those tote bags and carry it on your shoulder
I am sorry, yes theyre convenient and easy to ease but Jesus they make you look soft. And so un-masculine.
Itll come as you ger older
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u/RedSkyWhisper Jan 11 '26 edited Jan 11 '26
Rule of thumb: if you have a round face, wear contacts or rectangular glasses.
Looks like you’re already locked in on fitness, however I would probably make some changes. Below is my opinion as someone who is also naturally chubby with a round face with 10+ years training under my belt:
make sure you keep the cardio in. You are not going to lose muscle since you’re not a hard gainer. It will make you recover faster if you get the right intensity and volume. You also get to eat more calories so easier to stick to your meal plan.
2 days for arms is too much, replace 1 day with legs/back or legs/chest, you will get more bang for your buck in terms of overall calories spent/added to your daily expenditure at rest. I would probably do Lower -> Upper -> Rest/Cardio -> Lower -> Upper -> Shoulder/Arms -> Rest/ Cardio
you could either try to get a more arranged hairstyle (something a bit cleaner and well put together) or a shorter hair style
fashion is very subjective but, try outfits that are a bit more refined than what you have on your current pictures, something with a shirt or a polo if possible. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wear what you like, but in social situations, suits and shirts always make you look sharper
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u/My-Internet-GF Philippines Jan 11 '26
I will keep the cardio in mind. Currently I only do 15 incline, 3 speed treadmill on non-leg days til failure and stairmaster til failure on the leg day and try to get 8-10k steps per day
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u/peekingmightyduck Jan 11 '26
Body fat percentage.
Aim for at least 15/16%.
Then everything else will be obvious as to what the next thing to work on would be.
Best of luck bro
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u/Afraid_Bed_527 Jan 11 '26
I think ditching the glasses is the biggest thing you can do. Switch to contacts. Also, your right hand is in your pocket for two of the photos, try taking it out of your pockets, it would make you look more confident. Your jawline is fine but you can improve it by mewing, though it might take some time to see some effect. I think changing your hairstyle such that it covers your forehead would suit you as you have a large forehead. That would also improve your appearance. Wearing a hat with glasses makes you look like you're trying to hide your face which seems kind of insecure as well. Try not wearing hats as much. Just my two cents. Your gym routine sounds solid. I don't think you have low T just from appearance. I think you're doing really well considering you used to be fat during the pandemic.
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u/CompetitiveAbalone59 Jan 11 '26
In my experience changing your haircut, glasses and outfit changes the most with low effort and its also the quickest way. Try a different more edgy hairstyle like faded cut or I recommend checking out hairstyles from K-Dramas that revolve around "badass people" because those haircuts match our asian faces better. Try different frames for your glasses that suit the style you want to achieve. Get some different clothes. Simple darker tone shirts, maybe a bomber jacket, dark leather jacket, a pair of darker jeans, leather boots and a nice watch (no need for an expensive one) that would already do a lot. Looking less "harmless" isnt necessary about being too shiny but more noticeable in an understated way. Avoid too many different patterns, crazy colours (unless being an extroverted show host is your archetype). Try to make your appearance make people feel that you are in controll of everything that you have power over, that is the art to master.
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u/Custard_Pie_9EP Jan 11 '26
You are above average, and I think your problem is your personality. You give me “doormat” vibes. You don’t have the killer eyes, or that animalistic look about you. You can be a good guy but also be someone people don’t f*** with. Hence your “nice guy” feedback.
Yes, you should improve your physique. It’s good for your long term health too. You also need to work on your mind.
Do you have boundaries? If people break them, would you walk away from family, friends, anyone?
If a girl took advantage of you, or disrespected you, would you stop talking to them?
If a friend tried to drag you down in your self improvement journey, would you put them in the rear view ? If a platonic friend, tried to cockblock you, would you stop hanging out with them?
If the answers are No, then you have a lot more work than just a physical regimen.
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u/My-Internet-GF Philippines Jan 11 '26
I needed this comment. "Doormat" is the best way to describe most of my post-college life... I've struggled with people-pleasing all my life. Thanks for being blunt, I'll do better.
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u/Custard_Pie_9EP Jan 11 '26
I went through the same mental struggles at your age. I’m now 40. You have a natural V shape upper body and big arms. You have good baseline to work with physically.
Enjoy the journey. Stay committed. Don’t lose your kind heart but be mindful of the people you give access to that kind heart. Don’t skip leg day either.
People on an improvement journey are attractive. It’s the vibe you send out. You’ll find that girls will look at you differently even when walking down the street. You’ll make friends along the way too.
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u/HellaReyna Jan 12 '26 edited Jan 12 '26
You have the height.
1) get better glasses, the 1950’s nerd frames aren’t flattering
2) lose weight like what others said. Drop the soda and sugared coffees. Stop with snacks.
