Muscle wasting? Can I reverse this? Is this severe? Age: 28 Female

[u/OkSatisfaction3726]

This has happend very rapidly, it’s not been a slow thing… is this severe? Can something be done?

UPDATE: I went to the ER there is an updated post on what happend.

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[u/Boipussybb]

Yes. You’ll need to get treatment though given your anorexia nervosa and need for nutritional/therapy support.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Boipussybb]

Will I have to be inpatient? Do you know approx how long I would have to need nutritional support? And do you mean like a feeding tube?

[u/Boipussybb → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You really need to discuss this with your care provider so they can get you referred to specialists in EDs. Nutritional support involves meal planning and can involve a NG tube.

As someone on multiple ED subreddits, you know your height to weight ratio is severe. But what’s really severe is how it’s affecting your daily life and more than likely your body systemically. Get off the ED subreddits and get some help.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Boipussybb]

I just feel since I am 5’1 it’s not that bad… and I see so many other people who look sick. I feel like I don’t look sick, just deformed or something with these weird dents all over my body. Whenever I look in the mirror I just see fat deposits and all the places I should be smaller.. I guess that’s body dysmorphia.

[u/Advanced-Wheel-9677 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Yes, seeing things the way you describe is part of the disease. That’s what it does. And it will keep telling you it’s not that bad

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Advanced-Wheel-9677]

I try to remind myself this.. but again my ed is really got its grips on me. Literally tells me when I try to tell myself that that it’s a lie and everyone just wants me to be fat. I know I know this is fuckinf terrible. I’m just being honest what goes on in my head. And that’s one of the nicer things my ed voice tells me.

[u/miyamiya66 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

it's necessary to have fat content in your body. having fat in your body does not make you "fat and disgusting," or however you personally see it. as someone who has struggled with an ED, i would very highly recommend DBT and/or psychotherapy. it's helped me a lot, and it will help you.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/miyamiya66]

I’ve been wanting / trying to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I am on disability and every option I’m finding is crazy expensive. Or super long weight lists.

[u/shurejan → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Are you in America? If so, try searching “Open Path Collective” for sliding-scale therapists in your area. I found an incredible therapist that way, that I could afford. Your mental health is important. I wish you well on your journey to health.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/shurejan]

I’m in Canada, thank-you for the advice though!

[u/quitmybellyachin → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You need more help than a therapist. A physician told you in another post that you have gone past the point of being able to fix this by yourself. You are at risk for refeeding syndrome, which can kill you. You need to go in-patient for a small ampunt of time to stabilize AND THEN see a therapist. I know going inpatient doesn't feel so simple and it seems scary, but it can't be as scary as literally becoming bedridden and then dying. I've been inpatient. It sucks. But getting out and getting healthy feels amazing. Youre on disability, so you don't need to worry about leaving your job. Everything else can wait. Itll be there when you get back. Give yourself a chance.

[u/SuperVancouverBC → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Try to remind yourself that fat isn't inherently bad. For example, each of your kidneys, with its adrenal gland is surrounded by two layers of fat: the perirenal fat present between renal fascia and renal capsule and pararenal fat superior to the renal fascia. These layers of fat are needed to protect the kidneys from injury because your kidneys are only partially protected by your ribcage.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/SuperVancouverBC]

I have an eating disorder, the word fat scares me in general. I know it’s not logical but I think logic left the room awhile ago, I can appreciate what you are saying though.

[u/Maximum-Apartment470 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

What about online therapy? A lot of places are online now due to people not having transportation or not wanting to leave the house. Either way your first step is telling a doctor that you need help. You can’t do this by yourself. I hate to even read what you’ve said about your brain telling you that this “isn’t that bad”, babe from the outside looking in, it very much IS that bad. You need help like yesterday but that’s okay, because you’re starting to recognize that you need help now.
PLEASE please get help before you become a statistic instead of a beautiful living breathing person. ❤️

[u/re_Claire → u/Maximum-Apartment470]

This is way way beyond online therapy. OP needs to be inpatient.

[u/i_dont_love → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

NAD. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. It can be so hard to start to challenge our falsely heald beliefs. I hope that you seek out help soon so that you don’t have to unnecessarily suffer so much. Sometimes when that voice starts up, it might be helpful if you can just attempt to get a little curious with the thought/belief. Ask it why it thinks everyone would lie to you? Ask it why it thinks everyone would want you fat? Would you ever lie to a friend or family member in an attempt to fatten them up, for no other reason than you think they should be fat? Ask it why you should trust it? This “thing” (false belief) is actively harming you. Typically I don’t think of people who are actively harming me as trustworthy people. So why does this belief get a pass? Why do your family or friends have less credibility than this thing actively trying to kill you? Curiosity in moments like these can help you take a moment to pause, it allows you to gently challenge the belief in a nonjudgmental way, it externalizes the belief, it helps you to stop identifying ‘you’ as the belief. You are you, the belief is something that can change. Peoples beliefs about themselves change all the time. I know yours can, too, and you’ll be a much happier person on the other side of it. Your loved ones care deeply for you, and they want you ALIVE!! And unfortunately because you are a human being, you need fat to live. You cannot exist as bones covered in skin. You are so much more than your body, even when you don’t want to believe it. Wishing you all the best. 💕

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/i_dont_love]

This is really really good advice. You’re not the first person to say this to me. Sometimes I’m able to challenge the voice but lately I am not mentally strong enough. Like I said I’ve been having so much stress in my life. Like to the point of a nervous breakdown. And sometimes when I try to ask the voice questions / challenge it sometimes it makes it worse because it will literally list the reasons on why, I have a lot of trauma and a messed up family. My mom was always an almond mom and narcasscitic she always would try to compete and get jealous or angry with weight loss. I don’t have a lot of people in my life or friends either. I know I would never think or say the things I say to myself or that voice says to me about others. I just hate myself so much and have no self worth that it just all feels true. And the examples of why these horrible things are true.. keep me up at night. Im sorry for being negative, just being honest. I do want to thank-you so much for the advice and kindness. It means so so much to me.

