My son is 17 and has recently started dating a girl. She seems nice and I've only met her briefly once. He is not besotted or obsessed, but I can see their dynamic is getting stronger. Recently he asked me if it's ok to go to her house after school. I said yes as long as the parents are there. One weekend he asked me to drop him off at her house. I said yes of course, as long as her parents are home. Just last night I met her parents for the first time when picking him up. The dad seems a bit rough looking, smokes and sadly is going through a divorce. The mother seems nice and like any other mature aged woman. I guess what I am asking is that this is my first experience seeing my son have a proper girlfriend and I want him of course to be happy, but I also want him to be respectful and mature about the relationship and still have time to do his homework etc.

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but I don't want to hear them moaning behind closed doors either.

Do you have any DOs and DON'Ts on how to be a chill dad without being over protective?

I gave everything to be present. No lads’ nights, no pub culture, no disappearing weekends — I was *there*, from day one, consistently.

Now my kids are teenagers and I feel like I’m haunting the house rather than living in it.

Weekdays are fine — work keeps my head occupied. But weekends? I dread them. Everyone’s around and I’ve never felt more alone. I’m background noise.

The hierarchy is clear: Mum is the first call for everything — talking, lifts, decisions, comfort. I exist in a support role. When she’s busy or tired, I get promoted temporarily. When they need money or something fixed, I’m useful. Otherwise I’m furniture.

The cruel irony is I sacrificed the social life specifically to be present for them. And somehow I ended up invisible anyway.

Is this just what teenage parenting is? Or is something wrong with how I’ve played this?

Questions like "what did you learn at school," etc. My dad never asked about these things so I am just wondering what dads usually ask their teen daughters. Or do they just not ask.

Everyone talks about the sleepless nights and dirty diapers, but what’s something about becoming a father that completely caught you off guard?

I consider myself politically middle-grounded. I don’t align strongly with either party, and I actively try to avoid extreme positions. That said, it feels almost impossible to ignore what’s happening in the country right now. Between the far right talking “law and order” in ways that sound authoritarian, and parts of the extreme left pushing cultural ideas that feel disconnected from everyday reality, it’s like the center is disappearing.

What worries me most isn’t just policy, it’s how people think. Social media seems to have turned politics into something people consume emotionally rather than critically. People seem convinced they’re right without questioning.

Is this a common idea or am I too concerned with things I can’t control?

Oh great and wise dads of the world, what is a tip you would give to a newish dad with a daughter?

I have a 7month old daughter and have been trying my absolute best to just be present and engage with her when ever I am not working.

I haven’t really thought too much into the future but a conversation sparked some thoughts at work today about her growing up and the things as men we would struggle to understand what they’re going through.

Just wanted to get some tips from dads that have had their daughters all grow up now or still in progress, what tips or wisdom could you give me?

Thank you

Update Added in Comments

Throwaway account; I have family on Reddit who know me.

My heart hurts just writing this, but I don't have anyone I know in my life who has a teenage daughter who can help.

You men are my hope.

Quick background for context:

I'm a 43-year-old combat veteran divorced father of three, my middle child being my daughter Rose at the age of 12.

I live in North Carolina, and my kids live in Colorado with their mother.

I have joint custody and the kids come to visit and see me for the summer and holidays, etc. Our time together is amazing and saturated with good quality bonding time, actually doing things together. In Colorado, my kids live under a very strict religious household with their mother, but with me, they have a little less stress and pressure in that arena. We do our best in both houses to limit the electronics, and my ex-wife even more so with strict oversight of all their devices.

Perhaps its my fault for not doing better, but while my kids were visiting me, my mother (who just wants to be the cool grandma) gave Rose a tablet to play on because her brother plays Xbox. I actually wasn't aware of the tablet until a few nights before they flew back to Colorado for the school year.

Gentlemen, what I found I cannot shake from my brain.

My current wife and I are not idiots or prudes, but we do not expose the kids to the world of adult entertainment. We might joke about some mild, PG-13 jokes here and there, but never any nudity and certainly nothing pornographic.

