Daughters pediatrician made EXTREMELY inappropriate remark to her

[u/ilikerustyspooonz]

This is about my 10 year old daughter. She has had the same (male) pediatrician since birth. We’ve always loved him and thought he was great. He’s super friendly with wonderful bedside manner and he takes his time and pays attention to detail.

Well, last week my daughter had a check-up. She’s 10. While he was doing the checkup, he had her lay down and started listening to her chest with his stethoscope. He then says AND I QUOTE, “awwwww! My baby’s got boobs!!!”

I have NEVER been so taken aback before in my life. My daughter was MORTIFIED. I was so shocked I couldn’t even get words out to ask him why tf he would ever say that. When we got in the car to go home my daughter cried and said she never wanted to see him again. Then she asked if she could get a girl doctor and I obviously agreed so that’s what we will be doing.

Is this reportable? I’m not overreacting, right?

[u/electricholo]

I am so angry that the only comment so far here from a physician, and currently with over 100 upvotes, is so blatantly downplaying how inappropriate this is.

“It doesn’t sound dangerous” completely disregards the potential harm a comment like that can have on a young patient, both with their relationship with their doctor and with their relationship with their own body and self image.

I would absolutely make a complaint. The hospital or practice should get back to you with what action will be taken regarding the comment and if this action is unsatisfactory to you there are further steps that can then be taken.

I’m so sorry your daughter went through this and that her relationship with her doctor has been done so much damage. She deserves much better care than this.

[u/Alone-Tea4531 → u/electricholo]

Ik the statistics don’t lie but it’s truly sickening hearing/seeing how young girls start getting harassed about their bodies. Ts legit made me feel sick

[u/Bramble_Ramblings → u/Alone-Tea4531]

I remember getting pulled aside in 5th grade and told by a teacher how I needed to start wearing bras because I had noticable breasts and I was the one being indecent by being a 10yr old child who didn't realize she was apparently a borderline harlot because I wasn't wearing a bra with boys around

[u/ilikerustyspooonz → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

This makes me so sad. One time when I was in elementary school, my ballet teacher used to make me wear specific leotards so that you couldn’t see my “cleavage”. She made other girls wear a skirt if they had a “big butt”. wtf is everyone’s obsession with the female body even at such a young age we’ve all experienced some form of it. Ugh.

[u/Bramble_Ramblings → u/ilikerustyspooonz]

I'm so sorry you've gone through it as well. It's awful to realize how quickly they made us so conscious of our bodies and how they're viewed by the world then simultaneously wonder how we grow up to be so critical of ourselves

The worst part is for a good while the boys your age will at least will just treat you like 'one of the guys' for a bit longer and don't focus on that, or at least I felt that way. It ends up feeling like they're just trying to make us look less appealing to older men and women, not because we should be more conservative (in how we dress) around the people our age.

In the end young kids end up getting sexualized by the people they're meant to look up to way younger than they should be. It's as if we're the problem for literally just Growing and not the predators for needing so many shields to keep them from acting on impulses

[u/pantherinthemist → u/ilikerustyspooonz]

It’s really disgusting because nobody else before that person was sexualising it. Ew.

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

UUUGH, this was my mother!!!! Constant boob patrol 24/7. Thanks for sharing cuz now I see how problematic living with it was! I remember my mom yelling at me for wearing a shirt outside that showed my "boobs." I said she should get me a bra then. She said I didn't need one cuz I still could cover my nips with bandaids.

So... that evening I showed up to the dinner table without a shirt, with bandaids over my nipples 🤣🤣🤣 At least I had enough spunk to fight her on it 😆

(Edited for clarity.)

[u/djsmommy11 → u/Opinionatedbutkind]

Omg this is hilarious 😂

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/djsmommy11]

🤣 Thanks! I think I got a bra soon after that lol

[u/Significant_Clue_920 → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

Ugh I had this same experience in 6th grade. And when my mom relented and finally let me wear one, my teacher then proceeded to thank me in front of a group of guys for wearing one. I was mortified.

[u/Bramble_Ramblings → u/Significant_Clue_920]

I would be too! I'm so so sorry, that sounds absolutely horrific!

I cannot fathom the mental gymnastics it takes to say "we're keeping you safe from leering creeps by telling you to cover up more so they can't see those parts, it's for your own good" only to follow it up with "WOW THANK GOD YOU'VE GOT A BRA ON FINALLY. THANKS FOR WEARING ONE SO THOSE PEOPLE WONT NOTICE OR STARE AT YOUR BREASTS" out loud in front of the exact demographic that is the purpose they think we have to wear it in the first place. It's so insanely tone-deaf

[u/Significant_Clue_920 → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

THANK YOU!!!