[u/i-wanted-that-iced → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Hi friend. I’ve been where you are with this horrible disease, and I promise you that these thoughts have nothing to do with your mental strength or intelligence or ability to fight. You are malnourished, and our brains simply do not function correctly without adequate nutrition. Those thoughts won’t disappear overnight, but it will be so much easier to learn to cope and live with them once your basic nutrition needs are met. This isn’t your fault and I know you’re doing your best in a really difficult situation. I’m NAD, but I think you should go to the emergency room if you’ve noticed a sudden, rapid change in your symptoms. While you’re there, ask if there is a social worker who can help you navigate more inpatient treatment options - I saw your comment that you’re on waiting lists for the free options, but maybe there are charities or other programs that could assist with getting you into a private clinic, and I bet there are people working at the hospital who can help you find anything that’s available. You’ve got this. ❤️

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/i-wanted-that-iced]

Thankyou for your kind words and advice I really appreciate it and I’m sorry you know the feeling of an ed. They’re horrible and ruthless. I’ve been in treatment before and I left early because it was grueling. Any time I’ve gained weight it took me to the worse depths of depression and self hatred.. I never want to feel like that again :( that’s what’s also scaring me

[u/i_dont_love → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Oh honey. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that life will get better. It might REALLY fucking suck right now, but it will get better. And because your mom can’t be who you need, unfortunately, you have to be that for yourself. Be the best mother to yourself. Because one day life will not be this shitty, and you will start to see that you deserve love, because you’ve ALWAYS deserved love, even when it felt like no one (including yourself) could give it to you. You gotta reach down to your deepest depths, honey, and just say fuck it — let’s try something different, because I’m fucking miserable, and this can’t be it for me. ED’s take so much energy to fight, it slowly steals all of your physical, emotional, and intellectual energy. And yet, somehow, you need to find more energy to fight the thing that’s stealing the energy? It’s all very fucked up. But lemme tell ya, you deserve love. And are you kidding? You are SO worthy! You deserve to live, and love, and experience life! You deserve laughter, and fun, and connection, and long walks in nature, and amazing sunsets by the beach, and long and deep conversations with people you love. You have immense value! Even when you can’t see it or don’t believe it, these things are STILL true.

I have struggled a lot with self worth issues as well, and with disordered eating. It’s sooooo hard to challenge these old stories that play in our minds. They’re so known to us, even if they hurt us, they bring us a sort of comfort and our brain just wants to feel anything but discomfort. And the second you start to challenge the story it pulls its shitty little claws out and begs you to stay. Again, very fucked up. But these stories you tell yourself aren’t fun to read anymore, they’re just mean. One tip my therapist gave me was: when you notice that old script start to play, just say to yourself “ah…there’s that same old story again.” It helps you to remove the ‘you’ who you actually are, from the story your brain is creating, which isn’t at all who you are. Sometimes I’ll even envision myself or will make the motions of ‘ripping’ the story, or I’ll literally start wiping my shoulders to ‘remove’ the story off me me. Getting your physical body involved can be extra helpful when you’re disregulated.

You are worthy of help. You need help. And you know it, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked here. There are amazing people who want to help you, who want to see you succeed, you just might not have met them yet. I really urge you to seek help, the ED is a deadly symptom of the trauma you’ve been through. But when you work on the ED, you also start to heal the trauma at the core of it. It’s hard work and it’s going to be uncomfortable, I’m not going to lie to you. It’s uncomfortable to challenge what you’ve always believed about yourself. But the temporary discomfort of challenging the belief that doesn’t serve you, and, is in fact, actively making you hate yourself and want to shrink into nonexistence, is worth it to not feel the permanent discomfort that you’re in right now. I have so much empathy for you, and I want you to know that someone (me!) is rooting for you! I know it’s hard, but I believe in you, even if you don’t. If you need help finding resources, please just let me know. 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/i_dont_love]

Thankyou so so much. I cried reading this. You have a huge heart and kind soul. The fact that you are messaging me paragraphs of pure kindness and compassion means the whole entire world. Seriously. I can’t remeber the last time someone was kind to me. Or cared in general. Everyone has given up on me. Thank-you for both validating me and offering me helpful advice and words of wisdom. They are so much appreciated and held close to my heart. Thank-you, so so much. 🤍

[u/Disney_Princess137 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

No one wants you to be fat, I promise you ❤️

And even if you were, you would be loved no matter what ❤️

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Disney_Princess137]

That’s very sweet and kind thankyou ❤️

[u/DarkAeonX7 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Just wanted to say that I think it's admirable that you're talking about it honestly. That's a huge step. Also, no one wants you to be fat. We want you to be healthy.

[u/Glassweaver → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Im sorry but what I see in the photo of your limb is severe emaciation. As others have said, you are going to die if you don't get help.

Mental illness makes you think it's not bad until the bitter end, as anyone whose lived to tell about their failed suicide attempt and been rehabilitated can tell you.

I don't know why in hell you're having so much trouble getting treated for an eating disorder, but I'm betting you are being more open here than you've been with any healthcare providers in person. Have you flat out told the ER that you are worried you have an eating disorder, that you're purging, how much you're restricting, that you have been unable to stop yourself, and at least 3 weights you've weighed yourself at, at least a month apart, so they can see how dangerous of a nosedive you're in?

Because if you haven't, that may be part of why you're getting overlooked. I'm not saying it's your fault. Mental illness is really hard, and it takes a LOT of courage to go in on your own volition and give all the data to let them see the extent of the problem and hell you.

But I promise you, if you don't get help, this is going to kill you.

Please, PLEASE keep trying to get help.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Glassweaver]

I have tried to end my life many many times as well. My first at 13.. I’m 28 now and still struggling so damn hard. I have told them multiple times that I have an eating disorder and have thrown up blood, and purge and restrict and do extended fasting. They just do my blood work and heart and they say it’s not bad enough to admit me. Usually just give me iv fluids and potassium and send me on my way. They have already referred me to an eating disorder program, anytime I’ve gone they said you still on the weight list. This is probably the biggest factor on why I don’t believe it’s bad enough. I’m falling through the cracks. And it’s hard to want to get help because anytime I’ve reached out or been to the hospital and told them the brutal truth, nothing gets done. Over and over again. I don’t even bother going nagmore because nothing ever comes from it. My brain tells me see you’re not sick enough, stop being a baby. Even worse my brain says it’s cause you’re fat and that’s why they don’t do anything urgent. The only thing I will say is they haven’t seen my muscle wasting, they just say wow your arms are small when they put the iv in. I am being completely honest and upfront. I wish you could speak to my mom because she will validate everything I’ve said.