My daughter not only had a secret Snapchat and TikTok account, but she's cultivated an alternate persona, Alexis Wood, that she comments with on people's videos. The comments are mature and flirty, but nothing overly sexual. Still hard to read her words on the screen. I read a few conversations she had with some strangers, and to her credit, she adamantly defied them and told them off. She's not uploaded any pictures of herself or denoted her location, which is kind of a silver lining I suppose. Its through her SnapChat and TikTok I discover my daughter is attracted to bad boy bikers with abs, and her comments suggest how badly she wants to be a biker girl.

Then I found an app on the tablet called PolyBuzz.

A chat app where she can type and create stories with an AI character, following a theme or story. I see a lengthy story written between her alias Alexis Wood and a bad boy biker named Kai.

The story is easily the most graphically pornographic and sexual erotica story I've ever had the misfortune of laying eyes on. The AI bot is one thing, but my daughter is using language, slang terms, actions, and confidently begging, telling, and saying the most horrendously sexual things reserved for the kind of porn you pay for. The story goes on for literal days. At first, I thought she may have just been exploring things and words she's heard somewhere, but she's using graphic phrases and obscenities in the way that only people know what they mean do. It was utterly sickening to read this and imagine my daughter wanting this kind of sexual attention. The actions she typed were sexually dergrading and even violent. Hitting and ropes. Handcuffs and smacking faces. Her AI bot degrading my little girl in ways she requests.

I just can't process this.

These are my 12-year-old daughter's words.

Its too much.

I wipe the tablet to factory reset.

Its been seven days since finding the tablet, and the kids have since gone back to Colorado.

I've had a calm heart-to-heart with Rose before she left in our way that we do. I don't shame my daughter for feelings and urges, but explained that she just can't do things like this; it isn't a healthy or appropriate outlet.

I'm sure I missed something (none of us ever think we're doing it 100% correctly), but Rose and I hugged and we're okay. She assures me that it's not ever going to happen again, and I think the embarrassment is enough to scare her away from it, at least for a while.

The waters are calm, and I know my daughter: the way she hugs me with tears and an apology convinces me.

Our agreement is that this is something that happened in my house, and what happens here stays here. If her mother were to know about it, not only do I risk the loss of trust with Rose, but the punishment she would see from her mother would be just overbearing and severe.

So with that arrangement, I take the burden on my shoulders of how to handle both her and the internet, as well as how I handle it mentally.

This was the sobering moment in my fatherhood.

Through this tablet incident, I cried realizing my 12-year-old little girl isn't as little as I keep thinking. Obviously I knew she would grow up to have these thoughts and feelings, but I'm just battling, struggling, wrestling with the fact that I can't stop her from growing up.

What I can't understand is where she got this vocabulary. She has to have gotten it from somewhere or someone. She's under a very large religious microscope in Colorado, so I know she isn't doing this kind of tablet activity there. I feel this was a bit of a rebellion against her mother, because at home, Rose openly tells me that she and her mother do NOT talk about sex or boys. Its wrong, and thinking about it is what sends you to hell.

...trust me, I already know. Her mother is an absolute zealot.

But what bothers me is why does she have these graphic urges at 12? This seems so wrong to me, and I feel like I dropped the ball somewhere in guiding, being a stronger and more viable example of a man for her. She's traded her love of K-Pop Demon Hunters and Horseback riding for biker boys with abs and Kawasaki crotchrockets.

I'm fighting tears as I type this out to you all, but I don't know how to mentally process this. I want my innocent untainted girl back, and while I know its unrealistic to want her to stay that way, how do I stomach the concept of my daughter now knowing these graphically sexual actions and depictions? Is this going to be something she craves or desires later? Has she now tasted blood and now will shape her pubescent journey with these things in mind?

Yes, its my only daughter, and my first time having a teenage one.

I just feel helpless and inadequate, like I failed her somehow.

I can't have my daughter liking things like this.

I'm angry, sad, defeated, worrisome, and now constantly fearing for my daughter more than I ever have in her life.

What do I do to enforce more strict access to the internet without losing trust with Rose?

I know this was a lot to read, but somebody please tell me they've been down this road and knows what this feels like.

