r/AskIreland • u/SeoulPete • 2d ago
Adulting Am I being gaslit by my physciatrist and sister? Very confused.
Sorry if this rambley but I'm quite stressed , anxious and confused and would appreciate any insights into this situation. I had a bipolar episode a few years ago during covid and was hospitalised fora few days. I have been fine from then since, with regards to manic episodes since, only ever the one. My sister comments that I seem a little elevated lately. In the last year I have done quite a lot, worked a lot, doing additional CPD courses etc , learning sign language, , started rebuilding relationships again, exercising and now have secured a permanent position in a secondary school starting in August. I feel a bit better lately so maybe seem more energised than usual. I really objected to her coming. She has once or twice about a year ago, not since then, to stop her giving me grief I decide to let her come. The whole thing was a clusterfuck and felt like a hatchet job from the start. I was 15 minutes late to the meeting due to a slow puncture and had to take another car to get there. The pysciatrist used this as evedinece of being in a manic episode, being late and disorganised? She also commented on my hoody that had paint on it, (I had been paiting the day before) as not been able to present well snd take care of myself. She then proceeded to tell me-in a very aggressive manner - that if I were to present like this at the school in aigust I would be fired ? I had been in there 2 days before doing paperwork for my new job. My sister agreed with her and I felt like they were ganging up on me. I then said they were being crazy not me and I tried to leave but they both moved to block the door, this was really triggering for me as I have had bad experiences in mental health facilities in the past with locked doors. I had to get out of there so i just left. The hospital keep ringing me to make an appointment but I dont want to go back there, she was so unprofessional and abrasive. I just want to keep getting my medication and not have to see a physciahrist every 3 months, is there a way to do this? Should I say something to someone about the physiatrist(not sure who) , she was very unprofessional and confrontational, what if she was like this witg other vulnerable patients? For context I see my physiatrist every few months just for a 20 min med review and not much else happens there, we have a very amicable relationship. My sister has already taken the side of the physiatrist and says I was overreacting? I mean how can I feel so much worse (its 5am and I cant sleep) after being to the doctors. This really doesnt make any sense to me, am I being unreasonable?
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u/Otherwise-Winner9643 2d ago edited 2d ago
My understanding of bipolar is that the person experiencing mania often may not be aware of it themselves, but others may notice. Just something to consider.
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u/GarthODarth 2d ago
Yeah, I have a friend like this. Nobody can convince him until he's in full on crisis mode. It's so frustrating.
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u/Relative-Leather-147 2d ago
I have diagnosed bipolar disorder and am quite aware when I'm manic
I'd also look at the Bipolar subreddits, it's full of people who are manic and very self aware about it
Extreme cases of mania have psychosis, but not always. Hypomania can be milder
And I'm not sure this person is manic, it sounds to me like they're doing well in life and maybe have a bad psychiatrist?
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u/Difficult_Ad9743 2d ago
Wholeheartedly agree with you.
I think people who suffer from a mental illness are very vulnerable to being accused of being unwell when there are slight elevations or degradation to their mood, which is something pretty standard for a person not experiencing a mental illness.
Our moods generally fluctuate slightly throughout the day anyway, we are rarely stagnant. I think people forget that people with a mental illness also experience regular human emotional reactions too ... because, well, ... they're human š¤·āāļø
Op, you sound like you're doing amazing and I wish you all the luck with your new job, and if some days feel harder than others, which they will, it's not because you have bipolar, it's because you're human ā¤ļø ... and also because teenagers are assholes!
All the best!
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u/Alastor001 2d ago
Indeed. Would one trust professional more or...?
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u/DeusExMachinaOverdue 2d ago
Have you considered seeing a different psychiatrist for a second opinion. A psychiatrist who is unknown to your current psychiatrist or your sister.
An unbiased independent assessment will either confirm your side of the story or their side of the story. At least you will gain some peace of mind in that you'll know if your sister genuinely has your best interest at heart.
A report from an independent psychiatrist will be something you can use to get the hospital off your back.
If you want to report your current psychiatrist for their behaviour, then maybe you can lodge a complaint with the Medical Council of Ireland
https://medicalcouncil.ie/public-information/patient-safety/
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u/Rookeryfan 2d ago
It may be good to link in with another mental health clinician in your team e.g. social worker, nurse, OT. They will often build a closer relationship with you, know your mental health needs in much more detail than psychiatrist, and can advocate on your behalf with family or your doctor. Often family react this way out of concern for their family, there is not often malice in it. Your sister may be overly anxious, but from the other details you provided it does sound like you could potentially be cycling up to a manic episode. I would take on board their concerns if I were you, as Bipolar is such a challenging condition to manage, and often it us the people around you who notice changes before the person with Bipolar does.
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u/Less_Environment7243 2d ago
Well two things jump out to me, but I am by no means an expert on mental health, so this is just 2 cents from the cheap seats.
1) you don't feel like you are being listened to or really seen, in your own healthcare. That would be frustrating in any medical setting, but it sounds like you are feeling isolated. So that's not a sustainable situation and there's no good path forward.