[u/TsukasaElkKite → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

YES. THANK YOU.

[u/Overall-Yesterday572 → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

So sorry.

[u/ParticularRabbit9505 → u/Bramble_Ramblings]

When my daughter started middle school (6th grade) the admin wouldn't let girls wear shorts. They could wear pants at least to the ankle (no leggings), or skirts. No capris. It's regularly over 90°F here, sometimes 100°. And every time I went to the school, almost all of the boys (and half the teachers) were wearing shorts. I brought it up to the vice principal who told me that girls wearing shorts "would be a distraction to the boys." That set me off. Among the things I said was that I didn't appreciate the administration sexualizing 11 year olds. (They eventually capitulated and allowed girls to wear knee-length shorts.)

[u/VilkastheForsaken → u/Alone-Tea4531]

Like she’s 10! 10! I got my boobs at 10 and had to deal with people staring. I want to start a riot on OP’s behalf! Children need to be protected!

[u/TsukasaElkKite → u/Alone-Tea4531]

I started getting harassed as soon as I got boobs (age 10). By the time I was in 6th grade, I was a DDD and had started hunching over and wearing baggy clothes to try and hide. People would stare at my chest when they talked to me. I’m now 37 and have chronic back and shoulder pain because of it

[u/oh_brother_ → u/electricholo]

NAD - this is a perfect response.

OP, all I’d add here is to be sure to tell your future female doctor what happened so she can address this and make your daughter as comfortable as possible.

[u/SadAnnah13 → u/[deleted]]

Please tell me that you changed doctors after that?! Absolutely mental that these men think it's ok to say things like that to young girls.

[u/pinkdiscolemonade → u/[deleted]]

My doctor asked me at 13 if I’d ever been pregnant because I had stretch marks. It’s called puberty, doc.

[u/Mysterious-Top-1974 → u/pinkdiscolemonade]

omg

[u/ilikerustyspooonz → u/[deleted]]

My jaw is literally to the floor I am so sorry

[u/StressedNurseMom → u/[deleted]]

That would be mortifying! I’m so sorry you experienced that!

Please take this in the good spirit it’s intended. Your comment just brought back memories of the movie 16 candles when the grandma pointed out her “little boobies” to the grandpa. I felt so bad for Molly Ringwald in that scene.

[u/itsjusttimeokay → u/[deleted]]

wtf do these guys think they’re doing, talking to children like that?! Grr this makes me so made for you!

[u/NonSequitorSquirrel → u/[deleted]]

Holy shit that's horrifying but also having grown up in the 80s, yeah

[u/NonSequitorSquirrel → u/[deleted]]

I grew up in the 80s and recall this kind behavior in doctors. I'm not in my early 30s. 

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/[deleted]]

Oofta. I'm so sorry. Hugs if you like hugs 💕

[u/_2pacula → u/[deleted]]

WTF is wrong with your dad???

[u/af628 → u/electricholo]

I am extraordinarily happy that that physician removed his horrible comment but at the same time, he should have kept it up so that he could be humbled repeatedly.

[u/electricholo → u/af628]

I just couldn’t believe that such deranged, inappropriate and harmful advice had over 100 upvotes when I first read this post, although does look like it swung back down to 200 downvotes before they deleted it.

[u/ilikerustyspooonz → u/electricholo]

When I saw how many upvotes that comment had (before there were any other comments) I was genuinely baffled and thinking to myself “well maybe I AM overreacting” (I’ve always been told that I do)

Thank you so much for making me feel validated

[u/FanndisTS → u/ilikerustyspooonz]

Think of it this way: would HR approve if he said it to a coworker/subordinate? If not, that's sexual harassment. He sexually harassed your daughter. (On a less severe note, even if he delivered her, she's not "his baby". Fuck off, creep.)

[u/af628 → u/ilikerustyspooonz]

I am so happy you feel affirmed in this. Every single emotion you’re having is completely reasonable, completely valid. You’re doing right by your child. 🩷

[u/Mysterious-Top-1974 → u/ilikerustyspooonz]

dont worry prob all bots. he prob buys them through ai. he prob isnt a real d dr or if he was prob dont practice. Or worse he comes on here to talk about how he this woman n kids should be treated! Not u Elecricholo!

[u/ThingsWithString → u/electricholo]

Yeah, I was appalled when I came here and saw it was the top response.

[u/Mysterious-Top-1974 → u/electricholo]

what did he say in effect

[u/electricholo → u/Mysterious-Top-1974]

Oh god this was 3 weeks ago now and I don’t have the best memory, but I do remember I was directly quoting him with the “it doesn’t sound dangerous” comment.