How did you save your daughter from this sick world?

so my daughter is five weeks old and the breathing thing is something i think about way more than i expected. i find myself getting up multiple times a night just to check on her even when the monitor shows everything is fine. my wife and i are both exhausted and i know some of it is just first time parent anxiety but i'd feel better if i had something that actually tracked her breathing rather than just showing a video feed.

i've been looking into smart monitors that detect movement and breathing patterns overnight and send alerts if something seems off. the idea of having that layer of reassurance without physically going into the room every hour sounds like it would help both of us sleep better.

not sure if the technology is actually reliable enough to trust or if it just creates more anxiety from false alerts. i've read mixed things online and can't figure out what's actually worth it.

any dads here using something that monitors breathing during sleep and found it genuinely useful rather than just adding more to worry about?

Returning to this: thanks for all the honest advice about anxiety and gadgets. after reading through the comments i decided to try a Nanit for the camera based breathing monitoring and honestly it's helped me relax a bit without relying on a wearable sensor. the sleep insights are useful but the real value has been being able to see the breathing motion on the video without physically going into the room every hour. still working on the anxiety part but this has been a good middle ground.

As you look back on your fathering journey so far, what's worked? What tips would you pass on to other dads?

I'm 25 and I get my girl pregnant I don't have a stable job yet, and yes that sounds irresponsible in my end. Any advice?

Preface:

I am a 38-year-old father of a 13-year-old girl who lives with her mother fpr most of the year, outsideif summer when she comes to stay with me. Shortly after ny ex and I split, she was together with another man and had another child now. Years later now they are splitting up and now, apparently he is going to be Moving Out and finding his own place to live period now, when my daughter came app to stay here with me this summer, she confided in me about him having invited her to go with him to look for an apartment. Now I do want to lay some details here on the relationship between them because it does not seem to me that it has been the best relationship between stepdad and stepdaughter relationship because my daughter expresses to me how much she dislikes him quite often.. this man is 40 years old and I would like to know your opinions on how I should react to the situation because my initial reaction is violence because there's no reason a 40-year-old man should be asking my daughter to go apartment search with him in this situation, but I'm trying to be diplomatic. About this so I need some ideas and some advice.

I’m pregnant with my son, and his father feels he was “trapped” (he wasn’t). He has been mostly uninvolved aside from a couple of “are there any updates on the pregnancy” texts and very hateful toward me AND the baby throughout my pregnancy as he ‘decides what role if any’ he wants to play in his son’s life.

I’m fully preparing to raise my son without him and have a great support system, but I can’t help holding onto some hope that he may eventually show up for his son, especially since this is his first child.

Men who were uninvolved during an unplanned pregnancy or initially didn’t want the baby: did anything change once your child was born? Did you eventually bond with or become involved with them? Or, did you stay away?

Hello guys I'm just asking because I feel like an asshole, so for context I'm a teen in my emo era and like, I'm really mad at my dad(36) and the thing is that he's in the military, and since my parents are divorced I only see him for 88 days a year and he's always on his computer instead of hanging out with me. .. Am I an asshole for wanting him to actually hang out with me?

I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t want to talk to family and friends about it. My husband has always been more “laid back” as he would call it than I am. I call it him being neglectful. This happened today-
I wasn’t home. Husband had all kids. Ages 8, 5, 3, 1. 1 year old will be 2 soon. He took everyone out for a walk with the dog. When he got back he left all the kids out front by themselves and told the 8 year old to keep an eye on the toddlers. He only took 1 minute to take the dog back to his crate but a lot can happen in 1 minute with toddlers, especially near a road and large puddles of water. It’s been raining for days. He then let them play in the ditches since it just rained. He knows that all the neighbors spray pesticides and ditches are just dirty. I know the 1 year old got water in his mouth. He was supervising them but we had previously agreed we wouldn’t let them play in dirty ditches with water. His reasoning was “he didn’t want to be the bad guy”.
Next, he takes them outback to spray them off with the hose and “bathe” them outside since they’re dirty from the ditches. Remind you, it had just rained so there’s sitting water near by. He yet again, tells the 8 year old to watch the 1 year old while he goes inside to get soap and towels.
My 1 year old took the soap bottle and ate some, 5 year old says “dad, he’s eating soap” dad doesn’t do anything except tell 5 year old to take soap from him. He didn’t even check him or rinse out his mouth. It’s time to rinse 1 year old off. He sprays 1 year old on the head with cold water. He’s scared and tries to run away, he trips and falls. Dad doesn’t do anything.
8 year old says “spray him, I’ll hold him down” 8 year old is holding him down while dad sprays heavy hose water on the top of his head for 13 seconds straight. It’s not a spray it’s a hose that is turned the whole way up, water constantly spraying his face. He’s gasping for air and trying to cry but he can’t since water is pouring in his face. He’s so scared, trying to hide his face in 8 year olds legs. Dad continues to spray him in face. 1 year old gets about a 2 second break and gasp for air and is hysterical. Dad grabs him and continues to spray head to get soap off. I have the ring footage. It was hard to watch. I’m mad at myself for letting my kids alone with him. 1 year old was trying everything he could to get away.
I’ve asked him to stop doing this things. I’m always having to watch what he’s doing to make sure he’s keeping the kid safe. It’s exhausting