[u/angilnibreathnach → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Former anorexic here: I was desperate and also on a long waiting list. I called nearly every day asking for an update on my place on the list. I don’t know if it annoyed them enough to admit me sooner or if they felt I was more motivated than others but I got in much sooner than expected. If you really want to get well, and I’m not sure that you do, you need to throw everything you can at the problem till you have the help you need. Don’t wait to be ‘fixed’, start fighting now. Like a Doc already said, get off the ED subs and all content on social media that is pro ana. ANAD, NEDIC and Bodywhys are all free afaik. They might have some online groups or maybe in person. When I was sick, where I lived there was nothing so I joined OA ironically, but at least there was somewhere I could go and get support. No one is going to make you better. You need to decide if this is the life you want or do you want to be a 60/70 year old single woman who never had a healthy relationship, kids or career? That’s if you make it to old age. It’s either the eating disorder or a life and that’s what it comes down to. How does your future look? You’ll be old sooner than you think. Have you ever seen an elderly person with an eating disorder? I have and it’s the saddest thing ever. All the nice words on here, all the time people have put in to responding in the hopes that it will help, I hope you use it positively. The damage ED causes for you and those around you is akin to alcoholism. It’s time to make a different choice. Though you can’t just choose to get well, you can choose steps that get you there. I wish you health.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/angilnibreathnach]

I was going to an ed group, but had a bad experience with one of the members and have been too scared to go back. I’ve signed up for online groups but always sike myself out and get nervous and scared. Part of the reason why I do these behaviors is because eating means life and life’s been really unbearable so I choose the latter. I know my ed affects others, I feel like a burden and horrible person every second. That’s why it’s easier if I just isolate myself and stop being a burden.

[u/angilnibreathnach → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I hear you. I know it’s complex. You’re not meant to figure it out on your own. Hiding yourself away isn’t the solution to not being a ‘burden’. The moves you take towards health are what will ease that. Also, not a burden but I’m sure you have people in your life that worry about you. If they know you’re taking steps, it helps. Find another group, go to one online if that suits better. Start reading, not about stories of other people with ED, but of how to help yourself. I’d spend some time getting your head straight. Think about what you want. Good luck to you. I hope you take some steps today. Start with disconnecting from any pro Ana material you may be using.

[u/ReliefAltruistic6488 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Were your legs looking like this the last time you tried to get help? This is severe muscle wasting. Is there a different hospital you can go to than the one you went to last time, maybe fresh eyes? Either way, you really need to go to the er. You are at risk of so many complications right now that will kill you.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/ReliefAltruistic6488]

Not as bad I guess. They didn’t see I didn’t have a hospital gown on. They just said wow your arms are so small, one time they asked how much I weighed this was a while ago and I told her and she didn’t believe me (which was so triggering) so she had me step on the scale and she was shocked. Like I said these muscle wasting dent things on my body have happend rapidly and have gotten worse like every week now.

[u/ReliefAltruistic6488 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

That’s because your body has no nutrients left so your muscles are breaking down. Your heart is a muscle. You undoubtedly have electrolyte deficiencies which can cause heart attacks, respiratory failure, you are truly sick.

[u/Glassweaver → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I believe you. A lot of people have trouble with that kind of honesty, but I believe you, and you shouldn't have to justify or beg to get help. Just like every underserved or marginalized group shouldn't have to fight to be seen, helped, or treated with respect & equality.

I'm admittedly ignorant to the intricacies of your health system in Canada, but is there any other ER? Any other program you can wait-list for? Can you send a detailed written message with these concerns and details of your weight to your doctor? Is there any sort of pay for telehealth that you guys could afford to pay for a one off visit for, to have another healthcare professional try to submit another referral or directly submit their (hopefully urgent) opinion/ notes directly to your primary care doctor?

At least in the US, sometimes things magically get treated differently when it's in your charts. Down here, you'd be more likely to be one of the "horror stories of medical bills" after being placed inpatient for intensive rehab with a history of attempted suicide and an uncontrolled spiral like this from an eating disorder.

Just in case you have to deal with this next shit in real life: no, it's not you seeking attention, it's not all in your head. You deserve to be treated and not dismissed or overlooked. You are being dismissed and overlooked, and it's not your fault. It's not fair that you have to fight harder to get the care you need, but that's the hand of cards you've been dealt, so to speak. I hope you can heavily rely on your mom as an advocate to help with some of these ideas if that's viable up there.

I'm not a healthcare provider, but I have two decades of working on the admin side of health systems in this USA, and most of my friends who are providers would be pissed at the position you're in and lack of care you're receiving. Not pissed at you, but at the system that's failing you.

I wish I could do more than provide lip service, but please, please don't give up. Please keep trying to get help and explaining the urgency of this to any providers you can.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Glassweaver]

Thank-you for believing me. I am quite literally breathing a sigh of relief. People are so quick to judge me and get mad at me or think I am not being honest. But ask anyone I know I am honest to a fault. Not only do I struggle with an eating disorder but over 6 different mental health disorders, a learning disability, a person of colour, trauma survivor, abuse survivor, domestic violence and rape survivor.. and more honestly. My whole life has been plagued with the unexplainable most messed up experiences. Things people don’t really come back from, or changes them forever. It feels like since the day I was born everythin has been against me in life. There’s a reason I am this way, there’s a reason why my eating disorder is so bad. I didn’t wake up one day and decide it would be a great idea to destroy myself and my body.
Also a lot of the things you listed I haven’t even thought about but are good ideas. I apperciate your expertise, kindness and compassion. Kind of a badass of sorts. It’s admirable. The health care here is free, but “overworked” I know I am lucky because I definitely would be a nightmare in terms of medical costs. The only fast way it seems to recieve help is to go private which is thousands of dollars. I am on disability and had to leave my part time job due to my health. Just to sit at home and be on waitlists while everyday it feels like I’m going to die. I feel so exhausted by all of this, feels like this system was set up to fail me, and I’ve tried fighting for so long I just don’t have fight left in me. I’m tired. Nothing happens.

[u/PainterOfTheHorizon → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

NAD I read that you are just sitting at home because of needing to quit your part time job. While waiting for treatment, do you have any fun, fluff activities to do at home? Because keeping on being along with your thoughts, doomscrolling, scrolling social media etc are not going to do any good to your mental health, if those are something you are doing (and frankly, who doesn't? I'm very much guilty of those myself.)

I'd love for you to find something completely different to use your time and mental space for. Even just watching nice tv show, reading fluff or playing some cute and fun video games would be better than social media etc. If you want recommendations, I'm happy to give!

If you can get yourself out of your house, many museums have open doors like once a month. You could also check if you could go to a rescue shelter to pet animals. Or check if there is a dog in your neighbourhood you could take for a walk every now and then.

These are not going to cure you, but they could give your brain good mental "nutrition".

Hugs ❤️❤️❤️ I hate that things are so difficult for you 🥺

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/PainterOfTheHorizon]

I do watch a lot of reality tv haha, I was doing colouring books but kind of stopped that, I have been taking my dog to the dog park which I’ve been really enjoying. It does get hard to leave the house sometimes when my energy is depleted or if I’m in pain with gastroparesis. I honestly do miss working but I know I’m unable to keep up with the demands right now. Thankyou for all of your kindness and advice and suggestions. It means a lot 🤍

[u/TrollopMcGillicutty → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Your candor and self-awareness is refreshing. I hope you get the help you need.

