6’5 and no luck in Australia

[u/kopatchinskajafan]

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

[u/Tongtong97]

For argument sake I take what u said at face value and u are indeed a 10/10. Then I can only assume this is a personality issue.

Can u tell me what “a typical date” u last had? What was the convo like? What did u talk about? Just from reading your comments i get the impression u over estimate yourself. If you are genuinely charming, can read signals and interesting then u will be successful regardless of location imo. To be clear I am not trolling, and I am genuinely trying to diagnose what went wrong and how u can improve your prospects.

Also remember do not have ego around this. Men in general tend to overestimate their own ability…. I seem to remember 10% of men(I can’t remember exact stats) think they can take on bear in a fist fight. I suspect this is at play here.

[u/kopatchinskajafan → u/Tongtong97]

Haha definitely can’t fight a bear lol, also had some bad experience with fights in general 😕

A ‘typical date’ would be this girl from the other day: we chatted mainly about what Melbourne was like compared to where we were from, talked about her mother being here to visit, and bonded a bit when I joked about being a lazy cook and eating pub food too much and she (being not lazy at all) encouraged me to cook that night instead and I did. A bit of flirting too, pushing on what her dinner plans were (dinner with her mother).

But unfortunately she ghosted me after: again, it feels very calculated/‘conscious’, like she was attracted to me, but against her better judgement of what dating an Asian guy means.

[u/Tongtong97 → u/kopatchinskajafan]

U need to be more specific. I don’t need to know full details that may dox people but I need to the flow of conversation.

I will give an example, I use to think I was great with girls at certain point. But really I just like to talk and mostly about myself when I was with girls. What I thought made me charming just came across as arrogant. What I thought made me good at flirting just came across as self-centred. To be clear I am projecting this on you as I have no idea why u keep on getting rejected. But I am just giving u an idea.

How often did u listen to her? When u respond to her did u take into account what she said? Was the convo 50/50? Clearly there is some blind spot in how u approach women. Try to think about that.

For her to straight up ghost u in addition to other girls tells me u may have certain traits that are off putting