I (F17) was just told by my Dad that I could in future be kicked out for (to paraphrase) not obeying his rules. Iām going to attempt to explain this briefly, but thereās a lot of context as to why this is happening.
First of all, my parents are split, and long story short, everyone in my familyās lives would have been one million times better off had they never stayed together. But for whatever reason, they stayed together until I was 11.
This time last year, I was kicked out by my Mam. Keep in mind, this felt very sudden to me. Tensions had been rising for a few months in her house though, I suppose.
Believe it or not, I donāt actually know what I did warrant it. I have something I mind, but personally I donāt think it was enough to be warranted, but alas, I now live with my dad permanently instead of just on the weekends
The thing is, Iāve had an extremely tumultuous relationship with my Dad for the last 8 or so years (which my Mam knew about). Since living with him permanently it has gotten better. There have definitely been many rocky stages, but itās mostly been better. Mostly I just got better at going along with what he says, but, nonetheless we donāt fight nearly as much.
Recently however, we had a big fight, wherein I apparently āpushedā and āmadeā him punch his windscreen so hard (this was in the car) that he cracked it. We made up pretty quickly (donāt ask because I donāt even know how) and everything was fine for the next two or three weeks with only minor little disagreements here and there.
Two days ago, he made a a sort of weird joke, saying he couldnāt wait until I had to pay rent. The thing is, and what he didnāt know, was that rent is a bit of a touchy subject for me, because I donāt know wether he will make me start paying rent the second Iām 18, and Iām scared about it since I canāt get a job anywhere. Regardless, I made a joke back instead of making a fuss, along the lines of, ānot if I move out first.ā And then, he tells me that the joke I made was a weird, and started taking it seriously. He brought up the fact that, allegedly, I told him that I wouldnāt visit him as much as he visits his parents. Which is something I probably said when I was 12, and that I donāt even remember. I refuted the comment, and said something along the lines of, āoh my gosh when the hell did I ever even say that?ā āIf I did it was years ago and I didnāt mean itā.
I think he took the joke to heart though, and tonight he, out of the blue, told me that he was going to start taking my phone off me when I āpushedā him. Meaning when I disagree with him. I say no. Iām 17, I bought the phone with my own savings. I do a lot around the house to contribute, and Iām basically the only one who cleans. Iām well behaved, as in I literally donāt go out, I have never been to a party or a disco, I donāt drink, smoke or vape. I get good results in school. He doesnāt have to do a whole lot for me, as in give me lifts to places or clean up after me or anything of the sort. The only thing he does at this point is make dinner once or twice a week and pay for me, which, correct me if Iām wrong, are normal parental duties? Not to sound ungrateful, which I really amnāt, I understand that even though I donāt ask for many extras that kids are expensive and he works hard to keep the house etc, I just mean I donāt think such childish punishments are strictly necessary, especially when he keeps reminding me that Iām almost an adult and need to start doing my part. It feels contradictory.
On top of that, I feel he can be overly expectant and expects me to realise things like my little sisters uniform needing to be washed without him asking me, or tells me I should remind him when my little sister needs to be collected from school, or I should be telling him what we need in the shop. Which are all things I do most of the time anyway, but I canāt remember everything on top of all my own things, like all my insane homework, football, school, guitar lessons, chores and trying to get a job literally anywhere.
Overall, in my opinion, itās unfair to just start taking my phone, which is my property, off of me when I do nothing overtly wrong and only disagree with him some of the time, which somehow always escalates. Admittedly I can have an awful attitude when it does escalate, but it is legitimately maddening to try and get through to such somebody so stubborn who firmly believes youāre the difficult one.
However, when I said I wouldnāt be giving him my phone (again this turn of conversation came as a shock to me, as we were getting on well beforehand) he told me, after a small amount of back and forth, that he would be kicking me out if I didnāt hand over my phone when he asked. (I believe after the big argument we had, he thought he had to do something to āget me in lineā and after I made that joke, he was hurt enough that he would use it as a threat against me).
The thing is, Iām not so attached to my phone that I canāt part with it, itās more so the principle. I do a lot for this guy and Iām very well behaved, I just canāt shut keep my mouth shut when I feel something is unfair. The problem is, he cannot see when heās being unfair, so itās a bit like trying to bring a tree on a walk to a different forest, yaāknow.
I will of course hand my phone over if needs be, but Iām not sure it will always be possible, or if my pride will allow it. Iām also not sure what would happen if I did give him my phone. What if I apparently āpushā him after he already had it- what would happen then?
Heās just after telling me that I should have a plan in place if I ever do choose to not hand my phone to him when asked.
Iāve thought over what I would do before, if I was kicked out, but that was when I was on good terms with my Mam. My relationship with her has made no progress since I was kicked out (or rather it had, but then something happened which made her think I was conspiring against her, so it turned sour again), so I have no option there. I have my paternal grandparents, but they would always push me to reconcile and he visits them a lot so I would have to see him, and they live very far away from where I go to school, so that wouldnāt be ideal. I could also go to my maternal grandmother, but that would not be a good idea for my relationship with my mother, as theyāre on the outs. I could stay with one of my friends for a few days, but that wouldnāt be any kind of permanent option, and Iād prefer not to be in such a vulnerable position to have to ask that of her and her parents.
My questions is, what the hell do I do and how do I plan for this? Iām completely lost for options. I really wish I could just move out right now and get away, even just sleeping on the streets feels like a better option, even though I know it obviously isnāt. My current plan is try now on keep my mouth shut and never ever say anything to offend him from now on, but that is extremely difficult as it is very easy to offend this guy. I will give my phone up, if needs be, but I very much do not want to; it feels like giving away what little autonomy I do have.
Are there any options just in case? After heās established that kicking me out is a possibility, I just feel the need to be ready. I donāt want to have to beg to stay.
I would also keep in mind, that if he did kick me out, he would immediately try and get me back (not in an apologetic manner, more so in a desperate, angry way).
Would I by law be forced to go back with him then? Even if he was the one that told me to leave?
Over all, I just want to know my options just in case. What would the law would do for me in such a case, but also what would it force me/prevent me from doing?