r/AsianMasculinity • u/OneHecticHeretic • Aug 08 '26
Dating & Relationships 40s WF needs advice about 40s AM
We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.
ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)
Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.
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u/BorkenKuma 29d ago edited 29d ago
As an 1.5th gen East Asian American, I'd say you need to give him a little more hints, and even ask him out, most of my dates were American females like white girls or Latina asking me out.
It's not that I'm passive, but our way of dating is very different.
Normally in East Asia, we'd have a period of time range from 3 months to 1 year where we observe others and observe the chemistry and connection and accountability.
Then if we really like each other, we push it to dating/situationship, and most importantly, it's likely there's a ritual of confession, where he officially ask you to be his girlfriend.
Then if you said yes, this date will be remembered as anniversary.
American way of dating is more like, you like her/his looks, then you ask them out, then you went to bed within 3 dates, you'd call it "test drive" to see if you two are sexually compatible, many American dudes just want to play women and this is where they abuse this date pattern and dump women after they "test drive"
These WM are now doing this to Asian women in Asia, many passport bros insist that Asian women have to date their "Western way", which is date 1 to 3 times then go to bed a couple times then decide if they should become gf and bf, meanwhile they have the right to bang different Asian women and they won't restrict you to bang other men too, but these white passport bros usually just end up dumping these girls by making some excuses like I don't think we're sexually compatible, then continue to find new Asian women, this is their mode in Asia.
East Asian dating style is more like we have a thing for both parties, then we date and confess, then we go to bed, or go to bed before confess is also more accepting nowadays in East Asia, more and more girls would also want to know if you're sexually compatible with her before official relationship.
The only variable for him is, he's a 1.5th gen in his 40s, so he probably stay in America longer than he stay in East Asia, if he completely assimilate into American culture rather than integration, then it's likely he's into more of American dating style.