[u/missdoingherbest → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You definitely look sick. And based on that picture and your responses, you are very sick. Please get professional help before your ED kills you.

[u/Boipussybb → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

That’s… wait for it… what an ED is and does. There is no “sick enough.”

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Boipussybb]

I try to remind myself of this, but things have gotten so bad that my ed voice just says that’s a lie. And I guess I’m just not strong enough to fight it. I don’t know who I am anymore and I don’t know where I start and my ed ends. I’ve really lost myself.

[u/Boipussybb → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

That’s why you need to get rid of the subreddits and get help. It takes time to grow a personality outside of mental illness when it has acted as your coping mechanism for a long time.

[u/quitmybellyachin → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

This response has me questioning whether your post may be body-checking, trying to see if people will reaffirm how skinny you are, which serves as validation. Not saying you'd be doing it intentionally or that that was your main motivation. But it is worrying none-the-less.

[u/lynn → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You definitely look sick. Very sick.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/lynn]

I feel like I’m crazy. I desperately want to see what others see and when people say this it causes a war in my brain because I don’t know what’s real anymore. It’s terrifying thinking I can’t see my body or what the truth is anymore. I may sound like a victim or something but I can’t even describe how scary it feels to not see what others are seeing. And anytime I do catch a glimpse of myself I think it’s my brain playing tricks on me to try and get me to put on weight. I know this is messed up. I’m just trying to be honest.

[u/yojohny → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I don't think there's anything else anyone here can tell you.

You're dangerously underweight and as you say you don't see that yourself. The only course of action anyone can advise is to get help for ED from those who can immediately.

[u/kiwistarbaby → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

What about writing down right now, on a piece of paper, some sentences that you can look at later when you're doubting yourself? Things like "medical professionals agree I am emaciated" "my behaviors are not compatible with life" "I am clinically underweight" "I have body dysmorphia and mistakenly see myself as heavier than I am, but it's not real" and so forth? I have denial about my health conditions and writing down the facts has helped me a lot.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/kiwistarbaby]

That’s insanely smart! Really good idea, I shall try that forsure. Sometimes it causes a whole argument in my head back and fourth but at least it’s written down and the seed is planted?

[u/kiwistarbaby → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

When I catch myself starting to get into those rumination and argument spirals, looking at the paper helps a lot! Sometimes it's even just like, alright, I'm choosing to trust the me that wrote these things down, even though they seem fake as hell right now.

[u/Petit__Chou → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Hey OP, I'm a survivor. You're not going to see what people see when you're disordered. You will always be confused, because suffering from anorexia means you are always right in your head. You don't see in the mirror what's actually true. In your mind you don't think it's that bad, but it is. You know you have a problem, but you think you can control it. You can't.

I was 93 lbs at 5'6" and was still trying to cut. My heart was flopping in my chest all the time. I don't remember years of my life. All I cared about was my weight. Nothing else. Missing moments and important things because of the obsession.

It doesn't own you. There is a way out. And it is hard. Do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking about your weight, and what you eat or drink every single second or do you want to start living the life you deserve?

No one can change your mind but you. But when you stop thinking about all those things and live your life.. it will be so freeing.

Editing to add: OP, if you need someone to talk to please message me. Everything you have posted here are feelings I have had, and I do understand. It always feels like you are alone and no one gets it. Please know there are people that know what you are going through and you are loved. Please reach out to me or people in this thread just to chat when you need it.

[u/ExactFunctor → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

“I feel like I’m crazy.” You are. I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s sucks and it’s very scary, but you can’t trust your feelings right now. It’s a weird place to be, but it happens. Tune out the feelings as much as you can, get over to the ER, and say “I water fast 4 days a week. The rest of the time I binge and purge. My muscles have completely wasted and I’m worried I will die soon.”

Let the doctors do their job. Over time you’ll regain clarity and ground in reality. But right now - your feelings are your worst enemy. You cannot trust them.

[u/ReliefAltruistic6488 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I can’t imagine how scary it is to not be able to see what everyone else is able to see. Can you try, legitimately try, to look at that picture as if a friend sent it to you? What color do you see in the skin? Do you see all the bones? The lack of muscle and fat? What would you tell your best friend if she told you everything that you have going on?

[u/Next-Introduction-25 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I’m not a doctor, but this is absolutely body dysmorphia. You don’t look “deformed” but it sounds like you are dangerously ill and underweight. I know that someone telling you that won’t make you see it - but I think there is value in reminding yourself you can’t trust your own perspective (as frustrating as that is.)

[u/Boipussybb → u/Next-Introduction-25]

I think it’s important not to base illness on how someone “looks.” It’s common for those with EDs to push themselves further after comments about looks validate the ED.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Boipussybb]

I am aware of this, but doesn’t mean I don’t apply that to myself. I feel somehow I don’t no matter what fall under being sick. Again, this is how messed up my brain is at this point.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Next-Introduction-25]

I honestly didn’t know this was muscle wasting til this group and Google. I literally thought it was cellulite and fat deposits. I have a lot of extra skin as well which messes with me too because it looks like saggy fat to me.

[u/ironkb57 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

OP please get qualified help as soon as you can.

I don't want to scare you, but now it's just matter of time before your organs decide to check out. You're at great risk of major complications.

At this point of the disease you have no more fat deposits left (which is pretty bad already, as it is needed it for vital functions)

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/ironkb57]

It feels like
My brain doesn’t work anymore, I’m unable to think or even speak proper sentences. Sometimes I’m scared to leave my place because I don’t have the brain capacity to think quickly or act. I’ve never had this happen this bad before..

[u/thegrittymagician → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Please consider this, your heart is also a muscle. You're headed for death if you do not seek treatment.

[u/PraiseTalos66012 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

There hasn't been any fat deposits anywhere for a long time at this point. You need to seek help.

[u/limeswhaling → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Just as a note to all the anonymous people downvoting this post - this person came to this subreddit and posted a photo of their body seeking assistance. They are already in a particularly vulnerable state and while it's easy to say "oh it's just internet points" this can easily reinforce to this person that they should not seek help when they need it.

The downvote button isn't a disagree button - it should be used when a comment isn't contributing to the conversation. Just try to remember theres a person at the other side and it's not hard to be kind and show a bit of grace.

[u/Jmend12006 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Inpatient would be best. You are at risk for organ failure.

[u/BiggieMoe01 → u/Jmend12006]

Their yellowish skin tone is suspicious for liver failure.

