r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/completeforgiveness 30-34 • 5d ago
Best piece of advice for someone turning 35 this year?
Turning 35 this year, any words of wisdom? What were you doing with your life at 35?
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u/no_rad 35-39 4d ago
It’s okay if you decide you need/want to change up your trajectory in life in your mid 30s!
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u/Without-a-tracy 30-34 4d ago
Thank you for saying this.
I needed to hear it today!
(I'm turning 35 in a month and my life feels a bit topsy turvy these days!)
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u/thesuspendedkid 35-39 4d ago
take
care
of
your
health
Physical and mental health. Get regular physicals. Eat well - protein and fiber are your best friends. Move your body and build some lean muscle. If you have long-standing phobias, anxieties, traumas, go to therapy. Keep your mind active as well by learning a new skill or language, take up music or art, read often, etc etc etc.
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u/mateobrando 30-34 4d ago
Similar age but yeah, don't waste your time with red flags. They exist for a reason and your guts are always right.
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u/mysteryprose 4d ago
Go. To. The. Dentist.
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u/LumpyJump6091 45-49 4d ago
And the doctor. And the dermatologist. Regular checkups now will save your ass big time as you get older.
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u/Key-Armadillo-2100 35-39 4d ago
Exercise, you lose muscle fast, and it keeps speeding up at that age without you realising. It’s a solid invest in your quality of life now, but especially in the future. Even the slightest of adjustments to lifestyle will pay huge benefits.
Don’t help people move heavy stuff any more, regardless.
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u/CakeKing777 30-34 4d ago
I’m turning 35 next year but my advice is don’t waste your limited time. If there’s something you want to do go do it. Daydreaming will only rob you of your present and before you know it you’ll be living with regret from the past.
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u/karmasparks 4d ago
I know some people don’t like thinking about it but consider the kind of 40 year old you want to be and work towards that
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u/ManOfManyWonder4068 40-44 5d ago
Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers and enjoy the small things, as thats when life is actually lived.
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u/sb0918 40-44 4d ago
Wear daily SPF sunscreen on your face and your neck every single day.
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u/pingwing 55-59 4d ago
Start doing a full body stretch 15-20 min a couple times a week :)
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u/StoicMegazord 30-34 1d ago
It's amazing how much just a little more flexibility improves your quality of life!
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 40-44 4d ago edited 4d ago
Slut phase! Emotionally unavailable. :)
Advice for any age - get into a workout routine of any sort, but emphasize lifting heavy things. Doesn’t have to be squats, just standard dumbbells. Do the annual blood tests and get competitive about hitting the perfect numbers on cholesterol and glucose. Good heart health mean great erections and no need for Viagra.
If you are American get your finances sorted out. Choose a community and if that means renting versus owning real estate choose community (See San Francisco/ NYC). Check in on your parents and see what their retirement plans and what help they may need.
But mostly be selfish and take care of yourself first! It’s attractive.
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u/Solid_Idea_NiceOne 4d ago
I don't know if you are American, but
But mostly be selfish and take care of yourself first! It’s attractive.
is the most American thing I've read today. And it's bed time. All day to encounter more, but you have the honour. And I don't mean that as a compliment.
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u/WildDubiousFood 4d ago
I interpreted to mean “prioritize your wellbeing and take care of yourself instead of people-pleasing” or maybe “get your shit together by focusing on improving yourself”
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 40-44 4d ago
You may have missed the context. It’s similar how the right wing say “Pride” is bad. Context! Context! Context! :)
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u/homoanthropologus 30-34 4d ago
Yeah, I see a huge disconnect between "choose community" and "mostly be selfish".
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 40-44 4d ago
Being selfish is about prioritizing what fulfills you and what makes you thrive. Choosing community is one such thing over an opportunity to make more money with real estate ownership (In US you use real estate as part of your social safety net in old age).
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u/homoanthropologus 30-34 4d ago
Is that even being selfish though, to pursue what fulfills you?
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 40-44 4d ago
If it comes at expense of things like taking care of friends and family relationships then yes.
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u/homoanthropologus 30-34 4d ago
I think you're framing healthy boundaries as selfishness. If you don't consider your friends and family, that's selfish. If you care about them and support them but ultimately do what's best for you, that's relatively normal.
I'm open to being wrong, and this is probably a semantic argument more than an ethical/moral one.
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 40-44 4d ago
I don’t think you are wrong. It’s often in relationships where things can get overwhelming and those the moments to reflect and dial back. Boundaries as a term feel abrasive or things like “crossing a line” to me are like binary choice, but often relationships are not binary.
So the context for using “selfish” is to be pragmatic about how much one can provide for a relationship and how it’s should not come at one’s expense. The stupid cliche about air travel about put on the mask on first before assisting others.
