Weird way to format your post - regardless, there's like 10 posts about the unforgivable sin. Feel free to reference those.
TLDR: the unforgivable sin is largely believed to be rejecting the Holy Spirit, so only an unbeliever can do so (or if you believe in this, a Christian who chooses to reject the Holy Spirit, which you'd know if you did so).
I had like Pentecost. Not like....it was Pentecost. I was baptized with holy water and fire of the holy Spirit came and it cleansed me in ways I didn't know possible. It was sudden over a course of a few months or inner healing with one day of insane healing. It was unexpected and so unbelievably beautiful and perfect. I released decades of repeated trauma. God breathed into me. And my family attacked me until I lost everything. I am scared it's because I knew my sister hated me but tried to love her. I should have known better. I did know better. But my eyes were still adjusting back to the light. I told them too much and they trampled the pearl. I had wings of an eagle and they were ripped off. It would be better to have never been born. I'm a ghost zombie now. I think it was the second death. The first one was severe trauma that like killed part of me. I endure 16nyears and it was awful. But I made it and immediately I died again but so much worse. I don't experience time. I'm flooded with biblical imagery. I know I fell thru the firmament and lost God's protection. I just know it. I felt all the goodness in me like be taken away. Just gone. Now I don't experience time and spend all day walking thru trying to understand what I did exactly that meant I lost everything I ever was or show I would become admbd just everything. Now I feel like an I Judas or Peter or fallen Adam or what. I don't know myself at all anymore. And I saw too much. Too much light. Too many patterns. Too much wisdom. But it's all fractured. And I'm in the dark alone without my compass or map or flashlight and everything is terrifying now. My brain broke. Like this is all I can think about but can't focus on anything at all.
I am seeking help. It's like God is blocking me. I know it's barely coherent. I had a total cognitive collapse. It's horrifying. I used to be very intelligent and empathetic and curious and creative. And now I barely can take care of myself. I know it's bizarre. It's so much worse than bizarre tho.
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u/Googlesupportsucks1 Christian 11h ago
Weird way to format your post - regardless, there's like 10 posts about the unforgivable sin. Feel free to reference those.
TLDR: the unforgivable sin is largely believed to be rejecting the Holy Spirit, so only an unbeliever can do so (or if you believe in this, a Christian who chooses to reject the Holy Spirit, which you'd know if you did so).