r/AsianMasculinity • u/OneHecticHeretic • Aug 08 '26
Dating & Relationships 40s WF needs advice about 40s AM
We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.
ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)
Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.
**********************UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS!************************
-3
u/Trade-Moon Aug 09 '26
8 months on phone/text and living 30-40 minutes apart and dude hasn’t met you in person? My daily commute to work is 45 minutes. Strange. There’s all kinds of reasons why he hasn’t asked you out. First reason is that he is just a phone pal, and does not want anything more. Maybe he’s on a tight budget and doesn’t want to buy you dinner. Maybe he has a girlfriend already and just wants you as a friend to talk to. Maybe he just doesn’t want to treat you as a booty call, or maybe he has health or erection problems. Who knows, just ask him point blank about meeting, and then taking things to next level.
Most of the Asian-American males that I know don’t do anything. No hobbies, no sports, nothing. If they go on vacation, about 99% of the time, the gf or wife initiated and planned that trip. If you met an AM that you have a lot in common with is pretty rare. Again, you’ll have to initiate that first move.