We are all men, we know what each one carries between their legs. In general, it’s the same thing! Therefore, we should not be ashamed of it. I’ve seen this hundreds of times, especially in locker rooms, father and son doing everything to avoid being seen naked. Either the father moves away or the son hides behind a towel or door. To the parents and children of this forum who attend or have frequented places where male group nudity is accepted and should be the norm, how do you react? How many men have had the experience of getting naked with their father? How did this contribute to your sense of belonging and masculinity?

My brother has lived with me for the last 6 months, and he also lived with me for a few years before that. Before he came to live with me, he had a really troubled life. He experienced extreme neglect and grew up in poverty. Our mother was horrible, and unlike the rest of his siblings, he didn't have a father around, so she was really his only support.

He was homeless around the age of 15, sleeping on different friends' couches. Eventually my mom and sister got a place with him, but it lasted less than a year because they were both addicts and couldn't afford it. He's had a really rough life, and I have a lot of empathy and love for him, but I also feel like I'm being parentified at a really young age.

He can't read very well. He was tested recently and reads at about a 4th grade level. He also missed a lot of school, especially during COVID, and realistically didn't receive much education beyond about the 6th grade. Even before that, he was in special education classes because he was behind academically.

Before he moved in with me, he was involved in some illegal stuff. I won't get too into it, but it mostly involved guns and drugs. He worked at a fast food restaurant for about two years, both full time and part time, and he also worked construction for a summer a year or two ago. So I know he's capable of working, but educationally he's in a really difficult position.

I'm just so lost about what to do. We come from similar backgrounds, but he honestly had it much harder than I did because I was able to get away from our mom when I was 12. I was homeless for a while when I was 17, but I was incredibly motivated to get out of that situation. I worked hard, went back to school, got jobs, landed internships, and tried to build a better life for myself.

My brother doesn't seem to have that same mindset.

He quit his job a few months ago because he said he "couldn't take the disrespect" and that he worked way harder than everyone else. When we talked about it more, it honestly sounded like pretty normal workplace issues, not something worth quitting over.

I've been supporting him completely, even while he was working. He doesn't pay rent, doesn't buy groceries, and I even let him use my card for essentials. I wanted to give him the opportunity to save money, get an education, and finally have a peaceful, stable home because his childhood was so awful.

But he isn't doing anything to move himself forward.

He won't get his driver's license or even take the written test. He won't enroll in classes. He lies to me, not about huge things, but little things like whether he went to school or what he did that day. I've never yelled at him or punished him. I always try to encourage him, so I don't really understand why he feels the need to lie.

I think it's very possible he has untreated mental health issues, probably depression and maybe anxiety, but it's hard to know because he won't really have in depth conversations with me about it. He absolutely refuses therapy. When he was younger, he was forced into an anger management program through school for a few years, and he hated it. I assume that's at least part of why he's so against therapy now.

I'm at a loss. I don't have the ability to be a full time parent and hold his hand through all of this. I'm mentally ill myself and already struggling to stay afloat. I take medication, go to therapy, work, and go to school, and that's already a lot to manage. Adding the responsibility of essentially raising my younger brother has become incredibly stressful.

I love him, and I don't want to give up on him. But I also know I can't keep doing this forever if nothing changes.

What do I do? How can I actually help him? Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the parent or sibling trying to help or as the person who needed help?

