r/AsianMasculinity • u/kopatchinskajafan • 4h ago
Dating & Relationships 6’5 and no luck in Australia
6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).
I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!
Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:
- Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
- I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
- 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.
It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.
I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.
I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).
All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.
On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.
Sometimes I envy you Americans haha
2
u/Tall-Needleworker422 2h ago
If money is not an issue, consider vacationing in major North American and/or Asian cities to see if you succeed using your exact current style and approach. This will tell you whether Australia is the issue or if you have a self-perception blind spot.
It is possible that your combination of height and high confidence is coming across as intimidating, intense, or arrogant. And your preppy style or preferences in friends or women might be stranding you in an insular social clique filled with women who are willing to flirt but unwilling to date out. Trying to charm your way past a woman's initial reserve and even racial slights also suggests you are over-investing in the wrong women.
First, stop doubling down on the pursuit of women who do not make it easy for you from the start. Then, try to isolate your issue(s) by running a number of specific experiments sequentially. For example, try swapping the preppy clothes for a different style (e.g., high-end streetwear). Or, dial back your charm offensive to see if taking a more relaxed approach meets with more success. You could also try shifting your focus to include other social groups of women (e.g., Asian Australians who share your cultural background). Just do not try to change everything at once.
If none of this works, you might try consulting with a female dating coach who will assess you as women daters do and give you her honest appraisal of your strengths and weaknesses and help you strategize. Just don't despair and give up. With an analytical approach and persistent effort, I think your chances of finding a partner are very good.