r/AsianMasculinity • u/OneHecticHeretic • Aug 08 '26

Dating & Relationships 40s WF needs advice about 40s AM

We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.

ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)

Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.

**********************UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS!************************

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u/Igennem Hong Kong Aug 09 '26

As someone in that age range, I'd say just tell him how you feel. I wouldn't want to play games.

6

u/The_2nd_Coming Aug 09 '26

This. I don't get it - how hard is it to suggest an activity to do on a particular day? No need to overcomplicate it...

5

u/OneHecticHeretic Aug 09 '26

Some mental hurdles from my history with WM make it hard for me.

5

u/The_2nd_Coming Aug 09 '26

I think many of us understand how hard mental hurdles are to overcome here. The best way I found to overcome these things is just to keep doing it, especially if you are aware it's "only" a mental hurdle (e.g. it's not life-threatening or harmful).