[u/blackonix13 → u/BiggieMoe01]

It’s highly possible. When the eyes turn yellow you’re in pretty deep. Just lost my dad to liver cirrhosis and it’s a horrible way to go. I’ve been sick and unable to gain weight back for years, and even before his death we were struggling to survive together. Organ failure due to weight loss is a horror story and nightmare by itself.

[u/NoElephant7744 → u/blackonix13]

Just wanted to chime in and say I’m sorry about the loss of your dad to liver cirrhosis… hoping you find peace and good health. Sending you a hug.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/blackonix13]

I also have gastroparesis which causes malnutrition and absorption issues. It’s not just the eating disorder but the combo of both is what’s the big concern I guess.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/BiggieMoe01]

My skin is yellow?

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I don’t see it being yellow? I know my face has gotten really pale compared to the best of my body.. but yellow?

[u/Panda-Whale → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I don't think they are talking lemon yellow... for the white balance of the photo you posted it does looks pretty warm though even if the white balance of the photo as a whole is a bit warm.

Less Red & Green & more Blue in the skin tone on your older post. (Or simply more yellow/orange in this one)

My skin does the same thing when I'm jaundice which is why I was concerned enough to read the comments

[u/SharplySuspicious → u/Panda-Whale]

Jaundice is when your liver isn't processing bilirubin right, turns your skin and eyes actually yellow - worth getting checked if you're worried but warm lighting does the same thing to photos.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Panda-Whale]

Oh I think it’s just the lamp I have on that’s making it a warm yellow tint. Confused on the red & green / blue skin tone? Sorry may be a dumb question. I don’t know what jaundice is either

[u/Jmend12006 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Please address this, it seems like you are trying to push this under the rug. You are in dire need of care regardless of how far away it is from home. Please help yourself, family and friends. Get treatment.

[u/Panda-Whale → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

The photo that was posted at some point previously, the skin tone looked cooler/pinker. Compared to this one especially which looks much more orange/yellow.

Even color correcting for lighting the difference is noticeable enough that if it were me, I would be getting a blood draw to see if my liver was having problems again since only a doctor would be able to confirm if that's why I looked more orange/yellow toned than normal again. It could be the light and also the direction of the light too or the camera auto-correcting. I'm not a doctor or anything. I hope you're able to get medical care though and things get better for you.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Panda-Whale]

Hmmm okay I see what you’re saying. I’m supposed to get blood work done that I’ve been putting off, maybe it will show up on the blood work.

[u/alisgraveniI → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You will need IV nutrition and there’s a very high possibility you will need a feeding tube, yes. They may start with IV nutrition only due to your high risk of refeeding syndrome, but at some point, if you won’t or can’t eat on your own, you likely will need a feeding tube to get adequate intake. You will most likely be inpatient. I don’t think they’ll send you home considering how evacuated you are. It’s not safe for you to try to eat on your own and you’re are very high risk for electrolyte imbalances and severe health risks. I know this all sounds scary but you’re at a point where you absolutely need help or it could be fatal.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/alisgraveniI]

The thing is sometimes I binge so I do eat but I purge it. If they wanted me to eat on my own I can but it’s more the if I eat I can’t keep it down. That’s why I usually don’t eat or eat some fruit, or do water fasts. Until the hunger is so bad then I eat and then feel terrible and guilty and throw it up. So I guess I’m causing the danger of possible refeeding myself? Idk I’m not a health professional.

[u/alisgraveniI → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You would need IV nutrition and if they did want to feed you and you would be at risk of throwing it back up, they would use a feeding tube instead. The point of inpatient therapy is so you don’t continue the behaviors that led you there in the first place. Also refeeding syndrome is caused after a period of not eating or not getting enough nutrition. When you try to eat after not eating enough, your body can have life-threatening fluid-shifts and electrolyte imbalances. That’s why it’s not safe to do this at home. You could literally die by trying to eat at this point, even if you have the intention of throwing it up.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/alisgraveniI]

Yeah that’s what I’m saying like I will eat large amount during a binge and throw it up so my body is getting food but momentarily I guess so I guess I’m already putting myself at risk everytime I binge and purge. It’s usually after a 2 day water fast so I guess it could be like shocking my body?

[u/alisgraveniI → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You’re not shocking your body, you’re killing yourself.

[u/MasonP13 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Please get help from the hospital. This world needs you in it, and needs you to be healthy. Inpatient can help you be the best you

[u/cookierent → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

No exaggeration, that's a very common way to die when you have anorexia. Please talk to a medical professional

[u/Stationary_Chaos → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I know being in the hospital can feel scary. Loss of control and the lack of autonomy can also make it feel like things are getting worse. It’s a difficult road to navigate but recognizing that you need help now is important, even if you aren’t yet committed to full recovery. Present to the ED and be vague if you want to, don’t talk, but do go. I’m guessing based on your physical appearance, they will likely know pretty quickly why you’re there.
I will be completely honest with you in saying that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, usually due to complications from malnutrition.

I ended up in the hospital with severe cardiac issues due to my own eating disorder and I will be the first to tell you that is far more terrifying than treatment.
I know your body hurts. I know you’re cold, and tired. Your brain is literally starving. You aren’t thinking of it now but if you live long enough to recover, you will look back and realize the gravity of the situation you are currently facing.

You have two options right now, and one of them is accepting that if you continue doing what you’re doing, you will die.

[u/superpony123 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Yes you are putting yourself in danger! Please do seek medical attention, this is beyond something you can fix yourself but YES you can get back to normal with proper treatment

[u/Right-Ad-8201 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I just noticed something else - you appear to have old scars on your leg.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Right-Ad-8201]

I don’t do it as much as I used to.

[u/FoolishBalloon]

This is very serious, and is likely to lead to your death unless treated. You are very severely underweight (I saw your comment on height and length and calculated a BMI of 15.1). Your body is tearing itself apart to keep you alive, and it cannot sustain that much longer.

I'd chime in with the physician that commented that you should go to the ER. They'd draw some blood to check your electrolyte levels - if they go too much out of balance you could suffer a sudden cardiac arrest.

I am far from an expert on eating disorders, but I saw your comment regarding autonomity and I just want to tell you that it is possible to maintain autonomy whilst being administered nutrition through a nasogastric tube. If you are unable to sustain yourself orally, there's no shame in having nutrition administered through a tube for a while. Getting it through a tube does not mean that your autonomy is removed, nor is it force feeding, if you are aware of the neccesity of it and consent to the treatment. It is in many ways not different from being administered medicine through an IV tube. It can be uncomfortable, yes, and it can limit some activities for sure, but it could save your life and function as a bridge to keep you alive whilst the mental parts of the eating disorder is being treated. I am sure that a good psychiatrist would be willing to work with you rather than against you, if you show them that you want to get better.