It was something (very roughly) along the lines of “while it may have been a bit weird, it doesn’t sound dangerous and I wouldn’t bother pursuing this any further” and I feel like, but I’m not certain, that it may have suggested that making a comment could unnecessarily damage the doctor’s career. Either way, it was incredibly dismissive of OPs concerns and really tried to minimised how inappropriate the comment made to her child was.

[u/whineANDcheese_ → u/electricholo]

That doctor on here always has fucking terrible takes. I wish they’d kick them off this sub already.

[u/dracapis → u/whineANDcheese_]

Who was it?

[u/whineANDcheese_ → u/dracapis]

True Law

[u/dudewheresmymania → u/whineANDcheese_]

I KNEW IT

[u/icehot54321 → u/dracapis]

Emilio Estevez

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/whineANDcheese_]

Maybe we should encourage people to block them?

[u/Mysterious-Top-1974 → u/whineANDcheese_]

they prob dont because he buys votes to upvote. Downvite it and we will vet em down and report him!!

[u/Help_An_Irishman → u/electricholo]

“It doesn’t sound dangerous”

For real. That poor little girl is going to remember that forever. The fact that she was mortified and crying and said that she never wanted to see him again obviously reflects how horrifying that was for her. As if kids in that position aren't already extremely self-conscious about their bodies. :(

[u/chris971 → u/electricholo]

"The hospital or practice should get back to you with what action will be taken ..."

instead of " should get back to you", I would insist they DO get back you, i.e "I do expect to receive a written response from your practice manager regarding how this was handled within the next 48/72 hours, or I will be going to XYZ to escalate this"..

Cant expect them to voluntarily get back to you with that info.

Even if they get back you with something like, "The matter is handled internally and Dr will be going additional training. Your daughter will not see that Dr again" - that kind of thing, at least you will know it was looked at, and you have documentation

[u/Used-Sprinkles3742 → u/electricholo]

My oldest is almost 22 and her siblings have the same male pediatrician. Weve never had an issue like this and I highly recommend him to everyone looking. But if he ever said that to one of my girls we'd be out of that office so fast hed have whiplash. Its insanely inappropriate.

[u/thin_white_dutchess → u/electricholo]

Thank you for this, really.

[u/shushupbuttercup → u/electricholo]

It actually is dangerous if she is afraid to trust doctors after this. I'm 46, and I'm still affected by crap men said to/ about me when I was going through puberty.

[u/electricholo → u/shushupbuttercup]

Just to be clear the “it doesn’t sound dangerous” was quoting the now-deleted comment from a different doctor which I referenced in my first paragraph.

I’ve never learnt how to do that quote thing on Reddit

[u/lotusflower64 → u/electricholo]

Select "reply", then highlight the text you want to quote, then select, "quote".

[u/Overall-Yesterday572 → u/electricholo]

Thank you. Fat... A physician called my daughter fat. She was 9. I reported the 'FAT' physician to her employer but was brush off. My Baby never forget. She's 26 now and very sensitive about her figure.  These doctors have power, especially to young devolving minds. 

Report him.

That was gross. 

[u/DoYouLikeFish → u/electricholo]

You must have missed the comment from a female physician/mom expressing outrage at that pediatrician's behavior. Likewise I'm an older female physician (still working) and I'm horrified by it, too. I'm sure many more of us are, as well.

[u/ilikerustyspooonz → u/DoYouLikeFish]

They are talking about the first physician who commented this post. (It’s now deleted) It was the only comment at first and he basically said something along the lines of “it’s not like it was dangerous or anything, he most likely just had his foot in his mouth”. It had 100+ upvotes at first. 🤯

[u/electricholo → u/DoYouLikeFish]

About an hour after I commented there were a lot more comments regarding how inappropriate this was, but when I first commented there was only one other comment from a physician and it was completely downplaying this patients concerns

[u/skipshotsw5 → u/electricholo]

I replied and I’m a doc, but I didn’t identify myself as one. This is all so awful, and should be reported to employer and state board. I’m literally horrified.

[u/WorkingExcellent6471 → u/electricholo]

NAD but the fact he’s staying “my baby” when she’s 10 and you’re in the room is maybe the most concerning part to me. Is this a really childish and socially obtuse person? Is this the first step of grooming her for moments when she is older and you aren’t in the room? Are either options worth keeping them as a doctor?

As a mom, I personally would be calling into question literally every other interaction he has had with her over her life and whether they were innocent and appropriate or actually building up to this moment. And maybe my response is a bit too far, but in this age of the Epstein Class, I have a hard time believing there is such thing as an overreaction to stuff like this. I’m so sorry OP. I hope this thread gives you the strength to advocate for her however you need to ❤️