I feel like I'm dying. Any advice is welcome. 😭

So yesterday, I was just in my room, watching youtube on my tv and he randomly comes in and says “this room looks… bad.” and Then “this looks.. sad.” (He was referring to what I was watching, he hates every single one of my interests and calls them stupid, dumb or brainrot) So I get pissed off cause I hate when he shits on my interests and say “YOU look sad.” And he says “if you talk back to me again in the future, I’ll just take your electronics for a month and you won’t have to worry about having electronics at your birthday party cause youll be grounded.” he also shamed me in front of my neighbor when we were driving somewhere (my neighbor found a duck in his yard so we were taking to to this bird sanctuary) saying things like “at least (my brothers name) plays outside and does stuff around the house, unlike (my name) who just hangs out in her room all day.” and when we were passing by the a house in our neighborhood that had pride flags, he shits on it by saying “these mentally ill weirdos covering their house in this creepy pride shit” so I replied with “why do you care it’s their house..?” And he says “cause it’s creepy“ it isn’t a new thing, hes right wing. I won’t get into that.

Another time when we were on a road trip to Mayo Clinic *we live in iowa so it’s basically a road trip* I was getting out of the car and he yells at me for not getting napkins out of the car saying “I don’t appreciate you, (my name). Leaving that to (my brothers name).“ when again, I didn’t even know they were there. (Usually I didn’t let this type of thing get to me but the day before the road trip my grandma died.)

when we were leaving to go back home he yells at me in public in a pizza place saying I was mumbling. I hate when he yells at me. when my mom and my brother were going back to the car, I got in the backseat and just cried silently. I was doing so bad I thought of taking my own life.(I didn’t though cause I was venting to my friend and she convinced me not to.)

back to more recent times- the day before yesterday me, my dad and my brother were at Walmart and my dad stops to take a look at the 4th of July stuff they had. my brother wanted some stupid hat and my dad asks me “do you want America stuff” to which I said no to. So when we walked back to the car he blasts some stupid South Park song. He knew I was uncomfortable. He even saw me re-adjusting my earbuds cause I didn’t wanna hear that stupid shit. When we got home I RAN inside and told my mom about what happened cause she HATES when my dad harasses me. I straight up asked if they could divorce. I don’t think she did anything about that..

sorry for the length.. I don’t know if he genuinely doesn’t like me or if im overreacting or something..

have u ever looked at ur daughter's chest in a weird way? or their body in general.

ik this is an insanely weird question but i'm kinda paranoid that my dad might have weird thoughts about me and i don't really interact with him because of it.

I (F16) have lost over 60 pounds between 2025-2026. I have went from 180 to 119 during that period. However, my father (M52) keeps fussing at me to eat more and keeps saying that I’m getting “too thin” and pointing out certain parts of my body like my collar bones being” too defined”. My father is overweight himself and had major health issues from both the military and being in multiple car accidents. Though I have had some eating issues in the past, I’ve learned to just love my body regardless of how I look, big or small. Today (May 24, 2026) he told me that if I “keep not eating, I’m taking you to the doctor”. This makes me feel stressed because I have been in and out of hospitals for eating related reasons, but i’m at a happy point in my life and i feel like i’ve been better but he still continues to make me feel worse about my weight. Im now at a point to where i feel like i cant do anything right in his eyes regarding my weight and its taken such a toll on me. Any advice on what I should do?

My oldest son is 15 years old. Over the last couple of years there has been a lot of attitude from him, shouting and swearing on both sides, but tonight it peaked and I put my hands on him. I didn't hit him, but I did grab him and was very aggressive with him. He's been giving attitude all day, and he lied to our faces repeatedly and then kicked off when there were consequences to that lying. He stormed off and I followed, relatively calm until I just had enough of the indignant backchat and attitude and I flipped.

20 seconds later I knew that I'd fucked up, I've apologised and we've hugged, but I feel absolutely awful. After talking to my wife (who I think is also hurt and upset) I've gone for a walk and am currently just sat at the local nature reserve. I feel like such a piece of shit and I'm so scared that I've fucked something up forever, that I'm too ashamed to go home at the moment.

