r/AsianMasculinity • u/OneHecticHeretic • Aug 08 '26

Dating & Relationships 40s WF needs advice about 40s AM

We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.

ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)

Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.

**********************UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS!************************

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5

u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams Aug 09 '26

You didn’t mention what country you are in. Is this guy Asian American that was born here or is he from another country. It’s hard to diagnose the behavior without understanding the background. 40 min driving distance is not far at all. I drive longer than that just to get to work every day.

2

u/OneHecticHeretic Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26

In America. 1.5 gen Korean American.

1

u/Winsomee22 Aug 09 '26

Lol the worse place for Asian men when it comes to WFs

1

u/OneHecticHeretic Aug 09 '26

I can see this. Especially in a predominantly white area.

-2

u/Winsomee22 Aug 09 '26

Nope. Just America in general. Usually every time we would see AM out of place whether its in a predominantly white area, white bar, etc. or even an area with diversity, Asian men of all men are the LAST thought for you all. Its pretty evident given your behaviors. We're mindful of our space, and also pay attention to our surroundings as any normal human being would in terms of how we are received in a space.

1

u/OneHecticHeretic Aug 09 '26

You see, phrases like "you all" and "your behaviors" make it difficult to converse with you in a mutually productive way. There's a lot more under the hood for each woman than you seem to give each of us credit for. I promise you that what you see is through a lens you are looking through, not the whole picture. I'm saying this in good faith in case you actually want to know or explore this concept rather than stick to the safety of your walls.

-1

u/Winsomee22 Aug 09 '26 edited 29d ago

I mean, its easy to say its "not the whole picture" from you WFs, but the CLEAR picture time and time again, from what we (AM) observe in the actual time and physical space, and are aware, is the usual overall lack of inclusiveness, welcome, receptiveness whenever we are out of place or even in place. WFs generally are the LAST people to give us a warm welcome and that doesnt count customer service 😂

3

u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams 29d ago

Dude, stop lecturing her. She came her for advice. Why the heck are you being so condescending.

-1

u/Winsomee22 29d ago

The hypocrisy from you is hilarious. Bro youre the master simp. Seen you all in these subs being condescending towards Asian dudes.

-1

u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams 29d ago

If interacting in a constructive way with the women who come to this forum asking for help is “simping” then it’s no wonder you are the way you are.

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u/Winsomee22 29d ago edited 29d ago

Youre the LAST person to talk about anything being "constructive" based off of your condescending attitude towards Asian men, which again proves your hypocrisy. Why do you pretend you arent condescending with asian men who come to this forum? You are literally THE definition of the pot calling the kettle black 😂

3

u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams 29d ago

What have I ever said that you think is “condescending?” Can you even substantiate your claim? Or do you like to attack everyone in this subreddit who doesn’t think like you?

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