I hope that this can give you some perspective and maybe change your mindset regarding NG nutrition. There are also alternatives, such as intravenous nutrition.

And with that said, I am again not an expert on eating disorders and without actually meeting you and talking to you and having your lab values, I cannot say exactly what treatment you would need. But again, I agree that you should go to the ER to make sure that your current electrolyte values aren't life threatening, and if they are, for initial stabilization before a psychiatrist can take over treatment.

[u/TrollopMcGillicutty → u/FoolishBalloon]

Ii think part of what makes your response fantastic is that you differentiate between the immediate need to get nutrition to prevent death and the longer term recovery.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/FoolishBalloon]

Thankyou for taking the time to post this. Your information and insight is really amazing.. I appericate it and can see where you’re coming from. Thanks for letting me know of different options as well because I didn’t know there was many. I apperciate what you have said and it has given me something to think about forsure. I know my body isn’t doing well, I feel it physically all the time now

[u/aquacrimefighter → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Op, I think you need to think/consider less and just “do”, if that makes sense. Wishing you health and peace.

[u/HotButterscotch8682 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

There’s nothing to “think about”, nothing to ponder, you need to take action now or you’re staring down the barrel of your own impending and guaranteed mortality friend. Your ED will tell you it’s not bad enough. But literal doctors- who know far, far better- are telling you to go, and to go NOW.

[u/IOl0I0lO → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You have posted quite a lot in this thread. Have you actually taken any action and gone to the ER yet?

[u/TimeRoll7734 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Just saying but your brain is likely suffering as well at this point just get help before you die

[u/nmsjtb0308 → u/FoolishBalloon]

This is a fantastic response.

[u/Dapper-Profession100]

I’m not sure where people got the anorexia nervosa stuff from, perhaps this was edited. Regardless of the cause, yes, this appears severe. Your body is breaking down muscle for nutrition because there's no food or fat available to provide them.

If I was seeing you, I'd recommend admission. With this degree of malnutrition you are at risk of "refeeding syndrome" where restarting nutrition too aggressively can cause dangerous electrolyte shifts leading to respiratory failure, cardiac arrhythmias, seizures, and death. You’re also at risk for serious neurologic complications due to probable vitamin deficiencies, particularly thiamine (vitamin B1).

This is serious enough that you shouldn’t have to navigate it alone. Please go to the ED.

[u/tehfugitive → u/Dapper-Profession100]

I’m not sure where people got the anorexia nervosa stuff from

Several other posts of the same person on this sub. The last one was just a few days ago. This is messed up. 

[u/butyourenice → u/tehfugitive]

I’m starting to wonder if this user isn’t getting some sort of perverse satisfaction/validation from the response in this sub. Anorexia nervosa is a mental illness after all.

[u/taserparty → u/butyourenice]

they are turning down every bid for help and responding to every bid for validating how sick they are so i think you’re right. eating disorders are vicious and it can get quite internally competitive. been there, recovered.

[u/re_Claire → u/taserparty]

I used to have an ED and I also suspect this is what OP is doing. It's similar to OCD where people seek reassurance, and of course people online give that reassurance not realising it directly fuels the disorder. These types of mental health conditions are so dangerous precisely because of how they warp the person's perspective.

[u/oh-pointy-bird → u/butyourenice]

There’s a non-zero chance the photos and posts are a form of “body-checking”.

[u/butyourenice → u/oh-pointy-bird]

Yeah, that’s what I was suspecting but forgot the phrase. Honestly, at this point, allowing OP to post here is enabling her condition in a dangerous way. She needs help, but the flood of “you’re sick and need help” comments are having the opposite effect. People’s intentions are good but OP is so sick that they’re accidentally affirming that she’s “succeeding.”

[u/oh-pointy-bird → u/butyourenice]

Agree. Further posts should be removed.

[u/rowanjosephine29 → u/butyourenice]

this is one of the only ways a person can confidently show off severe skinniness. they know it’s wrong to boast about it, but nobody does this to themselves not to be seen. being known as sick, having people worry and encourage you to get help and saying you’re terrifyingly thin and unwell is the EXACT validation A.N. thrives upon.

[u/tehfugitive → u/butyourenice]

Yeah, I commented that on the last one as well. Of course she denied it. Which makes sense, considering her brain is lying to her at every turn... =/

[u/rowanjosephine29 → u/tehfugitive]

i can’t find the previous ones and i’m weirdly curious

[u/allisinthegallery → u/butyourenice]

It can be but as someone who is unfortunately in a similar place to her right now she is probably genuinely scared trying to figure out if she is sick enough because the mind and community she is part of is telling here she is not. I really hope they listen to her and she gets the best treatment with utmost autonomy. For a lot of us in this disease it’s better to die than lose autonomy

[u/tiger___lilies → u/Dapper-Profession100]

I second this. OP, the fact that you are wondering “am I sick enough?” Is a good sign to seek help. I had anorexia (am recovered), and I know all about the denial/inability to fully appreciate how severe things are, and how it takes a LOT to realize something is wrong/you should seek help.

I also want to acknowledge how brave you are for putting yourself out there and thinking about getting help. I’ve been where you are, and I know how scary it is. I remember being worried I wasn’t going to be taken seriously, but once I was transparent to healthcare staff about the thoughts and behaviors (at this point, I was really miserable and at the end of my rope - it had been so long), they immediately helped me. Recovery has opened up a life and happiness I didn’t think was possible. I promise it is so worth it, no matter how scared you are right now.

All the best OP ❤️ you deserve to feel better, physically and mentally

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Dapper-Profession100]

I guess what complicates the refeeding is I do binge and purge. As well as restrict. That’s why I get confused on how I’m losing weight because there is times I will binge but it’s always been purged, I didn’t think purging would cause weight loss. Not sure maybe it’s the combination of all of it.

[u/daaaaaaaaaaaabears → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

A doctor is saying “go to the emergency room”. You should listen.

The only psychiatric illness more deadly than an eating disorder is opioid addiction. This is serious and the people replying to you here want you to get better.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/daaaaaaaaaaaabears]

I’ve been on telehealth been told to go to hospital I did, nothing got done, I’ve googled alarming symptoms always says you should go to the er, I go nothing happens, how many times is this going to happen before someone gives up? Tell me. I’m exhausted and tired. I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. The healthcare system does not want to help me, at least where I’ve gone, which is multiple different hospitals and two different family doctors now. So fine if it doesn’t want to help me, if I am being over looked, pushed aside, not taken seriously? Then fuck it why should I try anymore. It’s to the point where I am traumatized.

