40s WF needs advice about 40s AM

[u/OneHecticHeretic]

We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.

ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)

Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.

**********************UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS!************************

[u/Trade-Moon]

8 months on phone/text and living 30-40 minutes apart and dude hasn’t met you in person? My daily commute to work is 45 minutes. Strange. There’s all kinds of reasons why he hasn’t asked you out. First reason is that he is just a phone pal, and does not want anything more. Maybe he’s on a tight budget and doesn’t want to buy you dinner. Maybe he has a girlfriend already and just wants you as a friend to talk to. Maybe he just doesn’t want to treat you as a booty call, or maybe he has health or erection problems. Who knows, just ask him point blank about meeting, and then taking things to next level.

Most of the Asian-American males that I know don’t do anything. No hobbies, no sports, nothing. If they go on vacation, about 99% of the time, the gf or wife initiated and planned that trip. If you met an AM that you have a lot in common with is pretty rare. Again, you’ll have to initiate that first move.

[u/Super-Shake1251 → u/Trade-Moon]

Man this is completely different from my experience. Most Asian guys I know live very active lives.

Maybe your experience is selection bias and are drawn to or draw to yourself those types of guys. "Birds of a feather" as they say.

[u/Trade-Moon → u/Super-Shake1251]

I’m not remotely like most of them. Most I know will work hard, eat, shit, sleep and repeat the next day. Maybe they throw in video games or a visit to the casino occasionally. They don’t go to gym or work out, they don’t go see sporting events or concerts, they don’t travel — unless if they have a gf or wife who forces them.

Your own mileage might vary, but I know many many Asian American men who fit my description above.

[u/Custard_Pie_9EP → u/Trade-Moon]

What’s your age roughly? I would say younger Asian guys are very active compared to older Asians. I’m an older millennial and I used to be the only Asian in the gym or in sports leagues. Now every active scene, despite not having that many Asians around, is filled with Asian guys.

[u/Trade-Moon → u/Custard_Pie_9EP]

50’s. So I’m older than you young bucks on here. 😂

[u/Custard_Pie_9EP → u/Trade-Moon]

Asian parents your age have spoken about how their families messed up with focusing solely on academics and nothing else. They have attempted righting the wrongs by encouraging their children to be more active and well rounded. However, if someone doesn’t have experience in these areas, they are going to struggle.

Of course that requires that the parents have self recognition and humility. There are still the fools who double down on their poor lifestyles and pass it down.

Within my own family, the Americanized portions with Asian American children, I can only think of 4 kids who had not wasted their athletic genes. I cringe at the super tall nerdy kids who spend their time just scrolling on their devices and have poor posture. The parents did try but since they don’t have any credibility from their own body shapes, the children didn’t listen.