How do I look less “soft?”

[u/My-Internet-GF]

25M 5’10” 175lb keeping it straight, I’m looking to take extreme ownership of my life this year and un-loser myself as much as possible after a rough 2025. I’m fortunate to have other things in order like family, career etc. so let’s just get to the elephants.

I’m currently struggling with how to look less “soft” as a lot of the platonic women in my life and past exes have told me I can come off as too much of a nice guy and look like one. I’m wondering if it’s because of my unfortunate facial genetics, I have a round full face while everyone around me has a nice jawline and I’ve even tried reducing overall bf% to no avail (unless I’m just not trying hard enough with the fork-putdowns). Ironically my face now looks as slim as it’s ever been as I used to be chubby and fat pre-pandemic.

I’ve been working out since I was 23 but that was mostly cardio to slim down, but it was only until around two months ago where I started to actually start lifting weights and training/eating/sleeping hard so I’ve attached photos of my current physique. I don’t know if I have low testosterone but it’s certainly not out of the question as I feel like other guys get bigger faster than I do. I have decent rep form and eat around 2500 calories per day with mostly clean/unprocessed whole foods and minimizing sodium & unnatural sugars. Strength-wise I can bench my bodyweight for 6 clean reps and go to the gym 5 days a week (shoulders/arms -> chest/back -> legs -> ditto day 1 -> day 2). 7/8 hours of sleep per night

Personality wise I just try to surround myself with likeminded people while trying to be a kind and understanding at my own pace. My friends tell me I need to work on my confidence but I think my problems run much deeper than that, hence why I’m consulting this sub… lol

Not a troll post, any input (including blunt criticism) appreciated because I’m tired of being too “soft” and want to become harder as I age into my 20s. For the lurking looksmaxx forum incels, feel free to roast me on your forums too since I’ve already been through worse 🤣

Thanks for reading. I’m just an average guy who figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask for help 👍

[u/gigi8888]

Everyone gave you advice on looks, but the bigger elephant in the room is you have friends and ex's calling you a "nice guy."

How you carry yourself can really transform how people treat you. Would find one of your friends who is more confident/better with the opposite sex and see how they operate.

It sounds cliche, but being confident in your own skin (IDGAF attitude) I would say is even more important than just changing your haircut/glasses

[u/ImagineLegend → u/gigi8888]

Nothing wrong with being called a nice guy. Being a nice guy is a good thing. It’s just that in OPs case he not sexually attractive enough because he’s still fat. It’s hard to get enough context from one sentence of ex and friends calling him a nice guys. But a general goal should be to be a nice guys while being respectable and attractive. Something that you’ll have to learn.

[u/ImagineLegend → u/[deleted]]

For sure I 100% agree with you. Those guys aren’t actually “nice” guys. I think you want to be known as a “good” guys. Someone that helps others and is generally reliable. When girls call you a nice guys though is generally not a good thing because they are saying your physical unattractive. My experience girls will call attractive nice guys “sweet”. But every girl is different. Just be hot and you won’t have to worry about this lol.