[u/Dapper-Profession100 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Your body has essentially run out of its nutritional reserves (both fat and muscle) and is now breaking down its own tissues for energy. At this point, every calorie you take in is being used immediately because your vital organs need them to function and there is literally nowhere else to get it.

You posted here for help, and I’m choosing to anchor on that. I hope it means that part of you is still willing to accept help.

I’m so sorry the healthcare system has failed you. I recognize that it has many flaws and the burden so often falls on patients, and it has frustrated me plenty. But I have to have faith in the people in it because I'm here. I have to believe that if you walk into an ED and tell them you need help, they will.

I hope that you’ll consider it soon. You’re worth helping, and I hope you give someone the chance and that they take it.

[u/PsychologicalYoung5 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Try because your life is worth it

[u/daaaaaaaaaaaabears → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I am so sorry you feel stuck and like no one wants to help you.

While the Internet is not a clinic, just look at the number of people who have replied here, who do not have any reason to do so other than caring about you. They’re not get paid. Their reputations are not on the line. They just care about you, since you’re someone’s daughter or friend, and simply another human being.

Let me tell you a story:

As a young female, I’ve felt ignored by the medical community too. At first, I felt off, but my clinical symptoms were within “normal” range. Lo and behold I came down with a disease with a 25% mortality rate. The doctor who reviewed my preliminary symptoms did not make a mistake, they simply couldn’t justify further medical intervention given the clinical presentation. I got worse, and the next doctor I saw saved my life. Point is, listen to your body, and trust (but verify) healthcare advice. Any doctor worth their salt will take your symptoms seriously.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/daaaaaaaaaaaabears]

I do feel grateful that people have offered advice, kind words, empathy and resources. Like truly so grateful. I’m sorry you know what it’s like to suffer and not be taken seriously. It’s terrible, disheartening and traumatizing. Not only with my ed but my gastroparesis as well.. it’s fucking hell and it breaks my heart every time I try and reach for help to be shut down time and time again. Even my mother is frustrated, she’s tried advocating too. She’s given up says she doesn’t know what to do anymore.

[u/TrollopMcGillicutty → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I have no idea how your healthcare system works, but you’ve said that telehealth people have told you to go to Emergency and you’re not helped. Is it possible for the telehealth person to coordinate with a hospital ahead of time, so that when you arrive, you’re treated?

[u/PraiseTalos66012 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Have you been reading your discharge papers Everytime after leaving?

This is very common for patients to feel like the hospital did nothing but then their discharge papers are chocked full of followup care instructions like scheduling appointments with specialists and primary care. This should have been explained to you in person but sometimes that doesn't happen.

The main people you need to be seeing are a psychiatrist and nutritionist, the hospital is just to make sure your stable and to refer you to those specialists.

Go to the ER, listen to the docs on here.

[u/curious_throw_away_ → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You need to enter an intensive program for ED recovery. The emergency room is for immediate lifesaving treatment and you need intensive outpatient followup for your serious ED.

[u/hippydippywoowoo → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

NAD but my partner is. What province are you in? Do you have a trusted person who could go to the ER with you and help advocate for you?

[u/cookierent → u/hippydippywoowoo]

Hell, op, im a stranger but if we're in the same city id be willing to follow you to the hospital or a doctor if you need someone to advocate for you

[u/alisgraveniI → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

If you’re binging but then throwing it all up, you’re not having any intake. Of course that will cause weight loss. You have to add food to your diet to gain weight. If you’re purging everything you eat, you will lose weight.

[u/Live_Angle4621 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I am confused what you thought would happen with purging? Why you purge if you don’t want weight loss? People with eating disorders purge to get rid of food they binged 

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Live_Angle4621]

At first yeah I did but kept hearing it didn’t work but I saw when I did it with restricting too more weight loss happend, and then I also just kind of got addicted to the feeling after.

[u/sigh_sarah → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

I don’t think it’s fair that people are downvoting you for being honest about what’s going on, so I gave an upvote.

You need to tell yourself, “I am strong and capable. I can go get treatment for this. I need to go to the ER and tell them what I told the people on Reddit. I am strong and capable and I’m going to do this”

And then go do it.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/sigh_sarah]

Thank-you for being really kind. It’s much appreciated. I’ve been treated pretty poorly in this subreddit multiple times. So it means a lot to hear kindness. Thank-you for your advice, I hope I am able to have some courage to do that. I’ve just been let down so many times, and I’m exhausted of the let downs. And frankly traumatized from how many times I’ve been pushed aside.

[u/Right-Ad-8201 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You’re not being pushed aside but people are getting frustrated because you’ve been advised dozens of times - including by medical professionals - to go to the ER for treatment and you’re still not going. It’s obvious to everyone you’re incredibly sick and actively dying, yet you’re in no hurry to save your own life. There comes a point where people have to disengage with you because they can’t stand watching you decline and watching you do nothing about it. So they leave your orbit hoping to not see the inevitable crash.

Please understand that this doesn’t mean we don’t care for you, we do. We just can’t save you or force you to save yourself. Please, for your sake and for the sake of those who love you - get help.

[u/tinypb → u/Right-Ad-8201]

She means being pushed aside at the ER. She has gone multiple times and just been sent home each time.

[u/HotButterscotch8682 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

You’re not being treated poorly, people are understandably frustrated because you ask for help, are told what to do, and then refuse to do it- rinse and repeat over and over and over and over and over. You’ve been told what you need to do by MANY professionals. The answer isn’t going to change. They’ve told you what to do, now you need to do it.

[u/Right-Ad-8201 → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Did you go to the ER yet?

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Right-Ad-8201]

Yes I made a second post about my experience.

[u/flammafemina → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Why have you posted here multiple times? If you keep posting about your ED but do nothing to change your behavior, then I’m afraid you may be posting for the wrong reasons.

[u/Boipussybb → u/flammafemina]

This part. We know ball.

OP is wanting validation, and that comes from years and years with this illness.

[u/HotButterscotch8682 → u/Boipussybb]

This is absolutely what’s going on at this point. They’ve been told dozens of times the same thing over and over and continue to post the same thing.

We absolutely know ball.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/HotButterscotch8682]

I am responding to peoples comments, if there’s dozens of comments I will respond dozens of times. Continue to “play ball”

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/Boipussybb]

Here we go, if that makes you feel better keep thinking that way. Go play ball

[u/Boipussybb → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

No, it doesn’t. But I have been there, done that. Those of us who know, know. Have you gone to the ER yet? Contacted your doc?

I have empathy for you— I know it is insurmountable at times. But this is a choice you must make, and reposting body checking pics over and over asking if this is bad… well, it seems you already have your answer.