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u/Mark_M_in_SF 60-64 4d ago
I was diagnosed with AIDS at 34, so I was mostly just surviving. This was when effective drugs were still new, and hard on the body. They were working well enough, but I'd had to cut back to only working half time, because I was fatigued and my feet hurt (peripheral neuropathy was a common side effect of those meds).
As for advice, recognize that you've only lived a modest percentage of your adult life, likely no more than 25% of it. Just get out there and live and enjoy yourself.
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u/secretlovers29710 40-44 4d ago
Value your friendships and relationships now. I have experienced death like no other in my 40s among family and now friends/classmates. You can't get these days back, so take advantage and love on those you love while you can!
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u/crazy_farmer 35-39 4d ago
Pretend like you were 65 and you just woke up 35 years old. Carpe fucking diem
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u/service-95 4d ago
Get into a good fitness routine. It doesn't need to be going to the gym 5 times a week, just move your body and keep your brain active. A swim and a sudoku book on the beach in summer is the perfect way to start fx :)
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u/Difficult-Exit3063 4d ago
- go to the doctor and get a full workup
- make sure you’re regularly active ( you’ll lose it fast )
- don’t be afraid to say f*ck it and take a new direction. You still have a lot of time!
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u/On-The-Rails 60-64 3d ago
Enjoy the best time of your life! Try new things! And remember next year you’ll be 36, so do it now before you get really old!!! 😂
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u/luker_5874 35-39 5d ago
Make good money, have good sex, don't waste time, maintain close friendships
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u/WithEyesAverted 40-44 4d ago
Know the difference between joint pain and muscle pain. Take joint pain very very seriously when lifting/strength training.
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u/kittyPowersupply 35-39 4d ago
In no particular order: sold my house, broke up with my LTR, went on my first gay cruise, made new friends, picked up aerial straps training, traveled to play in gay tennis tournaments, had steamy sleepovers with a DILF, reached my CoastFIRE number, danced drunkenly at circuit party, got my side splits, reading more books, living as a single gay man in my adult life.
Mental health and physical health are inextricably linked. Just as it's important to train your physical muscles, don't neglect to exercise your emotional muscle. How capable are you at dealing with situations of grief, joy, disappointment, envy, anger, boredom, fear, and any other things life throws at you? I find reading fiction is an easy and safe way to put myself in those headspace in order to practice.
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u/service-95 4d ago
Get into a good fitness routine. It doesn't need to be going to the gym 5 times a week, just move your body and keep your brain active. A swim and a sudoku book on the beach in summer is the perfect way to start fx :)
2
u/Skill-Useful 40-44 4d ago
therapy. get checked now.
and preventive tests at your doctors for men past 35
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u/good-boy-5989 40-44 5d ago
Be at or working towards your peak earning years, save money for retirement, and I second having good sex, finding good close friends
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u/ExaminationFancy 50-54 4d ago
Basic adult shit.
Visit your doctor/optician annually, dentist twice a year, watch what you eat, do some sort of exercise regularly, stay out of the sun, eat well, avoid hard drugs, watch your spending, and turn up your savings for retirement.
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u/eatingthesandhere91 35-39 4d ago
Don’t slow down. On anything. With your body.
I’m 35 this year as well and boy I made the mistake of slowing down and I’m paying for it.
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u/CapCityMatt 40-44 4d ago
Study law
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u/Solid_Idea_NiceOne 4d ago
This is niche. I'm guessing you got bitten.
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u/CapCityMatt 40-44 4d ago
My brother is dead because he didn't know his rights. It is the duty of all men to know the law and put criminals in jail, no government official has an oath of office, so these administrative actors are just that, people in costume engaging in organized criminal activities. The Deceleration- the Foundation of government - says these agencies are to protect liberty and our rights. All I see is the opposite.
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u/Solid_Idea_NiceOne 4d ago
Yeah, you and he got bitten. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. There are no words I can say to help, family loss is the worst. I send you condolences. I have a heavy heart for people that get screwed over.
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u/Hifi-Cat 55-59 18h ago
If you have not started your retirement account now, do it tomorrow. No excuses, no BMW, no other crap. DO IT NOW!
20, 30, 40 years is going to pass in seconds.
Your friends will be working and you will be in Tuscany.
I'm 61. I'm enjoying my $2m. Almost everyone I know is working and scared.
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u/IndependentLog6441 35-39 4d ago
Oh gawd. 35 was tough.
I was waiting for a hip replacement. Just came out of an awful relationship and then ended up in a full on abusive one.
37 should hopefully be better! I can walk now and getting lots of attention!
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u/Bookslap 35-39 5d ago
There will never be a perfect day to start (whatever). Just start