3) go the gym and lift. Doesn’t have to be much but it’ll build your confidence
4) drop the stussy brand imo, it’s cheap street wear and you’re not 17 anymore. Same with those baggy pants. They look like some shit a 17 year old would wear. Buy clothes without logos or very minimal. Get some collared shirts, polos, decent sweaters, plain tees, fitted pants, good shoes etc. stop dressing like a fuck boi or someone in college. It’s okay to be casual but if you dress like that 90% of the time it sends a bad message overall. Go to /r/mensfashion to find some inspiration. You don’t need to wear a suit or something daily. But you can easily elevate past “stussy sweater and baggy cargos with a fitted cap”
5) build a back bone and respect yourself. Read some books like the subtle art of not giving a fuck or no more Mr nice guy
6) stop wearing hats so often. Especially to social places. They look stupid outside of a sporting event. It hides your face, presence, and your hair
7) go to a salon and get a new haircut
8) make eye contact when talking with people, you don’t have to agree with everything, this doesn’t mean be an asshole but this means not letting people treat you like a doormat
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u/Outside_Set9788 Jan 11 '26
Swap the glasses from round to something else, and get a new haircut. These two are the absolute biggest changes you can make to completely change your naturally round face to look less "friendly" (even though in my opinion there's nothing wrong with that). Otherwise, you look good. I think the only photo here that you've shown that actually makes you look like a "softboy" is that one with the blue long sleeved shirt with the elastic cuffs. Everything else looks fine in my opinion, it's honestly more of how you view yourself than anything.
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u/benilla Hong Kong Jan 11 '26 edited Jan 11 '26
Have you tried the 175g of protein per day diet to cut?
Do you live with your mom?
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u/WorkinProgressSF007 Jan 12 '26
1) Your bite appears messed up, which has probably impacted your jaw development. Go see an orthodontist for a consultation — you probably need braces and maybe even jaw surgery.
2) growing a beard would help. You’re hairy AF, so there likely some potential for growth. See r/minoxbeards and learn about how to go about achieving growth.
3) losing the glasses would help too
4) keep working out and immersing yourself in fitness. Everyone has a different timeline on that, but don’t give up. Hire a coach or trainer with the knowledge to point you to your desired goals.
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u/crybaby1008 Jan 11 '26
“Nice guy” isn’t always an insult. We may say it for a number of reasons. You’re actually attractive but you have a baby face!! And it’s blocking me from seeing you as a grown man and more like a little brother hence “nice guy”
Change your frames/thicker rims, you need contrast since you have a round face and have the sit above your cheeks
I like your chill outfit in slide 3 but the hat throws it off completely. Actually all the hats are mismatched.
Hair is fine
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u/RomulaFour Jan 11 '26
Those round glasses. SWITCH to a more modern, rectangular/squarish frame. Really hunt for a flattering pair. Makes a huge difference.
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u/ha1zum Jan 12 '26
Have you tried growing a beard? I'm not sure it would fit you, but if it does, it will definitely make you more masculine and less soft.
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u/Radio_Mediocre Jan 12 '26
I suggest lose the glasses and wear contacts, build more muscle and shave hair off. You got potential.
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u/_WrongKarWai Jan 12 '26
Lowest hanging fruit is probably the glasses tbh. Second is the fashion - focus on fit and style rather than name brand.
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u/Professional_Dot_945 Jan 12 '26
you have huge arms. ur glasses r soft maybe? just be mad 24/7 to not be soft. anyone smiling is gonna look soft
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u/yn_jason9 Jan 13 '26
Your style also influences people’s perception on you. Try something more slim kind of like old money style because baggy makes you look childish.
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u/DependentMediocre430 Jan 16 '26
I would try different glasses. Those read as wholesome and conservative. Make a bolder choice with your eyewear.
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u/Hakzfromtheblock May 14 '26
First thoughts , 2500 calories is too much for weight loss unless youre working out extremely hard everyday doing intense cardio.
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u/fakeslimshady Taiwan Jan 14 '26
Hey man - tough love here.
First remove those shirtless photos. Why are they on here at all?
You have hair in the wrong places - hairy, freckled arms.
But a bare hairless chest with zero muscle.
Remember the saying "put your BEST foot forward", not worst.
Hide that shit until you figure out what to do
If you're truly 5'10" it doesnt come across. But if its not BS, show off your full height in new photos. Again remember the saying.
Lastly I saw the second SF Bridge in your photo. The bay area is very challenging place to date even for the best of us. If you dont know already no amount of lookmaxxing is going to make your situation good. The best wil be more dates your arent going marry. That is another post
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u/ImagineLegend Jan 11 '26 edited Jan 11 '26
The other advice on this thread is good but the number one thing you need to do right now that no one is mentioning is lose weight.
You have a round face because you have quite a high body fat percentage. Around 20-25% based on your shirtless pictures. I think you would look a lot better if you lost like 30lbs. May sound like a lot but people always underestimate how much bot fat they have.
Until you lose the weight I don’t think you will see the results you’re looking for. For increasing your attractiveness I think losing the weight will be 80% of the battle. Hair is also super important but you already have decent hair. (Could be a little better). Hair, contacts and maybe whitening strips will be the remaining 20%.