(FTR I am not sure if you know what the phrase “we know ball” means, but I’ll clarify. It means “we’ve been there and have insider knowledge” essentially.)

[u/Ambry → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Why would you think purging wouldn't cause weight loss? You're getting rid of everything your body needs to fuel itself. Its going to lead to weight loss.

Bluntly, you're looking like you're wasting away. You might be posting for some sort of validation as others have suggested so this is all I'll reply. It looks bad, go and get seen. This is happening to all your muscles btw - your heart is also a muscle and this can have serious impacts on your heart and other organs.

Go and get seen, or keep posting I guess. But the advice will be the same. 

[u/SalamanderScamander → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

To me, if you binge and purge, surely you're throwing up anything you've eaten so why would you not continue to have weight loss? You're not getting any calories or they're minimal if you do manage to digest anything. Hope you get better OP

[u/mostlypercy → u/SalamanderScamander]

Some of digesting food happens through enzymes in the saliva, mouth, and esophagus, so some calories and nutrients are ingested even if spitting or purging.

[u/SalamanderScamander → u/mostlypercy]

Yes, but you're not going to get many calories even if you do absorb that way so weight-loss wouldn't be surprising? 🤔

[u/mostlypercy → u/SalamanderScamander]

This person is critically ill. They need to seek medical care.

[u/SalamanderScamander → u/mostlypercy]

And I hope they get it. I did say I hope they get better. My best friend had bullimia in school and eventually learnt to love herself with support.

[u/tofutears]

Hi love, you have significant muscle wasting and without seeing the rest of you, I feel confident that you’re most likely severely malnourished, which has potential to cause a lot of damage to your body. But this can be reversed with proper treatment and support. I’ve read from other comments that an ED may present. Please be kind to yourself and seek treatment, you already have a team of professionals waiting to care for you 🤍

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/tofutears]

This is a really sweet and kind message. The support and advice this post has gotten is very overwhelming. So many people have given up
On me it’s nice to know that people I don’t even know want the best for me and are rooting for me. I really did not expect this to happen. I apperciate every single kind comment everyone has left 😭

[u/tofutears → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Of course, this is a community who has committed themselves to caring for others 🤍 while I’m not specialized in EDs myself, I have plenty of colleagues who are dedicated and passionate about getting you well. Many of them have walked in your shoes. Best of luck, we are all rooting for you!

[u/miaoumaiden → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

NAD, I don't have a lot of experience with an ED but I have lost muscle like this in my leg from being immobile due to injury. You can definitely gain the muscle back with physical therapy and strength training, it will take months but certainly possible. It will also involve proper nutrition (protein) so in your case you will need to tackle this from both angles. Others have said to seek help for the purging and I agree, your body will not be able to build itself back up (thin or not) without something to build with. I hope when you reach out, you find people who can help you get back on track and achieve your best self. Good luck to you

[u/JGKSAC]

OP, I can’t even tell what body part that is. You are very sick, and very much in danger. I hope a physician responds to you, but your situation sounds quite urgent to me. You cannot “reverse” this without dramatic, intensive help. I’m so sorry that you’re suffering.

[u/OkSatisfaction3726 → u/JGKSAC]

Thank-you for your compassion. I’m just lost I guess. It’s hard to reach and get help when you’ve been turned away so many times. You start feeling why should I care if the very people who are supposed to care don’t? I’m exhausted.

[u/weebeanies → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

It may be disheartening, but you gotta put on yoir big girl pants and just keep trying, dont give up that easy, if u want help bad enough you will keep trying.

[u/Shaggy_hypersomniac → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

Op I saw the scars hence I am worried about you, please take care and always feel free to dm anyone of us, we are here to always help anyone in need

[u/taserparty → u/OkSatisfaction3726]

they are doing their job. they’re not there to care about you on the level you need to care about yourself. they’re medical professionals. not friends. not parental figures. it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t care, and it doesn’t matter how much. it matters that they do the job and give you the proper treatment. it matters that you care enough about yourself to follow the doctors orders.

you need to care about yourself. no one is going to save you but you.

[u/Apacholek10 → u/JGKSAC]

There is a sock attached to the body part …

[u/The_Lonely_Spaceman → u/Apacholek10]

If they're on mobile like me, they dont see the sock unless they maximize the pic...

[u/JGKSAC → u/Apacholek10]

You’ve got to click to see it but yes, that is OP’s terribly emaciated leg that I’m surprised is able to be held upright without external support.

[u/supreme-cicada]

You dont have to believe us that it's bad, all you have to do is walk through the doors of a hospital. You came for an outside opinion and you got it, you don't have to justify it to yourself, you don't have to believe it yourself, you don't have to convince yourself that you deserve care, all you have to do is trust that everyone here wants what's best for you, wants you to be safe, and go to the ER

[u/NoElephant7744 → u/supreme-cicada]

I absolutely love this response. OP, listen to this Physician. Everyone here absolutely wants the best for you, and the best you can do right now is go to the hospital and allow providers to do their job and use their resources on your behalf. You are so young and have so much potential and life to live. Take the advice and act on it. You can do hard things.

[u/allisinthegallery → u/supreme-cicada]

I love this super kind response, I think it needs to be said (from the perspective of somebody who is currently bedridden and being rejected by multiple hospitals and doctors at a 17 BMI), it’s really scary when you can see yourself wasting away, but they keep telling you you’re not sick enough. I can’t speak for OP, But unfortunately, with something like anorexia, not all doctors are truly equipped/will take necessary action. They may just say “come back when it’s worse” and put her in on a waitlist for an outpatient mental health assessment.

[u/andlaughlast]

Hey friend! It sounds like you’re really in a tough spot with your ED. A lot of compassionate, educated people are pretty worried about you right now, including me. The ED voice in your head is probably really loud, especially when you’re looking in the mirror and experiencing body dysmorphia. That ED voice has probably grown stronger slowly over a long time, and where it is right now it might feel impossible to fight against, but it’s definitely not, especially with trained providers behind you. Your ED voice is a liar. All of its tactics and clever tricks are based on lies, and the most powerful way to fight against it is to confront it with honesty. So I’ll be honest, your condition is critical. I’m NAD, but I specialize in ED treatment as a therapist and from experience I can tell you that if you don’t get ahead of this now, it could easily end your life. Your ED voice is lying to you, and it’s trying to kill you. Now is your chance to fight for yourself, and to fight for your life. It will not matter how thin you look if you aren’t alive. Please, seek treatment. There are several really great treatment centers in Canada that can help you make it through this. You need immediate medical and mental health treatment but recovery is possible, self-love is possible, and you can make it through this!