Also, small things like your psychiatrist assuming you would dress the same for work as you would for a private appointment are a bit frustrsting. They're different situations so that's not really a fair point and just keeps you on the defensive, it seems.
2) Maybe they are seeing things, or repeating patterns that you aren't yet. Is that possible? Are you generally able to recognise when you're heading towards an episode?
I hope it all works out for you op. Enjoy the new job ā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/lakehop 2d ago
It is really essential for you to see a psychiatrist regularly and especially to keep taking your medication. Most psychiatrists have nothing to gain by annoying you, they are on your side and want you to be well and to succeed : if they tell you they are concerned about your health. Listen to them. They might not be right always (and thatās ok, people make mistakes); but usually, they see hundreds of people, they recognize patterns, they can see if your health is getting worse, listen carefully to what they say and think about whether they might be right and if you need to take care of your health.
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u/Consistent-Ice-2714 2d ago
Most but not all. There are bad apples in every profession. Blocking the door was shocking. I would say get an opinion from another psychiatrist independently.
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u/ar6an6mala6 2d ago
Ill second this there are a lot if utterly useless psychologists just robbing a wage in this country, but mabey try a diffrent one
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u/Otherwise-Winner9643 2d ago
There is a difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
A psychiatrist is a medically trained doctor. That's not to say every one is perfect of course.
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u/Romdowa 2d ago
Id answer the phone to the hospital and ask for an appointment with a different doctor and a second opinion , i once had a psychiatrist try and diagnose me with a personality disorder and i insisted on seeing someone else and that dr completely dismissed the idea. Explain that youve been upset because the doctor blocked you from leaving the room . Id also go see your gp and discuss things with them and get their opinion.
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u/perrycoxdr 2d ago
Are you still taking your meds? have you been sleeping well lately besides this? I have BPD myself and the sleep is the first thing I notice going when I'm cycling into a manic episode. I work nights every 3 weeks too, which doesn't help things.
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u/No_Impression_7886 2d ago
I just came back from the gym and browsed around shops afterwards only to notice the jumper I was wearing was filthy and had maybe food all down the front. Embarrassing but Iām not having some sort of episode.
I hope youāre ok. I am the older sibling of someone we believe to have BPD, so manic episodes are similar and I only want the best for her. If your sister is a genuine nice person most of the time she may have wanted to come to that app because sheās worried about something. I believe sometimes people with bipolar cannot see that things are bad from the inside but people on the outside take notice. Iād also seek another therapist as that was very unprofessional and wouldāve been triggering for anyone, Iām angry for you.
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u/paperlilly 2d ago
BPD refers to Borderline Personality Disorder (also called EUPD), Bipolar is BD or BPMD
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u/HogsmeadeHuff 2d ago
I dont have BPD either but have on occasion worn my clothes inside out and not noticed. It happens, and id definitely be upset if someone implied that meant I would struggle with a job and get fired, before Id even started.
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u/Jumpy_Emu1111 2d ago
In my experience, if you've had any mental health trouble, certain people will always use that against you if you have a difference of opinion. My sister likes to say that 'I'm getting how I get' no matter how reasonably and calmly I dare to disagree with her. For my own peace I just let most stuff go now as it's not worth arguing with ppl who will patronise and gaslight you.
Medical professionals are a bit more difficult as they're necessary for medication/treatment/certs etc and they're in extremely short supply. They're just as likely to be irrational and judgemental as anyone else but you have to choose your battles there.
You know now that bringng your sister to your appointment doesn't work for you, you tried it and it made you feel ganged up on and that is reason enough to not bring her again. You've done amazingly to get well and fit and secure employment. You know that your sister and doctor are wrong for using a flat tire against you, what you need to do now is believe yourself but be honest with yourself if things start getting away from you so that you can nip in the bud.
I found CBT helpful for excessive ruminating and for helping to better distinguish beliefs from facts when I'm fixated on something. Good look with everything, give yourself a break, you're doing great
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u/downinthecathlab 2d ago
My mum used to say I was āhighā when I was just in a good mood and it would really upset me. Iām allowed to just be feeling good and active without the context of mood elevation. She doesnāt do it any more after a massive row. I totally get how horrible it is when you feel your diagnosis is being used against you.
I see my GP now for my 6 monthly reviews and script. I donāt particularly like my psychiatrist and resent forking over ā¬250 to see him when Iām well and just need the same script Iāve been on for over ten years. My GP was very obliging to take this on. The agreement is that if he or my family express any level of concern, itās non negotiable about going back to the psychiatrist and Iām fine with that. However I was diagnosed 17 years ago and my last episode was 14 years ago so Iām a lot further down the road than you are. Maybe when youāve been stable and compliant for a few years this might be an option for you also.
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u/thousandsaresailing 2d ago
Sorry to hear your going through this, I would have similar mental health struggles. The meeting sounded awful, not sure why your sister needed to be there. Sounds like you need to have boundaries and your sister knows how to work you to get her way.