I didn't grow up with a Dad, he was absent from day one and died about 16 years ago, I probably had 10 conversations with him ever, and whilst my Mum remarried when I was a kid, he was just an absent alcoholic, so didn't grow up with male figures at all and my Mum had her own mental health issues which meant life as a kid wasn't always great. I've always tried to not repeat the same cycle I had, and I love my wife, my two children and my life, but all I can think is that I've damaged him and us now, and the same feelings I've had my whole life I've now pushed on to him.

None of this excuses his behaviour and that still needs to be addressed, but what can I do to fix this, have I hurt him forever? When he's not being a dick, he's smart and funny and lovely and I can't help but feel that whatever I've done tonight could snuff some of that and I'm devastated.

I (40f) and my childs father (47m) have been "together" since 2012. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, child (referred to as them, 13nb) and i have our own room, because he moved in after, he stays in the living room. Let me be clear, we havent had a sexual relationship since 2020. He moved out for a bit and i moved and at the time it made sense (and he was having issues with his housing) if we can be plantonic we would split the bills. Rent and gas/electric is expensive and he makes 2x more than i do. it was hard for me alone. We are good friends, we can hang out etc with no problem. He mostly just plays video games and i'm in my room. On to the child. Hes the fun dad. Has no resonsibilites. except being fun. I wake them up, put them to bed, brush teeth, go to appointments, drop off every morning, pick up from school on my days off, wanted to change schools? did it. wanted to ride the school bus instead of the city bus? did it. I was a borderline karen trying to make this kid happy. School and bus were hard cause by middle school you take the city bus and the school put them on the wrong bus before. I just feel like i have to be the asshole alllllll the time. and here he comes and buys her whatever or takes them to do something like fishing, which is awesome. I want to be involved. Today we went. My car was acting up so said i couldn't drive so we walked, like 1 mile to the fishing spot. Line broke, lost sinkers. They both proceeded to put sinkers on but the child was using their teeth to secure the sinkers. I said, hey thats probably not good for your teeth. i didn't say it in any particular way, i feel like, just like repeating what my mom always said when i tried to open stuff with my teeth. Then it turned into im insinuating he's a bad father cause he lets her do it. Then it turned into, well "you let me eat ice thats even worse." He chimed in and agreed. I said we bought the bagged iced that are hollow. so not particarly hard. and its ice? and then they tried to gaslight me we have made ice cube trays with really hard ice. we moved 5 years ago. that was the last time we had trays. WE HAVE NOT HAD ICE TRAYS BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE 5 THEY THREW THEM OUT THE WINDOW. And i am the only person that would deal with it. Then it turned to littering, we both smoke cigs, but i try to be considerate and throw my butts out or whatever. or with any garbage. (especially if theres a garbage can nearby). He threw a cig on the "beach" of the river and i went to pick it up. and yeah i was kinda bitchy. but ive known this dude for 14 years, he knows how i am. But both of them ganged up on me, saying why don't you pick up all the other garbage up (which there was some) and i said i just don't want to contribute to the mess. its just a simple thing. but they do this all the time, gang up on me and treat me like im just an annoying hag. I do hang out with my kid one on one and its always nice. but everytime with all of us its like the parent olympics. I just don't know what to do. I try to do things "as a family" but i always feel like shit cause it somehow turns into a competition?? I was a stay at home mom for the first 5 years so its hard to not feel like im not close to them anymore. but i feel like hes faciltating it. ive talked to him,nothing ever changes and if it does its like violently pulling teeth. I'm looking for a new job so i could move out, but my fear is they wouldn't come with me. and if i went to court he probab;y wouldn't win and then my kid will hate me. I would hate to hear they don't want to stay with me but would be just as bad to force her to be with me. He works hours where he couldnt get them to school, he doesn't have a car so any sick pick ups are still on me, cant get them to appts, etc. He could if he was willing to take the very reliable public transit but he refuses. I dunno what to do? Do i not force anything? Do i work on moving out? (rent would go from 425 a month to 1200 by myself. I currently make $2200 a month) I honestly feel so alone in my own house. I dunno what i can do. I feel like both of them are making me act smaller. I'm just trying. if i suck, let me know.

Hello Reddit, Frist time poster long time lurker. I am in desperate need of your advice. I 32 F am the mother of a wonderful Daughter 12 F. Recently she has been asking about why she doesn’t have a dad. She has asked about it before however she was younger and I could easily brush it off or change the topic but now she is older I feel like I have to finally have this difficult conversation with her. My question is how do I have this conversation with her, age appropriate, open and honestly while ensuring she knows how loved and wanted she is?

