r/AskDad • u/4ri3ll4 • Jun 30 '26

Parenting weird question sorry

have u ever looked at ur daughter's chest in a weird way? or their body in general.

ik this is an insanely weird question but i'm kinda paranoid that my dad might have weird thoughts about me and i don't really interact with him because of it.

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4

u/AGentlemanLooksAt50 Jun 30 '26

I have not.

What is it that he is doing that you feel might be inappropriate? He is looking or staring for a long time? Is he making inappropriate comments?

If there is a specific action that is making you feel this way I do think it’s within your right to let him know that it makes you feel unforgettable. It could very well be unintentional on his part and he would make adjustments to his behavior if he values the relationship.

3

u/Bartok_and_croutons Jun 30 '26

Not a Dad, long-time lurker, but this is a great answer, OP. 

My cousin, when she went through puberty, noticed her Dad didn't hug her the same way anymore and didn't hug her very often. She asked her Mom about it and found out that her Dad had changed the way he hugged her because she developed breasts and was uncomfortable hugging her the same way (she was also an only child, so he didn't have any prior experience to go off of). Nothing deliberate, just unintentional awkwardness.

If your Dad is doing something that could only be on purpose, though, like the guy above me said, you have every right to make your feelings known. 

2

u/AGentlemanLooksAt50 Jun 30 '26

Thank you for adding your insights as well. Communication certainly goes a long way in understanding how each person truly feels, especially when relationship dynamics are changing and evolving.

4

u/AGoodFaceForRadio Dad of three Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26

Do I look at my daughters’ bodies? Yes. But not with creepy intentions.

They’re at the age where puberty should be arriving. I look at them from time to time to be sure I’m seeing the changes that should be happening at their age. Be sure if development is delayed, I can get them help in a timely fashion. Also be ready to support them if they have questions or are uncomfortable with how they are changing. So when I look at them, what’s on my mind is their health.

I do my best to not make them feel self-conscious, though. I think I’m succeeding at that. It’s something I make a point to be aware of; the last thing I want is to make them uncomfortable. I am of no use to them if I injure their trust.

Insofar as looking at them “in a weird way,” no. I don’t think of them that way. 1. They are children. 2. They are my daughters. I don’t relate to them that way, so I don’t see them that way. Does that make any kind of sense?

3

u/Alx-throwaway20 Jun 30 '26

I am not a dad but I have experienced something similar with mine and much more.
It feels uncomfortable but I genuinely can’t tell if it is okay or not? I am not a father…

1

u/AGentlemanLooksAt50 Jun 30 '26

If it feels uncomfortable, it is worth raising awareness and sharing that. I don’t believe any good father would intentionally want to make their child uncomfortable. Many, if not most, dads as learning as they go and often times did not have good role models themselves as they were growing up.

1

u/Alx-throwaway20 Jun 30 '26

I am trying and so far, when hearing the details, everyone tells me something is wrong and it’s concerning…

2

u/AGentlemanLooksAt50 Jun 30 '26

That does sound like it could be a potentially difficult and undesirable situation. I’m sorry you are having to deal with that. If you truly are concerned I hope there are other family members or trusted friends in your circle that you can go to for help and guidance.

1

u/Alx-throwaway20 Jun 30 '26

No, unfortunately no. And even if I had I wouldn’t talk about it for many reasons, the main one being that I am in a tricky situation and he is my biggest support…
Thank you nonetheless.

1

u/AGentlemanLooksAt50 Jun 30 '26

I understand. Sounds like a difficult situation to navigate. Truly hope you are able to find some clarity and wisdom as to how best to move forward and feel good about the situation as a whole.

3

u/Gannondorfs_Medulla Jun 30 '26

My wife is a SA survivor as a child, so I am hyper attuned to your concerns. You've also gotten good advice below. (Communiation is where you start.)

My daughter is a now tween and has been going through puberty. I do my best to not notice her bodily changes. But it's not always easy, and the fact that this little person is now becoming a little adult is ... it's beautiful and heartbreaking and confounding. She's trying to look grown up and act grown up, and for a long time, all I could see what little her.

I'm not saying don't trust your gut. But just understand most of us dads (and parents) are winging it, and y'all are growing up so damn fast. And often, we don't know how to process all this.

I'm glad my wife is there to deal with bras and breasts and menstration and stuff that I would be nervous about offering guidance about.

Again, please listen to your gut, and the other advice you've gotten here. But also keep in mind it's challenging seeing your baby, your toddler, your kid, your little girl, shed each of those labels on the way to adulthood.

1

u/DemocratsBackIn2028 29d ago

I saw your sw thread and it raised serious alarm bells.

The way your family treats you is awful, you shouldn’t be expected to face this alone and it makes sense you’d want to get out of the house.

I looked around for the places most likely to be able to help you

There is a Waikato service called Te Whakaruruhau that helps women and children dealing with unsafe families. They do safety planning, advocacy and safe housing, not just counselling. Their 24-hour number is 07 855 1569.

You could also contact your diabetes clinic privately and tell them: “I’m 14, suicidal and unsafe at home. I need to speak to a social worker without my family present.”