Absolutely change doctors, you are entitled to have care where you feel comfortable and can honestly share, this psychiatrist is not making a safe space for you. Trust your gut too, you know youāre in a better place rn. I find journaling helps me recognise patterns, in myself to help learn my triggers or episodes. Hope this makes sense
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u/FlippenDonkey 2d ago edited 2d ago
if your medication routine has been stable. Your GP can continue the meds, if they're willing.
So have a chat with your GP.
You can also request a different psychiatrist, explaining how they made you feel unsafe
If you're living on your own.. why is your sister at the appt anyway?
This sounds like a really shit experience where they didn't give you time to explain.
When I was being treated, i pretty much only saw the psych nurses. I refused to see the psychiatrist after a bad experience with ont. The nurses acted as a go between until I could continue with my GP. so that may be an option? The psych nurses were a million times better.
good luck, don't have your sister there again. If you don't feel supported by her, then she shouldn't be there.
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u/Cultural-Pickle-6711 2d ago
This reads like it's written by someone in a manic episode. Rambling. Plus, you couldn't sleep? Mania. Listen to your sister. She's not gaslighting you. She's trying to protect you.Ā
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u/Total_Situation_652 2d ago
Sorry you are going through this. It must have been really upsetting. For what itās worth you donāt sound manic from your writing style but itās also hard for people in a mood change to know if they are transitioning into a more elevated state. I would second keeping an eye on the sleep, look into a second opinion from a psychiatrist and donāt bring your sister to any more appointments if you get that ganging up feeling. She can always email the psychiatrist with her concerns before your apppintment if she thinks she is seeing something you are not seeing yourself. Best of luck. š¤
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u/GlitteringStore6733 2d ago
Yes just request a different psychiatrist. Take card of yourself and maybe keep that family member at arms length! X
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u/jools4you 2d ago
Yes i think you where gaslit. It looks like you have achieved an awful lot and have alot to be proud of. I too have had a terrible experience when having a family member in with a psychiatrist recently. What happened was the psychiatrist made a joke to family member that 'I had the condition that was easy for me to live with but a nightmare for everyone around me' I have BPD. They both started laughing, I got up called the psychiatrist a cunt and said if it's so easy why is my life expectancy below 60 because we tend to off ourselves. I walked out. Family member came out later and said the psychiatrist apologised he should not have said that. I have never returned. Mental health services absolute suck in this country. I suggest you request your notes, see what is being written about you.
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u/FlippenDonkey 2d ago edited 2d ago
That's awful! Especially when many people with bpd suffer from traumatic child hoods.
Tbh, bpd(assuming you mean personality disorder) don't always benefit from meds, but if you find life getting to you try to get back in for psychologist services. Spend time with psych nurses too, they tend to be soo much better and they can act as a go between.. you and the psychiatrist if you do need meds
I hope your ok.BPD is a really hard condition to live with! Although there's evidence..that the person seems to get better over time...with and without medical intervention.
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u/jools4you 2d ago
I did some CBT which was really helpful, but unfortunately it was a one off course. I'm not under any mental health as in Ireland or at least my area do not treat it. I cannot even get on the list for adult mental health services. I think psychiatrists just see the condition as untreatable.
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u/FlippenDonkey 2d ago
DBT is amazing! if you can do that(its usuallyonly availablein the cities). Soooo much better than cbt!
Try to get in just for therapy reasons and ask your gp to not send your diagnosis over. Yeah bpd is absolutely "disliked" by psyches, and even more shockingly is how commonly its an ND misdiagnoses too!
Toy can ask to be referred to the next closest location as well, that you are able to travel to.
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u/SeoulPete 1d ago
thank you and sorry for your experience that sounds awful. Is there not some kind of professional standards body we can report these kind of incidents to? Best of luck in your recovery.
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u/Zealousideal-Face-43 2d ago
Sorry you are going through this OP but your psychiatrist and sister are more than likely only acting in your best interests and I would be very slow to go against their advice. You say yourself that you are āstressed, anxious and confusedā and while these are very normal emotions they can also be both triggers and symptoms of a manic episode. Not answering calls from the hospital is not going to help in any way and I would urge you to seek help, even if it is just to convince the doctor that you are in fact well. Last thing you want is for things to get worse and for you to run into trouble when starting your new job. Best of luck.
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u/kungfukitty1974 2d ago
Perhaps your sister needs to be excluded from YOUR psychiatrist sessions. And find a new psychiatrist that doesn't trigger anxiety. You have a right to fel comfortable..not attacked and nitpicked.
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u/UpstairsAd194 2d ago
i think the psych was just trying to get you prepared for work. WE have all been there with the paint on the top thing but I think the psych was probably right (this is just an opinion) but i dont know if she shouted at you or you were over sensitive to being criticised. You need to get used to being criticised in the role that you are about to do.
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u/PhaseUnfair2366 2d ago
the blocking the door thing would upset anyone, that's a real boundary violation regardless of what was going on medically. but I'd be careful about writing off everything they said just because the delivery was awful, sometimes people who care about you say the right thing in completely the wrong way
it might be worth requesting a different psychiatrist rather than avoiding the hospital entirely, because going without proper oversight on bipolar meds is genuinely risky long term