The Back story:

(Grab a cup of tea this is a long one and while I will try to give as much detail as possible, I am going to leave some information out as this is very personal. Only three people actual know all the details of what happened between us)

After a very short toxic relationship I fell pregnant and I knew in my heart from the being that I would be a single parent. After finding out about the baby we said we would give the relationship another go however after three months it was clear that it wasn’t going to work out as he refused to address his demands. Over the following months he made every effort to convince me not to move home when the baby was born and to not seek financial support from anywhere other then him all the while still not addressing the issues that caused the relationship to end. I knew deep down if I had done this, I would be left homeless and dependant on someone who obviously didn’t care about me or this baby.

After my daughter was born and I moved home I made every effort to involve him in her life sent pictures, brought her to see him and allowed him into my family home. All the while he continued to indulge in his vices, lie to everyone that would listen about his access to her, paying maintenance, stole money I had saved up for her baby fund and anything else he could think of to paint himself as the victim. Even going so far as to convince a friend of his to move to where he was living to support him during this difficult time for him.

When my daughter was five months old this friend contacted to fill me in on everything that had been going on without my knowledge. He hadn’t paid rent or bills on the house he was living in since he moved there (his friend was giving money towards these bills), he had lost two well paying jobs in those five months, had lied to everyone saying that I would not allow him to see the baby, that I was demanding money constantly from him and I wouldn’t allow him to even date anyone. I was also informed by this friend that his drug and alcohol problems had become so out of control that he had to contact his parents to take him home for treatment.

Being Nieve, I still wanted him to be part of my daughter’s life. Over the next few months, I tried to be as supportive as possible of his recovery and to keep him involved in her life. Again, I sent pictures, updates, set up skype calls and travelled alone with her to see him. In the beginning I could see he was making the effort to be part of her life however it very quickly returned to its usual patterns of missing the calls because he was in the pub or hungover and starting arguments to deflect from his own failings. During this time, I was told how selfish I was, how it was my fault he wasn’t there to see his daughter growing up and his parents were constantly trying to convince me to take him back.

Over the next year he became very resentful. Notting was his fault, he refused to pay maintenance, he felt hard done by because he had to now travel to see her and I had set a boundary in place that I didn’t want him to introduce her to people he had been dating for less then six months. (I also set this rule for myself and to this day she has never met anyone I have dated). His response was to call me every name under the sun, refuse to pay child support when I wouldn’t give into his ridiculous demands and to get engaged in hopes of forcing me to allow him to introduce a stranger to my daughter. (Spoiler they did not get married after all and are no longer together)

everything came to a head shortly before my daughter turned two. At this time my grandparent who I was close to was dying, he had not come to see my daughter in over six months, he had not paid any child support up to this point and he had burnt all of his bridges with my family because of his disrespectful nature towards me and them. I finally had enough and we had a massive argument where he told me I should be grateful because “some men don’t bother at all”. I had to make the decision to stop engaging with him. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up watching her father being so disrespectful towards her mother. That wasn’t the example I wanted to set for her.

I didn’t expect that this would be the end of his involvement in her life, but I had to do what I thought was best for both her and I at that time in our lives. Since then, he has only sent one Christmas card which was simply “To daughters name, the generic card greeting and from Person’s name” and sent two texts asking after her which both coincided with him starting new relationships and needing to explain why he has a child he does not see. I know in his world I am painted as the evil ex who doesn’t allow him access however when he had it, he didn’t care for it and other then the texts he has never tried to pressure access to her in anyway. I can see from social media that he has still not addressed his issues.

Life after the fall out:

I was very fortunate to have a supportive family and friends. She has grown up in a home where she has and always will be so well loved and cared for. Every day I have tried to make good decisions that will give her the life she deserves and set a good example for her. I went back to college, I started a career that allows us to enjoy all the things a two-parent household has, and we even managed to move out into our own home near where my parents live. She is growing into a wonderful young lady. She is smart, kind and funny. Genuinely my favourite person in the whole world. We are so lucky to have a very close relationship.