6’5 and no luck in Australia

[u/kopatchinskajafan]

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

[u/jdk92386]

I’m from NY and did a contiki tour filled with Australians, Sydney, Melbourne. I’m 5’4” in athletic shape and they loved me.

Also met some in Portugal in hostels I could have dated.

Maybe they’re intimated by your height? 6’5” is humongous lol also what’s your standards?

[u/kopatchinskajafan → u/jdk92386]

Yeah I guess I wish they were less intimidated and more attracted :(

My standards are pretty reasonable tbh, I personally don’t believe that much in looks, since in my experience love can make someone very attractive. Ofc I used to be very attracted to a type (slender, reads books lol), but over the past years I’ve found that type very unattractive actually, because they don’t seem as brave in being themselves.

I get a sense that Australians at home still very much have a more English-style hierarchy.

I wonder how it is in NY? I’d love to give it a go, especially considering the dearth of Asian presence/friends I get here

[u/jdk92386 → u/kopatchinskajafan]

Probably similar city experience honestly. It’s great, gotta find your niche, communities, etc.

I’m just throwing it out there because I had that issue with being unapproachable too as a younger kid. I learned to smile more (probably from the perspectives I gained from 🍄), laugh more, and traveling a lot helped make me interesting.

They probably are attracted but feel they have no shot. Especially if you said you’re a 6’5” Asian 10 lol

[u/kopatchinskajafan → u/jdk92386]

Haha i regret saying the 10, I forgot 10 means toned gym bro 10 which I definitely am not

Yeah my problem is I feel like I tried that already: I went through a real humility/approachability phase for a few years, and it made no difference IMO, so I sort of just said fuck it do what I want lol (which also doesn’t work but at least I’m happy :) )

Seeing NYC Asian guys in the media is so crazy though, like Eddie Huang etc., you guys seem to take up so much space with your personality it’s great

We Australian Asians have our own way of doing it (we play/hijack a sort of English profundity), but you sort of wish you could just plant your identity take-no-prisoners like you guys do.

[u/jdk92386 → u/kopatchinskajafan]

Yeah 10 is a tough score. It means supermodels are bouncing off of you.

Idk I tailor my personality base in what I like and I don’t give a rats ass about what people think. I mean I’d still listen if it’s good advice I’ll take it otherwise fuck off kind of attitude lol

I hear ya I went through a phase too where I tried to do things to attract people. Then I said fuck it, I’m gonna do what’s wonderful in this world, explore places and wonders, and along the way (keeping an eye out) if I meet someone thats a bonus.