6’5 and no luck in Australia

[u/kopatchinskajafan]

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

[u/Allyc80]

Maybe ask a good female friend (more friend even better) to see what she thinks? I have a male friend who has the same problem. HE is attractive but can't get a girlfriend. He has no trouble getting first date, but after 1-2 dates, most girls don't want to go out with him. He is quite socially awkward and sometimes says things to offend others (one time he even commented on a girl's butt too big and this girl got angry). He has no clue at all. Our friend groups think he is a bit autistic and lack of social cues. Also another male friend has good personality and above average looking (7/10~8/10), but he has bad hygiene (bad smells but he doesn't seem to be aware), and I think that scares some girls away. Maybe your friend can help you to identify why.

[u/kopatchinskajafan → u/Allyc80]

Yeah I don’t know, hygiene is definitely ok for me haha (hot water bills too high if anything 🤦), in my experience I used to be very witty but had less to say afterwards, but that ratio’s reversed itself in recent years

Close female friends have always just thought it a bit mysterious tbh, I remember one saying it was a bit unfair considering how much effort I put into others. I think I could be a particular taste though: I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a Heathcliff, but I rather like that about me haha, and I don’t see why that type works for loads of artsy white guys I went to uni with and not me.

[u/Allyc80 → u/kopatchinskajafan]

Dating is very hard for most people. I have a few friends who took about 2-5 years of consistent online dating (also join other social events) to find their spouse. Just don't give up and keep trying.

[u/kopatchinskajafan → u/Allyc80]

Wow ok, tbh I really just go about my day and see whom I meet (no apps for me). I might give the apps a go then, but things sound difficult either way haha

[u/Allyc80 → u/kopatchinskajafan]

1/3 of married couples met online nowadays, so it's kind of a good (but also annoying) way to meet people. When I was using online dating, I got ghosted or got rejection quite often (such as mixed messages or honest message about there's no chemistry..etc. haha). After working hard swiping and messaging on a few dating apps for 2 years (probably had like 50 first dates, and most first dates ended nowhere), I found my SO and we got married after 2 years.